Take Two Round Two
by Third Fang
Summary: What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.
1. Prologue

Prologue: Oh snap, shit's gonna go down at some point or another maybe.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

No one owns the log though. The log owns you.

o. o. o.

Two males stood casually at the center of the newly made wasteland. The air was absolutely flooded with residual power to the point that anyone with sensory abilities would be unable to detect anything more than a few feet from them. The land was scarred, lifeless, and absolutely flat. The fact that the earth was completely made out of stone made no difference as it too was cut into without discrimination.

One of the two men there was almost six feet tall wearing a black trench coat with long dark brown hair in a ponytail and sunglasses that prevented the world from seeing his eyes. With his cargo pants, t-shirt and boots, he was slightly odd looking but otherwise appeared quite simple and casual.

He was infamous among the higher deities of many if not all universes for, among other things, possessing the ability to end everything should he will it. The Cursed Memory. The God of None. He is an absolute existence of the greatest quality and influence in a human's body. His continued living is an insult to the actual gods of the multiverse as he, originally born a mundane human with no history or unique qualities of any sort, is now not only beyond their influence, but above it… with the exception of a few rather specific gods.

He is also terrified of Chinese food, addicted to and experienced in various forms of sex, and enjoys slipping small pebbles into people's shoes when they aren't paying attention in his free time because he thinks it's funny.

The other young man with him appeared to be in his mid teens and reached five and a half feet. Much like his companion his clothing was not that unique in appearance with his dark tan pants, long sleeved white shirt under his hooded black sweater. The stained orange fire spiral on the front of his sweater was a bit eye catching, but otherwise nothing out of the ordinary. His hands however, were encompassed in furry burnt orange and black fingerless gloves that extended up his arms and under the sleeves of his white shirt.

What were more outstanding were the teen's facial features. Three deep and distinct whisker like scars donned each of his cheeks, under his animal like slit eyes, each of which were a deep and endless blue. If the eyes were the window to the soul, a person would say that this boy's soul was wild, chaotic, free, but surprisingly deep and possessed an underlying strength that could not be measured with a simple glance. To complete the look his head was covered with a thick spiky mane of blond hair, long enough that gravity managed to pull down the bigger spikes down towards earth, but short enough that nothing would swing around wildly or impair his vision.

This young man was one of many possible versions of Naruto Uzumaki that existed in the infinite expanse of the multiverse. This one in particular had the unique luck, for better or for worse, to catch the attention of the former male and was his apprentice. Despite his appearance, he was closer to being twenty than sixteen, however due to the situation when he met his master, he had been forced to go back through time to gain a second chance at the events in his life. Now known as the Feral Gale, the teen had already obtained a significant list of achievements in his new life that easily dwarfed what he had accomplished in his old one.

And despite said long list, he knew very well that the real challenge was coming all too soon.

"Soooooooo…" Ghost drawled as he lazily looked around at the seemingly deal land around them. "… Gotta admit, I'm impressed."

"I thought you'd might." Naruto panted slightly. His stamina levels without the aid of the demon inside of him were already absurd when compared to the standard of the other ninja in his home universe, but even as winded as he was performing his strongest technique, the destructive output of it was simply put fucking ridiculous. "Thanks for keeping me out of the blast radius by the way."

"Anytime. Don't want you to die for good before you get to humiliate yourself some more after all." The immortal shrugged as he extended his senses and whistled as a sign of being impressed. "Damn. From what I can tell, you managed to get this thing to reach out a good distance. I do believe that you also managed to distort some of the timespace here as an aftereffect. Not bad at all."

"And then there's the shockwave to take into account. Those tend to do almost as much damage as the explosions after they get big enough." The teen sighed as he massaged his hands to lessen the ache in them. "… You're gonna seal away a good part of my power aren't you?"

"Obviously." Ghost snorted. "It would be no fun at all if you could go buck wild on everyone right off the bat. You're already good enough without Kyubi and Sage Mode to take on most of your world's S ranks on even ground. Sorry, but you're just going to have to make due without your demon, sage, or demonic sage states for a while." He sighed dejectedly. "And here I was trying to make you not strong enough to prevent this from happening. Such a shame."

"You're a saint." The blonde rolled his eyes but clearly not bothered or surprised by the turn of events. "Kurama's somewhat pissed about you sealing him away. If you block him off completely, I can't let him out on occasion to get some fresh air."

The elder male waved his hand lazily. "Meh. Give me a bit. I'll come up with some loophole for him before I make the seal. I'm not a complete asshole after all."

"No, you are. You just prefer people suffering out in the open where everyone can see more than in some cramped place where only a handful of others know what's happening." The Feral Gale smirked, revealing one of his slightly longer canines in the process.

"Ah. There are few versions of humiliation that are more satisfying than that of the public variety." Ghost sighed aridly, not denying his companion's accusation in the slightest.

"The scary thing is that you exercise most of them on the people you care about the most." Naruto stated in a monotone voice, no doubt due to the fact that he himself had been subject to the man's whimsical chaos on far more than a few occasions.

"It's not my fault that said group of individuals are frequently the ones that are most available for such mockery." The immortal pouted childishly before shaking his head and straightening himself. With an almost invisible flick of his wrist, he tore a small gap into the world itself several feet away from him, large enough for a human to walk through. "Come on minion. Let's get to the shack and get set up. It's time for us to bring our special brand of crazy back home."

A rather hungry grin made its way onto the Uzumaki's face. "About time. After all the crap you put me through, it will be nice to be in a world that's within my skill and power level again."

"It wasn't THAT bad…" Ghost mumbled sheepishly as he pressed his fingers together.

"You put me through training regiments, situations, warzones, violent creature nests, and twisted sections of pseudo reality that were designed to, and did, kill me, only to bring me back from the beyond a moment later. And then before I could regain feeling in my body, you threw me into previously mentioned deathtraps again." Naruto stated in a dead tone.

"… You looked like you were having fun after a certain point though." The immortal shrunk childishly under his student's lethal gaze.

We both know that's in fact a bad thing. Not a good thing Ero-nii. Bad. Very, very bad. In addition to that hell, you forced me to hijack giant robots with my bare hands while said giant robots and their pilots actively tried to kill me…"

"Chicks dig giant robots."

"… Made the population of a small society believe I was the next incarnation of a demon god…"

"In my defense, you have a demon in you and you ARE being taught by a god like man person thing."

"… Convinced an entire world that I was a sexual deviant…"

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH."

"… Then there was the zombie incident…"

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific. Was it the natural, the black magic, the vampire, or the biohazard zombie incident?"

"… Somehow made me the figurehead of not one but three separate and unrelated planet wide anarchist uprisings in a single night…"

"A new personal record. Viva la revolution!"

"Swapped my gender no less than seven times…"

"That complaint is null and void. You were doing that long before I got to you. Besides, at least you look good as a chick. My boobs are lopsided when I change. That's like, having one ball bigger than the other. It's just not right."

"… Got me arrested and stuck in a jail where they hold secret super powered fights to the death every other day…"

"Hey you learned some solid tricks there."

"… Tried to hook up my dad with a tentacle monster…"

"Don't even try to convince me you weren't slightly curious about where that was going."

"… Then there was that "Ultimate Showdown" fiasco…"

""Of Ultimate Destiny." Get the name right. I worked very hard on setting that thing up."

"… Sold my organs to aliens as delicacies…"

"You grew them back from your regeneration and we made a great profit from it."

"… Froze me in my fox form and then donated me as a class pet to a middle school for magical girls that were all having angst issues that all could have been solved by a remotely trained shrink…"

"That, I admit may have been a bit much."

"… Abandoned me at that Ryuzanpaku place for six months after sealing away pretty much all of my chakra, where I am still convinced the masters there took the same educational teaching courses you did given how many times I nearly died…"

"You know as well as I do that Lee would have killed to get a piece of that action."

"… And you framed me for the murder of some royal bastard groom on his wedding day by dumping me into the main guest area drenched in literally all of his blood, followed by dumping his body on top of me. Drenched in his blood. In the middle of all the guests for the wedding. And his mother."

"… I will not apologize for art."

"Were you even the one that killed the guy?"

"Surprisingly enough no."

"So you, on a whim, drained a freshly murdered body of its blood, dumped it on your apprentice, and then dropped said apprentice in front of murdered man's friends and family just for kicks?"

"That and I didn't like the entire family in general. Nobles and royals in most worlds tend to be ignorant dicks and the almost bride to be was too good to waste on them. This way, the guy who actually did the killing would never get caught. It was my good deed of the day."

"Coming from the guy who pinned said murder on his innocent apprentice."

"I never said I wasn't a dick too."

"I am so going to kill you."

It should be noted that at this point, the jinchuriki was glaring murderously down at the tiny elder male who now appeared to be at most a twentieth of his original size.

The blonde began rubbing his temple, very frustrated. "And don't even get me started on that fiasco involving the other versions of me from an entirely different MULTIVERSE."

"Hey I wasn't at fault for that once, it was all your alternate self's doing. I told you before, gods in general tend to be major pricks when it comes to dealing with humans, regardless of when and where they are from. … On a side note, I'm still gonna have to block those particular memories so that you don't use the info you got from that shit storm to solve your own world slash universe."

The teen paused for a moment, his righteous anger giving way for something more solemn. "… I'd like to at least remember that I saw more than a few good friends die. It would suck if I was hit with flashbacks at a crappy time." The air went still as something seemed to command it to stop moving. "If possible, I'd also like to remember that I helped fuck over the stain that killed them in the first place. You know. For closure."

"Yeah yeah. I know what you mean." The immortal sighed as he returned to normal size again, not at all disturbed by the unusual phenomena happening to the air and began to pick his nose. "Trust me. I've done the whole "murder violently for revenge but still sorta doing it for the general greater good even though you don't really care for the latter" thing too. Several times in fact. To be honest though, it kinda loses its thrill after about the third time."

The elder turned to the portal in front of them. "So you wanna go straight back home after packing or do you feel like one last massive party with the guys back at the Big House? They seemed to be pretty eager to host you a good luck bash."

The blonde's irritated expression melted into something more tired. "Nah. Those things wipe me out, and that's if a fight doesn't break out and I end up bedridden for a week. I can party with them when I get back. Let's just go already. It'll be good to be home where things are a bit saner." With that he jumped through the tear in reality and disappeared.

Ghost shrugged as his student vanished through the portal and turned his attention to the booger he dislodged from his nose. "Don't see how you can claim your homeworld is sane when you worship a log of all things. Plus there's all the children soldiers and horrible sense of logic that everyone has. Oh well. To each his own."

The booger suddenly burst into black flames, constantly burning on the tip of his index finger.

"Gotta admit though, the kid has come a long way. Probably doesn't even need to use sage mode or the furball's power until Pain, Madara, or the Jubi shows up."

With a light flick, the small flame dislodged itself from the man's finger and flew lazily through the air. By the time it connected with the ground, the immortal and the rip in the air had both disappeared, just in time to avoid the entire area become immolated in a black inferno that spread out for miles in each direction at near instantaneous speeds…

And extinguish just as quickly to reveal a massive forest that stretched out as far as the eye could see several hundred feet higher in the air on top of an equivalent amount of earth and complete with local wildlife going about its business without a care or worry…

It was if the hour the pair had been there had never existed to begin with.

o. o. o.

In a cave somewhere in the Elemental Nations:

"Well well." Kisame chuckled as he looked at the other ghostly members of Akatsuki in front of him. "Looks like we're all back together. So are things finally about to get interesting, or does it mean that someone somewhere screwed up big time again?"

"Oi. Why are you looking at me when you say that? Hn?" Deidara's transparent image grunted irritably.

"Probably because you're the least subtle one of us here next to Hidan." Kakuzu grunted. "And the reason why he isn't being accused is because my idiot partner is neither capable of mass destruction nor able to make anyone think he is anything more than a psychotic religious nut."

"Jashin-sama will have your soul! I swear it!" Said religious nut shouted in clear rage.

"Case and point." Sasori grunted.

"Quiet." Nagato ordered calmly from the body of his friend Yahiko. "All of you have performed your duties as expected. Do not start to ruin things now." He opened his eyes. "It is time to begin our main project and start gathering the biju."

"Oh?" The swordsman in the group grinned savagely. "It's time for that already?"

"Yes." Pain confirmed. "We have prepared enough that we have enough resources and information to handle our main operations. The Ichibi through Hachibi have all been identified and located to an extent. Zetsu has already obtained the Rokubi and is in the process of delivering it to one of our bases for extraction as we speak. You will all be called to participate in the process within the next few days."

"The Rokubi?" The bomber grunted with some mild distaste. "That's the slug right? How boring. Thankfully I didn't have to bother wasting my art on something like that."

"Your ignorance never ceases to astound me." The puppetmaster growled in irritation.

"Oi boss. What about the Kyubi?" Hidan asked skeptically. "Last time we talked about that brat, he managed to take out the Gobi by himself before he apparently disappeared off the face of the map."

"**He has yet to make an appearance since the Gobi incident. However, rumor has it that the Kyubi will be returning to Konoha very soon."** The black half of Zetsu grunted.

"No doubt the kid is probably a handful by now." The white half smirked amusedly. "He was already quite a person to watch three years ago. I'm curious to see how much trouble he can cause now. Should be fun."

"In order for our plan to succeed, we need to seal the Kyubi last." Pain stated calmly. "By the time we capture the other biju, he will no doubt have made his appearance in the Elemental Nations once more, and it is then that I shall take him myself. There is no need to concern yourself with his capture."

"What a shame." Kisame sighed. "I wanted to see how much the brat had improved, and get a little revenge for humiliating me in the past."

"A shame it is." Kakuzu nodded. "No doubt if you encountered him again, you would have greater need of my services than you had before."

"What of the main villages?" Itachi spoke up quietly, but instantly drawing attention the instant he did so. It was not often that he spoke up after all. "There have been rumors of us circulating for a while."

"Oh?" Hidan snickered. "Don't tell me that the mighty Itachi is scared?"

"Hidan. Shut up." His partner growled. "Itachi has a point. Over the past couple of years, there has been an unusual increase of notable newcomers make it to the bingo books despite the fact that the villages have been slowly demilitarizing. Suna for example has spawned the Sora no Mai (Dancer of the Sky) and the Kuro Suna (Black Sand). Not to mention its new Kazekage, who happens to be the Jinchuriki of the Ichibi, has both considerable control over his beast and a tremendous terrain advantage while in the desert."

"I've heard that Kiri's managed to spawn a new generation of the Seven Swordsmen." Kisame chuckled eagerly. "Incomplete and weak they might be, what with being made out of brats and all, but it would be best not to underestimate them with their swords being what they are."

Kakuzu continued. "Then there's the Tsuchikage's granddaughter, who's managed to shape up pretty nicely if the rumors are to be believed. She didn't inherit his Gekkai Touta, but her ninjtusu's supposedly top notch regardless. Also there's word that the Yonbi's container has managed to get complete control over his beast too, so his threat level has jumped up considerably among our targets. It should also be noted that since the Gobi incident the general shinobi populace has increased its dislike for Konoha and motivated itself to increase its quality despite Onoki's efforts to calm them down." He snorted and shook his head. "The poor fool. He's far past his time to deal with such idiots. I almost feel bad for what's going to happen to him."

"The fuck are you talking about Kakuzu? You're older than he is!" Hidan snorted.

"He's got you there." Kisame snickered, as did Deidara and Zetsu.

"What about Kumo and Konoha?" Pain asked calmly, not at all responding to the jabs his subordinates were throwing left and right.

Kakuzu paused for a moment but not taking his eyes off of the one he was most likely to maim once the meeting was over. "Kumo hasn't produced anyone significant recently, but like Iwa the general quality of their shinobi has increased a bit, mostly due to higher quality equipment and supplies. While it doesn't seem like much, I must remind you that Kumo's military in general was the least weakened by the demilitarization and as such they have in general the strongest standard forces out of the five nations right now. The Raikage for that matter is not one that can be handled easily, and word is that at least one of their jinchuriki, either the Nibi or the Hachibi has absolute control over their biju. If it's the Hachibi, we may need to approach him with a great deal more caution than the others." He paused and closed his eyes. "As for Konoha, that's an entire story in itself."

"I believe I can offer some insight on this." Sasori stepped in. "Out of the five villages, Konoha's seen the most change lately. Externally it hasn't changed much. They still worship a piece of wood as much as Hidan worships whatever the hell he worships, and they still believe in their will of fire. But internally there has been much going on. The quality of their younger ranks has jumped greatly, as have their equipment. While neither are of great threat to us, it will none the less prove to make them more irritating to deal with should we not take note of this. More importantly though are the names that have been coming up from there recently."

"You'd be happy to know Kisame that your old friend Zabuza is now considered an S ranked shinobi like us." Kakuzu stated factually and pretended to ignore the slight twitch in the shark man's eye at the mention of his old ex-comrade. "But in addition to him, there are a few other names that have been sticking out lately. For example, the latest batch of Ino-Shika-Cho from Konoha has another nickname that they are known by. The Kuro-Majo-Yama (Black Witch Mountain)."

Deidara raised an eyebrow. "Kuro-Majo-Yama? I've heard of them. Un. Rumor has it that they mess with your head almost as bad as Itachi can. Sounds pretty obnoxious if you ask me."

"It's not." Sasori corrected. "There's a bounty out that rewards the one who can deliver them all at once a pay higher than some S ranks. Individually the Kuro Nara (Black Deer), the Nikoyaka Majo (Smiling Witch), and the Yamaou (Mountain King) all have bounties that border between B and A rank. Such a price wouldn't be given unless there was a good reason for doing so."

"Another team to be noted of is the rumored assassination squad." Kakuzu spoke up again. "There isn't much info on them, but word is that they're codenamed the Kajiya (Blacksmith), the Shirou Oni (White Demon), and the Musei Yajuu (Silent Beast). They've also supposedly taken out a good number of bounties and missing nin. Word is that they each use some very unique jutsu."

"Don't forget those two women that have been making quite a stir." Zetsu's white half grinned. "Orochimaru's old apprentice, the Hebi Okami (Snake Mistress) and Sanheimen no Hana (Flower of the Three Planes) have been quite popular lately."

"Humph. With all these nicknames coming out, I'm willing to put money on the idiots making up half of the things they say they've done just for the extra attention." Hidan rolled his eyes unimpressed.

"He's just jealous that he doesn't have one." Kisame muttered to Itachi who as expected stayed in character and didn't respond.

"Hey, what about Itachi's brother? Un?" Deidara spoke up with a smirk, trying to get a rise out of the person he hated the most in the group.

"A rank and a Jonin." Kakuzu replied without missing a beat. "No titles, but he is recognized as one of the more promising young members of Konoha's forces, next to the Black Deer and the Hyuuga Heiress."

"Ah, the Hime (Princess)." Sasori nodded. "I've heard of her. There's been talk that she's quite the piece, both in beauty and ability. There's also rumor that her eyes shine like the stars themselves. It would be a great boon if I could turn her into a part of my collection, though it may be best to let her age a bit to gain some more quality."

"I think you're too old for her. You're what, over twice her age?" Hidan snickered.

"What of the one responsible for the incident last year?" Nagato spoke up, instantly silencing another argument before it picked up steam. "Has there been any progress into discovering the identity of the culprit? What about his location?"

"Nothing." The eldest one there grunted from his mask, clearly not pleased with the current topic. "Whoever made the mess out of Ame is either extremely good at covering their tracks, or they must not come into contact with a lot of people on average. Possibly both. Any potential leads I had on the guy dried up before I could even get far. Honestly, Orochimaru was easier to track than this guy. The snake had a system that reached everywhere. No one knew more than they needed obviously, but you could at least get a direction to follow if you managed to get a hold of one of his followers. This guy on the other hand is clearly a loner and keeps it that way."

"As much as I dislike admitting it, I have had similar results on my end." Sasori stated in a dark tone. "Whoever this guy is, he's not to be taken lightly. The few I have confirmed that he's come in contact with more than once have had alterations made to their minds that wipe out their memory of him if he is brought up. It's something similar to what I do with my spies, but I know of no one else alive that is able to do something like this. The best I can think of is a highly trained medic shinobi, but there aren't any missing medic-nin of that caliber to my knowledge."

"I think I know of one or two, but it would take me time to track them down." Kakuzu replied.

"Make that a side priority while you finish up the last of your bounty hunting. There will not be as much time available once we begin hunting the Biju in masse." Nagato ordered with underlying killing intent that made everyone there fall in line. "I will not tolerate anyone making a move against me and get away with it so easily."

"I take it that you have something else in mind for Deidara and I." Sasori rasped curiously.

"You two are to obtain the Ichibi after we seal the Rokubi. While it is technically the weakest of the jinchuriki, its current location will make it significantly more difficult to obtain if it is expecting our arrival. Sasori's knowledge of Suna's defenses and Deidara's aerial combat ability will be essential for the task."

Kisame asked with a raised eyebrow. "The zombie bros and the art freaks have their fun little chores, but what about us?"

The Rinnegan user looked at the fire and water element specialists with a passing glance. "You two will come back to Ame to await further instructions. Depending on how things turn out with the other two groups your orders may change. It is a good position to start from regardless of what your new orders are."

"Haha." Deidara chuckled. "Looks like you just got benched. Such a shame. I guess you two just aren't important enough to be used for now."

"Zetsu." Nagato continued before Kisame made things worse. "I will tell you of your task later, though I believe that you already have an idea of what it entails."

"**I have a good guess as to what it might be."** The dark half of the man muttered ominously. **"But are you sure you want to do this so soon? It might backfire…"**

"No one knows what your abilities truly are." The leader argued calmly. "So long as you make sure that no one sees you, there should be no issue."

"Easier said than done." The white half snorted, but didn't bother to elaborate on the matter.

"Oi boss." Hidan spoke up much to everyone's displeasure. "When the hell are you going to make Konan do something? I've been with you guys for nearly three years now and I've still yet to see the bitch do jack other than show up whenever you do." He snorted. "Don't tell me that all she's good for is…"

The priest's tirade was cut short as an extremely heavy killing intent fell down in the cave as if the ceiling fell on top of everyone. Despite the fact that everyone in the meeting was an accomplished shinobi of renowned skill and ability, all of them would admit that their leader was by far the most powerful and dangerous one there.

"Once more you do not bother to contemplate the repercussions of what you say Hidan." Nagato stated in a dead even tone. Had there not been any killing intent flooding out of his person, the others would have sworn that he was talking to the man as he always did. "Rest assured that there will be repercussions for your lack of forethought…"

"Pain-sama." Konan spoke up, gaining the attention of everyone there as she spoke less than Itachi at the meetings. "Allow me to manage the punishment. I am after all the one he has grievances with. There is no need for you to bother with such a minor issue."

The image of the leader stared at the image of his partner for several moments before his rippled eyes closed and his intent died down. "Very well. You shall be the one responsible for his atonement. I trust that you will ensure that he remembers his lesson." He turned to the rest of the members of Akatsuki. "You all have your tasks." And with that, his image disappeared, quickly followed by Konan's.

The cave was silent for several moments before Deidara chuckled. "Sucks to be you Hidan. I expect you to be turned into an interesting piece of art by the time Konan's done with you. Un."

"For once I agree with my partner." Sasori nodded. "Even he is not foolish enough to question Konan's presence like that." With that the artists disappeared.

"You don't have my sympathy Hidan." Kisame snickered. "Even a retard would know that the person that stands by the boss' side the most would be strong enough to hold their own. Enjoy getting your ass kicked." He and Itachi disappeared seconds later.

"… Id**iot." **Both halves of Zetsu muttered at the same time before he vanished as well.

Hidan's image glared expectantly at Kakuzu's for several seconds before he finally lost his patience. "What? No comment about how I fucked up this time?"

The miser snorted. "No need to."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the land of Fire:

Chaos reigned in the bandit camp as the inhabitants attempted to regain some sense of stability while their numbers were quickly being mowed down by one mean or another. Despite the fact that their leader had been a high ranking member of Oto before its collapse and had managed to train most of his men in basic shinobi techniques, the forces stood no chance against the opposition they faced.

On one side of the encampment, two figures bolted between the inhabitants there tearing out their sides, limbs, and other body parts en masse without slowing down in the slightest. While no part of the assault was lethal precisely, the assault was none the less effective as the wounded men and women there were either rendered helpless or occupying the time of the ones that weren't injured to try and gain medical aid. The few bandits there that were good enough to know a few offensive ninjutsu were worse than useless against the pair as their slow attacks not only woefully missed their targets, but went on to deal damage to their comrades and make things worse for their side.

After what seemed like the fifth nonstop pass through the bandit's ranks, the pair of savage blurs skidded to a stop a few meters past the edge of the group, giving the victims a good look at their attackers. One of the two was a teenage boy with red marks on his cheeks and a confident smirk on his face. His clothes were of good quality with long dark pants and a dull green loose vest over a black shirt, but had their own wild look to them as well with the purposefully ripped off sleeves exposing his well muscled arms ending with sharp almost animal like claws that did not seem to tear through the gloves he wore, and the fabric of the clothes showing signs of wear. All in all he did not look like a pushover and the grin on his face indicated that he knew it as well.

The second of the pair though had the bandits pause though as he was unlike his partner an actual animal. A white dog the size of a small horse stood there hunched over and baring his equally massive teeth and claws that were each more than capable of dealing debilitating damage at the very least and lethal at the most.

"Last chance losers." The human partner growled cockily. "Give up to us, or give up your lives."

"Shit!" One of the violent thieves swore. "It's an Inuzuka!"

"Humph. A brat and his mutt. Honestly, I'm surprised that they could manage to cause as much trouble as they have." A middle aged bandit snorted as he began reaching for the pouches on his hips before he began to throw kunai in every direction around the offending pair. It took less than a few kunai to notice that there was a bunch of wires linking each knife to the user. "Inuzuka generally attack by spinning around and moving a lot. Take that away and you've already won half the battle with them."

Channeling some chakra into another pouch on his side, the bandit commanded the wire in it to follow along the wires connecting the man to the kunai and within seconds had erected an impressive web around the pair.

"Oh?" Kiba smirked as he sniffed the air, not at all bothered with his situation. "Let me guess, the chakra you're running in these things make them stronger in addition to enabling you to control them."

"That's right kid, a single one of those wires could hold back an Akimichi, and now that you're trapped, all we have to do is throw kunai at you from a safe distance until you and your mutt bleed out." The man grinned savagely. "I hear that the going rate for an Inuzuka Hound's pelt is pretty high."

The Inuzuka male chuckled as he walked forward and placed a claw tip onto one of the wires. "Yeah, I've heard the same thing." The teen paused for a moment and didn't seem to take note of a dull glint reflect off of his gloved claws before he reached out with one of them. An instant later the wire in front of him was cut soundly by his nail, surprising the men in front of him. "They're too good to be wasted on trash like you, right Akamaru?"

The white wolf next to the teen barked deeply before all of its claws and teeth burned a bright red…

o. o. o.

On the other side of the camp, the bandits were having trouble dealing with a swarm of insects that seemed to just spawn up at once and flood the entire area. While not enough in numbers to naturally block the bandit's view, their constant moving in various directions proved more than enough to limit their perspective of what was around them. Combined with the fact that the trapped soon discovered that their chakra was being drained by said insects and it was soon apparent that there was more than a few individuals freaking out inside the mess…

And then it began.

Without any prior notice, various men and women began to fall to the ground with slash marks and stabs on their bodies. Some were lethal, others were debilitating, but all were clearly decisive blows in order to take them out of the fight. One by one they fell, instilling more panic and chaos into the minds of the trapped as they were further weakened by the swarm of insects

"Enough!" One of the stronger bandits yelled angrily as he formed a few seals and made his body erupt into flames, burning away any insects that were near him and some of his comrades as well. "Show yourself Aburame! I know you are there! Are you too much of a coward to fight us up close?!"

At first there was no reaction as the insects continued to buzz around rampantly and assault the bandits there that were not on fire or already taken out. Moments later however the bugs began to gradually spread further away from the front of the burning bandit and reveal a single shinobi standing casually in the middle of the chaos, not bothered by the insects in the slightest. He wore a large hooded jacket with the hood up and the front unzipped, revealing his darker clothes underneath, complete with sunglasses and giving him an overall intimidating appearance.

"You are familiar with my clan." Shino stated in an emotionless tone.

The bandit snorted. "Of course I do! I used to live in Konoha before I got fed up with their annoying hippy ways years ago. All the Kage there are too soft and they're too strict with the no killing rule. So what if I killed a client or two? They deserved it for talking back to their superiors." The fire surrounding the man doubled in intensity, causing the insects to give him an even wider birth. "Before I left though, I at least researched the strengths and weaknesses of the major clans. Unfortunately for you Aburame freaks, your weak bugs won't be able to touch me like this. How about you do us all a favor and give up. If you do I promise I'll kill you almost slowly and not drag it out."

The teen didn't seem worried at first as the insects around them continued to buzz loudly to the point that it was hard to hear the screams of the other bandits there at times. "It is true. With your jutsu I am unable to attack you with my Kikaichu, thus it is pointless to do so. However I am not worried about my victory."

Shink.

A large carapace like claw impaled the stunned burning man from behind, completely caught off guard by the fast and undetected killing blow. Using the last of the strength in his body to turn around to just barely see what had killed him, the bandit's eyes widened as he saw another copy of the Aburame standing behind him with his right arm transformed into an insects' sickle like appendage, which was what had killed him.

"Why do you ask? Because I do not rely solely on them in order to take down targets." The teen stated with finality as he twisted his arm with a sickening crack and the non human appendage broke off his arm an exposed his clothed flesh and blood appendage to the world once more. The moment he let go of the temporary appendage, his prey no longer possessed the ability to stay up, and thus the dying man collapsed onto the ground in a pool of his own blood.

Looking at their surroundings silently, the two copies of the Aburame investigated the status of their enemies before coming to a silent decision. Without a single warning, both of them burst into more insects, and once more the area was filled with the screams of people being cut down in a swarm of locusts.

o. o. o.

In the dead center of the camp, the bulk of the bandits were having trouble of their own as their ranks were falling down left and right like flies.

"What the hell is wrong with you idiots?! It's just one girl!" One of the leaders of the troupe shouted hysterically as he sent more men to try and take out the teen standing literally in the middle of at least thirty bandits without a hint of concern on her face.

Despite not having grown up fully, she was clearly a beauty to behold with her long thick black hair, angelic face, curvy and well developed body, and smooth skin. Her pure white eyes while abnormal on a normal human somehow managed to add to her ethereal beauty. Her long blue pants hung off her hips fashionably, but were in no way at risk of falling off as her shin guards and belt with scrolls hanging off of them kept the cloths firmly in place. On her top half she wore a tight but not form fitting chainmail black shirt combo that exposed a small bit of cleavage. This bit of her body was further hidden by the headband loosely hanging around her neck. To complete her image, a cream white and dark purple overcoat that extended to her thighs hung loosely over her body, bearing the Hyuuga clan's symbol on the back for everyone to see.

Her appearance was so appealing it was enough to distract some of the bandits from noticing the two dozen or so bodies that were strewn on the ground around and behind her.

With the latest insult, at least half a dozen of the thieves lost their patience and charged forward from all angles at the girl with weapons drawn, intent on cutting her down where she stood. Given the circumstances she should have fallen, or at least injured by the assault. Few could manage to deal with being attacked by multiple directions by individuals that were each larger than the one attacked, let alone do so without getting harmed in the process…

This girl however was beyond such a classification as an invisible ring of chakra expanded from her body almost instantly without any physical movement on her part, and sliced through the offending parties cleanly, as with some of the bandits that had held back but not far enough. The result of the attack caused them all to fall to the ground helplessly at roughly the same time.

Their bodies were not marred. There was no blood or broken bones on any of the fallen men. Despite this though, any experienced medic that examined them would instantly be able to tell that each and every one of the fallen had had their insides, their organs and chakra network, torn apart where the ring had severed them.

"Please surrender." The teen asked politely with a small hint of remorse at the unnerved bandits. Unlike the other parties attacking their home, they had no idea what the hell this girl was doing to take them out. There was no warning when she attacked, and even when she did they couldn't determine where the assault was or where it was going. "I do not wish to kill anymore than needed. I will request for reduced punishment if you give up now, but I cannot guarantee such benefits if you continue to resist."

"Anyone that runs, I will gut and whoever you give a damn about alive." Growled the deep and slightly insane voice of a rather tall and pale man as he made himself known. Clad in worn Oto shinobi gear he walked to the front of the bandit crowd uninhibited. Even if there was a chance he wasn't the boss of the group, he was at the very least one of the more feared and or respected individuals there as the bandits around him parted away rather hastily until he stopped just a few yards from intruder.

His unstable yellow eyes bore down on the girl. "Hinata Hyuuga. The Princess. There's a big bounty on your pretty little head."

"So I've been told." The outnumbered child stated calmly and not at all bothered with being identified. "I take it you do not wish to surrender."

"Heh. Looks like there are some pampered royals that aren't complete idiots after all." The middle aged man faux laughed. "Tell you what brat. You service me and my boys here and I might think about letting you get back home a broken wreck. Hell, I might even let you keep those eyes of yours. If not, I'll just keep you as my personal trophy and those balls in your head go to the highest bidder."

Despite the vulgarity of the "offer", Hinata did not show any sign of being insulted and smiled sincerely at the offending man. "As generous as that is, I'm afraid that I am already spoken for. If you have anything else of questionable quality to suggest though, I'm more than willing to consider it."

The thinly veiled insult did not go over anyone's head as a few scant chuckles were heard from the group. The leader, surprisingly enough, included. "Huh. Seems our royal guest has a sense of humor to match her confidence and reputation after all. No wonder there are so many flattering rumors about you." It was at that point that several odd markings began to spread across his skin as if he was alive, causing his chakra to spike dramatically. "Let's see if you'll still have it after I'm done! Behold the power that Orochimaru-sama bestowed upon me!"

The young woman's eyes widened in surprise for a moment before regaining her composure. "Curse seal…" She swore under her breath.

It had been years since the Snake Sanin had died at the hand of his old teacher, yet it had done nothing to quench the flow of old experiments from popping up gradually all over the elemental nations. Even though many of the man's bases had been located, gutted, and destroyed shortly after the man had died, it seemed as if there had been just as many places that remained hidden, slowly emptying its warped contents into the world like a poison.

Men and women who had been used as experiments were among the prime concerns among the shinobi community as of late, and none more so than those who bore curse seals. An individual who was standard chunin level could take out a standard platoon of shinobi with ease when using the seal, and it only got worse when it was found on those with greater skill and experience.

Any and all missions involving curse seal users were at least A rank due to the danger the users possessed. In fact, due to the fact that curse seal users had been spreading out lately, any missions to unstable areas were all at the bare minimum B rank for most of the major nations simply because of the risk involved sending shinobi there. Normally, teams of jonin were made specifically to take even one of these guys out, and facing them one on one when they began to tap into their power was considered near suicide…

"There's no escape!" Her foe roared victoriously as he launched himself at absurd speeds that would give most shinobi trouble following.

Had he known what was going to happen next, he would have used that power to run in the opposite direction.

Between the first blink where the man charged from his standing position and the second where he would have made contact with his prey, the Princess had instantly conjured up an immense amount of chakra from every point on her body and spun it all rapidly around her still frame, conjuring a massive dome made of pure chakra around her person.

The missing-nin roared out in pain as he collided with the dome full force and felt the individual streams of chakra that made the dome tear apart his body where they touched, setting his nerves on fire and shocks of lightning down his very bones. Despite the fact that he was only in contact with the defensive technique for at most a couple of seconds, the damage that had been done was all but decisive to most individuals. A small surge of power added onto the destruction as it threw his frame back violently through the air.

The time he floated in the air had been nearly endless to the damaged man's mind. The pain was indescribable. He had been injured too much. Close range combat with the Hyuuga had been a mistake after all. He had underestimated the girl. He needed more power. He needed to go to stage two of the curse if he wanted to win. Barely managing to correct his body's position as it flew backwards, the demented man prepared to tap into more of the corrupted chakra of the seal as he landed back onto the ground.

He almost didn't notice the fact that the girl had already been on top of him before he even made contact with the earth before the world exploded into pain again. In fact he wouldn't have if it weren't for the fact that the girl's narrowed eyes were now glowing a purer white than he had ever thought existed. Like when he used to play with fireworks in the middle of the night as a kid, the white eyes seemed to leave a blinding trail outlining where they were just moments before, leading up to where they were now just inches from his doomed person.

At that last moment, he knew that he was doomed.

Every pressure point, every tenketsu, every nerve cluster was assaulted rapidly and relentlessly to the point that his entire body had within moments not only shut down, but the remaining processes that had remained operational were working incorrectly and doing additional damage to his body.

What seemed like an eternity for him lasted only at most a few seconds before the girl cocked back her right palm, enveloped it in so much chakra that it was not only visible to the naked eye, but the power itself took the shape of a lion's head, and then struck his torso so hard he flew back and took out several of his men, a good number of his tents, and crashed through some trees before finally stopping halfway through a boulder.

The entire area was quiet as the now leaderless band of thieves and marauders looked upon the straightening girl with wonder and fear. Their boss, who they had seen take on squads of shinobi by himself and win without a scratch, had just been killed in less than ten seconds by a mere girl with her bare hands…

Before any of them could begin to express their panic, confusion, or rage outwardly though, they were suddenly overwhelmed by the sensation of a massive source of silver light above the girl. … No. It wasn't really there, but the feeling that they were in the presence of one was. Overwhelming. Overpowering but without any intent of any sort. …Pure and alien, yet remarkably familiar at the same time. They would not be able to touch the phenomena, nor its source.

"Now that the distraction is dealt with, I will ask for a final time." The girl with the white with a hint of lilac colored eyes that glowed so fiercely they bordered silver smiled peacefully. None ignored the fact that the veins near her eyes bulged ominously in the process. "I am offering you a chance to surrender."

o. o. o.

Konoha:

It was a sunny and beautiful day. The birds were chirping. The market was full. None of the animals of the forest of death had escaped. The shinobi were jumping across the rooftops, and Iruka was walking into his classroom to teach the latest first years in the Academy.

Looking around at the innocent children he was about to turn into fighters for the village he couldn't help but smile and enjoy the peaceful and non violent environment he was in. Taking in a deep breath he began to make his speech to his new class. "Hello everyone. My name is Iruka and…"

BOOM!

The main door of the classroom exploded and in jumped in Shadow Oogakari covered in blood and dragging in with her a heavily cut up and bleeding Crypt. "HEY KIDS! WANNA SEE HOW TO BEAT A GUY TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN SKULL?!"

Before anyone could even process what horrors had just entered the classroom, more chaos ensued. Much to the shock of pretty much everyone there, part of the ceiling burst downward due to Zuzushi, now roughly twice the size of a large horse by Iruka's guess, forced her also blood covered head through the metal and plaster, grinned evilly at the terrified children with the meat and organs of… something, hanging out of her mouth, and then roared directly at them with unmatched ferocity.

o. o. o.

Hokage's office:

"… And that's what happened." Homura reported in an even tone to Tsunade, who in turn was hitting her head rather hard and constantly on her desk.

"I assume that we shall be adding this incident to the list as well." Koharu sighed, referring to the list of events that the Oogakari has done to cause chaos and make new laws on in order to never have it happen again. Since it had been made, more minor laws had been passed on specifying public indecency than at any other point in Konoha's existence. It should be noted that many of these laws were so outlandish that many people had trouble actually saying them upon first sight with a straight face.

"Please do." Tsunade grumbled while continuing with her current task of trying to imprint her forehead into the mahogany desk through physical trauma. "Also, when you fine them for this incident, add on the expenses for therapy for the brats being scared shitless and hush money for the parents."

"Consider it done. Where was Waltz-dono when this happened?" Koharu asked wearily. "Leaving Shadow-kun and Crypt-kun together is always a recipe for chaos. Everyone knows this."

"He was covering for me at the hospital. This is why I hate it when Scabbard goes out for months on end to address his spy network. Waltz can't keep an eye on both of them at once all the time." The Hokage wept with her head still down. "Crypt's still banned from there after the pudding incident in the recovery ward which is why he wasn't with the old bastard."

The elderly pair shivered as they remembered that horrific event.

"And then there was last month when Shadow somehow managed to fill every bath house in the village with a different flavored ramen." Tsunade continued in a haunted tone.

No one wanted to know how she managed to pull that off without anyone noticing until it was too late.

"It is somewhat concerning how, active, the Oogakari are becoming lately." Homura muttered tiredly. "Normally they keep their more… outlandish events further spread apart and less involved with the public."

"It's probably because Naruto and Ghost are scheduled to come back soon." The blonde sighed depressed, causing the other two in the room to slowly pale dramatically.

"This isn't good." The lone male in the room muttered ominously. "We have to find a way to reduce the amount of damage they will do the village as efficiently as possible."

"We can't put Uzumaki-kun on missions outside of the village." Koharu pointed out. "If the reports are true, then Akatsuki will be on the move soon. We can't risk the Kyubi being stolen…"

"Naruto will be put on missions outside of the village." Tsunade grunted, but without much force behind it. Unlike in the previous timeline, the jinchuriki had a sharp mind going for him in addition to his increased skill and power. Any real doubts in his ability were feeble at best at this point. Making some big speech about having faith in his abilities now would more than likely just make her look like an idiot. "He'll probably be strong enough to handle himself by now, and unless you haven't noticed yet, missions he undertakes have a tendency to be bumped up by at least a rank. I'd rather keep that danger outside of our walls thank you very much."

"Then why not simply force him to continue to train inside the village and not give him missions?" Homura suggested. The looks he got from the other two females in the room gave him his answer. "Right. Silly idea. My mistake."

"I suggest we make final decisions on what to do with him after we reevaluate his abilities upon his return." Koharu stated. "That way, not only will we have a better idea of where he should apply his abilities, but we have an excuse to promote him. I shudder to think of what would happen if he realized that he was the only person in his age group that below the rank of special jonin."

Tsunade snorted. "He'd probably ask how many of them he'd have to take down at once in order to get promoted to jonin. Then if that didn't work he'd most likely challenge me directly." She paused. "And if I don't agree, worst case scenario says that he challenges one of the Oogakari to a public fight."

"That's what I'm afraid of." The elder female muttered darkly. "The potential collateral damage from such an event would be immeasurable."

"I'd just stick him on missions that we know will go wrong since we know he can handle himself." The Slug Princess yawned. "And when he's back, keep him occupied with politics, the Namikaze estate, or throw him in the Hyuuga compound. Hiashi and Hinata seem to be able to rein him in a lot easier than the rest of the village put together."

"Done." The two elders spoke at once. "What of his situation with the revelation of his father?"

Tsunade grimaced. In order to prevent things from getting out of hand with Iwa, she had indeed revealed the fact that Naruto was the son of Minato Namikaze while he was out of the village, and also informed everyone that until recently even he did not know who his parents were and was treated as a normal individual to prevent giving him any unwanted attention.

In a sick sort of way, Hiruzen's decision to reveal his status as a jinchuriki to the villagers had helped keep the blonde off the radar as the civilians' blind hatred prevented anyone from connecting the dots with their own prejudice. The only problem was that said prejudice ended up being just as much of a threat to the boy as enemy shinobi did at some points.

Regardless, the fact that the bulk of Konoha didn't know of Naruto's lineage worked in their favor as the sheer amount of initial disbelief that ran through the general populace became very well known among the other nations via the standard spy networks that every village has in every other village. While it did embarrass the village in the leaves on an international scale, it also somewhat tempered the mood in Iwa. Oh the general population still wanted to kill Naruto and maim Konoha and would grab any chance to do it, but their impulse to do so was slightly lowered by seeing that the son of Namikaze was for most of his life street trash. Given what they heard about the kid's past, they decided that it would be good to let him live a bit more to let their rivals wallow in their own guilt for a bit.

Plus the fact that the kid tended to make an ass out of himself in public made them want to see Konoha's reputation drop even further as their golden child embarrass them in front of important clients.

But of course, at least according to Sasuke and Hinata, the real problem that cropped up with the announcing of Naruto's lineage was the new swarm of fangirls that emerged overnight after his identity was revealed. Messages of all forms were made out to him and flooded his mailbox within a week.

Since no one else wanted to deal with the endless letters containing marriage proposals, "meetings of mutual benefits", and other bull like that and sort out which ones were actually important from the ones that were just a waste of space, Shadow took it upon herself to provide a solution… for a price of course.

She didn't go into details into how she managed to reduce the small mountain of paper to a twentieth of its size in an hour, consisting only of important documents and meetings with significant individuals, but she did make comments about blood rituals, a possessed chainsaw named Steve that liked bubblegum, and liberal amounts of fire.

What she did with the remains of the other letters could only be speculated, but many assumed it had to do with Scabbard destroying the Oogakari compound (again) a few days later in a fit of rage, and as everyone knows, only fangirl related subjects can make Scabbard rage.

Then there was the one and only time that a group of the unfortunate fools got the bright idea to try to ask the Oogakari for their favor in an attempt to try and get closer to Naruto.

Scabbard was the one that opened the door.

That day did not end well.

… It should be noted that Hinata had trouble not smiling for almost a week following the incident.

"Same as before. Keep him with the Hyuuga and give him missions." Tsunade offered almost instantly. "Between the two of those, almost any undesirable idiot that wishes to contact Uzumaki will be blocked off before so much as seeing him. There will of course be ones with significant positioning in the world that cannot be deterred that way, but we will have to deal with them on an individual basis and above all else, keep them away from the Hyuuga."

The other two elders nodded, knowing of the Hiress' relationship with the blonde boy and her reaction to any potential threats was not something that could be ignored without consequences arising.

"And for Ghost-kun…" Homura spoke up.

"Stick him with Anko and Hana of course." The blonde rolled her eyes. "As absurdly overkill as it sounds to put those three together, we can at least ensure that they focus their boredom on one another instead of the rest of the village. Besides, we'll be able to take more assassination and S ranked missions that way. Log knows how many missions that idiot would be willing to take without those two to make him."

"That sounds reasonable enough." Homura nodded as he looked out the windows to look at the village and sighed. "… Honestly, how is it that we are in the middle of a political standoff with Iwa and we consider the impending return of two of our strongest assets to be most concerning issue?"

"Consider it a blessing." The blonde wearily looked at him. "With their addition to our ranks again, combined with the rookie twelve and the rest of the Oogakari, many would claim that we could manage to win a war with two of the other great nations and still come out strong. The fact that most of the other nations are warming up to us instead of throwing accusations around means less trouble for us in the future."

"Indeed." Koharu nodded. "This recent generation is quite impressive. All of them received such high promotions at their early ages despite it not being war time. I oversaw some of their tests myself. It makes me glad that the future generations are being placed in competent hands."

"Same here." Tsunade nodded with a smile. "I have a good feeling about the future generation too…"

A sudden explosion in one of the farther parks wiped the smile off of her face instantly. Above the cloud of dust, two human shaped figures flew straight up into the air before falling straight back down again limply.

Apparently Waltz had just discovered what Shadow and Crypt had done at the academy and gotten his hands on his beloved family members.

"Now if only we could make sure that the Oogakari don't mess this up for us…"

o. o. o.

Kirigakure:

"So then." Zabuza yawned as he sat on a rock next to Haku and looked at an opened scroll in his hands. Despite his rise in position over the past few years both in skill and in political importance, his appearance had not changed in the slightest "Shall we go over the list one last time?"

"Of course." The teen smiled gently. Unlike her beloved master, she had indeed changed She was still dressed in a kimono, albeit one that was a bit larger than her old ones, her color scheme had not changed much as she still wore dark sea blue with white trimmings. Likewise her hair style did not change as she still held all but her long bangs in an elegant bun when she was working.

However as her feminine figure developed more she decided to forgo her old turtleneck thick shirt underneath for a more revealing long sleeve black mesh shirt that revealed more of her chest. It was not enough to be considered indecent, however it was enough to catch the attention of the lesser trained male gender.

Fun fact. Inexperienced opponents distracted by an opponent's cleavage have a tendency to aim more for said cleavage than where they should be. They also had a tendency to miss their opponent making single handed seals when their other hand was holding senbon in front of their chest.

Completing her appearance, the girl had replaced her baggy shorts with slightly less baggy pants of the same matching color. She did not get rid of her wooden sandals.

Neither of the pair was at all bothered by the fact that they were in an underground cavern or that there was an unnatural amount of mist in front of them. Save for the occasional drop of water falling from the ceiling to the ground, the cold cavern was unusually silent when no one spoke.

It was the perfect place for a person to train in silent killing.

"We trained the next generation of seven swordsmen without maiming or crippling them." The man began casually.

"It was very difficult for you to do that, I'm sure." The girl laughed lightly.

The masked man leered at his adopted family member skeptically. "If memory serves, the only time Suigetsu was found close to being permanently injured was after he had an encounter with you."

The ice user shrugged. "It is not my fault that he would not take no for an answer. I was merely putting my foot down on the subject in a way he would understand."

The swordsman snorted. "Who said I was voicing disapproval? The little shit is nowhere near good enough for you." He looked down at the list again. "Improved relations between Konoha in Kiri."

"On the other hand, I fully approve of Mei-sama." Haku teased almost innocently. "She's good looking, strong, and you get along quite well."

"Yeah. Yeah. Laugh it up kid. I'm just glad that I enjoy performing my "political duties" for once." He chuckled. "Most of the time I had to deal with old annoying idiots that couldn't even count the money they were stealing from their people properly. Made me want to slit my throat so many damn times. Fucking inbred morons."

The ice user raised an eyebrow. "Oh? But I thought a good portion of the time those meetings were used as a cover for you to actually kill those politicians later. When people accused you of doing it, you would use the excuse that you had a deal in the works with him and so there was no point in you doing it. That way you could frame the crime on political opponents."

"Yeah, but it didn't change the fact that I had to _talk _and _listen_ to them." The assassin shamelessly snorted. "You'd be surprised at how many hits Scab's put on a good number of nobles and lords under secret alias'. Trust me, the human gene pool would be better off without them."

"Is that why I've heard rumors about Kakuzu doing many political assassinations for the past couple of years?" Haku asked curiously.

"It helps green hair keep track of the guy without getting caught too." Zabuza shrugged. "You know how the bastard likes to multitask." He looked at the list again. "Get used to using Isobu's chakra. I think I'm doing pretty good there."

"**As much as we can given our status. I am not Kurama. I do not possess his resiliency, so it is still difficult for me to control my powers given the fact that I have spent over a decade in insanity and have had half my chakra torn away. Communicating in your overcomplicated human tongue alone still takes effort for me to accomplish."** The giant turtle in his body growled irritably with an accent that could only be described as animalistic. Over the past couple of years the Three Tails had regained a good portion of his sanity with his interactions with Zabuza. Unfortunately he was still very prone to falling back into animalistic frenzies if he was agitated enough, preventing his container from pulling more than a single tail's worth of power at any given time.

Still, their relationship was rather close given that they shared a mutual enemy that had taken away their mutual close friend away from them.

"Isobu-san is arguing with you again isn't he?" Haku giggled lightly.

"Not in the slightest." The male lied without hesitation.

"**Why couldn't the Legacy's Prophet have sealed me into the girl instead? Even if she can't talk to me directly she's still more polite than you ever were." **The Sanbi grumbled.

"_Because our suffering keeps him young. That's why."_The swordmaster mentally berated his tenant sarcastically before looking at the list for the last time. "So there's all of that done, and then there's the trap…" He glanced to his side. "… Which I do believe is set up, primed, and ready."

Haku nodded as she glanced at the thick heavy mist that hung over a massive underground lake. Even though she couldn't see it, she knew that there was a small island in the middle of said lake that held a small shrine. Inside aforementioned shrine was a large scroll that possessed the other half of the Sanbi.

She also knew that it would be near impossible for anyone who did not know of the set up security measures set up around the scroll to be able to reach it, let alone make it ten feet past the edge of the lake.

The positioning of the scroll and securing it had been a horrifically guarded process. Each participant in setting it up was carefully selected, as were the location of the underground cave they were in and the jutsu used to protect the scroll in the first place.

As such it came as no surprise that Haku, as one of the people that designed the entire setup, knew that one of the people involved preparing the rigged vault, one that had many political links and resources, was actually a confirmed spy. She also knew that said confirmed spy had already sold the location of the Sanbi to outside sources half a month ago, and was subsequently captured and legally tortured for all sorts of other information.

She knew the precautions would not keep Akatsuki away… but then again, Akatsuki would probably not expect anyone to try to use the Biju themselves as live bait…

… Nor that the bait would be rigged.

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Hey guys!" Ino shouted loudly and happily as she, Choji and Kin walked into the village, having returned from a mission, to come across Sakura, Sasuke, and Sai talking to Izumo and Kotetsu. "Long time no see! What's up?"

"Hello Ino. Everything's fine. We are just collecting documents around the village for Hokage-sama." Sai smiled, his skin still pale, but not quite as sick looking as it had before. His outfit had not changed much since several years beforehand. He still wore primarily dark colors and thankfully due to the other's intervention he had abandoned altering it to show his midriff like he had in the previous world. "I see you are returning from a mission. Is Shikamaru once again acting as an envoy to Suna?"

"Keyword. Acting. Everyone knows that the lazy bum manages to finish almost all his work within the first few days of getting in Suna so he can spend the rest of his time there with the Kazekage's sister." Kin smirked as she walked forward.

Now standing at nearly five six, the girl had developed into a very good looking young woman and she did nothing to hide it. Wearing a black spandex bodysuit underneath an open dark green shinobi vest, arm guards, shin guards, and a short green skirt that held several weapons pouches off of her hips, the girl was a sight to behold. Completing her look was a headband over her forehead and a thick dark blue scarf around her neck that hid the bottom of her face a good portion of the time.

While her choice in her attire did draw looks from many people, the populace in Konoha knew better than to comment on it. They had long learned what would happen to anyone who mocked spandex suits to the resident taijutsu masters or any of their confirmed significant others.

It tended to end in a savage beating and possibly a crater in the ground.

"Considering the fact that Gaara hasn't killed him in the past two years, I think it's safe to say that there's no problem with that." Sasuke stated tiredly as he showed up behind Sai, appearing to be casual. Out of all the shinobi in their generation, Sasuke's had changed the most. Dressed predominantly in ANBU gear even though he wasn't one, with the addition of his ever present sword hanging from the back of his waist belt, the teen looked more lethal now than ever. Despite his attire, people knew he wasn't a member of the black ops due to several reasons.

First of all he didn't wear the standard ANBU animal mask, instead preferring to go with the half face mask Kakashi used. When he was asked why he wore a mask at all, he replied evenly that the last time he tried such a thing there had been a massive fangirl riot outside his home.

Another fact was that he didn't expose his shoulders like every other operative, instead wearing a long sleeved shirt over his arm guards. While there were some operatives that were dressed otherwise, it was commonly agreed upon that if an ANBU was in uniform, their shoulders were exposed to reveal their tattoos that signified that they were among the black ops. Rumor had it that the tattoos were actually some sort of seal that could help identify when an operative was real or fake, but no one could or would confirm it.

Last, but not least was the large Uchiha symbol posted on the back of his vest and shirt that gave him away. If you wanted to keep your identity a secret, you don't put unique symbols on your person for everyone to see. Even the civilians knew this.

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see about that." Ino grinned mischievously. Dressed in a dark no sleeved black top that hugger her body and showed off her midriff, and long slit purple skirt with black trimming that showed off one of her legs showing that she still wrapped her legs with tape underneath up to her thigh, with a black mesh shirt underneath her top, she had developed quite a dangerous kunoichi. Off of her waist and legs she held multiple weapon and medicine pouches.

To this day no one knew exactly what she held in all of them, or how many of them were legal to own. All people knew was that when she was asked, the constantly smiling teen's grin would widen to such a degree that most would immediately take back the question. There was a damn good reason why she was called the Smiling Witch after all.

"Most people in power don't want to have a lazy know it all brother-in-law that could probably do a good part of their job better than they could." She giggled amusedly.

"Better one of those than some deadbeat that doesn't do anything." Sakura sighed as she finally joined the group, putting Izumo's and Kotetsu's report into an envelope. Instead of a bright red top, she now wore a dark red bleeding into dark green kimono top over a black mesh shirt combo, giving her an appearance similar to Tsunade minus the woman's massive bust and hairstyle. "How was your mission Pig?"

Ino ignored the childish jab and shrugged, pulling out a senbon and twirling it in her fingers with practiced ease absentmindedly. No one dared to ask if it was poisoned or not. "Eh. It was all right. Standard escort mission to some Noble shmuck with more money than looks and let me tell you, he didn't have that much money compared to most nobles."

"You know Ino, if I didn't know you better, I'd be really unnerved by what you just said." Choji sighed dejectedly. Easily the largest person in the group, reaching five ten and with a good amount of weight, the boy displayed all the marks of being an Akimichi. He still had the spiral tattoos on his cheeks and he wore his bandanna headband over the top of his long needle like hair, but his clothes have changed a bit. He still wore thick metal bracing over his arms and legs, and he still wore a metal plated black kilt over his waist that hung over his rust red pants, yet his upper body surprisingly enough did not possess such protection. Instead he wore a rather tight red long sleeved shirt with the Akimichi family's logo on the front, all under his open standard vest which he dyed dull steel grey.

It was an odd appearance for a shinobi, especially for such a high ranking Akimichi to have… but for those who knew what the boy was capable of it was perfectly acceptable and understandable.

"Aww. Don't worry Choji-kuuun." Ino turned to her boyfriend with puppydog eyes and hugged him tightly. Thankfully she remembered to be careful with the senbon she was playing with this time. "No one can replace you. You're too cute and cuddly and strong to get rid of. I just wish you would do something about the clients doubting you all the time and show them up. All you would have to do is use one of your combos and…"

"Look stupid as I realize that you hit them with a sleeping poison before I manage to pull anything off." He laughed knowingly. "It's ok Ino. I don't need their recognition. So long as things go without any issue, I'm fine with their comments."

"Is that right?" Sai raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean that you don't get angry anymore when someone calls you fa…"

Thump.

The ROOT agent was floored as he was simultaneously shocked, suckerpunched, and covered in poisonous needles.

"That would be a no." Kin rolled her eyes, having being the only one other than Choji to harm the pale boy. "I think you may have gone a bit overboard this time."

"Not my fault." Sakura flexed her gloves casually. "Choji's even stronger than me physically when he goes on a rampage and I didn't know if the others would get to him on time."

"I felt Choji's killing intent spike and acted on instinct." Sasuke shrugged, not paying attention to the small number of electrical arcs flashing around his left hand.

"Why do you think I have to knock out the clients when they make fun of him?" Ino raised an eyebrow skeptically, twirling the same senbon in her hand that she had been before, albeit a bit faster than before.

"Still didn't save the idiot that one time you weren't around." Kin snorted before pausing and tilting to the side to see something behind the other group. "… What the hell is she doing this time?"

Before anyone could ask what Kin was talking about, a series of grunts and the sound of something heavy being dragged across the ground met their ears.

"Hurgh!" Rumble. "Gah!" Rumble. "Nargh!" Rumble. "Stressful noises!" Rumble.

The six teens and many other people in the area turned to see the odd sight of Shadow Oogakari dragging a giant thirty yard tall stone Buddha statue towards the gate.

"Against my better judgment… what the heck are you doing this time?" Sakura asked the clearly stressed woman as she approached the exit of the village.

The dark haired woman did not seem to acknowledge the girl's question as she rather frantically tried to drag her load outside. "The balloons!" Rumble. "They have once more!" Rumble. "Developed a taste for my flesh!" Rumble. "They HUNGER!" Rumble. "FOR MORE!" Rumble. Rumble. Rumble.

Everyone didn't have anything intelligent to say about the insane woman's statement as she slowly disappeared down the road with the giant statue.

"Ok… I don't know about you guys, but that was a bit off even… for…" Ino began skeptically before turning around and instantly stopped talking and began to twitch her eyebrow.

Not bothering to ask her what was wrong, they, against their instincts, looked to see at least several thousand balloons of various colors and shapes floating slowly and silently towards the group, out the gate, and in the direction that Shadow had just disappeared.

Sasuke was the first to regain control of himself. "So Sakura, I think Sai is still unconscious. How about healing him so we can finish our mission?"

"Sai?" The pink haired girl blinked in confusion before realizing what her boyfriend had just said. "Oh! Sai! The mission! Right!" She went down and began to pull out the senbon in the still unconscious boy's body. "Ino, do I need any antidotes this time?"

"I don't even want to know…" The blonde girl muttered to herself bewildered before absently tossing her friend a vial and began to walk absently towards the Hokage's tower. "Come on Choji! Kin! I want to get the report done with so I can get some private boyfriend time to counter the crazy!"

"That's a lot of boyfriend time." Kin muttered absently as she glanced back briefly at the shrinking swarm of flying rubber before following the girl.

"No complaints for me." The tallest teen laughed nervously as screams outside the village began to be heard. "I might need it myself. Later guys. Tell Sai I'm sorry for what happened."

"Done and done. You up for dinner at the Korean Barbecue tonight? Round eight?" Sakura asked while one hand glowed green and the other expertly opened Ino's antidote with her thumb.

"So long as nothing happens at home, you'll see me there." The Akimichi waved before chasing after his girlfriend.

"Hey guys!" Izumo shouted from the gate box. "You need help?"

"We're good!" Sasuke replied absently while still looking at Sakura work like a machine to remove Sai's deceptively mundane injuries. He had always known that his girlfriend was good at what she did, but over the past couple of years her skill has reached the point that she was considered one of the top five medical specialists in the village next to Tsunade, Waltz, Shizune, and Hana. She didn't have the experience that they did, but her natural talent was something that he had heard many of the doctors in the hospital whisper about on occasion when she passed by.

Though he wouldn't say it often, he would wholly agree that his girlfriend was definitely someone he would consider worth spending the rest of his life with. She was not only strong, but the most capable person he could think of around his age to raise a family with to be healthy and in line.

The next most capable female he could think of that fit that category was Hinata, but even if Sakura dumped him, there was no way in hell he would attempt to approach that one. He had been stuck in many dangerous and deadly situations in his short life… he did not think he would be able to survive it if he crossed either one of those two. He'd feel safer if he was locked in a room with a homicidal version of his brother.

He scowled. Itachi had been rather quiet as of late. Granted his brother had always been rather good at imitating being mute, but over the past few years they had managed to set up a secret way of communicating through some of the older Uchiha storage depots and fortresses that their father had dragged them to when they were small. At most they could only exchange messages once every three months or so, but it had been over half a year since they had managed to get anything to one another.

Considering the fact that there had been no rumors of massive black infernos running rampant for three days straight, it was pretty safe to assume that he had not been caught as a spy or killed just yet. The man was just too good to die quietly.

Something was happening in Akatsuki, and deep down he knew that it was going to rear its ugly head soon.

If he looked around at the people he knew and suspected were in the know about these things, he got more signs. The Oogakari were more active than normal with their chaos. The Hokage was sending out more diplomatic missions to the other nations. Zabuza and Haku have been spending more time in Kiri, Shikamaru in Suna, and Scabbard more so on his spy network than at home. Many of his group's old teachers have been spending more time with extreme training than normally expected of Jonin. That green haired kunoichi from Taki who he confirmed was a Jinchuriki was going on fewer missions lately and spending a good amount of time with the third. Sakura was focusing almost rabidly on her medical studies as of late, going over some injuries that he had no idea existed, let alone be able to pronounce properly…

The storm he was told about was finally coming. He didn't know when exactly, but it would come in hard, fast, and hit everyone. That much was for certain.

As much as he wanted to do something about it unfortunately, the Uchiha reluctantly had to admit that despite his power there was nothing he could do to his knowledge to turn things into his favor. Not yet at least.

What bugged him the most though, was that their own "storm" had yet to arrive.

Naruto was an unquestionable force of nature by himself, even before he left to train several years ago. There had been many guesses as to how powerful, and potentially off in the head, he would be when he returned. It had varied between having full control over the Kyubi, to miraculously spawning a unique dojutsu for some stupid reason or another, to mastering kenjutsu, to being able to use all five elements and so on. Each one more ridiculous than the last, but each in a way possible in everyone's minds considering how absurdly unpredictable the blond could be at times…

On a side note, Sasuke had put some money on the mastering Kyubi's chakra pool and the ability to use at least four elements pool. He felt that they were the safe bets.

The blonde was a, if not "the", deciding factor in the chaos to come, and his absence unnerved the Uchiha more than the idea of fighting people stronger than his brother. His best friend was the one that made somehow could make the worst shitty situations not only manageable but actually amusing…

Best friend. Hah. Those two words would have caused his heart to go up his throat just a few years ago. Honestly, he loved Itachi as the selfless brother and hero that he was… but the man would make a shitty father and leader. Technically Sasuke believed it was their father's fault more than anything. The man had pushed his brother too hard and was too into the clan's traditions and positioning in Konoha to actually treat his children like children, and it had resulted in his brother's ultimate hell.

Itachi had a good heart, but his methods of trying to help other people become strong were more twisted than the Oogakari's, and THAT was saying something.

Even if he didn't have the Mangekyo Sharingan yet, he knew that there were other ways to unlock it without killing someone close to you.

Sai's grunting snapped him out of his musings. "Ugh. What happened?" The pale teen turned to his doctor. "Did I by chance say something not acceptable again?"

"Yep." Sakura sighed as she stood and brushed her hands on her side. "You really gotta learn to be more careful with what you say to people Sai. You're better than when we first met you, but in some ways it makes your slipups more disastrous than ever."

"I'll take that to heart." The artist grunted as he picked himself up and smiled sheepishly. The other two teammates could tell he was still forcing it a bit, but it looked far more natural than it did when he first attempted the expression.

"Oh dear god the rubber! It's everywhere and the static is ruining my hair! Keep away from my candy safe Buddha! Its chocolate gut and badonkadonk core goodness is MINE AND MINE ALONE!"

"What was that?" The ROOT agent blinked in confusion as he turned to face outside the village.

"Something that you don't want to lose brain cells over." Sakura deadpanned as she walked in the opposite direction. "Come on. We still have a mission to finish."

"At least we know part of the reason why she had the statue with her." Sasuke sighed as he followed his teammate, already going through the standard steps to forget about the latest example of insanity that crossed his path.

o. o. o.

In one of the local parks:

Hiruzen chuckled lightly as he sat on a bench next to Waltz and Fuu. All around the bench, the bodies of completely exhausted children ranging from age seven to thirteen littered the ground. "I must admit Waltz-dono, this is far more relaxing and fun than I originally thought."

"Heheh. It was pretty fun watching the brats wipe themselves out while we did almost nothing." The jinchuriki snickered while nudging a small girl nearby with a foot.

"I told you." The eldest one there smiled gently, poking a borderline unconscious Konohamaru with his staff. "They seem to enjoy it as much as I do, and it does do wonders for their stamina training if what Iruka has told me is true."

"Get. You. One. Day. Old. Man." The foaming at the mouth boy gasped deeply. So much so that the elders weren't sure if he was aware he was being poked in the head.

"You've been saying that for years Konohamaru and so far neither you nor your friends have managed it once." The giant replied with a hint of overconfidence in his voice. He wasn't normally that brash, but the extra bit of taunting would help push the boy in his efforts later.

"Now now Konohamaru." Hiruzen chided gently. "You must prioritize now. You passed your genin test last week so you won't have time to play with Waltz-dono as much as before."

"Oh let the boy have some fun." Waltz rumbled gruffly. "Strict training is good, but you know as well as I do that people progress the most in subjects that they actually enjoy. The more they want to train, the longer they last and the more they get out of it."

"He's got a point." Fuu smirked. "They tried to get me to learn seduction training back in Taki when I was a kid. It didn't end well to say the least for obvious reasons. Fast forward to my stay here and a few bar hopping nights with Anko and now I can flirt with the best of them." She stroked her exposed arms sensually. "After all, who wouldn't want to play with a girl with nice tan skin like mine?"

"The ones that go for the T and A." The giant smirked while still poking Konohamaru's head absently.

The Jinchuriki developed a tick mark and made a fist. "If Choumei wasn't scared shitless of you old man I would…"

"Honestly you two. There are children here." Hiruzen grunted, though the twitch at the corner of his mouth gave his poorly hidden amusement away.

"Like they're conscious enough to remember what we're talking about." The immortal snorted as he began to expertly flip the Hokage's grandson like a pancake without the boy protesting in the slightest.

"Right. I understand you perfectly." Fuu nodded, apparently understanding what the ex Hokage had said before making a few seals and breathing out a cloud of very faint and fine dust over the area and the exhausted children. At first nothing seemed to happen, but that changed when the green haired girl emitted a spark of electricity from one of her fingers. Instead of staying where it was, the thin light jumped from her digit, zigzagged uninhibited in a random pattern that looped itself several times through the air, and zapped one of the kids to her right on the butt.

"Ow!" The eight year old shouted as he jumped up and grabbed his rear, gaining the eyes of all the other young ones there.

Zap. "Ow!" Zap. "Ow!" Zap. "Ow!"

Each feeble spark made by the jinchuriki's fingers traveled through the air as if it was a clean, albeit distorted circuit, and assaulted a different child's person, prompting them to jump up in pain despite their exhaustion.

"Old people are talking old important stuff brats." The woman yawned as she assaulted another three children in the process. "Leave now or forever lose feeling in you backside."

"This is a very interesting technique." Hiruzen mused as he watched the assault continue and ignored the screams of fear around him. "It enhances the control over external lightning manipulation techniques and reduces the cost of smaller techniques to virtually nothing…"

"It absorbs the moisture in the air, using it to take in the local heat, and in the end helps channel lightning chakra." Waltz observed lazily, also ignoring the screams of protest around him. "It's based off of ideal conditions for static electricity to happen naturally. Dry air and lower temperatures. The dust also magnifies the control and range of what the user is doing, but higher power moves would be destabilized by the conductivity and spread of the dust, destabilizing them. By itself the technique is probably nothing more than a D rank. It's very simple… but its ability to enhance the range and power low level lightning techniques is quite useful. If I'm right, it can also be used to disperse the charge of high power techniques of the same type as well." He nodded in approval. "A versatile move with multiple uses."

"Glad this move meets your standards." Fuu rolled her eyes while quietly noting to herself to experiment with the defensive property of her technique later with Kakashi.

"Run! Run from the pain!" Konohamaru shouted as he was tagged for the third time and escaped with the rest of the children there, not bothering to look back in case doing so might risk getting them shocked again.

"It seems as if my grandson still has to work a bit when it comes to being discrete." The grandfather sighed wearily.

"Kid needs to expand on his vocabulary too." Waltz chuckled.

"I dunno. He seemed to have a pretty wide range of swears when we were beating him and his friends into the ground." Fuu mused as she blew the small smoke away from the tips of her fingers and canceled out the technique surrounding them. Within moments the warmer local humid air had once reigned uninhibited. "So what are we talking about today?"

The water element master sighed before tapping the ground twice with his staff, instantly causing all the water in the air around them to absorb any sound that passes through the air that doesn't come or go from their heads. "It appears as if the game has finally started." He muttered wearily.

Fuu flinched at the news, but Hiruzen did not so much as twitch. "I believe that it has started earlier than last time. Who was it?" The elder asked with a glint to his eye.

Waltz leaned back into his chair. "Scab's found out that the Rokubi's container was defeated in Tea Country almost a week ago. Even if you were to amass our teams now or contact the other villages about it, odds are more than likely that attempting him would be a wasted effort. He might be sealed already for all we know."

"I see…" The container of the Seven Tails frowned. "Choumei never got along with Saiken. She said that the slug was too slow and boring to talk to for long periods of time, but she says that he still didn't deserve what happened to him." She glanced at the giant. "Who was it that did him in?"

The informant shrugged. "There wasn't much to go by when he got to the scene of the fight, but Scab suspects it was Zetsu, their spy and mokuton user, that did it."

"Another mokuton user." The Hokage shook his head. "I thought it was absurd enough when Tenzo survived Orochimaru's experiments, but there was someone else before him? It's just absurd."

"No more absurd than children learning to walk on walls and perform techniques of mass destruction." Waltz shrugged casually. His gesture almost conveyed that there was more to the subject that the other two knew of, but neither bothered to ask him what it was. They knew he would not answer the question.

"So the enemy's finally moving." Fuu hunched over and narrowed her eyes in an attempt to think. "Who do you think is next? Blondie's still gone and Akatsuki's probably still moving under the assumption that no one knows what they're doing yet."

"Hmm. Well we did guess accurately that they would go for the Rokubi first." Hiruzen nodded. "The issue is that virtually all of the other biju are in the main villages now. Naruto can move rather freely still as they have to take him last, but that still leaves seven possible targets in five locations, and they don't necessarily have to go for only one at a time…"

"I don't think they'd go for Matabi or Gyuki so soon." Fuu mused. "Sure it would be getting the hardest pair out of the way first, but getting Kumo involved early in the game would be a bad move."

"A logical assumption, but perhaps that is why they'd go for Kumo's beasts first, while the village still has its guard down." Waltz pointed out casually.

"Take out the strong and the weak shall follow." The elderly Hokage nodded sagely. "Following that logic, they would more than likely aim for the weaker secured biju next and attack Suna and Kiri…"

"Iwa and Kiri." Waltz corrected. "Suna's not in a borderline civil war, and Iwa has two containers to plunder, one of which is still kept under heavy lockup. Even if Roshi and Goku are in perfect sync with one another, the payoff for effort is much greater if they go for Iwa first."

"True true. My mistake." Hiruzen nodded as he delved into the scenario. "… And should they succeed it would be disastrous for negotiating with the other nations. As Konoha and Suna are in an alliance and young Fuu here is staying in Konoha, the last three biju would be in our possession. That would without a doubt cause many to start to ask questions and doubt our sincerity to the cause, even if we did warn them about it beforehand."

"And with six biju under their control, they would have more than enough power to utilize alternative methods of attack, even if they lost a good number of their members before that point." Waltz stroked his beard contemplatively before shaking his head with a wry grin. "Alas, that is just but one possible route that things can turn out. I am merely one of the invisible hands that guides the pieces in directions they did not know existed."

"Oh stop with the "I'm a god and know things you don't" crap already." Fuu rolled her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder whose side you're on."

The immortal chuckled dryly. "My dear child, the unfortunate truth is that when a person becomes as powerful as we are with no strings attached, the only side that he, she, or it can honestly say they are on… is their own."

o. o. o.

Suna:

"This place is pretty good." Shikamaru grinned satisfied, dressed in the exact same way he did in the previous timeline at this age, as he leaned back against the chair in the restaurant that he, Temari, Kankuro and Gaara were eating at. As they were with the Kazekage, the four were seated in the best location the place could offer. It was an elaborate outside patio that was designed to give the customers a beautiful view of the city while ensuring that the sporadic winds that ran through the village would not touch them. "It's a bit high end for me to come to more often, but I'd definitely not argue against coming again."

"Amazing." Kankuro, still dressed in his puppeteer garb with his warpaint (though not around his mouth so he wouldn't risk smearing it). "Two whole sentences and he didn't say the word "troublesome"."

"I know." Temari grinned cheekily to her brother, dressed in a gray green wardress with protective plating over the front. "You have no idea how long it took me to train him to stop doing that."

"An impressive feat." Gaara stated evenly with his eyes closed before sagely drinking his tea.

"I'm more surprised that you managed to develop a sense of humor." Shikamaru glared at the Kazekage.

"Three sentences!" The puppetmaster laughed before drinking some more of his rice wine.

"I apparently have a unique taste in black comedy." The redhead continued to talk to the Nara, pointedly ignoring his older brother's laughter. "Unfortunately, sometimes people have trouble telling my jokes apart from me being serious."

"I blame Shukakau." His sister added. "That insane rat's completely desensitized you when it comes to violent and morbid things."

"**For the last time, I'm not a fucking rat!" **The biju roared from inside his container. **"What kind of rat has a tail as awesome and epic as the one I have?! HUH!? Answer me!"**

"Is he ranting about his tail again?" Kankuro asked with a knowing grin.

"If he is, I'm not paying attention enough to care." The younger brother shrugged before drinking some more tea.

"His tail?" The shadow user raised an eyebrow.

"Shukaku's obsessed with it." Temari waved a hand lazily. "Apparently you instantly jump from his "kill slowly" list to his "kill quickly" list if you compliment it enough times within his hearing range. Gaara even says that when he isn't going off on wild rants, the thing spends most of his time grooming the thing even though he's technically made completely out of sand."

Kankuro snickered. "While compared to what I've heard about the other Biju's tails he, does seem to be the most impressive looking, I think that the giant sand nut spend too much time drooling over it."

"**You try comparing yourself with eight siblings that are all pretty much better than you in one way or another!" **The Ichibi snapped inside of Gaara, getting a brief moment of pause from the Kazekage. **"Matabi's tails are on FUCKING FIRE! BLUE FIRE! How the hell am I supposed to go up against that under normal circumstances!? And don't you dare suggest try to light myself on fire! I already tried that once a few centuries ago and it sucked! It didn't work that well either."**

"… I am convinced that if Shukaku was just a bit smarter he'd get along with the Oogakari far more easily than I am comfortable with." The Kazekage frowned, causing his brother to burst out loud laughing and the rest of the group to hold back their chuckled desperately.

"At least his tails aren't tentacles." Temari commented between giggles. "From what I heard the Hachibi and the Yonbi's tails are those. Trust me Gaara, you'd be hard pressed to get a girlfriend if it was public knowledge that you had a tentacle monster in your gut."

"From what I've heard, the main reason why the Hachibi's container can't get a girlfriend is because he's an idiot that can't shut up." Shikamaru smirked.

"Agreed." Gaara nodded sagely.

"What is he? In his thirties?" the Naara asked with mock disappointment.

"Thirty four, but sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a ten year old." The redhead answered, shaking his head in shame. How someone like that managed to gain full control over his tailed beast was beyond him. "The sad thing is that even when he's not joking around it's hard to take him seriously."

Kankuro was now having trouble breathing as he drunkenly started hammering the table while laughing his lungs out.

"**Humph. Gyuki deserves a better container than that idiot." **The Ichibi snorted while picking at his tail's folds meticulously. **"Unlike that prick Kurama, he was always the more reasonable of the higher numbered biju to deal with."**

Gaara paused and decided to talk to his biju privately. _"Shukaku… you are not one that a person would expect to talk about rationality and being reasonable. In fact I believe that the first time I have ever heard you talk about someone in a positive light."_

"**I am not a fool! Just because I get aroused from killing any and all that come across my sights does not mean I do not recognize those that have potential! Of course, I tend to kill those ones as well, but the ones I don't I at least remember!"** The Tanuki snapped irritably. **"Gyuki is the only one of my siblings that I actually like and won't kill on sight! Kurama though, I want to end with every fiber of my being!"**

"_Yes you've made that last bit abundantly clear several times over the course of our relationship."_ Gaara humored his biju dryly. While he and his tenant still did not get along for the most part, they could, occasionally, engage in somewhat lucid conversations. _"But since I tend to want and need the ones you want to kill around the most, you are unfortunately going to have to look for another vice to waste long periods of time on. Your tail is rather impressive. Perhaps if you put that sort of effort into something else… like furthering your control and range of your powers…"_

"… **Are you calling me fat?" **The Ichibi growled dangerously, completely missing the point.

The Kazekage's eye twitched once. _"No, and I am not getting in this argument with you gain Shukaku."_

"**I keep telling everyone! I'm not fat! My gut is just larger so that I can breathe in more air because it's my element! I need deeper lungs so that I can KILL DAMN IT! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THIS!? SO WHAT IF I'M THE ONLY BIJU WITH A BEER BELLY?! I'll KILL THEM! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!"** The demonic tanuki ranted more to himself than anyone else, progressively getting louder and louder as he built himself into a murderous frenzy.

"Voices in your head giving you trouble again?" Shikamaru asked curiously, bringing the redhead back to the real world.

"If it was possible, I would very much like to harm a good number of the other biju for being very poor elder siblings." Gaara grunted irritably.

"Not even going to bother asking what that's about." Temari sighed as she swirled her wine in her glass and looked out over the village, leaning against her not-boyfriend. "It's a really good view tonight."

Indeed. With the unusually red sun setting to the side and not a cloud in the sky, the view was rather spectacular for the dinner party. It was a relaxing evening after a day full of politics and paperwork. It was nice to just relax, be with friends and let the gentle wind that was allowed to their dining area to pass over their skin…

All at once their eyes widened as the same thought crossed their minds…

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Haha! Chug! Chug!" Ino cheered as she poured more sake down Choji's throat. Thankfully the teen's large body gave him a massive alcohol tolerance, but it did not unfortunately make him immune from the need to breathe.

"Ino! Calm down!" Sakura laughed, a bit tipsy herself as she leaned against Sasuke and held her drink. "Give the poor boy some space!"

"I've read that if a person tries to get one of their friends of the opposite gender very drunk, it normally means that they are going to try and take advantage of them later." Sai thoughtfully commented with a glass of water in front of him. As a ROOT shinobi, he had been trained to never drink alcohol under any circumstances save for when dealing with clients in social events.

"Sai, you know as well as we do that Ino doesn't need to get Choji drunk in order to take advantage of him." Kin snickered as she downed some rather strong alcohol. She had been drinking the stuff since she had been in Oto since everyone pretty much needed a buzz after seeing one of Orochimaru's experiments. The only things about her habit that had changed since going to Konoha was the amount she could drink (more), the frequency at which she drank (less), and where she stashed her drinks so Lee didn't accidentally get his hands on them.

"It honestly makes me fear for his life when you say things like that." Sasuke smirked with his mask still on. Since it was the middle of spring, the outside tables at the barbecue restaurant they were at were available and gave them a picnic like setting.

Also, since they were in public, Sasuke would not be caught dead without his mask on lest he risk attracting fangirls. Ever since he hit puberty, the mobs had been doubling their efforts to get to him. It was only by covering his facial features and being around Sakura was he able to curb the swarms to manageable levels.

Thank all that was holy that Kakashi taught him how to eat with the mask still up.

The largest teen's coughing drew everyone's attention. "Ino! Please! That's enough!"

The blonde girl giggled as she inspected the bottle in her hands. "A third of a bottle in a single go. Not bad. Not bad at all."

"Ino, I know you're good with curing poisons, but just how good are you with alcohol poisoning?" Sakura half curiously, half worriedly asked. "Downing that much that fast can't be good for him."

"Don't worry forehead." The Yamanaka sighed as she hugged her boyfriend and put a hand on his front and back before making them glow green with medical chakra moments later. "I'm more than good enough to make sure nothing bad happens to my baby…"

"That's one big baby." Sai stated offhandedly.

"And he's all mine." Ino grinned with the slightest hint of a challenge in her voice.

"Don't even try to do the same thing to me Sakura." Sasuke warned knowingly to his pink haired girlfriend. "Trust me. Large amounts of alcohol and Uchiha don't mix." There are reports from back when his family was still around and in charge of the police force as well as ones that were taken from the hospital and documented under clan business. The number of self immolations caused from sloppy drinking and reckless jutsu casting alone was more than enough to humiliate the Uchiha name for months if not years. All the skill in wielding the Sharingan would not help you if your face was covered in sake when spewing a fireball from your mouth.

"Of course I won't." The girl pouted, albeit somewhat too innocently. "I took the hypocritical oath. I'd get in deep if I got someone injured so I could have the excuse to use my medical techniques and run my hands over your very well kept body as much as I wanted…"

"I believe this is what being the third wheel is like." Sai spoke more to himself than anyone else as he watched Sakura begin to kiss Sasuke several times on the cheek since his lips were currently unavailable.

"This is nothing." Kin shrugged. "Try being alone with Lee and Gai-sensei."

"Hey Sasuke, ever get the feeling that when people compliment us on Ino and Sakura, they tend to forget that they're, you know…" Choji asked with a slightly red face.

"Among the most dangerous females on the planet and merely having their hands resting on our bodies is enough to put our lives in horrific amounts of danger?" The Uchiha finished with an amused tone, not at all uncomfortable with his current situation of his life being apparently in horrific amounts of danger with Sakura gently resting her head and hands on his side. "I believe that applies more to me than you my friend. Sakura doesn't absently play with poisonous needles in public."

"You're just jealous cause you lost your chance with me." Ino stuck out her tongue at the raven haired male childishly.

"I'll learn to live with it." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Keyword. Live." Kin giggled.

"She's not bad." Choji admonished. "Ino just gets… overexcited sometimes…"

"I bet that makes your sex life really interesting." Sai added cheerfully before pausing and seeing everyone stare at him warily. "… What? Did I say it too soon?"

"Too bluntly." Sakura corrected with a sigh.

"Speaking of monstrously dangerous girlfriends, how long do you think Naruto's going to last when Hinata gets her hands on him?" Kin asked with an evil grin.

Ino snorted. "Depends. If he's still afraid of "the hunt" and she doesn't snag him on first sight, she might just force him to snuggle for a massive amount of time after tying him down." She hugged Choji tightly. "I like the snuggling."

"The snuggling is indeed awesome." Choji nodded in agreement as he gently rubbed his girlfriend's back affectionately.

"And if she catches him early?" Sai questioned curiously.

Sakura and Sasuke sighed before the former answered. "Then we might have to save Naruto's life and what remains of his innocence."

The blonde in the group looked at the pair incredulously. "You're actually dumb enough to consider getting in between a fully charged Hinata and Naruto on their first meeting in years? The girl is dangerous enough on her normal days for me to not want to spar with her. Remember when she destroyed me, Kin, Shino, Kiba, and Tenten at the same time?"

"I try not to." The black haired girl winced at recalling the event. "I had trouble walking and eating for days after that one."

Sasuke shrugged. "She said _might _for a reason Ino."

"Point made." The mind reader nodded, conceding the argument at the drop of a hat.

"What about Tenten?" Sai asked. "Isn't she quite dangerous as well?"

Sakura snorted. "That's an understatement. The girl is so dangerous that even without being familiar with a tenth of those weapons she can make she's still a jonin. She doesn't have absurd speed or strength, but her jutsu…" She shivered.

"It's the ones she does know how to use, and can use, that you have to worry about." Sasuke shivered as well. "That red spear that she can make that goes for the heart still gives me nightmares occasionally. It was a mistake to try and watch the thing in action with my Sharingan. My head nearly split trying to figure out what happened."

"Makes you glad that your girlfriend is much simpler and only knows your body inside out better than you do, doesn't it." Sakura innocently cooed with a blush as she, like Ino, snuggled to her boyfriend's chest. She normally didn't act like this, but alcohol does do wonders for inhibitions after all.

"So long as you never play doctor with me." The Uchiha muttered under his breath. His mind had already been mess with horrifically by his brother. He'd like for at least his body and organs to remain unmolested.

Kin burst out laughing as the mental image of Sakura playing evil doctor on her beloved patient appeared, complete with corny music and costumes that would only appear in one of Jiraiya's books. Soon enough the rest of the group was laughing as well.

It was a good night. They were having fun with one another. Nothing serious was happening. The weather was good. The sky was clear. A brief breeze passed through the streets…

They all stopped laughing instantly turned to look towards the east…

o. o. o.

Kiri:

"Zabuza-san…" Haku excitedly spoke up as she looked towards the sea.

"No doubt about it." The large man nodded with an eager grin.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the Land of Fire:

"Is something the matter Lady Hyuga?" The noble who had hired team eight asked as he held out the payment for the recent completed mission. His curiosity not unwarranted as the girl, in addition to her teammates and the dog they had with them had all turned at the same time in a particular direction as if they heard something. It did not escape him that the girl's normally calm and politely pleasant expression slowly stretched into something akin to elated…

o. o. o.

Mt. Myoboku:

Jiraiya chuckled as he meditated on a slab of stone, balancing perfectly on the tip of a stone spire at least a hundred feet above the ground. Save for the pigmentations around his eyes, he looked as human he always did.

o. o. o.

Kumo:

"Bee!" A roared irritably as his adopted brother laughed hysterically from the top of the Raikage's tower. "Shut up and get the hell down from there! You're being more annoying than normal!"

The leader of Kumo and his guard were so preoccupied by the man's antics that they didn't notice Yugito leaning against a pillar nearby, not paying the slightest attention to Bee and instead looking in the same direction he was with a frown on her face…

o. o. o.

Iwa:

Roshi sighed as he sat on top of the Tsuchikage's tower and drank deeply from his stash of sake while looking towards the south.

"**Roshi…" **Goku spoke up cautiously from inside his container.

"Yeah." The Lava user replied in a soft dark tone, swirling the booze in his hand almost absently. "I know."

o. o. o.

Land of Rice Patties:

"Anko." Hana whispered with a hint of excitement into her radio as her comrade sneaked deeper into the abandoned castle that used to be a part of Otogakure.

"Oh yeah." The snake user replied just as softly, but with the underlying eagerness of a child on Christmas Eve.

o. o. o.

Scabbard Oogakari flipped through some spy reports in one of his many hidden offices. He did not blink, frown, or so much as twitch as the faint traces of wind passed by him through the air vents of the building he was in.

"A little earlier than expected, but it is not detrimental to the situation." The man muttered to the empty room.

o. o. o.

All around the shinobi world, people stopped and paused as a single small gust of wind passed them by, no more than a breeze. Many brushed it off as something inconsequential, but a select few knew what the air it brought contained… and what it meant.

They were back.

Akatsuki was coming.

The time available to prepare in safety was officially over.

The games had begun once more.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the middle of the elemental nations:

"Hooh?" Ghost grinned as he turned his head left and right. "Well, there goes our chance to surprise everyone with our return. Quite a number of people felt our arrival."

"A shame, but when one door closes, another opens." The blonde teen smirked as he appeared through the rift in reality before it closed on itself, leaving nothing but air where it once was. Most of his equipment was sealed in scrolls that hung over his waist, but he also held some other unknown materials in a large round bag that was strapped over one shoulder and diagonally across his body.

"True true." The immortal nodded in agreement.

The jinchuriki looked around curiously. They were deep in the woods and there weren't any telling natural landmarks in sight or in his range of sensing that he could use to tell where he was. In the very far off distance he could barely feel the locations of shinobi in general, but once more it was not enough to get his bearings with. "Where are we exactly?"

"Somewhere near Kusa I think." Ghost shrugged. "I aimed for the general middle of the elemental countries. Wasn't really that specific when I set up the jump."

"For a man who supposedly trained himself to be a god killer, you tend to be remarkably lazy about important details at times." The blue eyed teen commented in an almost bewildered tone.

"It's a gift." The immortal brushed off the accusation. "Now onto more important things. Pranking and humiliation. Since we can't just say, "Hi we're back" while popping into someone's house anymore, I believe hiding near a place where people know you would be a good idea. Just sneak around them for a while and make the hairs on the back of their heads stand for a bit. Maybe give them a brief look at you before disappearing, just to mess with their heads… and then when they're freaking themselves out in paranoia… WE SHALL SHIFT EVERYTHING IN THEIR ROOMS, NAY THEIR ENTIRE HOUSES, NINETY DEGREES TO THE LEFT WHILE THEY SLEEP!"

Naruto nodded in complete agreement to his master's pointless, immature, and insane plan while reaching back for one of his scrolls. "Indeed, that is a pretty good idea for a later prank Ero-Nii, however I have a better idea we can use." He grinned savagely and tossed the curious man the scroll. "Check it out."

Ghost raised an eyebrow as he caught the scroll and opened it to see something was sealed inside. "Oh? Well far be it to ignore suggestions. Let's see what you got."

Poof. Boom. Crunch.

In an instant, the man was crushed by several tons worth of fried rice, dumplings, eggdrop soup, and other Chinese dishes.

"Hurgh? Murhwa? MEashrADHIEA?! GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

It should be restated that the man is REALLY traumatized by Chinese food.

Running away as fast as he could, the blonde laughed loudly and maliciously. "Payback's a bitch Ero-Nii! I told you I'd get revenge for the crap you put me through! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Further and further away from his progressively freaking out master the teen ran, alone and for the first time in years alone to do as he pleased. No training. No abnormal time space chaos. No super powered psychos around him, warping his already view of reality even further than it had already been pushed. No working in some military system with the higher ups yelling at him to do one thing or another.

He was free. He was under no one's gaze…

He was running in the opposite direction of Konoha.

You had to hand it to Naruto. As far as opening moves went, this definitely was one that no one expected.

o. o. o.

Omake:

Why Ghost is not the number one assassin in the Multiverse:

"I will get him this time." The immortal swore with his bone wings out and his swords drawn. One could feel the air in the room reverberating with energy stemming from the man, itching for a command to move.

"This again?" Scab sighed. "Must we go through this every year?"

"I will destroy him this year." Ghost growled. "I have learned his system. I am aware of his strengths and weaknesses. I have memorized his patterns. I will not lose this time."

"I'm not supporting this." Waltz sighed as he sat next to Crypt and Shadow, all eating popcorn and waiting for a show. "I'll enjoy it, but I don't support it in the slightest."

"I do." A new voice made itself known from the corner of the room, gaining everyone's attention. From the shadows that shouldn't exist, Old Saint Nick in his blood red suit walked out, massive hairy barrel sized arms crossed over his ripped chest with not a gut to be seen. A wry grin clearly visible through his thick white beard. All in all, he could have passed as Waltz' brother save for the opposite color scheme. "It gives me something to look forward to. No one else can give me a good challenge these days."

"SAAAAANNNNTTTAAAAA." Ghost all but hissed as if he was possessed.

"Same rules as usual then?" The man of the north chuckled innocently. "First one to get their loads delivered to all their locations on their half of the planet first without leaving a single trace for round one. Then for round two we see who can murder the most naughty targets, without leaving a single trace, and for round three …"

"We fight till the last one stands…" The blind man grinned demonically. "Or until one of us slips up and leaves a trace."

The two stared at one another intently for several seconds before they both disappeared without a trace.

Scab rolled his eyes. "You do realize the only reason why Mr. Kringle does this is because Ghost lightens his work load during the holidays."

"Give the guy a break." Shadow chuckled. "He manages an army of elves that not only make the toys he delivers, but also acts as an information network on every bloody person on the planet. They even give you a hard time once in a while."

"Then there's the fact that he can sneak into every house in a single night, and possibly leaves coal, which can easily start a fire if it is powdered, sprayed around the room, and then a spark goes off." Waltz shrugged. "Really he's all but saying that he can kill you and make it look like an accident whenever he wants."

"And to top it all off the world knows what he does, and instead of using their heads and realizing he's taunting everyone, they make a bloody holiday of it and worship his name. For centuries." Shadow concluded.

"Is it really any wonder why Ghost can't stand the fact that he's a better assassin than him?"

o. o. o.

A/N:

Merry. Fucking. Christmas. You bastards.

I will not be updating this often. I am still focusing on FFD, but at least this should calm down everyone who's been asking me for the sequel already.

I had a bit of trouble starting this. I had to switch more than a few mental gears in order to get this down to the level that I liked and the amount of crack that I liked. I find that reading the Bobobo manga helps a lot… which may or may not be a bad thing.

On a side note, for those who get the reference, the events in the fic ECHOES by Kagaseo with the involvement of my characters is completely cannon. Check it out. The grammar is a bit rough at the beginning, but the guy kills off characters and make plot twists on the level of George RR Martin.

As for why this really took so long, blame real life. Grad school finals. Work causing me to stay late. The computer eating up roughly a third of the chapter that I had to rewrite. The list goes on for way longer than I like. If it didn't, I had planned, and would have, made a chapter of FFD to go along with this.

But yeah, once again, FFD takes priority. There's no way I'm diverting my attention from it now of all times.

Gotta finish this up before I go to grandma's for the Christmas dinner. That woman cooks like a pro.

So that's it folks! REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! STOP ASKING ME ABOUT WHEN THE SEQUEL IS COMING OUT FOR FUCKS SAKE! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Everyone's a bit of an asshole sometimes. The only exceptions are the people that are bound to snap and go on a killing spree at some point.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

A bar in Konoha:

"Well, put your bets up people." Azuma sighed as he drank some hard whisky. It was foreign and expensive, but he needed something to take the edge off at the moment. "How long do you think before we get our first of many world defining S ranks?"

"Stop being such a pessimist." Kurenai chided her fiancée from his side. "Just because you think that Naruto-kun and Ghost are back doesn't mean…"

"A week." Kakashi interrupted the woman casually without taking his eye off his latest book. "Two tops."

"Kakashi!" The Genjutsu user snapped.

"Mm. Sounds about right." Gai nodded from the cyclops' other side. "I will have to stick to light training for the time in order to ensure that I am in PEAK YOUTHFUL CONDITION!"

A half empty bottle shattered itself against his head… or rather his hair. "Shut up already! For the last time we don't care about your youth you middle aged mid life crisis nut!"

"Sit down Gai. You don't want the owner to chase you out of here again." Kakashi sighed, clearly not surprised by the recent turn of events.

"And stick to extra light training." Kurenai added. "Your "light" training is enough to exhaust most jonin and… wait what am I saying? We're not getting a suicide mission in two weeks guys."

"Oh ye of little faith." Azuma chuckled, taking another drink. "Ok then. Different wager. How long will it take for one of the two to screw something up big time?"

"Azuma!" The illusionist chided.

"Not even worth considering. They've probably done something so absurd that we're better off not knowing already." Kakshi shook his head condescendingly.

Gai frowned. "Come now. I know that Naruto-kun and Ghost-san are rather energetic, but they certainly are not that bad."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the middle of the elemental nations:

Ghost limped slowly towards Itachi and Kisame, who had oddly enough been walking on the same road in the opposite direction. The haunted man was in horrible shape with his clothes and body covered in scratches, blood, bruises, and several horrifically smelling fluids that no one wanted to try to identify.

"Hey Itachi." Kisame blinked. "Does that guy look familiar to you?"

"Clean… me…" The immortal whispered to them in a possessed voice.

"… What?" The shark man blanched.

"Clean... me…" The blind man repeated, continuing to stagger unevenly towards the S ranked criminals.

"He's delirious. Not even worth killing." Itachi stated calmly. "Come Kisame. We have to-"

"Clean… me… or… I… will… hug… you." Ghost continued, causing both men to stop in their tracks.

"… Is it me, or was that honestly one of the more terrifying threats that you've heard in your life?" Kisame turned to his partner.

Itachi merely responded by jumping over the man and continuing to walk on forward, soon followed by his partner.

Five minutes later around a hill of boulders he had reappeared, seemingly even more deranged looking with a new large branch caught in his hair and clothes.

"The smell… will not leave… for weeks. It will haunt you… like it has me…"

Despite Itachi's and Kisame's best efforts, they would not be able to shake the man until Kisame blew him up with one of his water shark ninjutsu in a fit of rage.

The two criminals made a silent agreement that they would never speak of the incident again.

o. o. o.

"You're overreacting." Kurenai snorted as she drank a bit deeper from her glass of wine than she probably assumed.

"I wouldn't be too sure." Kakashi mused. "Naruto does have that habit of naturally making his missions more difficult than they normally are just by being there."

"Not you too Kakashi." Gai chided. "Where is your faith in your student?"

"In his loyalty, quick thinking, and his fighting abilities." The Cyclops replied without hesitation. "His luck on the other hand is something else completely."

"I'm with Gai on this Kakashi." Kurenai nodded. "Naruto's a bit… eccentric, but wherever he is, I'm sure he's on top of things."

o. o. o.

With Naruto on top of some nameless mountain range:

"WHERE AM I?!"

o. o. o.

"I guess you're right." The silver haired man relented. "After all the crap he's been through, there's no way he'd let himself be caught off guard for something too obvious by now."

"Well regardless of that, I just hope they get back soon." Asuma drawled. "It'll be a bit noisier here, but at least we'll know where they are. Plus the kids would be eager to see Naruto again."

Kurenai smiled. "Hinata more than anyone. That girl's got it bad."

"Gotta be careful with that one." Kakashi noted. "She's perfectly behaved and polite when it comes to most things, but I pity anyone that stands between her and Naruto when he finally gets back."

"Hundred ryo says that at least two Oogakari try to tape it when it happens." Asuma grinned.

"Bump it up to five hundred. You get three or more and I get two or less and we have a deal." Kakashi negotiated without hesitation.

"Done." The smoker nodded before shaking the pervert's hand officially.

"Men." Kurenai groaned.

"Speaking of destructive events, I hear that your team's out on another mission Gai." Kakashi mused, turning a page. "Who is it this time?"

The taijusu expert smirked knowingly. "You know that I cannot divulge such information my rival. No doubt you are jealous of my team's reputation and mission record together, but even so…"

"Hm?" The Copycat blinked and looked up. "I'm sorry. I spaced out again and the words "three for three" blocked out everything you just said."

Gai slammed his hands on the table in rage. "Damn it Kakashi that was three years ago! Things are different and you know it!"

"It still gets to him." Kurenai shook her head shamefully.

"Yep." Asuma chuckled. "Hard to imagine that all that mess happened only three years ago."

"Hard to imagine that they're all so strong you mean." His fiancé corrected. "A good number of them are stronger than me and you."

"I consider it a good thing." The smoker shrugged. "They're on our side and they listen to us. They'll live longer and we get the credit for getting them that far. That's a win win in my book."

"Speaking of your lack of progress, are we still sparring later today?" Kakashi lazily glanced at the other two Jonin while ignoring the still ranting Gai.

Azuma rolled his eyes. "You know better than to underestimate my ninjutsu after what happened last month."

"And need I remind you of what happened the last time you underestimated my illusions." Kurenai playfully growled. "Despite what people assume, there are PLENTY of genjutsu that the Sharingan can't cancel out."

Suppressing a warranted shiver, the silver haired man simply eye smiled. "Touchy. I was just joking."

"Yeah. Joking. At least your head hasn't gotten any bigger since you were announced to be a Hokage candidate should anything happen to Tsunade." The smoker drolled before drinking some more booze.

Kakashi shrugged. "Well I couldn't see your father taking the hat again. The poor man's more than earned his retirement."

"Here here." Gai nodded before downing some standard sake. "Some even say he's done more for the village than Shodaime-sama himself." Waterfalls of tears fell down his face. "It was because of him that I was able to get my beloved Lee into the ninja system. I'm so grateful."

"Yes yes we're all grateful. Lee's a wonderful shinobi that everyone is proud of." Azuma placated the man before he became even more emotional.

"Speaking of our students, I think that there's a chance that they might refuse to go on missions out of the village for a while." Kurenai smirked. "After all, Konoha is going to be the first place Naruto will go to now. They'll all want to see their friend after he's been gone for so long."

"And fight him." Kakashi added. "Don't even try to pretend that's not the case. Naruto's always been the one to beat among that generation. When they train, he's the one they see in front of them at all times. Sasuke and Sakura have not made it a secret that they want to see how well they measure up to him when he finally gets back."

"Hate to see where they choose to test that bout out." Azuma shivered. "It's going to be an expensive spar, that's for sure."

"We'll manage. The village has been getting plenty of business recently." Kurenai shrugged. "In fact, aren't the Chunin exams being hosted here soon?"

o. o. o.

With Naruto:

"I'm beginning to suspect that running off in a random direction was not the smartest thing to do." The teen mused thoughtfully as he sat down on a random tree branch.

"**Your logical skills are something to behold."** Kyubi muttered sarcastically from within his container. **"Truly you are an ideal example of your species."**

"Hey I kicked your ass didn't I?" The blonde snorted out loud as he continued to expand his senses. "At full strength I might add."

"**Congratulations. You're the fourth human to be able to do so. Unfortunately you need to be in the first three to get a prize. My condolences."**

"I noticed that you didn't count Ero-ni or his family in that list." Naruto observed.

"**Since when do any of us consider those freaks human?"**

"Point taken." The human nodded understandingly before pausing as he detected something. "Hello. I got someone nearby. Finally. They can point me in the direction of the nearest town. I'm starving."

"**I'd ignore him if I were you. Knowing your luck it's probably a member of Akastuki."**

"_Kurama! Stop being such a pessimist!"_ Kushina snapped at the fox. _"Just because my son happens to occasionally be at the wrong place at the wrong time on occasion doesn't mean that this will be the same."_

"Mom's right." Naruto nodded as he ran through the woods with surprising fluidity and speed, barely making any sound or impact during his traveling. "You should really be more optimistic Kurama."

Three seconds later, Naruto landed in front of a man walking slowly through the woods, wearing a hooded black coat that covered his entire body. His skin was pale, but smooth, and his glasses were very much visible underneath the hood as was some of his silver grey hair…

"… Naruto-kun." Kabuto blinked in surprise. "This is… most unexpected."

"**If you don't mind, I will now interpret any and all silence from all of you as your way of apologizing."**

"…"

"…"

"Gurrrrgle."

Kabuto blinked at a loss as the blonde boy in front of him began to cry and held his stomach. "I take it you haven't eaten recently."

"Fooooood." Naruto moaned childishly.

The spy smiled pleasantly, already recovered from his initial surprise thanks to his years of practice thinking on the spot. "You do know that I tried to kill you in your sleep during the chunin exams don't you?"

"I fail to see how that makes you special or unique in the slightest."

The elder male blinked. He had never seen someone react like that to that line before. "… And that worked for Orochimaru-sama and tried to kidnap Sasuke-kun during the invasion, right?"

"And I killed a good number of your forces, killed that six armed guy, and knew about the invasion at least half a year in advance." The jinchuriki replied without changing his childish persona. "But that happened YEARS ago! Tell me you know of a village or restaurant or SOME place that has food nearby man! I'm starving!"

Kabuto faltered at the teen's revelation of seemingly restricted information. "… Well then… that certainly explains a lot. Likewise, it is pleasant to come across someone that doesn't hold petty grudges."

"Food takes priority. I've been living off of nothing but herbs and cardboard ration bars for three months. Also, like I said, we screwed each other equally. It's pointless to pretend that I was the only one wronged." Naruto pouted.

"A humbling experience I'm sure." The spy nodded. "But that does not mean that I am willing to aid you. What makes you think that I won't attack and kidnap or kill you now while you're weak?"

"Because you're interested in what I'll do when things get off the ground. Because you know Akatsuki and Konoha will be all over your ass if you kill me. Because I still have some mysterious role in the grand scheme of things. And because I probably fascinate you for some reason." The jinchuriki deadpanned, as if what he just said was the most obvious thing in the world.

The right hand to Orochimaru blinked, clearly surprised by the teen's answer before laughing. "Haha. You're right. Impressively so. It's almost as if you've known me for far longer than the few conversations we've had."

"You're a secretive spy type. You keep close to yourself, but despite that, you tend to be interested in those that will be the most influential in future major events." The jinchuriki added. "It's kinda easy to predict how you think to that degree at least. I have no idea on what drives you though."

Kabuto once again found himself for a loss of words. "I… see. I didn't know that those of my status were so easy to peg to that degree. I'll have to do something about that."

"Do it later. Food now!" The blonde snapped.

"Gurrrrgle."

"See! Even Mr. Tummy is getting annoyed with all the talking!"

Finally getting used to Naruto's erratic personality, the loner sighed in defeat. "Fine. If you are that hungry, there is a village a few miles from here. It probably doesn't have anything impressive, but it acts as a rest stop for travelers so there should be a shop or two." He began to walk past the teen. "You are fortunate I'm not in any rush. The only reason why I'm here was because I came to inspe-"

That was as far as the scientist got before he got to his closest to Naruto and instantly froze.

Power.

So much power was leaking out of the blonde it was ludicrous. How he had not noticed it before was beyond him as he attempted to regain control over his body from the shock. In continuous and relentless waves the chakra flew out and into the air without halting or hesitation, setting off Kabuto's senses like fireworks and nearly blinding him with the sudden exposure.

More terrifying was the fact that the teen seemed to be discharging this power on mere reflex, as if he didn't even notice the fact that the amount of chakra he was emitting would kill your standard jonin in two minutes tops.

Monster.

That was the closest thing Kabuto could use to describe Naruto Uzumaki at that moment. No wonder the boy had not flinched or reacted to his previous threat. To emit so much chakra and not show any signs of exertion or stress was beyond rational.

One could only imagine how absurd his levels were when he fought with all his strength… no… how large they could be when he used his Biju's strength. It would without a doubt be best to not anger this one. At least for now…

Upon regaining more of his senses, Kabuto realized that Naruto was probably the reason why he was in the area in the first place. His instruments had detected a sudden large mass of natural energy that had been moving around lately, and he had left to where he predicted they would go next.

Naruto was the mysterious source of power. All the chakra that leaked out of his body was merging and enhancing the natural energy in the air, spreading out and setting off his detectors.

This must have been the seventh sense technique he had heard about in passing. A technique that supposedly is only capable of being performed by the utmost skilled and powerful wind ninjutsu users. If it was… then he would not be surprised if the rumors about Naruto being the wind equivalent of Tobirama Senju were more than just speculation, especially if the teen had been using it since before the chunin exams.

Deep down he knew that Akatsuki was going to have a far more difficult time getting their hands on the missing jinchuriki than they originally thought.

"Oi. You ok?" Naruto raised an eyebrow, clearly not deciphering what the other male's reaction was all about. "You're not going to go crazy on me are you? I'd like to talk to someone that's a little closer to sane than what I've been dealing with lately."

The hooded male blinked back to reality and turned to Naruto skeptically, slowly distancing himself in the process and feeling the oppressive wind chakra turn into natural energy after a very short distance, much to his relief. "You do realize that as a person who worked closely with Orochimaru-sama, I am not exactly a textbook definition of sane."

"Do you rant about ridiculous and nonsensical things such as cat to toaster ratios?"

"What?"

"You're saner than what I've been dealing with lately." The blonde stated with finality before pointing to the distance randomly. "Now let us eat for Mr. Tummy demands it!"

"Gurrgle."

Kabuto couldn't help but look down at the jinchuriki as if he really was a child. His playful immature behavior was getting quite tiring rather fast. At the very least, if he kept on talking to the blonde he would most likely be able to find out something interesting. He WAS a spy after all. Information was his bread and butter. "Come on then. We'll get something to eat and then we'll be off in our own directions."

Half an hour later the pair had managed to find themselves in a small stand at a table with menus in front of them.

"See anything good?" The jinchuriki asked curiously without looking up.

"Surprisingly enough yes. I see some smoked mackerel." The spy admitted, silently urging a snake to slither under the table and towards his new temporary travel partner, if anything to see if he could detect it. "So I am curious, where have you been these past few years? As far as anyone knows, you just dropped off the face of the planet."

The blonde snorted. "You're not that far off. Trust me, you wouldn't believe it even if I told you." He clicked his teeth irritably. "Damn. They don't have ramen here."

"I'll take your word for it." Kabuto relented. If he pushed there was a chance he would get less information later on. "Could you at least tell me how you managed to land yourself in the middle of the elemental nations so suddenly? From the way my devices were set off, it was almost as if you just teleported back."

Naruto chuckled. "The fourth wasn't the only one that knew how to abuse timespace ninjutsu. Granted I suck at it, but I still knew a few people that were quite good at it."

"You are referring to your father." The other male corrected, allowing a smirk to pass his lips as his snake detected a slight twitch in the teen's legs. "Don't be so surprised. Surely you know that Tsunade-sama announced it to everyone shortly after you left. Your encounter with the Gobi left many tremors in the political world. In fact, it might be a bit dangerous for you to walk around as yourself around these parts. We are in Iwa territory after all."

The jinchuriki merely responded by lowering his menu and revealing his face to Kabuto, showing that his hair had turned black and his whiskers had disappeared when he wasn't paying attention. "Thanks for the warning, but I think I have it covered."

The spy's eyes narrowed curiously. _"That's not a transformation… a genjutsu? I didn't even notice him use it. But with his reserves, even something as subtle as this should be impossible for him to do."_ "Of course if people overhear our conversation, your appearance will be worth next to nothing…"

He was interrupted as the blonde suddenly slammed a hand down on his table hard, making a loud bang and putting Kabuto on guard. His reaction was unwarranted though as the teen simply retracted his hand and pointed to the other customers and people in the building. All of them had not reacted to the sudden loud noise in the slightest.

"_He set up sound suppressing genjutsu as well without me noticing. We can hear them but they can't hear us. He's better than I thought." _"You enjoy showing off don't you?"

"The way I see it, there are two kinds of shinobi that truly excel right now. The ones that are visible, and the ones that aren't. If you expect to live being visible and heaven forbid famous, you better have the power, the moves, and the fifty thousand skills that no one knows about to back it up." The son of the yellow flash shrugged casually.

"Sound logic." Kabuto nodded in agreement. "And what dare I ask is needed for someone like myself, who wishes to stay unknown?"

"Easy, the ability to know when to back off and not get too close."

That was as much a sign as any for the spy to withdraw the snake from under the table.

"Speaking of people you know, where is your master? Ghost I believe was his name. I thought you were travelling with him during these past few years."

Naruto turned a page. "Oh I was up until a couple of days ago. I finally saw my chance to get away from the bastard and took it. Right now I'm free as a bird and living it up to its fullest… which unfortunately includes me getting lost in the middle of nowhere."

"True freedom enables both good and bad opportunities." Kabuto sagely commented.

"I think I read that in a fortune cookie once." Naruto mumbled to himself. "So who are you working for these days? Orochimaru's dead and I don't see you settling for some two bit organization or one of the major villages. You don't really pass as a careless type."

"My pulse and breathing are no doubt proof of that." The introvert wittedly observed. "As much as it would surprise you, I am self employed at the moment, and working on personal projects. With all the resources I managed to scrounge from Orochimaru-sama's various bases, I have found that I am in little need of monetary funds."

"Bet you could host some insane Halloween parties at those bases if you cleaned some of them up right." The blonde chuckled before realizing that Kabuto was looking at him funny and remembering that the holiday didn't exist in this world. "Er. Sorry. Just talking about a foreign culture I came across in my travels."

"No, it's quite all right." Kabuto waved the apology aside. "I know just how hard it is to adapt to different cultures frequently after living in another one for so long. You don't get as good as I am when it comes to espionage unless you've successfully infiltrated and lasted a good six months each in at least four different countries."

Naruto whistled impressed. "Wow. That's impressive. And here I thought your major selling points were just your silver tongue and your insane if not sadistic medical skills."

The spy smirked. "Well then if that's all then I've been doing a better job than I thought."

"Excuse me. Are you two ready to order?" A young waitress in a kimono asked politely as she walked up to their table. Apparently there was a space just outside the table where the genjutsu wasn't effective so that said waitress could talk to them without suspecting anything.

"I'll have the smoked mackerel if you please. Just water."

"The grilled pork for me. I'll have water as well."

"Thank you very much." The girl nodded before taking the menus. "I'll have your meals shortly."

"So what's been going on lately anyway Spy-san?" Naruto asked curiously with an amused grin. "Surely you know all the juicy gossip that's known and not known these days."

Said spy irritably leered at the teen. "I have you know that I do not dabble with simple gossip Naruto-kun, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't call my resources as such."

"Touchy much?"

"I have been in the information business for quite some time Naruto-kun. I'd at least like to have it respected when dealing in it."

"Fine. Fine. My mistake." The blonde surrendered with his hands up in mock defeat.

Kabuto leered at Naruto skeptically before sighing. "No. You know next to nothing about me. I should not blame you for things you don't know." He leaned back in his seat. "So what would you like to know? There has been much going on since you left your dear home."

"Eh. Let's start with the basics and work our way from there. Did anyone important die and are there any wars going on at the moment?" Naruto let his hands down.

"Important deaths? Well there have been a large number of Daimyo and Missing Nin that have been taken out recently, but none of the ones I believe you are interested in. In retrospect, many of the rulers mentioned have been known to be rather inept or rather corrupt. Actually Wind Country's Daimyo was almost among that list as well, but he was rescued by the Kazekage's sister at the last moment. I believe you know her? Temari of the Desert?"

"Heh. So Gaara became Kazekage? I'm not surprised in the slightest. I gotta get him something as a congratulations gift. Better late than never." The blonde smirked and shook his head. "And about the wars?"

Kabuto remained quiet as he took in the teen's reaction. It was almost as if he had expected the redhead to get the hat by the time he returned. "Well, there are still quite a few minor conflicts between the lesser countries, which is expected especially with many of their lords being picked off, however the one to make note of is of course between Iwa and Konoha. Your encounter with Han caused more than just some ripples in a few ponds Naruto-kun."

"Ugh. Don't remind me. That mission set the high bar on how messed up one can get. Literally." The jinchuriki moaned. "When I left they were talking about sending me on missions that already went wrong so I'm not able to jinx the normal missions anymore."

The spy couldn't help but chuckle at that comment. "That's a bit of a stretch isn't it?"

The blonde looked at him with a calm and serious expression. "You're the information specialist. Have a look at my mission history and you tell me what you see."

Kabuto had to suppress a shiver going down his spine. "I-I'll keep that in mind."

Sighing, Naruto leaned back in his seat and slumped. "So what's the story about Iwa right now? I knew they were going to act all childish about the event and my identity being revealed, but I don't know how its turned out since I got back."

"Hmm. Well then let me inform you of what I know. War has not been officially declared, but tension is rather high between Konoha and Iwa. The Sandaime Tsuchikage is still in control and trying to reign in his people, however there is discontent on how he's handling the situation. In fact rumor has it that the village is close to a civil war between those who desire a more assertive approach to international relations and those who simply want to let bygones be bygones. Many of the former are calling for your head, whether it be due to your father's deeds in the third war, or due to you publically embarrassing them by beating their jinchuriki where everyone knows it."

"Yes. Because I totally planned to be assaulted by thirty something missing nin and a jinchuriki while in command of a chunin and six genin." Naruto rolled his slit eyes sarcastically. "Honestly? Our education system sucks something terrible. We're taught to fight and kill and history and poisons and healing and formations and signals and all that stuff, but we don't have a single class for beating humility into others and teaching people how to shut up on their own. It's like the Jonin-sensei are supposed to do the jobs of normal teachers and parents when it comes to a young shinobi's education. I mean we have genin in their forties who still have decision making skills of academy students! And civilians are supposed to believe that THESE guys are going to protect them? Scratch that, we are actually trusting explosives and deadly ninjutsu to these morons? No wonder we have so many wars."

Kabuto couldn't help but smile genuinely at the blonde. His respect for him had gone up tremendously with that rant. "You do have a valid point, and I completely agree, but then again the villages do need the manpower to perform all the missions we undergo. Beggars can't be choosers after all."

"When I become Hokage, I swear the first thing I'm gonna do is have everyone go under a psych exam. Better yet, I'll make a psych branch of shinobi run by retired Yamanaka so that I get a better idea of whose reliable and who needs to go back to school. Wait for a few years for it to take effect. Then I'll show it to all the other villages and point out to them how dumb their own mass forces are. With the distinct reduction of stupid in the world, the distance between wars should increase dramatically."

"I must say, that does sound like one of the more interesting and creative ways I've heard to spread peace recently." The spy chuckled. "And it addresses something that I've found rather irritating as well. We intellects do get rather agitated by the simplicity of the masses every now and then after all. Do try not to make them too smart though. It would be counterproductive if everyone started to believe that they were smart enough to lead a country."

"Hey. I'm just trying to make people less stupid. Trying to them actually smart is another thing completely." The blonde brushed aside the warning easily before looking a bit tired. "So Iwa's pretty much a powder keg huh? Gotta hand it to old man Onoki for being able to keep it together for this long, even if Iwa's reputation is pretty shitty."

"It depends who you ask." Kabuto shrugged. "In all honesty, they are more reliable and willing than the other nations when it comes to high risk missions... although that might simply just be their desperation showing." His eyes looked up curiously. "They do after all employ Akatsuki for a good deal of missions after all."

Naruto blinked in surprise before sighing dejectedly. "I should have guessed that at least one of the major countries hired them for something. There's no way that they would pass up the chance to get inside info and money at the same time." He paused and leered at Kabuto warily. "Speaking of Akatsuki…"

"If you are asking if any of the members have changed from your encounters with them, no. Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi, Sasori and Deidara are still alive, well, and doing missions for the highest bidder." The spy replied neutrally.

"And the other three mystery members?" The blonde raised an eyebrow.

Kabuto frowned. "How did… no, apparently Jiraiya-sama's information network is more detailed than I assumed. They are still active. One of them is the leader and is running things behind the scenes."

Naruto sighed and propped his head up with hand. "Mysterious organization. Hidden agenda. Secret boss hiding behind the scenes. This is playing out like some kind of comic. Be honest with me Kabuto. What are the odds that there's some hidden "true" leader behind this secret boss of Akatsuki? Because to be perfectly honest, with my luck I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case… twice over at least."

The silver haired spy remained impassive and silent, as if he was attempting to figure out what the right thing to say was.

"Log damn it." The blonde wept, taking Kabuto's silence as confirmation. "Whoever's in charge is probably obsessed with some take over the world scheme too. I hoped I'd at least have some final battle with a guy that didn't have his head up his ass. At least Orochimaru did what he did because it was simply something he wanted. The man had selfish goals and was twisted as hell yeah, but at least he was honest with them and didn't try to back them up with some half assed logic."

"An interesting way of seeing things. Not entirely agreeable to me, but I'll let it pass for now." Kabuto frowned momentarily before his eyes looked to the side.

"Thank you for waiting." The waitress smiled as she came with their food and drinks before walking away again.

She didn't make it halfway across the room before Naruto had taken his first bite of meat.

"Mmm. Good stuff." The blonde smiled happily. "They use some interesting spices here."

"Gurgle."

"Mr. Tummy approves as well."

Shaking his head at the teen's lackluster table manners, Kabuto decided to humor his companion and eat as well. "It is quite good." He agreed. He had honestly had better, but all in all the fish wasn't that bad. "They overdid the salt though."

The pair had silently ate for several more minutes before the blonde had momentarily paused and looked at the exit for a moment before turning back to his meal.

"Something the matter?" The spy asked curiously.

Naruto remained quiet for a few moments before putting on a sly and wicked grin. "Hey. You wanna play a game while we eat?"

"I consider it poor table manners to do such a thing, but I will humor you none the less." Kabuto warily raised an eyebrow. "What do you have in mind?"

Suddenly a large amount of screaming was heard from the village outside and many people ran by the stand. "The bandits are attacking again!" Some nameless villager shouted. "Everyone get inside!"

"Ah." The spy relented, not caring for the cries of fear and pain that reached his ears. He had heard far worse during his employment to Orochimaru. "I can see where this is going."

"One to take out the least bandits foots the bill?" Naruto grinned, not paying attention as the other people in the restaurant began to run away and go back home.

"I hardly find that fair considering how many clones you can make." Kabuto deadpanned, clearly not amused by the odds.

"Fine. Rules are, we stay here, I can't use clones, minimum property damage, and no killing." The teen sighed, as if doing the other male a favor.

"No killing? You just took half the fun away." The other contestant hungrily grinned.

"Gotta make this challenging somehow, don't I?" The blonde matched the spy's expression with one of his own.

"Hm. I suppose." Kabuto relented as he picked up another piece of fish just as Naruto picked another bit of pork. The two stared at one another with dangerous glints in their eyes, both silently agreeing to one another the terms of the contest.

The moment the pair bit into their food again, a new set of screams echoed throughout the small village…

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"WE HAVE THE DEMOOOOOON!" A young male voice shouted in triumph in the woods. "And it's ATTACKING MY FAAAAAAACE!"

"Could he have said that any louder?" A more subdued and congested boy's voice moaned in pain from a short distance away.

"Don't tempt him." A young female voice grumbled tiredly.

"At least we have the target." A second and more assertive girl sighed.

In a clearing nearby, four fresh genin gathered together, one of them currently getting mauled by a very large tabby cat. "HANABI-CHAN! HELP!"

Rolling her eyes, the younger daughter of Hiashi Hyuga ran forward and with a few precise strikes managed to paralyze the rampaging beast and stop its rampage of terror on her teammate's head. "And you're supposed to be our fearless leader?" She raised an eyebrow as her friend collapsed onto the ground holding his face in pain.

"The claws. The fur. They were… everywhere." The grandson of the third Hokage shivered while trying to hold back tears.

"We told you to wait for us Konohamaru-kun." Moegi pouted as she took out a first aid kit and began to treat him. "Udon could have trapped Tora without anyone getting scratched. What were you thinking?"

"Knowing him? He wasn't." Hanabi smirked as she picked up the paralyzed cat and began to pet it mockingly.

"You're both evil." The little monkey grumbled sullenly. "You and the cat. You're made for one another."

Moegi failed to hide a smirk as she treated the scratches.

Hanabi's eyebrow twitched. "Just for that I'm not helping you the next time."

"Stingy." The clueless boy grumbled in a huff.

"It's times like this that I'm glad I'm not in a major family." Udon sighed to himself.

"Team! I assume that you have the de… I mean the target." Ebisu asked in an authoritative tone as he landed in front of the group.

"More or less Sensei." Moegi replied while still treating Konohamaru.

"Devil Cat." Said casualty of war hissed.

"Child." Hanabi rolled her eyes.

"Yes. Well. Let us be off then." Ebisu coughed sheepishly. "The faster we hand in Tora, the sooner we can get back to training."

"Just let me clean this last bit up." Moegi added as she swiped the cleaning pad against Konohamaru's face gently. "Honestly Konohamaru-kun. You're not Naruto-nii-san. You can't heal like he can."

"If Naruto-nii can do it I can too! I will not let him beat me!" The Hokage hopeful argued stubbornly as he got back up.

"Idiot." Hanabi frowned. "Do you think Uzumaki-san would be happy if you did nothing but copy him? Even I know that he would want you to find your own way to be strong."

Everyone blinked momentarily before Konohamaru smacked himself his forhead. "Damn it! I hate it when you're right like this Hanabi-chan. Why are you always right!?"

"Because I'm the best." The Hyuuga smirked confidently.

"Oh?" A new and more mature female voice mused from behind the girl, causing her to stiffen instantly in fear. "Is that right? I'm surprised that you improved so much while I was gone Hanabi-chan."

"N-Nee-sama." The girl shakily turned around to see her elder sister smiling innocently behind her. "I didn't know you were back."

"Ah! It's Hinata-sama!" Udon backed up warily.

"Hinata-sama!" Moegi squealed with joy.

"Hey! It's boss' girlfriend!" Konohamaru grinned.

"Hinata-sama." Ebisu bowed politely, trying hard not to show his surprise that the teen managed to sneak up on him without his knowing.

"Honestly. I keep telling you all to just call me Hinata-san or Hinata. We aren't strangers are we?" The Princess pouted childishly, though none of the others there bought it.

"Be that as it may, proper manners dictates that we must call you as such." Ebisu reluctantly disagreed while adjusting his glasses, a habit he had whenever he was nervous. "I take it your mission went well."

Hinata nodded. "Yes. There were a few minor bumps, but nothing that Kiba-kun, Shino-kun and I couldn't handle." She paused and looked at them all curiously. "By any chance, did anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

The genin and their teacher looked at one another curiously before they all shrugged. "Other than us getting a bit stronger and learning a few new techniques and maneuvers, nothing really special has happened." Udon sniffed.

"Uncle Azuma and the old geezer have been going out on a few more "secret" meetings lately, but really I just think they're peeping again because they always come back smelling like booze, smoke, and they keep on joking about Kurenai-sensei." Konohamaru noted.

The others there wisely didn't make any comment about that.

"I think some of the local guard is moving more frequently than normal." Moegi added. "… I think."

"If anything important was needed to be known, you would have been told already Hinata-sama." Ebisu stated. "You are after all a Jonin. There is little confidential information that you don't have access to given your status."

"Is something wrong Nee-sama?" Hanabi asked curiously, noting her sister's downtrodden expression. "You look disappointed."

"No. It's nothing important Hanabi-chan." Hinata sighed and shook her head. "I just got my hopes up for nothing." She turned to confused teacher. "Enough about me. How are you doing Ebisu-san? I hope that having a team of four isn't too much."

The tutor snorted and shifted his glasses again. "Please Hinata-sama, give me some credit. Teaching is what I am best at. While it is unusual for four man teams to exist, it is not unheard of, and the team here happens to have a great deal of potential, especially when they work together."

The kids there all blushed and looked away embarrassed by the praise.

Hinata smiled sincerely. "That's a relief. I was a bit worried when I saw that the team was set up this way by Iruka-sensei due to the number of students in the class graduating, but now I see that it was all for nothing." She bowed to Ebisu. "I have to leave now. I leave my adorable sister in your hands. Farewell."

In a brief flash of dull blue light, the young woman disappeared without a trace.

"I've said it once, I'll say it again. Your sister is scary Hanabi-chan." Konohamaru shivered.

"She's so strong." Moegi sighed in awe. "A jonin at such a young age, and yet she's so pretty and nice."

I heard that she's already considered one of the strongest kunoichi in the village." Udon sniffed. "People are also saying that she's been getting a lot of marriage proposals lately from actors and royalty, but she keeps on turning them all down."

"Yeah… she is pretty amazing isn't she?" Hanabi smiled almost as if she was stuck between deciding to do it or not. "My big strong sister. Hard to believe that four years ago I was beating her constantly isn't it?"

o. o. o.

Back with Naruto:

"I should have been more specific when I said no killing." The blonde sighed in depression as he and Kabuto left the small town after paying the bill.

"If you had a problem with me permanently crippling my targets, you should have said so sooner." The spy chuckled innocently in a good mood despite losing the bet.

"You crushed at least seven of the bandit's spines with giant snakes and bit off the legs of twelve others." The blonde stated in a dead tone.

"Don't be such a poor winner. You took out twice as many bandits as I did, and I as the loser paid for lunch as we agreed. Considering you somehow made a good number of them fly headfirst into walls doesn't make you any more innocent than I." Kabuto continued still in a good mood. "I believe that the townsfolk were talking about the place being guarded by some vengeful snake spirit when we were leaving the building. They don't even know that we were involved in the "divine retribution.""

"Paid my ass. You used your snakes to loot the bodies of the ones you crippled to pay for it." Naruto deadpanned. "Don't think I didn't notice."

"To the winner go the spoils." Kabuto continued to chuckle in good humor. "I must admit though, whatever technique you were using to dispatch the bandits with was quite impressive. The fact that you seemed to be aware of everything around you without looking almost made it seem like you had the Byakugan."

"Trust me. It's harder than it looks." The other male groaned. "Handling all that info at once is a pain. There's a reason why you often see Hyuuga meditating a lot to train. Trying to see something as small and specific as Tenketsu, while still paying attention to everything else you can see in a 360 degree range vision hurts me just thinking about it. Thank all that is holy I don't have one."

The spy laughed even harder. "Hmhm. Quite ironic isn't it then that you gave Neji-kun your eye then three years ago." He inspected the boy's two eyes curiously. "I assume that your regenerative abilities can be attributed to the Kyubi."

The teen shrugged. "That and me being an Uzumaki. Being a jinchuriki already gave me a strong regeneration factor. Being an Uzumaki just made it better to the point that I was able to regrow my eye back."

The scientist's eyes flashed with curiosity. "So it IS true then. With your blonde hair I had thought that you were merely given the last name as a way to honor an old ally and to hide your identity."

Naruto frowned. "Oh no you don't. I know exactly what's going through your head Kabuto. No. I am not volunteering for any experiments. I'm already going to have to deal with Scab doing the same thing when I get back to Konoha. Get your experimenting jollies off on someone else."

Kabuto frowned before sighing in defeat. "Hah. Oh well. Can't blame me for trying." He looked up. "Color me curious, but what do you intend to do? I hardly believe that you'd be willing to stay with me for much longer, despite how well we seem to get along…"

"Who are you kidding? We'd be trying to take each other out for the sport of it by the end of the week." The blonde snickered. "Odds are likely that we'll end up on opposite sides of some major conflict sooner or later."

"And it would look rather bad for the both of us if you were seen spending time with a missing nin when you should be back home in Konoha." The spy continued, neither acknowledging nor denying Naruto's statements. "Especially with Akatsuki on the move again."

Naruto laughed. "Yeah. I can see the headlines now. Konoha royalty eating a sandwich with crazed scientist, details on page… wait what was that about Akatsuki?"

"They've already captured the Rokubi." Kabuto stated calmly as he adjusted his glasses. "And my sources tell me that as soon as they seal it they will go after another jinchuriki. Given how long it has been since I was told this, I believe that they are already on their way to get it now."

The Kyubi's container let out a dry snort. "Leave it to you Kabuto to know things no one else does. I would put you on my payroll when I become Hokage, but you don't seem like the type to stick to any single employer for long."

"Even Orochimaru-sama had trouble telling where my loyalties lay on occasion." The medic smirked, denying nothing.

"So then." Naruto asked in a seemingly casual tone with his body relaxed. "Is there any chance that you know which jinchuriki in particular they are going to go after now?"

"Hmmm." Kabuto mused as if thinking it over. "Well I could give you some more details, but what sort of information broker would I be if I told you this without some sort of recompense? Truth be told, I have already told you many things that I would charge an arm and a leg for."

"And I've willingly shown and told you things that are just as valuable." The teen sighed. "The fact that you know that I'm here and where I would be going soon is worth a goldmine to someone like you if you work fast enough."

"Quite true. You know my trade better than most." The elder male nodded in agreement. "What makes you think that I would not lie to you and send you into a trap?"

The jinchuriki smirked and crossed his arms. "Because I'm able to get info that even you can't get at otherwise, and staying on my good side means that the possibility of future transactions will stay quite realistic."

Kabuto matched the smirk with one of his own. "My assumption that you enjoy the dangerous life was not off in the slightest it seems. People like you are a pleasant rarity Naruto Uzumaki. However I am still a man of business, and we are talking of trade. I would still be in possession of the pieces of information you have mentioned so long as I gave you a destination. Then again, you have been more than a pleasant travel companion despite our history." He snapped his fingers. "I have it. If you can tell me this, I will tell you who they are after next."

"Well that doesn't sound ominous in the slightest." Naruto observed casually.

"Oh rest easy, I don't need your help to get access to most bits of confidential information." The spy waved his hands casually. "No, what I want to know is something a bit more… speculative."

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "Still sounding pretty ominous to me."

"You're dealing with an information trade specialist in a world of shinobi, trained killers. I'd be surprised if you found high level information that wasn't ominous in some way."

"Touché."

"Now that we have that out of the way, perhaps you can finally sate my curiosity. You are after all the one that knows them best." Kabuto nodded. "Tell me. Just who are the Oogakari, and what do they want?"

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Nothing yet?" Tsunade sighed as she sat in front of Ibiki and Inoichi.

"No." Inoichi replied. "No one in the information and espionage department have found anything regarding to Naruto-kun or Ghost-san. Save for what we know and your and the Rookie Twelve's supposed simultaneous reaction to their chakra signatures, they could still be anywhere by now."

"That's a sobering thought." Ibiki snorted.

"Not going to work." Tsunade grunted. "If I can binge with Jiraiya and Orochimaru as teammates, nothing short of impending war would get me to stop."

"That's not supposed to be something to let other people know Hokage-sama." Inoichi laughed nervously.

"You're in charge of the information departments. I'm confident you can keep your mouths shut." The woman stated as if it was obvious before closing her eyes and sighed. "Honestly. The longer we wait for those two, the more I have a feeling that it means that something is going to go off in our faces."

"You're not the only one." Ibiki nodded. "I know those two are noted to be remarkably sharp when needed, but having them alone and representing Konoha for any extended period of time doesn't leave me with pleasant feelings."

"Neither does leaving Jiraiya alone to travel the world, but we let him do that too." The Hokage added offhandedly.

No one dared to mention Tsunade's own "extended leave" of Konoha.

"What of the other Oogakari?" Inoichi asked curiously. "The ones that felt what you felt all seem eager for Naruto-kun's and Ghost-san's return, but what about them?"

"No real change as far as I can tell." Ibiki shrugged. "Still as crazy as ever. Still as unreadable as ever." He turned to Tsunade. "Didn't the old one walk into a meeting recently smelling like bacon?"

"Oh yeah. That happened." Inoichi sighed. "It wouldn't have been that bad if Choza didn't forget to eat that morning. He was fidgeting throughout the entire meeting. A few times I thought he might actually try to eat Waltz-sama."

"For some reason he smells like it when he's set on fire. Don't ask why. We probably don't want to know." Tsunade bluntly stated, silently ordering him to drop that particular topic.

"Nuts. All of them are nuts. Even the normal ones are warped in some way." The scarred interrogator sighed.

"So either they know something and aren't worried, they're better at hiding their insecurities than we are, or they just don't care what happens." Inoichi summarized reluctantly. "Any way you see it, unless things get out of hand it doesn't look like they'll be willing to do anything to help us find them."

"I'm not surprised." The Hokage observed. "Knowing them they'd probably hope for things to get worse just so that dealing with whatever happens gets more interesting." She closed her eyes. "They wouldn't be responsible for it no, but if they knew something that could prevent it early, they would go out of their way to ensure that no one found out about it." She held back a laugh. "That is of course unless the threat was too big or if the enemy targeted kids. Then they'd probably be wiped out before even Danzo knew what happened."

Ibiki smirked. "Gotta admit. That old geezer sure knew what he was doing when he interrogated that Hyuuga. The giant prune set the record on how fast and badly you could traumatize an adult dojutsu user with your bare hands and not give them immediate life threatening injuries. The boys are still trying to figure out the physics of how he nailed that one guy to the ceiling with his own arm while he was still alive."

"Ugh. Not that again." Inoichi groaned. As a senior member of the interrogation department with Ibiki, he was well aware that the lower ranks there tended to focus their spare time on some of the most morally disturbing topics. "If I have to hear about the angle of impact and the time needed to get a body up there before they suffered from the shock of being de-armed one more time…"

"A little over four seconds, give or take given who it is, what they were doing at the time, and what their medical history is like." Tsunade offhandedly yawned before noting the looks the two men were giving her. "Oi don't give me that look. I'm the world's strongest woman and best medic around for a reason you know. I did a lot of dirty work in the second war."

"Right." Ibiki nodded. "Well for the most part we have nothing more to report Hokage-sama. Hopefully Jiraiya-sama will have better luck. If what you said about sensing the kid is true, then there's little doubt that he's caught onto it as well."

"That's who I was going to call next." The woman admitted shamelessly. "Let me know if you find anything new."

"Right." Both men nodded before each disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Honestly. Even when he's not here the brat is making us worry needlessly." The Hokage grunted as she leaned back in her chair and felt her spine pop. "Isn't that right?"

"He wouldn't be Naruto-kun if he didn't." Hinata replied as she appeared just outside the woman's window. "So he isn't here yet."

"If he was, there'd be a great deal more high pitched screaming and explosions in the village." The elder woman snorted without turning around. "Come inside Hinata. You're not ANBU. You don't have to hide yourself when talking to me."

Faster and smoother than most eyes could follow, the Hyuuga heiress entered the room and closed the window behind her before stopping in front of her leader's desk. "I take it you wish to talk to me Hokage-sama?"

"What? Can't us girls enjoy casual chatting every once in a while?" The middle aged woman raised an eyebrow wryly before inspecting the girl in front of her. "My my how time flies. I can't believe that the you in front of me now came from that tiny little thing those years ago…"

What Tsunade didn't mention was that she was referring to the old old Hinata. The small child before the time travelling, before Akatsuki, before Naruto developed a second brain cell.

Stuttering. Lacking of confidence. Trying her hardest to grow even the slightest to simply prove to herself that she was worth something.

The young woman in front of her was none of that. She stood calm and confident with enough power and skill to be considered one of the best in the village, even at her young age. And yet she remained humble to such a degree that few people even thought she was the ideal kunoichi… at least for advertisement purposes.

It was times like this that Tsunade was in fact grateful for the Oogakari's interference.

"Come now Tsunade-sama." Hinata sheepishly blushed. "There are still plenty of others who are better than me. I'm just doing the best I can to help everyone out."

"Of course there are people better than you out there. You're fifteen. You're not supposed to be the best." The Hokage rolled her eyes lazily as if she was stating the obvious. "You are on the other hand one of the most promising kunoichi in your age group I have ever seen. Myself included. Given a few more years and I might even consider you to be a candidate for the hat."

The pale eyed girl blinked in surprise. "F-F-for Hokage? Tsunade-sama you must be joking. I'm so young and I'm the Hyuuga Heiress and…"

"The current Kazekage is your age, and unless you've forgotten, I'm the clan head for the Senju… though the latter doesn't really matter much at this point." The blonde woman interrupted the girl casually. "Power wise you're still a bit underwhelming compared to what's expected out of someone in the position, but you still have time to grow. You're more mature than half of my jonin. You're more familiar with politics than nearly ALL of them, and your loyalty is unquestionable. Experience wise is the same as power. You have plenty of it, but you can get more with more time."

The Hyuuga shifted around uncomfortably. "But what about Jiraiya-sama, or Kakashi-sensei…"

"Or Naruto? Right?" Tsunade knowingly finished. "They are all being considered as well. I only said that you have the potential to get the hat, not that you would get it. Truth be told, that lazy friend of yours Shikamaru is also being looked at, but less than the others. He's got the head for the job, but people like him are better for jobs other than slaving behind a desk and dealing with politics. And truth be told…" She leaned over her desk and put her hand over her mouth as if telling a secret. "… I'm honestly a bit scared about what laws the brat would make up if he was put in charge. We'd possibly be in debt due to over purchasing ramen within a month."

Hinata blinked for a moment before giggling. "That is a possibility Tsunade-sama, but if he ever got that bad, his friends would be there to stop him."

"Or you would. Whichever came first." The leader grinned wryly. "Your group really don't know how good you have it. I barely remember the names of the shinobi my age save for Jiraiya and Orochimaru. The academy was more strict when I was young and so socializing was down to a minimum so we could focus more on training."

She didn't mention that she was a bit of a brat when she was a kid. Damn Hashirama, spoiling her silly as a brat.

"It didn't help that the second and third wars combined with countless missions and our hazardous occupation culled down their numbers down to virtually nothing. I think I remember inspecting some of their bodies during the second war in particular when I was on corpse retrieval duty. Hanzo really was a relentless monster then." The woman sighed, leaning back into her chair. "And now every few months or so Jiraiya and I go out to get smashed and talk about the good old days and what several of your parents were like when they were annoying kids. Honestly. When did I get so old?"

Hinata remained quiet, not exactly sure what to say at the woman's rather sobering reminiscing.

"Being so close to so many friends is a blessing and a curse in our occupation Hinata. Never forget that." The woman continued on. "They can be your greatest strength and your greatest weakness in so many ways. My fiancée was a Hokage candidate before he was killed. My little brother was killed even earlier. Both shinobi and both scarred me heavily. If I wasn't such a wreck at the time, Orochimaru's betrayal would have affected me more than it did. Of course Jiraiya and Sensei would still be hurt more by it than me."

"Ah, and the worst part of it was that even though I was a big name even then, my closest loved ones were simply a casualty of circumstance. I blamed myself for not being able to heal them. I blamed Konoha for a while for being the reason why they died. But in the end the story was the same. The world can be merciless at the drop of the hat, for no reason, for no purpose, for no alternative plot. Misfortune is just as natural as the wind, as is happiness, joy, pain, love, and loss. To dwell on the situation is the same as to dwell on the weather. Unless it leads to something it's better to simply stop after a short amount of time."

"… May I ask why you are telling me this Hokage-sama?" Hinata asked with formality and with a hint of coldness. "As a jonin and a designated commander of Konoha's forces, I have undergone the training and conditioning regarding these subjects."

She did not mention how little she cared for such conditioning, as it involved subjecting her to mock missions without her knowing and subjecting her to genjutsu to see her teams and loved ones die or get tortured right in front of her. It took her five unexpected attempts before she managed to get used to the effects and keep her head on enough to pass the test, and even then she was rather unnerved after the success. It was a rather cruel thing to do, but necessary as she needed to ensure that she could make the right decisions in any situation.

It didn't help that instead of a standard genjutsu, the proctors had been taken to using another one of Crypt's seals to provide the illusion, ensuring that whoever was trapped in it to at least be shaken up and at most be absolutely hysterical.

And that was AFTER they told him to tone down the effects.

Ibiki used the earlier versions for interrogating the more stubborn prisoners. He was far from disappointed.

"Mmm." Tsunade mused aridly. "One of the strongest signs of a Kage is being able to hold things together no matter how bad the situation becomes. Dealing with poor events is one thing, but to be responsible, to have your NAME as the reason why they did it in the first place, and still manage it to come out on top is another thing completely… and being able to recover when you lose horribly." She looked at the girl carefully. "The sad truth of the matter is that you will have to be familiar with great loss of your own machination to be truly capable of doing this job properly. You would be essentially sending people to their potential deaths with this hat. This includes friends, family, and loved ones. Over and over and over again."

The woman shook her head. "I wasn't kidding when I first said this job is cursed. No one in their right mind would truly want it, not if they paid attention to what it truly meant. Not in our world. I guess it's part of the reason why all the Kage in the world are a bit twisted in some way… or they're incredibly thick. One of the two at least."

"… And this is what you look for in candidates as well?" Hinata asked warily.

"One could say it has to be one of their strongest traits." Tsunade dryly smirked. "The more normal ones gotta have outlets to relieve the stress, otherwise they'll snap. Kakashi. Jiraiya… even Naruto have this in great degrees. They are strong in this area. They are all a bit off, but they know when to take risks and handle great unfortunate responsibility and keep on going the next day to the best of their abilities regardless of how much it hurts."

"You are saying that I don't have this." The Hyuuga stated skeptically.

"No. Everyone has it." Tsunade shook her head. "It's whether or not you can control yourself enough to use it that's the problem. You have the same issue I do when it comes to this… you care a great deal for others."

The girl frowned in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't understand Tsunade-sama. What do you mean by that?"

The elder woman leaned back into her chair. "When my brother and fiancée died, with the latter doing so slowly right in front of me despite my best efforts, my heart and soul were crushed, and I developed a strong case of hemophobia. Soon after that I left the village on a drinking and gambling spree that few could hope to ever match, all in a vain attempt to forget the past. I ignored my family, my friends, my teachers, virtually everyone because of my self pity. All because I put all of my heart and being into supporting those two and had them cruelly ripped away."

She leered at the girl. "I am not blind Hinata. You trained as hard as you did primarily because of Naruto, because of the challenges he has to face soon… very soon in fact. You have a great heart and care deeply about those around you, and your strength is proof of that. What I am afraid of is what would happen if one of them died because of something that you blame yourself for."

"I don't want you to end up like me if things don't turn out the way we hope them to."

o. o. o.

Suna:

"So this is Suna hm?" Deidara raised an eyebrow as he and Sasori approached the east entrance at three in the morning. The sky was dark and the land cold, as expected of the desert in the middle of the night. It made the massive walls of the hidden village all the more prominent and ominous as one walked closer to it. "There's a sort of beauty here. The way it just appears like this in the middle of nowhere like a fleeting illusion. Hm."

"There's a massive but simple seal array that makes the village appear like a mirage from a distance. The local sandstorms help make the charade more believable." Sasori explained stoically. "Unless you know the proper way to approach the village, you'll be disoriented by the illusions and you'll get lost in the storms."

"Scary scary." The bomb specialist smirked. "That's certainly an unartistic way to go."

"They were still occasionally finding bodies from the first war when I left." The puppetmaster admitted.

"It's a more interesting setup than what Iwa has." Deidara mused. "The mountains hide and do most of the work defending that boring place. Whenever we were attacked, we'd just use ninjutsu to cause rockslides or use the underground tunnels to outmaneuver them." He spat to the side. "Cowards."

"But it worked." Sasori pointed out before stopping, looking up at the rows of Suna shinobi that were standing on the slabs of sandstone that made up the main walls of the village.

"Yeah, but it left little room to be creative." Deidara continued without apparently taking note of the enemy in front of him. "Save for using my art to make MORE rockslides and route the enemy, I was left with nothing to do. When I left my balls were bluer than Kisame's. Hm."

"What have I told you about going too far with your descriptions?" The elder missing nin growled irritably, trying to banish the mental images from his head.

"Halt!" Some random jonin shouted with so much authority he was adorable to the intruders. "Black coats with red clouds. You are members of Akatsuki! Surrender now or we will-"

BANG!

A clay spider had jumped up from the shadows during the man's speech, attached itself to his face, and blown up his head in a spectacular show of blood and gore.

The natives there would probably have reacted to it, but at the same time several other spiders had jumped out and assaulted other members all over the wall, executing them in much the same bloody manner.

"Hey Sasori-danna. Just wondering, do you know why Leader was dumb enough to make us all wear a uniform that anyone can easily identify?" The bomb artist asked curiously, completely ignoring the massacre and screaming in front of him.

"Because he's strong enough to make us do it, and we're strong enough that being identified doesn't really matter." Sasori replied in a bored tone, deflecting the few sparse kunai and weapons thrown at them with his giant tail. "I was interested in the project, and didn't really care much about the uniform, so I went with it. Arguing would have served no real purpose in the end and caused things to take longer. And I hate waiting."

Reaching up to his mouth, the puppetmaster undid the mask of his, or rather Hiruko's face, and revealed his mechanical mouth opening. Within moments hundreds of metal senbon coated in deadly poison shot out with the force of bullets in a wide spread at the enemy, causing more death and chaos among the ranks.

"Scary." The blonde man chuckled as he saw men and women drop like flies in front of him. Unable to regroup. Unable to find cover. Unable to gain enough time to form seals.

Among all the members of Akatsuki, Sasori could be considered to be the best equipped and have among the widest range of skills. Deidara had more powerful and destructive ninjutsu, but they were limited in their area of effect. Where they went off was where the damage was. Sasori on the other hand could switch from precise to spread damage to seals with mechanical and destructive ease. It was this adaptability that made the man from Suna one of the more dangerous members of the organization. No one knew just what his full range of skills was or what he would use for any given situation if pushed.

In less than a minute, the roughly hundred shinobi standing guard had been either been blown apart, skewered, poisoned, or fallen to their deaths from their perch.

"Hmm." Sasori growled as he inspected the area skeptically.

"Something the matter? Did you use an extra senbon?" Deidara mocked.

"I had a sleeper spy set up here." Sasori replied. "When I activated his seal, he was supposed to be in charge of this entrance." He tilted his head down darkly, the hat he wore did nothing to hide the malevolent look in his mechanical eyes. "I don't like being made to wait."

"He probably got caught." The bomber shrugged as he casually walked down the narrow groove in the wall that led into the village. "It doesn't matter much. Hm. All we have to do is stir things up a bit to flush the jinchuriki out and then get him."

"It'll take longer than I want." The elder grumbled irritably, clearly not wanting to deal with the harder way. "But it appears that we have no choice. Be quick about it. The longer we wait, the more of a chance they'll find out where we came in from and make it a pain to escape."

"Sometimes I wonder which one of us is the brat with how much you moan. Hn." The blonde laughed genuinely as he stuck a hand into one of his clay pouches. "Well regardless, I've heard that this jinchuriki is pretty strong, so I stocked up on extra clay."

"Don't go overboard brat. Remember, we need him alive." Sasori reminded Deidara as they emerged on the other side of the wall, overlooking a good portion of the village.

"Humph." The younger snorted as he took out his hand and held out a bird molded out of clay. "Do I look like Hidan to you? I know what Leader said." Whipping out his arm, he threw the sculpture and flared his chakra, causing the tiny toy to transform into a giant pale and odd looking bird. Moments later he jumped onto the creature with natural ease and looked down at his partner. "Don't worry. I'll get the target. No one can stand up to my art."

"Just don't take forever this time. You're always playing around when it comes to stronger targets." The puppetmaster frowned.

"What can I say? I'm a man that enjoys his job and tries to get the most out of it whenever inspiration arrives! Hm!" Deidara laughed as he took to the sky with a sadistic grin on his face. Truly nothing got him more excited than when he was about to undertake another large project, because any "big" job for him normally required "big" explosions, something he loved from the bottom of his heart. The fact that he was allowed to go buck wild on an entire village if needed only further excited the nineteen year old fanatic.

Feeling the dry cold air whip his long hair around, the explosives expert allowed himself to do a few aerial tricks for the hell of it before getting down to business and scanning the land below with the scope on his left eye.

"One. Two. Three. Four… Huh." The man raised an eyebrow as he counted the number of shinobi who appeared to be inspecting the sky. "At least a dozen? That's more than I expected."

His statement had some logic behind it. The number of shinobi in the world that were capable of flight over long distances, even if it was with the aid of summons, was notoriously low. In fact the save for himself and Onoki, Deidara only knew of two other living people off the top of his head that could pull it off with ease, Pain and Konan. Which meant…

"They've been expecting me. Hm." The bomber's glare deepened before his hands went to his pouches. Contrary to his eyes, his mouth merely widened its grin into something savage. "Well then. If that's the case, I might as well not disappoint them. I'll just have to turn this entire village into my gallery by the time I'm gone." He turned to the large building in the center of the village and looked at the guards around the area. "But first the jinchuriki…"

Say what you would about Deidara, but none could deny that his ninjutsu and his use of it was artful in a sense. Using nothing more than a lump of shaped clay the size of a large marble for each target, the man easily killed at least half a dozen trained shinobi before they knew what hit them. Each lump of clay had landed on the building near their target, turning into a large spider that silently crept up upon their target and exploded with lethal but surprisingly minimal force. The sounds from the explosions echoed briefly across the village, but the damage had been made only to their targets ensuring that as little attention was drawn to them as possible.

Flying down towards the top of the building, the explosive specialist's next step was to try and sneak into the Kazekage tower and take out the jinchuriki when he slept. Then he'd escape, blowing up the tower in the process in a show of art, perhaps set off a C3 bomb on his flight back to Sasori, and then be home free…

His planning for the near future however were instantly thrown out the window however as his senses screamed at him to dodge. Not even hesitating, the man commanded his animated bird to beat its wings hard and rose just in time to avoid something impossibly fast flash right past him. His ordeal wasn't finished yet however as he then had to hold on when the aftershock the thing had made buffeted his mount around violently, cutting up his work quite a bit on the underside. Beneath him, he vaguely heard several windows of the building beneath him crack from the pressure as well.

"What the hell?! Hn!" The artist swore as he gained more elevation and turned to see what on earth had nearly torn him to shreds… and saw a blonde woman in a black robe and the standard vest roughly his age surfing on a large ornate battle fan which was flying through the air faster than anything he had ever seen. Within moments his attacker had u-turned and flown to his direction with unnatural ease.

"Deidara of Iwa. S class missing nin and member of Akatsuki." The woman crossed her arms sternly as she approached him. "Why do I have the feeling you are not here to surrender?"

Not at all intimidated by the woman's attack, the fellow blonde man stood up straight again and lowered his hands to his pouches. "You tell me." He grinned while eyeing her and her weapon. "I gotta say, I'm impressed. You must be Suna's Sora no Mai I've heard about. Yeah… you definitely have a great artistic quality on you."

"I have a boyfriend pervert." Temari frowned. "I'd surrender if I were you."

"Humph. Don't underestimate me or my art woman." Deidara snorted as he began to mould and shape the clay in his hands. "Just curious though. How did you know I was here?"

A tinge of red appeared on the woman's face. "One of the guards you killed was right above my apartment."

The bomber smirked. "I see. So I interrupted your alone time with whatever fool you spend time with. Well then I have good news for you then!" He whipped out his hands, unleashing half a dozen flying exploding birds at the young woman. "At least your night will end with a bang!"

The birds didn't even make it halfway to their target before Temari reacted with gusto.

The instant she saw the attack coming, the blonde woman bent forward, retracted the small fan like protrusion on the top of her weapon so that it folded into the main shaft, grabbed it, and continued to flip forward with the fan following suit.

"FUTON! ANRYUU (Wind style: Undercurrent)!"

Deidara could confidently say that the following chaotic wall of air that erupted from the fan was the largest and most violent wind ninjutsu he had ever experienced or seen in his life. Only his quick reactions had enabled him to avoid a direct hit and merely escape with his mount's back right side torn to shreds alongside his failed attack birds, their remains flying back all over the village in sizes that would not enable any real destruction save for some minor wounds and property damage.

"Shit!" The bomber swore as his hands emerged from his pouches once again during his fall, having already been in there the moment he had finished his prior attack. In one hand was another bird like mount for him, this time in the shape of an owl, and in the other was several more bird bombs, ones of his faster and more agile variety. Whipping out his arms and letting loose his new creations, the man barely had time to evade Temari shoot by him on top of her fully expanded fan again. Thankfully this time the slipstream behind her was nowhere near as violent as before and merely gave him a few grazing cuts.

"She's good…" Deidara grimaced as he got to work making more bombs while rapidly climbing through the air, watching as she outraced his faster explosives by a wide margin. Her fuuton ninjutsu is really potent as was her speed. Even if she misses a charge, just being near where she was would cause some serious damage. His standard aerial dodging was useless here. Fighting her in the air is definitely not going to work in his favor, but going to the ground where rest of the village is would be worse.

He paused as he watched the girl turn widely towards his direction. Her agility was lower at high speeds though. He could use that to his advantage, but he would still have to be careful for the slipstream. That little trick alone would cause a good deal of trouble for him.

A direct attack would be useless against this one and would only prompt her to make another one of those monstrous wind attacks. He'd have to be more creative. Lucky for him, being creative was a requirement for an artist of his level.

When Temari managed to cross half the distance between the two, Deidara dove back down to the ground, or more accurately to the large village below.

"The hell you'll get away!" The woman yelled as she followed him down at breakneck speeds, crouching down to become more aerodynamic, blazing past the buildings of her home village so fast that it all looked like a blur.

The male blonde couldn't help but shiver in anticipation as his clay owl beat its wings hard to maintain its head start. Barely looking behind him, he could see his opponent rapidly catching up to him, distorting the air behind her visibly and violently in the process. "Scary. Scary. And to think I assumed only Jinchuriki would give me trouble. Lucky I brought extra clay for this, otherwise I might have run out. Hm."

A moment later his mouth beat its powerful wings in order to do a sharp right angle turn down another of the village's main streets. "Then again, I don't expect this to take long in the first place…"

Temari clicked her teeth in irritation as her target went out of sight. She had a good idea what his general plan was and in all honesty she probably would have done the same with the roles reversed, however there was little she could do about it. She had to stay on top of the man as much as possible or else he might start attacking the villagers.

Thrusting out her feet and thus the fan in front of her like a snowboard and ignoring the heavy inertia she placed on herself, the Jonin managed to slow down enough to obtain enough control to turn into the oncoming street, putting on another large burst of speed as she went down her new path…

She almost didn't notice the three dozen white spots jumping around the area she was crossing until it was too late.

"KATSU!" Deidara shouted in triumph as the easy to miss bombs exploded in mid air right in front of the woman, shattering the windows in the area and causing a good amount of screaming in the process. If he couldn't set them off on his target and couldn't catch her with them normally, he'd just have to set them off right in front of her…

His elation however only lasted for a second as a moment later the woman burst out of the fire and clouds virtually unharmed with a cone of what appeared to be wind coming from the tip of her fan encompassing her.

"Futon. Mahha Shouheki (Wind Style. Mach Barrier)." The female blonde growled irritably before instantly accelerating and causing her defense to narrow as a result.

"Damn!" The male swore as he barely managed to turn onto another street before the woman tore through where he was. It still didn't protect him and the buildings from the sonic boom that followed soon afterwards, all but shattering him, his eardrums, and the windows nearby. "_I think she's actually doing more damage to the village than I am."_

His best chance to take her out was in the sandstone jungle where he could plant his traps, however with all the chaos she was stirring up the entire village might as well be up by this point, meaning he was in striking distance for most of the local population.

"Heh. Damned if I do and damned if I don't." He shook his ringing head mockingly before taking his hands out of his pouches and began to mould more clay. "Regardless, I have to make this quick and get to the objective and this girl needs some extra firepower to take out… I guess it couldn't hurt to be a bit more generous with my art. A hidden village would make a fine gallery after all…"

Instead of trying to turn around and find Deidara up close, Temari had shot straight up to the sky for the aerial view soon after she had missed her charge, making a full half loop before twisting herself so that she was standing once more on her prized ramidreju. As a native of Sunagakure and having flown through its buildings and streets countless times for fun over the past few years, Temari knew all of the possible routes her target could have taken since she last saw him.

Looking down she could already see a good number of shinobi gathering outside, primarily gathering towards where the bomber had tried to kill her with those exploding crickets and where she broke the sound barrier.

In the back of her mind she winced. Gaara had chided her more than once about doing that within the village when she had initially been testing out how fast she could go. The property damage she managed to accumulate in one particular run had been hauntingly large as was the bill that came along with it. Royalty or not, shelling out that amount of cash had left her on a budget for a good while.

Hopefully if she managed to catch the asshat trying to kidnap her brother, she would get a reward large enough to cover for the damages.

It only took a few seconds for her to spot her target. For all the stealth he displayed earlier, he really was quite oblivious to the fact that his creations stuck out in the night with their pale complexions. The only way they could have stuck out more was if they reflected light or shown in all the colors of the rainbow.

"I'll get you this time." She growled as she once more dove towards the ground with terrifying speed, once more shattering the sound barrier with ease and waking more people in the village in the process. Not that she could see individual people at that point of course. Moving as fast as she was the Jonin had developed a solid case of tunnel vision with the rapidly growing white bird at its core. Its red and black passenger glanced back nervously, not expecting her to close up on him even faster than she had before.

She was going to get him this time. She could see his eye widening, his hands raised to defend himself… his grin widening and two fingers extended as his entire body turned the same pale color as its mount…

"Shi-!"

BOOM!

Once more Temari had run headfirst into Deidara's trap, and unlike last time this explosion had some definite kick to it proven by the buildings that took significant structural damage nearby.

Once more Temari had emerged on the other side of the debris. Intact, but not unharmed or unhindered as the arms she held in front of her head were fairly burnt, as were a few portions of the rest of her body which were unfortunately fused to her clothes, which happened occasionally when dealing with fire based damage. Her fan had a few minor tears in it but was for the most part still functional.

"_That was dangerous."_ She winced. If she didn't have her shield up, that would have without a doubt killed her. Thankfully due to the way her Mach Barrier worked, the faster she went the stronger her defense became. It's one of the reasons why she was confident enough to do her head first charges in the first place, but her opponent was stronger than she thought. Unfortunately thanks to that blast she wasn't moving fast enough to make it a viable resource. "_I have to get some distance again. I can't go my top speed now, but I can at least run interference until…"_

Her thoughts were interrupted as her senses screamed at her to move, and against a member of Akatsuki she didn't bother to think about it.

Without even looking the Kazekage's sister in one movement collapsed and grabbed the tip of her fan while rolling forward and managed to blow off course the large pale dragon like bomb that had been heading straight for her like a charging bull, forcing it up and lacerating its body heavily in the process…

However it still wasn't enough to protect her when the damn thing blew up right over her head, burning her even more and throwing her violently down to the hard ground with her villagers watching in shock and fear…

Her landing though was softer and less painful than she had expected as layers and coils of sand caught her and cushioned her fall until she was resting comfortably on top of the coarse stones.

"I thought I told you not to break the sound barrier in the village." Gaara dryly chided from atop his own floating platform of sand while keeping his eyes on Deidara.

The blonde female winced as she got back up. Her right arm, side, and back were littered with burns of varying degrees. She wouldn't be able to fly or use taijutsu well anytime soon, however that didn't mean she was useless. "I was hoping the bounty would pay for it." She wittedly replied, looking up at her opponent, who had traded his bird themed mounts for a much larger dragon that had a long worm like tail.

"Not bad." Deidara smirked as he floated on his C2 Dragon. He had assumed that he would manage to waste the woman with that last attack, however her quick reaction time and the Jinchuriki's arrival managed to prove him wrong, not that he cared. His maneuver gave him the desired result of at least getting rid of the fellow blonde's mobility, which was what made her the most dangerous in his eyes. Without that, he could just take his time with her from outside her attack range.

More importantly though, was the fact that his target had finally showed himself.

"About time you woke up! Hm!" The Akatsuki smirked. "What took you so long? We were tearing up your little village for quite a while!"

Gaara didn't blink. "I was trying to sleep after trying to convince Shukaku that rampant genocide does not qualify as a legitimate hobby for three hours."

Temari couldn't help but snort despite the pain she was in. Even after three years her brother was still trying to domesticate, or at least temper the mad ichibi. Progress was slow… however the two did occasionally agree and work together on a few things with excellent synergy.

… Such as when they both wished to horrifically maim or kill something that irritated them greatly.

Raising his arms up slowly, Gaara commanded the desert sand around the village to rise like an encompassing ominous tsunami of sand.

As the walls gained in height, their summoner too seemed to become more malevolent in appearance as his skin began to develop blue markings from head to toe, and a large bushy tail the color of sand and bearing the same markings reared from his backside.

Deidara couldn't help but sweat as he looked around and saw the environment being turned against him. "Oi oi. This is a bit much for a simple terrain advantage isn't it?"

Everyone in the village shivered as they felt the desert seemingly awaken and rise. Someone had disturbed its slumber, and that someone was about to face the consequences of their actions tenfold.

o. o. o.

Elsewhere in the village:

"Honestly." Shikamaru snorted as he looked up and watched Gaara unleash hell upon Deidara in the form of massive claws coming in from every direction. "If I didn't know him better I'd almost think he's showing off."

He would have been angrier that his girlfriend had nearly been killed twice now, but in all honesty Gaara was doing a damn good job of exacting just revenge in his place. Plus Gaara would be able to protect the blonde better than the shadow user could in this situation.

"Astounding." Chiyo whispered. "He has completely surpassed anything the Third Kazekage could accomplish."

"Focus guys." Kankuro growled. "Akatsuki works in pairs. There's another S ranked nut around here and we don't know where he is. If the information is correct, then Deidara's partner is…"

"Sasori. We know." Shikamaru rolled his eyes before kneeling down and placing two fingers on the ground with one hand and holding up two more with his other in front of his face to focus.

In an instant, his shadow spread out in all directions like a spider web using thin nearly invisible strands of darkness, connecting to the larger building shadows near him… which in turn reached out to the next closest shadows nearby via the same method… and again… and again constantly and repeatedly with blinding speed until virtually every shadow and silhouette in the village walls were in some way connected to his own. The entire process took at most twenty seconds.

"Found him." The shadow user frowned as he stood back up and canceled the technique. "There's a person with a large chakra level at the opening to the east entrance with an abnormal body. Easily bigger than anyone else's reserves here in the village save for Gaara's."

"Abnormal body…" Chiyo frowned. "He might be using Hiruko. It would explain why we never heard of anybody matching his physical description since he disappeared."

"Is that so?" Kankuro frowned before reaching for one of the many scrolls hanging off his side. "Well then if you two don't mind, I think I'll take first crack at him. Out of the three of us, I'm the best when it comes to getting past heavy defenses…"

o. o. o.

With Sasori:

"… This may be too much." The puppetmaster frowned as he saw waves of sand assault his partner from all sides. Itachi or Kisame would have been more suitable for a fight like this. At the very least they should have lured him out of the desert by kidnapping someone.

Pain had vastly understated how much of a boost a terrain advantage would give their target big time. He would have to bring this up in the next meeting.

Sasori was not a fool. Unlike all the other members of Akatsuki save for maybe Konan, he had started off with a normal body with little to no real assets or connections. He did not have a bloodline like Pain, Deidara, Itachi, or Zetsu. He was not trained by a Kage or had access to a summoning contract or otherworldly existences or abnormally unique jutsu like Orochimaru, Kakuzu, or Hidan. And he certainly did not have a legendary weapon or an ungodly powerful body like Kisame.

All he had were his puppets, poisons, and his seals. All common branches of ninjutsu from Suna (save for the seals which were also far from unknown) that every shinobi worth their headband had heard, dealt, or seen of at one point or another.

Every strategy, every weapon, every tool he used were created from scratch by him from the ground up. In a way, it could easily be said that he was one of the most intelligent and creative members of Akatsuki. If not for his patience issues, he'd probably be the smartest one there.

In that sense, he could relate to Deidara pretty well, who also had created his own unique if not obnoxious ninjutsu by himself without aid. Despite their different views of "art" and the fact that their home villages are perpetually at one another's throats, they were pretty much treated the same. Both were pioneers of their craft. Both were openly denied the ability to further their research and expand their horizons.

Both didn't take rejection that well.

Despite these similarities however, one of their main differences was that Sasori was not illusioned with the idea that his craft was flawless.

Most of his weapons were designed to take out human and living based opponents, which was understandable since puppet ninjutsu was originally designed for assassination and support type shinobi in the first place.

His poison could knock out anyone, human or summon save for those like Orochimaru with just a scratch, and a surprise spray of kunai, senbon and shuriken fired fast enough was enough to take down Jonin when timed properly. A good part of the time, a salvo of exploding tags did the job faster and better than any jutsu could. The only thing preventing most shinobi from doing that more often was the financial cost of employing it.

For fights of greater caliber and scale however, such as fighting a biju itself, standard puppet tricks were woefully lacking in power, durability, and flexibility. Poison wouldn't work on them. Standard blades wouldn't cut the first layer of chakra dense skin. Seals took a good while to use. And trying to outmuscle a biju was laughable. Unless they possessed some sort of customized automatic seal array that could somehow deal with the situation, even an army of puppets would fall instantly to this sort of battle.

It was because of this that he always developing, growing, and progressing of course, but the presence of people and jutsu that could overcome his puppets and skills was perpetual…

… Which was what originally gave him the idea to make human puppets in the first place. If he could capture the potential that others had, that power, and make it his own, would that not cover the limitations of the standard puppet? How terrifying was a Kage level shinobi that would not bleed, no, even stop or stall if given a lethal wound or lost a limb? And then what if said unrelenting Kage was also littered with traps and poisons? Such tools would outshine even the Seven Swords of Kiri! Suna's puppets would turn the village into a force greater than that of Konoha!

But his ideas were turned down by the third Kazekage almost instantly. Inhumane. Cruel. Sickening he had said. Far be it for the hypocrite to remember that he sold lives to the highest bidder and had several dozen prisoners being tortured in the dungeons for information that would be killed soon afterwards.

The least they could have done was give him the bodies of the defeated foes for experimentation. He didn't even need the bodies of high profile individuals or bloodline users, just some people with decent chakra systems to tinker with…

But he was denied, and what more, he had been stripped of his position as head researcher of the puppet corps. They couldn't get rid of his Jonin rank. No, he was already Sasori of the Red Sands by that point. It would look bad to the other villages if they did that. Still it did block many resources from the then teen's reach.

It was fortunate that by then the redhead had already done some private research ahead of schedule in order to see if his hypothesis was correct at all. He had meant what he said at the time. He was only using the bodies of a few random genin from Iwa that had a few workable and simple jutsu he could toy with… plus it helped advance his medical skills.

Few people knew it, but when he left he had been just a test or two away from getting a practicing medical degree. He was a genius after all, and he did so hate waiting...

The straw that broke the camel's back however occurred later when he found out the real reason why the Kazekage had turned down his request.

Money.

As one of the main five villages, Suna had an image to protect. Kiri and Iwa already had the bloody anything goes image, though they also had the terrain training thing going as well. Konoha was friendly, approachable, and extremely loyal to their customers. Kumo was militaristic to a fault and had a good deal of muscle.

Suna on the other hand had quality, efficiency and resourcefulness. Their shinobi could take the most hits, last longer in the harshest conditions, and survive off of very little, getting the toughest job done with common household items.

However due to these rather "common" qualities, the fact that their village was an utter pain for most clients to reach normally, and their history of rather idiotic money hoarding Daimyo, Suna had frequently been passed up for other villages when it came to missions. If Sasori's plan had gone into effect, it would scare away even more customers regardless of how powerful the village became.

Sasori, who at that point was already well schooled at controlling his emotions, was infuriated when he learned of this. The fact that he was denied progress was one thing, but to actually be lied to about the reason for it was another story.

He could stomach a lot, being a shinobi after all. Secrets and death were practically his bread and butter… but… money? His reason for existing was being halted for such a base reason, and what more, they thought it was a good idea to hide it from him? The piss poor logic behind such absurd thinking was almost enough to astound him out of his rage.

Had they just told him, he would have handled it better. He would have made the puppets anyway, make them unrecognizable, and then just passed them off as his specials, but now? Oh no. He had barely any connection to the village in the first place save for his grandmother and a couple members of the puppet corps, and at that point human sentimentalism was far from enough to convince him to stay.

The village? Ranking? Nobility? He cared for none of those things. Only his craft truly mattered to him, and said craft was being threatened and stifled by his so called home and his so called leader…

So he dealt with both issues personally by leaving one for good, and taking the other with him.

Over the years he had never stepped foot in Suna, but he did keep tabs on any information that crept up. Any potential advances in puppetry were of course his priority, but general information was of use too.

He had snorted in amusement despite not having lungs when he learned of Pakura of the Scorched Sand's sacrifice to Kiri. The masses said that she was killed by Iwa. The nobles believed she was sacrificed to the bloodline hating Kiri to gain a temporary alliance…

The REAL reason she was killed though was once again… money.

Kiri had the monopoly when it came to sea based trade and missions with few exceptions. As a general, if relatively unknown, rule, the other hidden villages paid tribute to them to ensure that they didn't attack any of their ships so long as said ships carried what they were supposed to and not a weapon or shinobi more. During the third war, Kiri had been reneging a bit on that setup for obvious reasons, especially on Suna in particular who was rather dependant on their few ships that exited their country from the south via the few rivers that ran through the country.

Sasori learned that the main reason why Kiri picked on Suna at the time was because the Kazekage was the only one of the five kage at the time that technically had a bloodline. Onoki's Bloodline Selection, while powerful as all get out, technically wasn't a bloodline limit since it wasn't genetic. Pakura's sacrifice was made so that the ignorant bloodline hating fools would let up on Suna's few but vital trading routes. Indeed, just a few weeks after the woman's death the number of trading ships from Suna that "mysteriously sunk" or were attacked by pirates had dramatically decreased.

But that was beside the point. Sasori didn't have the patience to deal with the annoying politics of humans, run by unobservant fools that couldn't see even if they took their heads out of their asses. They mattered little to him unless it meant a job or something to do with puppetry.

The only reason why he got along with Kakuzu so well was because the miser was at least honest when it came to dealing finances, if a bit crooked, and the fact that the guy was his main source for expensive and hard to find parts.

Of course the fact that they both hated their partners was something they could relate to as well.

"This is a bit much…" The puppetmaster mused as he observed Deidara weave around the dozens of giant warped claws with apparent ease, but some effort as well. To be honest, Sasori was beginning to have doubts about encountering the jinchuriki alone himself should his blonde partner fail. In direct combat at least. _"He's going to bitch about this for a long time, but I think it would be best if I got involved in this after all… looks like the Sandaime Kazekage's going to make a surprise appearance in his home town after twenty years…"_

His thoughts were interrupted as something very large landed right in front of him, kicking up a great deal of dust in the process.

"This better be worth it." Sasori grumbled.

His ranting was interrupted as the thing that crashed in front of him slowly stood up on two legs… and grew… and grew…

In front of the slouched over figure stood a two story tall suit of dark grey western armor, compete with a metal body and a claymore whose blade alone was at least the size of Kisame.

The puppetmaster merely extended his tail out a small bit, preparing it to move. "… At the very least, this is different…"

Moving faster than expected, the large man shaped tool bolted forward and swung its weapon down with enough bone crushing force to put even Kisame on guard for a moment.

Sasori on the other hand merely frowned and used his sturdy and powerful tail to smack aside the blade with a resounding crack that could be heard for a great distance, forcing the weapon to crash into the ground just a few feet to the right of its target and a great deal closer than what the defender had expected…

However he could not do much about it as in the next moment his vision was obstructed by the armor's free hand, now fist, traveling straight for his face with unnatural speed.

"_Fast!"_ The missing nin mentally swore as the blow connected like a pillar of steel and blasted him back into the village's tremendous stone walls.

"Tell me the truth guys." Kankuro snorted as he, Chiyo, and Shikamaru appeared a good ways behind his customized puppet. "What are the odds that I actually got him with that?"

"Do you really want to know?" The shadow user deadpanned.

Chiyo rolled her eyes. "We are dealing with S ranked shinobi Kankuro, not genin."

"Figures." Kankuro sighed shaking his head. The dust settled where Sasori had landed to reveal a large pile of sand where his body should have been. "You can come out now. We know you're there."

A dry chuckle met their ears as the real Sasori emerged from the sand nearby. The misshapen figure eyed Kankuro with malice and interest. "I'm somewhat impressed. The larger a puppet is the harder it is to control it, however you seem to have no issue making your tool follow your commands with astounding agility."

Even someone deemed unmatched in the world of puppetry didn't normally use such large constructs. They were too inflexible, slow, unwieldy, and used too much chakra to be put to practical purposes. The strain alone they put on the user's fingers was enough to turn them off to all but the dumbest of genin.

"Looks like you have an admirer." Shikamaru dryly observed.

"Sasori…" Chiyo growled darkly. "First you run away for decades, then you come back and attack the village, and you don't even bother to contact or call your dear grandmother after all I did for you?! You must be the most ungrateful grandchild in the elemental nations! I am going to give you such a spanking!"

"Please wait until I leave before you go through with that." The shadow user sighed. "That is definitely something I have no intention of watching."

"Chiyo-baa…" The missing nin glanced at his grandmother as if noticing her for the first time. "What a surprise. From what I've heard, you usually distance yourself from the village these days."

The old woman snorted. "The place is run by a bunch of fools, but I can only get your grandfather by playing dead so many times before it gets old. Doing it to a bunch of clueless brats in the middle of the street is much more amusing."

Kankuro hesitantly looked between the grandmother and grandson with skepticism. "Against my better judgment, was she like this when she was raising you? And by like this I mean…"

"Obnoxious beyond known reason to the point that she's barely tolerable for extended periods of time?" The redhead finished Kankuro's sentence knowingly. "The only thing senile about that woman is her sense of humor."

"Sasori! What have I told you about disrespecting me in public like that!?" Chiyo snapped irritably.

"… I fucking knew it…" The Kazekage's brother glared at his teacher menacingly before turning back to the task at hand…

… And swore under his breath before he quickly maneuvered his massive puppet to swing its sword in front of him. An instant later the constant pinging of poisoned senbon impacting it like rain was heard clearly as Sasori's sneak attack was blocked.

Chiyo, having taught Sasori in the first place and having a still very agile body easily danced and weaved through her part of the onslaught without any problems or scratches.

Shikamaru on the other hand merely raised a black shield composed of his shadows in front of him, which silently deflected every poisoned needle that came into contact with it.

It only took a few seconds before Sasori realized that he wouldn't get anywhere with this line of attack before he decided to improvise. They could block physical attacks, but what about chemical ones?

With an audible clicking inside Hiruko's body, he had switched the launcher inside his mouth from shooting poisoned senbon to poison gas pellets, and thus fired them off right in front of his surprised targets. Exploding just a few meters in front of them, the pellets unleashed their contents in the form of a giant purple cloud all over the area.

"That should take care of them." The attacker nodded in satisfaction, his tail slowly retracting in the process. "A single breath will paralyze them to the point of being helpless. Now to deal with the-"

He was interrupted as the tremendous knight puppet erupted from the cloud with its sword in both hands swinging down in an overhand strike with terrifying force. Sasori didn't even bother trying to defend against the blow and leapt to the side quickly to dodge the blow, appearing as if he was shifting sideways without moving…

Only to curse as at the last moment a hidden panel in the blade jutted out and blasted a short pulse of chakra that altered the weapon's course, allowing the once helmsplitting blow turn diagonal and cut off the puppet's right arm from its elbow.

"Damn it…" The puppet growled as it leapt back just in time to avoid the return swing that was covered in sparks as it ground up against the earth, but once again the master was not quick enough to dodge all the damage as the chest of Hiruko was slashed by a few inches, tearing through the wood and coat fabric there as if they didn't even exist.

It was times like this that Sasori cursed himself for sacrificing Hiruko's mobility in exchange for greater defensive capabilities and a wider range of traps. It served its purpose well against the bulk of enemies, but against those of a higher quality, his favorite puppet was next to useless as his defense and evasion capabilities were nowhere near enough to deal with them. Save for Zetsu, any of the other Akatsuki would have little to no issue at all dealing with his outer shell.

His irritation grew even more as the chest to the armor opened up suddenly, revealing several tubes that fired off several dozen hissing exploding kunai at him point blank.

"This is getting annoying." Sasori growled as his tail shot into action with absurd speed, shooting forward into the chest of the monstrosity while simultaneously whipping around its length to deflect the oncoming explosives. Without even paying attention to the explosions happening uncomfortably close to him and scorching some of his coat, Sasori impaled the armorless core of the metal armor relentlessly, spearing it so hard the giant heavy figure was pushed back a good dozen meters…

But much to his surprise and irritation it did not fall, still standing like an unstoppable monster. Unflinching. Uncaring, and still pushing back.

This must have been what other people felt like when they faced Kisame.

Before Sasori could retract his tail, the armor surprisingly dropped its sword and grabbed it with both of its metal hands. The surprise didn't stop there however as suddenly began to hum and glow electric blue. The chakra strings controlling it, once nearly invisible, were now clearly seen and radiating elemental chakra…

… Leading back to the boy controlling them and his comrades, the poison gas nowhere in sight.

"Raiton! Mattaki Chichi (Lightning style. Complete Loop)!"

The master's eyes widened as he saw the lightning chakra rapidly travel down his tail and swore before quickly disconnecting it midway before the attacked got any further.

His eyes narrowed in the momentary lull between the boy realizing the attack failed and pressing on forward, leaving the massive sword behind to save time. Now that he paid careful attention to the boy, he could see that the chakra strings he used were still visible and appeared to be different from the standard variety.

"_He uses lightning chakra to accelerate the puppet's movements, probably by powering some sort of inertia device in all of the joints to make it move easier without using much power. Probably a flywheel or gyroscope type of mechanism… and in addition to that he can channel his element into his puppet and have it serve as the medium for his jutsu. Brilliant. Even my human puppets are limited to the jutsu that they performed during life and the standard traps I install in them. This boy… he has potential…"_

Very briefly he glanced towards his other two opponents who so far had seemed to do nothing, more specifically the boy from Konoha that seemed to be looking at him with a critical eye. _"However… I do not think he was the one that dealt with my poison gas…"_

"… _First things first though…"_

Deciding that he had had enough, Sasori decided to end the little fight and get back to business. Darting out his tipless tail, the Akatsuki hammered the left knee of the charging armor, causing it to collapse on the ground halfway between the two groups.

"A puppet's only as strong as its weakest joint." The elder stated in a sickeningly amused tone with his left arm pointed forward… just before said warped arm shot off like a rocket. "Die."

Kankuro however had different plans as his entire body reacted quickly to the new trap, body and arms moving as fast as possible. "Like hell!"

Using its arms as leverage, the giant armor turned far faster than something that size should have been allowed to move and whipped out its right arm in the direction of the moving projectile… summoning it's previously dropped sword back to its hand and hammering the missile away into an empty warehouse where it detonated and speared everything inside.

"You're starting to annoy me boy." Sasori growled, momentarily looking up to see that Deidara had at some point abandoned his C2 Dragon for his faster and more maneuverable C1 flying models again, but using the former to provide cover fire from the dozens of tower like sand limbs trying to crush him. At this rate, the blonde fool would get frustrated soon, forget about the mission, and just nuke the village and the target to spite everyone. "I don't like being stalled."

"Tell me something I don't know you ungrateful brat!" Chiyo snapped as she whipped out a dozen kunai from her sleeves and shot them at her grandson using only chakra.

Sasori didn't even bother to verbally respond as he moved his tail in a majority of the blade's way, only suffering a few glancing blows that merely cut his robes to the point that they fell off. He could worry about his wardrobe later. The boy's puppet, as fascinating as it was, took priority.

Commanding Hiruko to open its mouth again and fire off volleys of senbon, Sasori got to work activating the customized seals on the puppet's shoulders, instantly replacing its broken or discarded limbs with spares. It wasn't like this was the first time his puppets had lost parts in battle after all. Only this time, BOTH arms were rigged. The attacker barely paid attention to the fact that the three had done the same thing the last time he did this, with the boy holding up his puppet's sword in the way, his grandmother dodging and the third boy using some sort of shadow shield…

"Let's see if they can handle this…" He muttered darkly as he held out both arms and pointed them to either side of the group before firing them off while still attacking from the front. A three sided attack would kill at least one of them and make things easier from there. Given from how they acted, the puppet wielding boy was their heavy hitter, while the other two were support. So long as he was out of the way, Hiruko was in no danger of being destroyed…

He almost grinned as he saw their faces when they realized what he was doing just a moment before he fired off his arms.

The chaos that ensued in the following few seconds was so intense that Sasori himself couldn't see what had truly happened. The debris kicked up by the hundreds if not thousands of pieces of metal flying in front of him could only give him glimpses of what occurred, but at the very least two of them should have been at least scratched by now. The shadow boy might be save if his defense covered all his sides, but the other boy and the hag had no proper way to defend against such and onslaught…

Or at least that was what he thought SHOULD have happened as he saw the giant armor in front of him turned around quickly and used its good leg to launch itself in the air at him with its sword raised.

The moment the thing had begun to move, Sasori had attempted to move to the side, but two things were making that difficult. The first was the lack of arms to improve his mobility, the second was that Hiruko wouldn't move its body.

"What?!" The master cursed as he attempted to move his still functional tail to attempt to deflect the oncoming blow… until that stopped prematurely against his will as well. "Damn it!"

The sound of the giant blade crashing through Hiruko's body and hard shell was a symphony of destructive noises to everyone's ears as the giant armor landed with violent discrimination. Despite the fact that it wielded a sword, the weapon was more geared for crushing heavy defenses with pure force, which was why the target had been smashed to pieces rather than slashed in half with the blow.

"Honestly… that was more troublesome than I thought." Shikamaru sighed as his shadow barrier faded away and he retracted the long thin and unnoticed tendril that had been connected to his opponent since he found him.

"You barely did anything you lazy shit!" Kankuro snapped as he stepped out of his customized Salamander puppet's defenses. "I almost didn't manage to get Sanshou out in time!"

"You boys are horrible. All three of you." Chiyo snorted as the Mother and Father puppets to her sides turned off their chakra shields. "No respect for women or your elders at all."

The three teammates warily looked at the remains of Hiruko lay crushed, and were not surprised as a shrouded figure leapt from the remains back a small distance and landed cleanly… Before standing up and revealing a young teenaged redhead smiling at them almost lazily.

"I see." Sasori mused as he looked at the remains of his puppet. "You were leading me on the entire time. The armored puppet was indeed the muscle, but Chiyo-baa's attack was designed to stick her chakra strings to my tail while the Naara pinned me down, ensuring that I was helpless when the final blow was made. I was so focused on this new piece that I didn't bother to notice either until it was too late." He looked at Kankuro. "Boy. What is your name?"

The Kazekage's brother frowned. "It's Kankuro." He pointed behind him to Gaara and Temari fighting. "And the guy your idiot partner is fighting is my brother."

"Ah. So you must be Kankuro of the black sand." Sasori of the Red Sand mused. He eyed the teen's method of defense curiously. "I see you possess some of my earlier works as well and have made modifications. You have potential."

The teen frowned. "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm far from flattered at the moment. Being praised by a traitor and the guy trying to kill my brother isn't exactly giving me a warm fuzzy feeling."

The redhead snorted. "Traitor. This farce of a village did nothing but hold me and my work back, worse, they tried to destroy it. To someone whose life is their craft that was unacceptable. In time you too will see this." He looked at his grandmother. "Mother and Father. I see you've made some modifications to them since the last time I played with them."

"You were so sloppy Sasori. Leaving such good toys on the ground. What kind of grandmother would I be if I didn't fix them up for you when you finally returned to visit?" The wry old woman smirked knowingly.

"I see." The Akatuki smirked as a scroll made its way to his hand from his sleeve and slowly began to unroll it. "Today truly does seem like one for reunions and meetings. I guess it's only proper that I bring this one out as well."

In a puff of smoke, a new mechanical humanoid figure appeared next to Sasori. Long ratty shoulder lengthed hair. Sharp teeth. A dirty shroud. And a very familiar face…

"Won't the people of Suna be so happy to know that their beloved Sandaime Kazekage has returned?"

o. o. o.

Omake:

What Shadow was doing while this was all happening:

Dancing down the street, Shadow Oogakari was singing loudly to herself and using only a tiny bit of her presence so that people around her were feeling uncomfortable.

And then she began to sing.

"When the Devil is too busy  
And Death's a bit too much  
They call on me by name you see  
For my special touch.  
To the gentlemen I'm Misfortune  
To the ladies, I'm surprise  
But call me by any name  
Any way it's all the same…

I'm the fly in your soup.  
I'm the pebble in your shoe.  
I'm the pea beneath your bed.  
I'm a bump on every head.  
I'm the peel on which you slip.  
I'm a pin in every hip.  
I'm the thorn in your side.  
Makes you wriggle and writhe."

It should be noted that at the moment, Shadow was singing loudly, in a shady part of town, it was roughly four thirty in the morning, using her presence, and for good measure she had made the world a lot darker, her eyes were glowing ice blue, and her teeth were like Crypts, sharp as hell and glowing white.

"And it's so easy when you're e-vil.  
This is the life, you see.  
The Devil tips his hat to me.  
I do it all because I'm e-vil.  
And I do it all for free.  
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need."

Shadow had nearly gone through the song three times in various parts of the village before the ANBU finally found her, tried to get her to stop, failed (miserably), tried to get Waltz to help out, came back to see that Crypt had joined in, then spent the rest of the morning cleaning up all the craters and human shaped holes in the area.

o. o. o.

A/N:

And I stalled posting for the e-vilz…

No wait. I'm just lazy. Damn.

For anyone that wants a good idea what Kankuro's new puppet looks like, just picture the Knight monster that was in the White trailer for RWBY… except slightly bigger.

So yeah, after roughly three months the first real chapter comes up and it has everything. Action. Comedy! Evils! Epics! Worship me damn it!

So yeah. On to other news. I'm in the process of buying a condo! Yay! And it's the cheapest two bedroom in town! Like STUPID cheap! Yay! And it's an 11th floor penthouse in great condition with access to a pool, a gym, across the street from the bus stop, walking distance to the mall and the train station, and it's in a good part of the neighborhood! Yay! And I'm renting it out to earn money and still staying in my parent's home because I'm a cheap bastard! Yay… I think!

But seriously. For anyone who hasn't gone through the process yet. Getting a mortgage is an utter pain in the ass. So much paperwork and managing… ugh. Thank god my folks are there to help me out with this. They really know what they're doing.

And before anyone asks, I'm buying this thing. No, this isn't a gift or anything from my folks. The only money being used for this thing is the stuff I got from working.

Not bad for a guy turning 24 this year eh?

But yeah, with grad school and work and buying the place, I've been pretty swamped lately, which is part of the reason why I haven't been able to pump out chapters like I used to. Still, I like to believe my ability to bring out awesome and hilarious in the same chapters all the damn time is still unmarred in the slightest.

Uh… so let's see… That's all I have right now. Thanks for the support and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Review! Worship the log! Gaara now has teh fuzzies! And REVIEW AGAIN!


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: It's rare when the bad guys in a shonen genre story actually try to step their game up early in the conflict. That's because when they do, they tend to become seinin genre… and significantly more awesome. All hail the awesome, for most of its characters aren't idiots.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

With Deidara:

As powerful as his C2 Dragon was, Deidara instantly knew he was outgunned the moment the desert sand erupted from all sides of the hidden village to murder him in an unkind fashion.

"Gonna need something faster to stay away from all that. Mm." Quickly molding more clay in one of his hands, the artist of explosions manifested a new mount in the shape of a falcon. No sooner had he managed to get onto his new ride did he have to move in order to avoid the half a dozen tendrils of coarse grains from spearing him or crushing him or whatever it was they were going to do. Off to his side, the bomber noted that the smaller streams of sand did little to impede his significantly larger dragon from breaking out of their web.

Putting his bigger creation into semiautonomous mode, firing off its massive bombs on occasion to provide support, Deidara focused on evasion.

Up. Down. Spiral. Quick stop before shifting to the side and then dive. The assault of the desert in the sky was relentless.

"Someone's cranky." The bomber grinned as his dragon blew up another one of the larger tendrils that looked like a giant claw. _The ones that have definite form are stronger and act as branches and distributors for more appendages, but they can be disrupted by a large enough explosion. The smaller ones don't have the power, but they can act on their own and are more agile and reform faster too. One covers for the other's weakness'. It'll be hard to get any of my art near him let alone hit…_

Taking his hands out of his pouches while narrowly dodging another stream of sand, the missing-nin unleashed half a dozen standard flying birds around him and sent them at his target while dodging any obstacles in their way. It was another beautiful aspect of his art that was rarely appreciated by the masses. The fact that he could control them manually, or give them commands of simple to moderate complexity to follow that they could carry with frightening ease made his method of attack frighteningly efficient at times.

Unfortunately his idea to serve as a decoy while his birds closed the gap did not work as well as he had planned. While four of the six bombs did manage to make a good way towards the jinchuriki in one piece, they still failed marvelously as the target's sister, wounded but still capable of ninjutsu, tore the rest of them apart in a blast of wind.

"Tch. So the girl's not out of this yet?" The fellow blond grumbled as he took to higher elevations where there was less sand to deal with, followed somewhat slowly by his dragon which had some chunks taken out of its wings by this point. Deciding to up his game, Deidara forced his supporting mount to make and fire off four mini dragon bombs at once, reducing its worm like tail to a little less than half of its original length by this point. Despite the smaller numbers, each dragon was still vastly stronger, faster, and tougher than his C1 bombs. He should be able to get something useful from this…

Pointless. While only one of the projectiles failed to get even remotely close to their targets, the remaining three were still torn apart by the half dead female support. The remains of the once dragons exploded moments later at a distance that did nothing but give the spectators something to look at.

"How annoying. I can't even examine the Jinchuriki's so called "ultimate defense" like this. To take out the girl is to take out the target at this range. Things will go against me if this keeps up. Mm." Higher and higher he climbed, just barely avoiding the faster strands of sand after his life in the process to the point that he was almost at the same height as the clouds.

Well then. If C1 and C2 can't get through their combo C3 will have to do the job.

Leveling himself out as the bulk of the enemy's sand had refrained from following him, Deidara allowed himself to sigh in relief for the break and took out his most destructive piece of work that he had prepared beforehand. His previous works were powerful, but one couldn't be too careful when dealing with a Biju after all.

Looking down back at the earth, the blond man saw his target clearly with the scope on his left eye staring back at him directly with inhuman focus. While the air between them was littered with random flying grains of sand, altering the color of what he saw, it did little to impair the image below. The red headed teen was crossing his arms and had an interesting appearance with his skin covered in dark blue markings and an almost scaled like tail coming from his rear.

"Looks like you have more control over your beast than they said." The bomber smirked as he tossed his latest work in front of him and triggered its transformation, causing it to grow till it was the size of a small building and unleash its two warped angel like wings. "Even so, I doubt it's enough to deal with my strongest art so easily."

His C3 bomb was his most destructive work of art as its size could easily prove as evidence, and easily capable of destroying at least a good portion of the hidden village below. It was an exceptionally powerful explosive whose image would be burned into the minds and eyes of all who saw it before, during, and if they were lucky, after it exploded. Such a marvelous and grand piece could not be disregarded by anyone or simply blown away. The smaller streams of sand that had constantly harassed him throughout the fight were all but useless to stop its decent, and the larger limbs of coarse material were far too slow to intercept it before it was in range to do considerable damage.

The Kazekage seemed to be well aware of it as the moment he saw the bomb he uncrossed his arms and thrust them up, causing a massive pillar of sand to erupt from the village right to the white bringer of death.

A little over a thousand feet in the air the two forces collided without restraint, instantly setting off the shinobi equivalent of a nuke in the sky and blinding everyone watching. Instants later the resulting shockwave hammered everyone in the vicinity, shattering windows, and blowing away those unfortunate enough to be too close to the point of detonation.

Among all the techniques created by shinobi over the years exceptionally few would ever possess such raw destructive power, especially from a single individual unaided by a biju.

Despite this though, the damage done overall had been surprisingly superficial.

It had been the flaw of Deidara's retreat to such a high elevation. While it did give him the time to prepare such a devastating attack in the first place, it also enabled Gaara to prepare an adequate counter, which in itself had been simple. The faster he could set off the bomb in the sky, the less damage the village would take overall and the less of a need to create a massive chakra draining shield.

However Deidara was well aware of this possibility. He had been counting on it after all.

"Not bad…" The bomber smirked as he made the half ram seal. "Now let's finally see how good your defense is as good as everyone says."

Through the tremendous amount of dust and debris that was kicked up from the explosion, several pale birds emerged, diving towards the Kazekage and his sister from various angles and sides, all but ensuring that they could not all be taken out by Temari's ninjutsu before they reached their marks. In fact, by the time the partially blinded pair had finally noticed that they were being attacked, it was far too late for the girl to do anything.

But it was more than enough time for Gaara's personal stash of sand to react.

Far faster than what it could do in the previous timeline or even earlier in this one, the blood soaked sand erupted from the redhead's gourd on his back and shielded both its owner and his sibling in a shell of near impenetrable stone. One by one the bombs rapidly impacted the shield with no effect whatsoever until all of the suicide avian had performed their duty with virtually nothing to show for it at all…

And then the C2 Dragon fell from the sky like corrupted omen and collided with the shell, exploding with enough power to stun everyone in the area.

Lowing in elevation slowly, Deidara smirked in accomplishment. It had taken more of his resources than he had liked, but he finally got a good blow in and got some info on his target's abilities.

When he dropped his C3, there had been a significant drop in all of the other sand's movements, meaning that there was a certain amount of concentration needed to get them to do much, either that or there was a certain range that he could control the small stones efficiently. He had guessed as much when he climbed up higher and noted the reduction in how often he was attacked until even the faster sand left him alone. With the cover that his C3 had given him, he had gone on the offensive and probe some more.

The salvo of C1 bombs were to see just how fast the Kazekage's defense was and if he was lucky, take out the sister. Having known that the teen normally had a layer of sand on his skin at all times as a secondary defense, the bomber was confident that the attack wouldn't kill his target. They were also used to see how well the other masses of sand would react should its master be assaulted by a sudden unknown force inside their range. Much to the bomber's interest, he noted that they did little if anything.

Setting off his C2 dragon on the other hand was a bit more risky as he could accidentally kill his target by doing so and it took away his heavy support, but he needed to keep his attack ongoing and hard. Besides, the kid was a Kazekage with a biju in him. The least his supposed "Ultimate Defense" could do was enable him to survive an attack like that.

_The sand that protected him was apparently special. It all came from that gourd on his back. Odds are it's at least stronger than the stuff attacking me. Probably faster too, but he saves it for defending. Not that it did him much good in the end…_

Feeling confident that he at least managed to get some damage in, the Akatsuki increased his decent, ignoring all the dust and grit that had been kicked up into the air from his series of massively destructive techniques. Much to his anticipation, none of the massive limbs of sand in the air collapsed, meaning that his target was indeed still alive and conscious, but unmoving meaning that something had interrupted his concentration.

"He's tough. I'll give him that much." Deidara mused as he got close enough to see Gaara's and Temari's wounded figures in the shattered dome of sand, the latter being unconscious or dead and the former panting heavily and looking up at him with anger.

"I… will not let you win." The teen panted with frustration as he picked himself up with effort. Stretching his arm out, the Kazekage commanded the nearest giant limb towards his enemy, attempting to crush him in its twisted grasp…

… Only for it to fall apart as a mini dragon bomb dove from the sky and detonate on it.

"You didn't think I wouldn't make myself some spare support bombs before I used my C2 on you did you?" The terrorist snorted as he made the half ram seal and two more dragons charged from the heavens towards the jinchuriki…

… And were subsequently smashed to bits as the dozens of streams of sand that had been lingering in the air moved at once and assaulted them before they could even come close.

The previously strained looking Kazekage's color suddenly turned to dirt brown and collapsed into sand along with his sister. Moments later the platform and the shattered shell itself seemed to reform and move, revealing a perfectly unmarred shell of sand underneath that opened up to reveal the unharmed jinchuriki and the still fairly injured Temari.

"No. I didn't."

"Shit." Deidara swore as he realized he had been tricked. Apparently the Kazekage's defense was as strong as rumors said. He didn't see a hint of a scratch on the boy. Due to his aerial view, he didn't see the real unharmed shell hidden under the fake one until it was too late.

Flapping the wings of his bird hard, Deidara focused completely on evasion and narrowly managed to prevent half a dozen streams of sand from impaling him. A brief look up all but showed him that he would be hard pressed to retreat in the same way again as more than several tons of sand had manifested themselves above him without his knowing.

Left. Right. Dive. Spiral. Fake climb before shuffling to the right. The bomber was put completely on the defensive. Each dodge was more harrowing than the last. Each attack was getting faster. His mount had been torn to some degree at least half a dozen times by now. It was if the Kazekage had been playing with him the entire time and was now making his sand attack at higher speeds than before…

"Wait…" The blonde's eyes narrowed in confusion before it widened in realization and looked around at the dust saturated air. "Cunning little bastard. He set me up."

Gazing down upon his person and his mount, Deidara finally saw the grains of sand that had stuck onto his clothing and his mount, coating them in a faint brown dust that was barely noticeable unless one actually looked at himself…

And gradually slowing down their movements the more they flew in the airspace above Suna.

Barely dodging another faster small stream of sand that cut into his mount's underside, the Akatuski clicked his teeth in irritation. "This is getting annoying. I can't get a break against this guy. Mmm." He turned his attention to Gaara and put his hands in his pouches. "I guess it's time to change tactics… what the?!"

Before the terrorist could do anything to react, his entire body was ripped off of his mount by the sand that had stuck to his clothing over time, leaving him helpless in the air without support as rivers of sand collided into him from angles with crushing force. Not stopping there, the streams of stone then wrapped upon themselves at that focal point countless times forming a giant ball several meters in diameter… and instantly condensed upon itself.

Only to explode moments later.

"Behind!" Temari shouted sternly as she swung her fan to blow away and tear apart the sand covered mount that had been abandoned earlier. As like the other explosives that she had deflected, this bird too was blown away without much issue. "That fucking coward! Where is he?!"

Gaara didn't say anything as he focused on the sand under his control. Having used Naruto's Seventh Sense as inspiration, he had developed a similar sensory technique using the sand he was currently using, albeit he could only use it for short periods of time unlike the perpetual cloud of chakra that his friend possessed. As such it only took him moments to discover his target moving for one of the last places he would expect.

The village below.

"Close." Deidara sighed as he flew on yet another clay bird to the village below. It had been a risky move, but he had hidden himself inside his previous mount and used a clay clone by proxy before he went down to pick up the jinchuriki. He had suspected that something was amiss, but not for things to turn against him to that extent. When his clone was ripped off of its mount, Deidara had maneuvered the bird to an angle that no one was looking at and made his escape before using the slower bird to provide a weak suppressive fire.

The Akatsuki couldn't help but shiver lightly as he looked up at the sky, the countless tendrils of sand of varying sizes extending like twisted veins. The target's strength and advantage here was way beyond what had been estimated. It was if the entire world around him had been warped and set to kill him.

And the boy he had been set to capture was its god.

"What a scary monster he is. The power of a biju sure is something. Mm." The bomber grinned as he sped through the now crowded streets of Suna. If this monster really was protecting this place though, he'd be hard pressed to get Deidara without harming the villagers now. Of course there was the risk of being intercepted by one of the shinobi here if they were lucky, but it was better that then dealing with all the countless tendrils coming from all sides in the sky.

And while Gaara was restricted in what he could do inside the village, Deidara had none at all.

o. o. o.

With Sasori:

Sparks flew relentlessly as Sasori's and Chiyo's puppets clashed without pause, birthing a symphony of metal on metal that would not be matched anywhere else regardless of how hard people could try.

Both the puppets and the masters were nothing but blurs as one side tried to outdo the other in their craft of death. Neither side faltered. Neither side blinked. Neither side relented.

Shikamaru swallowed as he watched the spectacle display itself in front of him. He still had trouble believing that the old woman in front of him could move so quickly and so easily, and yet here she was clashing with her grandson with greater results than entire battalions of shinobi before her.

It wasn't that the shadow user didn't pay attention to what Sakura had told him when she recalled her old fight with Sasori. He did of course seeing as it had to do with Akatsuki. It was simply that he had yet to see someone with such a frail and old body perform with such blinding speed and skill. Even the third Hokage held a degree of power in his grandfather like image with his thick tan skin and missable scars on his face and hands.

To his side he noticed Kankuro watching the fight fiercely. It was small wonder really. He was after all watching the two greatest masters of his craft duke it out right in front of him. If the situation wasn't so dire, Shikamaru wouldn't put it past the brother of his girlfriend to start drooling and gush over such a thing happening.

Attempting to intervene at the moment would be suicidal. Chiyo was good, but she wouldn't be able protect him if he intervened now. Her job was to deplete Sasori of as many traps and puppets as possible. The more she got rid of, the less resources Sasori would have, and the less he and Kankuro would have to deal with when they stepped in again.

And both of them needed to be at their best to ensure that they took out the rogue puppeteer before things got out of hand.

"Impressive." Sasori mused as the two sides retreated momentarily to reveal that their weapons had been chipped, shattered, and pretty much wrecked beyond repair. "It seems you haven't let your skills fade with the years I've been gone."

"I'm not croaking till I spank that ungrateful rear of yours across the Land of Wind Sasori." The old woman snorted as her left ring and her right thumbs twitched. In response her Mother and Father puppets dropped their useless weapons and rearmed themselves with identical copies that were apparently hidden inside the cloaks they wore.

"I see. Well then, I will have to disappoint you once again Chiyo-baa." The redhead's left middle and pinkie fingers moved and forced the former Kazekage to thrust out its right arm, its limb breaking open like a flower to reveal seals on the inside. An instant later, countless puppet arms erupted from the limb like a twisted tree branch heading straight towards the old woman with the speed of a cannonball…

"Humph. And they call me senile." The elderly woman snorted as she jumped up into the sky and made her arms blur in motion.

Spiraling in the air alongside their controller, the married puppets clapped their free hands with the other's and separated to reveal thick strong wires linking them together.

By the time the warped branch of wooden limbs and hands reached where the old woman was, they had already missed their target woefully with said target standing near the end. Chiyo's wrinkled feet had barely touched the wood before she had moved again, quickly running up its length while her conjoined puppets wound around the path ahead of her, using the cord between them to tear apart the construct every time they crossed paths.

Sasori clicked his fake teeth in mild irritation. The old woman did make things more difficult for herself by having to jump from destroyed section to section. She also had the foresight to assume that he had rigged the limbs that she was walking on. Because she tore off the sections before she got on them, he couldn't set off the bombs, poison fumes, mechanical hands, or other traps that he had in there in time to catch her.

Deciding to cut his losses, the Akatsuki set off the remaining gas traps in the arm that had not been destroyed by his grandmother. An instant later, he then dislodged his puppet from the construct entirely. Attempting to keep his prized puppet there any longer would have risked it getting attacked in a difficult to defend position.

Much to his ire though, Chiyo did not stop at the lethal thick purple gas cloud that had erupted in front of her and instead charged right through it. Using the Mother's chakra shield to protect her and the Father as a vanguard, the old woman's charge would have been only moderate difficult to stop…

Had he not noticed a black shadow charging towards him from the side…

Jumping up and to the side to stand on the side of the gap of Suna's walls, Sasori still masterfully manipulated the former Kage's counterassault on his Grandmother as she emerged from the other side of the poison cloud while momentarily turning his gaze upon the interloper. The very brief meeting of eyes was enough for both to read one another's thoughts and understand that they would at the least try very hard to be the other's death.

And then the Akatsuki had once again turned to the more immediate threat in the form of an old woman half his size as she jumped to the other side of the pathway's wall armed with his first two puppets.

Quickly triggering some seals to restock his puppet with weapons, the criminal once more clashed with Chiyo. However, this time due to the annoying Nara trying to catch him once again, he was forced to keep on moving up the wall prompting the woman to do the same. Only in this case he commanded his puppet to grab the wall with one hand, attack the Father puppet with the other, and then he used the chakra strings to relocate himself to a more appropriate position higher up before going again on the attack.

It spoke greatly of how skilled the two puppetmasters were as they took their battle straight up the colossal cliff like structure while continuing to hammer one another's puppets without pause. The sparks caused from the clashes illuminated more and more of the passage as they gained elevation, and in turn cast increasingly warped and bizarre shadows along its entire sandstone length.

Sasori on the other hand was merely irritated by the progression of how the fight was going. While his human puppets were quite powerful, the more esoteric abilities they possessed required a degree of concentration in order to use. Their powers were not simple traps and tricks that could be triggered with the twitch of a finger. They were pure chakra based abilities being controlled from an outside source. Even with practice, they required a good deal of chakra and focus to use.

Then again, it wasn't like they would keep on going up forever.

Soon enough, grandmother and grandson had reached the top of the walls of Suna without having managed to land a single blow on one another and landed on either side of the gap they had just come up through…

And moments later the sky went white as Deidara's C3 went off in the heavens, forcing everyone there to focus on staying on the wall lest the aftershock blow them and their puppets away.

"He's annoying, but at least he's reliable enough when it comes to distractions." The younger puppeteer muttered as he took the opening to focus his chakra and make seals. Looking up at the sky briefly, he noted the vein like configuration of sand that had encapsulated the village and the descending pale bird in the distance. Even he had to admit that the jinchuriki appeared to be stronger than anticipated. As much as he disliked Deidara, he hated making people wait more and it was clear that his partner needed help right now. It was the principle of the thing more than anything else at this point. "It was a mistake of the Nara to force us up here Chiyo-baa. We're too far away for him to get in the way now…"

Quickly finishing the seals needed to activate his favorite puppet's abilities, Sasori channeled his chakra with a confident smirk. Now that the iron sand of the third Kazekage was active, he had effectively won. The Iron Sand was a natural counter towards any other puppet user he could encounter, and while Nara in general were crafty, they lacked the power and jutsu to make a difference in this situation.

The old woman in front of him seemed to realize that she was in trouble as she instantly sent her two puppets forward in a pincer formation in an attempt to interrupt her grandson before he could attack.

"Farewell." Sasori twitched his fingers as the metal particles shot out of his puppets mouth and hammered the area where the old woman stood with bullets that shattered the section of the wall she was on…

And yet the redhead still had to retract his prized possession and counter the oncoming Mother and Father puppets, which had not stopped their assault in the slightest.

"Damn old woman just won't die." The Akatsuki grunted as the third Kazekage gathered great amounts of iron sand to both its arms and speared themselves out in two walls of death. The fast counter to the pincer attack proved more than enough to force away the oncoming puppets back to their side of the gap, their mere high quality disposable tools proving to be no match against the chakra infused metal.

Before anything else could be done however, a second large explosion was heard in the distance moments later. While it was nowhere near as potent as the first one, it was strong enough to kick up a strong wind and blast away the dust that had hidden the old woman…

And reveal that her right arm had split into two parts. The first one held her hand and fingers, which seemed to still control the Mother puppet connected to its fingers. The second one was roughly a third of its width and size, and was pointing forward and displaying its built in Chakra Shield.

"Oh?" The younger of the two mused as he ignored the sky above him once more writhe and move as a single entity. "You converted your arm into a puppet's… great minds think alike."

The old woman frowned as the chakra shield in her arm began to malfunction due to the iron sand that interrupted the chakra she sent into it. The part that controlled her puppet on the other hand seemed to work just fine however… probably due to the odd skin like material that covered all the joints. "You always were mouthy when you were confident you got away with something Sasori. Why not just scream to everyone in the village that you messed with your body while you're at it?"

The grandson allowed himself to chuckle briefly in amusement before he began to focus once more. "Because it's pointless. Anyone who fights me here will die before forcing me to use "myself". Regardless of what they know, it won't help them…" With a twitch of his fingers, the spikes on the third Kazekage's arms shattered and reformed into ryo sized projectiles. Dozens if not hundreds of metal bullets hovered over the puppet. "Much like yourself."

Before the iron could make its way to the old woman however, the entire gap between them spawned a massive black wall, darker than the night sky itself, and blocked the assault with ease.

"Troublesome." A familiar voice sighed as its owner walked from the darkness onto the stone towards the old woman as if taking a leisurely stroll. "You really picked one annoying place to take this fight old lady."

"What does that say about you? Having trouble keeping up with someone my age. Young people today are so lazy. No wonder you're all so dependent on us poor old folks." The grandmother snorted mockingly. "Where's the other lazy good for nothing?"

As if on cue, the ground behind her exploded, revealing Kankuro riding on top of Sanshou. "I don't care what you say, I am NEVER travelling through that guy's shadows ever again. Once was enough thank you very much."

"And you wonder why you get so much flack from everyone." The Nara snorted as the black wall receded until it meshed perfectly with the tops of both parts of the sandstone cliff, exposing Sasori's somewhat annoyed self on the other side and a great deal more black metal than moments earlier. "So that's the hailed iron sand huh?"

"As interested as I am in your abilities, I'm afraid you are more annoying than anything else at this point Nara." Sasori glared as he gave his puppet wings of tainted metal and formed large spikes overhead and launched them at his targets at speeds that instantly broke the sound barrier…

… Only to collide with another barrier of darkness spawning from the darkness and take the oncoming missiles with unnatural ease.

"Annoying huh?" The Black Deer sighed as if talking about the weather, indicating that his latest maneuver didn't drain him of much chakra. "Must be another bad trait I got from that troublesome woman."

"Show off." Kankuro grumbled irritably, but clearly not surprised by his comrade's ability to block Sasori's attack.

"You had your turn." The Nara brushed away Kankuro's jibe like a fly without looking away from Sasori. "Just stay far enough so that the Kazekage's technique can't affect your puppets. The old lady and I'll take care of things for you."

"Is that right?" The puppetman grunted, clearly not appreciating being addressed in such a careless manner. He had been insulted countless times before, obviously, but rarely had he been treated as only a minor threat. If bullets and spears would not pierce the wall of shadows, then he would simply have to try something with more power. Within moments a giant pyramid and block of poisoned iron materialized above him while large claws of the same material reformed on its creator. "Well then by all means, go right ahead."

The block came first, moving faster than anything that size should have a right to and hammered the area where the three shinobi were standing, shattering the ramparts in the process. Sasori did not give the destruction or the lack of a barrier this time a moment's notice however, as his arms and fingers were already blurring in motion, commanding his puppet to attack and counter the Mother and Father automations that had yet to stop moving.

"What is that old bat thinking?" Sasori mused as the two forces clashed with blinding speed in mid air, ignorant of the parts of the cliff falling hundreds of feet to the ground. Soon enough he could feel the iron sand under his control begin to invade the opponent's tools. "She knows what I can do… ah, I see."

Without looking, the Akatsuki rushed forward, just barely avoiding being caught by the long shadow tendrils behind him that had formed from a line that spanned the area behind him. Without letting up on his assault, Sasori continued on straight towards the gap and launched the pyramid forward. If it hit anyone, good. If it didn't, it would simply strike the block and kill everyone nearby anyways.

What he didn't expect as for a giant black buck's head to rear from the accursed gap and knock it away with its massive horns. As if that wasn't the end of it, the horns themselves then began shoot out like tendrils and attempted to spear both the former Kazekage and its controller.

Grunting in irritation, Sasori moved both himself and his prized tool expertly through the oncoming jungle of shadows, jumping on each protrusion in order to avoid the next dozen. As if reading its controller's mind, the Kazekage puppet's chest opened up to reveal a device that suddenly poured out waves of chakra, and moments later a floating platform of iron not unlike the one Gaara used manifested underneath Sasori's feet. "I've had enough of this."

The two massive iron shapes in the area shot up into the sky above the deer head and collided with one another with tremendous force.

"Satsetsu Kaihou (Iron Sand World Method)." The puppeteer activated the technique with a gleam of murderous satisfaction in his fake eyes. Where the blocks collided, giant branches of metal speared out in all directions violently and indiscriminately. Even the giant black horn spears of the black and white deer head were penetrated with unnatural ease as the orb of protrusions continued outward without stop.

… Or at least until the darkness in the cliffs began to move once more.

"Furuijutsu. Ko Sekai Kiritsu (Ancient Art: Old World Order)."

o. o. o.

Despite the terrible position he was in, Deidara couldn't help but laugh like a child in a candy store as he tore through the streets of Suna, unloading countless numbers of his tiny grasshopper like bombs throughout the city without restraint. He was enjoying himself so much that he had almost forgotten that several dozen streams of sand were after his blood and he had to focus to avoid the giant pillars of stone that occasionally shot up from the streets to stop him.

The rush. The thrill. The chase. It was almost as if he was back in Iwa again running from the old fart Onoki. How long had it been since he simply just cut loose and tried to unleash as many bombs as possible instead of being precise? True the minor bombs were really just to distract the local populace so they don't get in the way, but still it was the little things that made a person's day sometimes… metaphorically speaking.

Several large balls of sand flew in front of him and exploded into giant clouds that blocked his path. Knowing that he was unable to get away in time, the Akatsuki sunk into his bird just as it tore through the cloud and was shredded apart by the course materials. Just as the remains shot out the other side where more sand laid in waiting, Deidara jumped out of the useless creation, created a new mount, switched to it, and managed to get out of immediate danger just as his previous ride was crushed and subsequently exploded.

"Oi oi! Come on! Tell me you can do better than that!" The bomber laughed loudly as he weaved away to avoid another fast moving tendril of sand.

_This isn't good. I can't get to him like this._ He thought to himself. _I have a little over half my chakra left, but I don't have any time to prepare anything decent like this. Getting away in this situation will be tough, let alone catching this guy alive…_

A quick pulse of chakra set off a good number of the bombs he let lose in the city, causing a good deal of screaming to be heard. That would be enough to force a good part of the local forces to be on medic duty and damage control.

_It would be convenient if I could hold the village hostage, he is the Kazekage after all… how to buy enough time to pull it off is the real trick…_

Turning to the side to barely pass through two more pillars, Deidara formulated a plan. It would all but wipe out his chakra reserves, but the way things were going now it wasn't like he had much else that could work. Judging from the glares of death his target was giving, he didn't have much time left before something overboard might be used on him.

Constantly chewing and molding his clay with both his hands, the bomber was constantly at work either spawning large numbers of small bombs or making more mounts as they were constantly being torn apart by the attacking sand or the few locals that managed to get a lucky shot off of him. Bomb after bomb went off in the city until it was more than clear that regardless of who won there would be a great deal of repairs to be done.

Again and again Deidara managed to avoid capture by the skin of his teeth with the aid of his absurd jutsu while terrorizing the local populace, going through the village several times before the local populace's interference grew too much and he finally once more took to the sand infested skies where he focused completely on avoiding the megatons of sand that lay in waiting there…

He didn't even last two minutes before he was assaulted by all sides and crushed…

Only this time when the mount exploded, there was no body…

A massive commotion down in the village caught everyone's attention in time for them to see a massive clay blob grow and crush one of the buildings in the village, gaining size and definition until it was apparent to be a giant copy of the intruder himself. Moments later, another pale bird flew into the air above the bomb with its creator standing confidently on it.

"Fuck!" Temari swore, instantly understanding what had happened. While the man had been running through the village and making chaos, he had at some point replaced himself with a clone and escaped into the smoke, giving him enough time to make this new monstrosity. Worse yet was that it was right on top of the village, threatening pretty much everyone below with its very existence.

Gaara on the other hand merely growled murderously, causing the air and the sand all over to ripple with his killing intent and presence. He knew very well what this bomb was and what it could do… and unfortunately he also knew that it was one of two techniques Deidara could use that Gaara could not stop from harming others. He had been hoping to either drive off or kill the blond man before he would even consider using this weapon, however it seems he failed miserably. The Akatsuki was far more cunning and slippery than he had remembered, and that was saying a lot.

"Judging by the killing intent you're giving off, you already know what comes next." The youngest member of Akatsuki grinned confidently as he flew casually to his target. "Give up now, or you'll be the Kazekage of a village of corpses."

"Gaara! Don't even consider it!" Temari shouted at her brother.

"Shut up girl. You have no say in the matter." The male blond snapped, panting a bit. Clearly this latest creation took a good bit of chakra out of him. "You should be honored that I am using my C4 for the first time here! I was saving this beauty for a special occasion… although showing everyone the magnificence of my greatest art in a hidden village is rather tempting… the hidden village with no shinobi. It has a nice ring to it doesn't it?"

"I will make you Shukaku's toy to play with and scream until the end of time if you harm anymore of my people." The redhead's eyes flashed yellow momentarily and the sand everywhere twitched.

"Careful." Deidara grinned with two fingers extended in front of his face. "Using words like that can make me awfully twitchy. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I want to see my masterpiece waste this village to show the world my greatness. Better make your decision soon jinchuriki. Whenever I'm this close to achieving new works of art, I get excited."

"Gaara. Please. You're more to us than just Shukaku. You're our Kazekage." Temari winced as her wounds began to act up. "The people love you."

"_**Fuck the masses and kill the little shit already!" **_Shukaku roared irritably, still on a battle high and eager for blood.

The Kazekage didn't say anything as his eyes jumped between the large clouds of smoke that rose from his city where earlier bombs had gone off, to the massive battle of twisted black figures on the wall, to the bomb in the form of the bomber to the creator itself… back to the village.

"Temari… it's because I'm the Kazekage that I…"

A gentle breeze of wind pushed against his back, causing him to stop in mid sentence.

"… _You have no distractions."_

"Oi! What's it gonna be ya sand rat?! You or the cannon fodder?!" Deidara shouted somewhat annoyed. While he wasn't as bad as Sasori, the man was a bit on the impatient side when he was forced to wait on something simple.

He was not however, expecting his target to start laughing though.

"G-Gaara?" Temari momentarily backed up as she heard her brother laugh with his head bowed…

Gaara had not laughed with all his might since he was younger… and insane.

"Heh. Hehehahahahaha…" The dry chuckle emerged from the redhead's mouth as if hearing a funny joke after not talking or drinking for a week.

A second later his head rose up to reveal his eyes with the cross shaped pupils and dots that were found in his tenant's head.

"Die."

Whatever feelings the people of Suna had associated with their Kazekage or the biju within him had instantly redefined them tenfold as the desert was flooded with flooded with Gaara's presence. There was no sky. There was no land. There were no people. There was no hidden village. There was only the desert truly coming to life, rising like a reverse waterfall to crush anything in its path like the force of nature it was.

Despite all logic that should have said that there was only a set amount of sand in the village to keep things clean, Gaara somehow managed to double the amount available to him from just inside the village. Wave after wave of miniscule stones manifested from the unseen alleyways between buildings and flew towards the human shaped bomb with discrimination much to its creator's shock.

"What the hell?!" The Akatsuki swore in surprise as he barely managed to get out of the way of the oncoming assault. It wasn't that he was disappointed that he didn't have to set off his bomb… actually he was contemplating doing it anyways after ensuring that the Kazekage was knocked out. No what he was shocked at was the drastic increase in ferocity that his target was going after him with and the overwhelming unnatural feeling he was getting in the process.

He hadn't experienced something as messed up as this since he got caught in one of Itachi's stronger genjutsu… or when he first saw Pain in action…

That was it. There was no way he could capture the target like this. Either Sasori got off his artificial ass to help, Pain would have to get Itachi and Kisame to get the brat, or they'd try again when the runt wasn't in the middle of his damn element. Even the old fart Onoki wouldn't be this much of a pain to fight in the middle of his home turf. "Fine! If that's the way you want to play it then that's how we're going to play! Enjoy being the leader of a dead village! Katsu!"

The humanoid bomb, still somehow unruptured from the unrelenting assault instantly began to swell to massive proportions before one spear of stone too many caused it to pop and fall apart.

Deidara however was not paying attention to his bomb as he frantically attempted to flee from the assaulting claws and streams of sand from all sides, rushing towards Sasori as fast as he could. Despite his best efforts, he was frequently being forced to change rides every few seconds due to the sheer amount of oppressive force he was encountering.

Every wall he encountered required a handmade mini dragon bomb in order to open up. A cloud of sand required him to hide in his mount then jump out of as soon as he made it out the other side and make a new bird. Assaulting claws and streams could be dodged for the most part, but if he encountered too many he would either have to use more bombs to destroy the attacking limbs or once more make a new ride. The man would have sworn that he had jumped half the distance to the edge of Suna if he had the breath to say anything at the moment.

The speed at which Deidara was producing his sculptures was only matched by the rate at which he was being attacked by the desert. One could almost say that the display between the predator and the prey at that moment was not unlike a work of art in itself when it came to how fast the two sides moved…

"I think I might have pissed this guy off a bit too much. Mmm." The youngest member of Akatsuki chuckled weakly as he attempted to regain his breath and sped towards Sasori. Between making his C4 and his frantic attempts to stay alive, he was far lower on chakra than he would have liked…

A flash of light coming from where Sasori was caught the blonde's attention and caused him to frown. "Oi oi. Don't tell me you're in trouble too Sasori-danna. If you actually need help getting out of here you're gonna be shit out of luck…"

o. o. o.

Whatever Sasori had been expecting when he had been told to go to Suna, this was certainly not been it.

Spike for spike. Bullet for bullet. Blade for blade. Whatever his prized puppet had formed out of enhanced and poisoned iron sand was being countered almost perfectly by the black substance under the Nara's control, spawning from that infernal gap in the cliffs…

… Or what was left of the gap anyways. By this point, the once narrow slit in the massive wall was more like a gaping hole with a small narrow gap in the bottom. This was thanks to his Iron Sand World Method taking out nearly half of the stone around it and opening up a part of the normal sand ramparts the junchuriki had made earlier.

Since then however, the Akatsuki had been busy attempting to hold back the Nara's increasingly annoying technique, which produced what appeared to be solid shadows preventing his iron sand from getting closer to him…

… And an army of pitch black bucks with white eyes and markings the size of small dogs that were constantly running up his iron sand, jumping all over the place like fleas, or shooting the tips of their antlers at him.

"As if I didn't need any more evidence that he's the Black Deer of Konoha." The Puppetmaster growled from his perch, adjusting the iron sand around him to protect him from another slew of shadow bullets. The most annoying part about the things was the fact that they were a lot like Deidara's grasshopper bombs. They were tiny and kept on jumping everywhere. If he had the time to focus, he could easily have sprayed them with a few hundred iron senbon or crush them from the outside in much like Shukaku's previous containers…

But he had to also focus on his damn grandmother who was busy doing a wonderful job distracting him with his old tools and running interference, causing him to move his platform rather frequently in order to avoid getting hit. Due to his attention being split he was having trouble hitting them with any of his own sand as she was protected by the shadow wall and thus allowing her to move her puppets anywhere she pleased.

Retreating was unthinkable, and moving forward would just make him get in the way of his own attacks…

"This is why I hate humans." The Puppet grumbled as a few twitches of his fingers made his puppet drop several large round balls just before he attempted in futility to arc his iron spikes around the black wall, only for the wall to curve with the spikes and deny him. "They just don't give up even with their flaws… how annoying."

The bombs of lethal gas erupted, emitting a purple haze everywhere in the battlefield that would no doubt kill anyone who breathed it in. Sasori of course was immune to it due to not having lungs, but that was the point. None of his opponents would ever assume that he'd do something like this. Unless one them was unusually proficient in wind ninjutsu, he highly doubted that all of them would be able to escape…

Which is why he was mildly shocked when a gust of what could only be described as black air erupted from below and blew away virtually all of the gas in an instant.

"… He can manifest gas from his shadows as well as solids and create a fabricated wind? That's certainly a versatile jutsu he has…" The Akatsuki mused in curiosity and minor anger as he was momentarily distracted by the black dots flying up in his line of sight. "… So that's how he dealt with my poison earlier."

His gaze then turned to the deer that seemed to plague him and noticed that several were beginning to fade out of sight by themselves. "It seems as if that it drains his chakra rather quickly though. Pity."

Knowing now that the Nara would lose a battle of attrition, Sasori revitalized his assault on the other side of the wall, firing off spears and massive geometric shapes in the direction that the old woman and the brother of the current Kazekage stood. The assault hammered the massive black wall with horrifying force that echoed for miles around and would have gained everyone in Suna's attention had they not been focused on the explosions happening IN their village at the same time.

Little by little Sasori began to see progress as the black wall began to give way and he was forced to dodge the assaulting mini deer with less frequency.

Soon. Very soon he would kill these three and get back to his main job. He would take their bodies as well. The Nara's jutsu was useful and he had no doubt that the two other puppeteers there would have souvenirs that would provide useful for his research.

In a massive spray of iron grains, he finally took out the Mother and Father puppets with satisfaction, watching for longer than was needed to see them freeze with their remaining intact joints jam and render them useless.

Another large black pyramid was the final straw that shattered the unnaturally powerful barrier, forcing it to disintegrate into oblivion once penetrated and revealing the unnerved and virtually defenseless Kankuro, Shikamaru, and Chiyo.

"You put up a good fight I'll give you that much." Sasori stated evenly as he pulled back his puppet and formed thousands of metal bullets above and around his targets. "However I've run out of patience…"

Not bothering to hold back this time, the iron bullets instantly went from zero to Mach 3 in an instant, utterly shattering yet even more of the ramparts that surrounded the village and causing more boulders to collide with the buildings below.

Not taking anything for granted, the iron sand there then spiraled to create an artificial wind to blow away all the dust and debris… to reveal the broken and beaten bodies of his targets among the rubble… or at least the puppets that were disguised as them…

Moments later he froze as an unnaturally oppressive feeling echoed everywhere there was sand, as if the desert itself had just become extraordinarily enraged for the first time in millennia. Such sensations he had not experienced the like of since Pain of all people…

It was then however… that Sasori realized that he really couldn't move.

"Got him."

A thread thin black shadow that had connected to the bottom of Sasori's floating platform to the wall below widened in an instant and yanked both the surprised puppeteer and his tool down at remorseless speeds that did not stop when he impacted the cliff.

The puppetman despite not being human still had to overcome his momentary shock as he attempted to get back up. _He can utilize his clan's trademark jutsu through the air at such distances… of course he can. I should have anticipated that when he first started making his shadows move. Regardless, he won't be able to hold me for long. I can still use the Third's Iron Sand to some extent like this, but how did they get behind… ah…_

Sasori realized his mistake. The large shadows that attempted to ensnare him from behind earlier and forced him to the air weren't there for attacking. They were there for moving. Just as the Nara used his shadows to move quickly to the top of the wall, he used them to transfer himself and his comrades behind him later on. The black wall, the deer, the Mother and Father… they had all been just a distraction to occupy his attention and make him ignore the fact that he had not been able to see his actual targets since the fighting began…

When the master had managed to look around to see all three of his targets standing behind him however, the final part of their plan clicked into place…

_So that's why the other one didn't do anything since coming up here._

Kankuro was standing in between Chiyo and Shikamaru and on top of his Salamander puppet making seals. Unlike the previous models however, THIS Salamander was glowing with bluish white energy with its mouth wide open, tail sticking out in line with its body, and lightning arcing around it menacingly. All of its feet and several additional devices latched to its sides were physically anchored to the sandstone beneath it, and every one of the boy's lightning white chakra strings were connected to either side of the mechanical demon.

Clearly, the boy's research into puppetry did not end with that metal knight he had used earlier.

Brilliant. Clearly lethal and about to be used against him, but utterly brilliant.

Still Sasori was not completely helpless as he manipulated the Iron Sand nearby to hastily make a wall between them.

"Raiton: Senkuhou (Lightning Style: Flash Cannon)."

Having used his chakra strings, body, and puppet to create a massive human puppet circuit, Kankuro set off the device in his Salamander. The single twitch in his fingers unleashed all the chakra-electric power he had stored up in his prized puppet made by his target, and fired off the jutsu enhanced railgun he had made inside.

Even with their absurd amounts of experience and superhuman abilities, the only thing that the shinobi there could see in the following instant was a massive bright light emit from the puppets mouth with a deafening bang. This was followed by the instantaneous hole made through Sasori's hastily made barrier as if made of paper, in and out of the target, and straight on forward till it past Suna's edge and disappeared into the desert. The resulting slipstream that was created as an aftereffect was more than enough to drag the Akatsuki, his puppet, and the metal around him all the way over the destroyed part of the wall and collapse on the other side in a lifeless heap. Almost half a minute later a large cloud of smoke was barely seen in the dark distance indicating to everyone just how far the attack had gone.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru grunted as he dug a finger into his ears. "Even with chakra plugging my ears I'm still partially deaf from that."

"Eh?!" Chiyo asked loudly putting a hand to the side of her head. "What did you say!? You have to speak up! My ears aren't what they used to be!"

"I told you guys that it would be loud." Kankuro grunted, having the least issue with hearing being used to the effects of his attack by now. "Not my fault you didn't take me seriously."

"Shut up Kankuro! Now is not the time for your complaining! This is why I can't take you seriously!" Chiyo snapped loudly.

"And of course, she heard that." The brother of the Kazekage sighed in dejection as he focused anyways on the target that he had just shot to kingdom come.

It was only then that they noticed the increasingly loud rumbling noise that was coming from the village. Much akin to an avalanche…

"Oi! Sasori-danna! Unless you're planning on helping, the mission's a failure! We're leaving!"

Everyone turned to see Deidara flying towards them as fast as possible with a literal tsunami's worth of sand followed by several hundred giant biju sized arms chasing after him.

"Holy shit Gaara's pissed." Kankuro paled.

"Why did we think he needed help again?" Shikamaru asked curiously.

"What?!" Chiyo yelled, apparently still deaf.

Unfortunately for them, they had been so distracted by Deidara's attempted escape from a magnificently overkill death that they did not notice the body of their target suddenly rise up from where it had collapsed just a minute earlier… sans the right part of his chest, torso, and right arm revealing the bulk of his insides to be completely hollow.

"We can't fight adequately under these conditions…" The puppetman mused as he re-established control over his thankfully unharmed prized tool with his remaining hand and glared at his three distracted opponents. The latest attack had wrecked the device in his chest that he used to control multiple puppets at once. It was only a miracle that the scrolls on his back were for the most part undamaged.

It had been very close. Had he not fabricated his iron sand AND made a strong magnetic field to push the fired projectile to the side, he would have most certainly have perished from the attack instead of simply lost his right arm and half his body. Regardless, he was no longer in a suitable condition to fight, especially if the jinchuriki was this powerful.

A massive rumbling shook the area and forced everyone there to turn around to look outside the village opposite of where Gaara was … or at least they tried to look outside as a colossal wall of sand shot up and blocked the view of the world from view.

"He's persistent, I'll give him that much…" The Scorpion of the Red Sands grunted as he channeled as much chakra as he could into his prized puppet despite his current condition. Given Deidara's position, he had less than four seconds to make this work, or else it was likely that both of them would die here. He didn't bother to pay attention to his three opponents that had just disappeared in another one of the Nara's shadows.

Jumping forward to where he was going to create his miracle, Sasori manipulated as much iron sand as possible to impale and open up the wall that Gaara had just made.

Despite the fact that Gaara and his father could control their elements in far greater quantities than the third Kazekage, the third was considered the strongest for a reason. His power came not in the quantity of his sand element (though he could control a lot), but in the quality, or in this case the shape of his attacks. His skill in shape manipulation was so absurd that he frequently could meld and forge his iron sand into solid permanent weapons of incredible quality for the shinobi of Suna to wield. Before his disappearance, it was often said that Suna's shinobi on average were the best equipped fighters in the elemental nations save for notable exceptions such as the Seven Swordsmen and other specialists.

Utilizing what little iron he could gain suitable control over in a short amount of time, Sasori formed and fired off a somewhat large metal cone into the wall, forcing it to drill into the wall with far more ease than what one would think possible until it reached the back end of the construct. Then the inside of the solid cone hollowed out and opened up to reveal a gap in the wall just large enough for the bomber's mount to pass through.

Moments later the puppetman and his prized tool flew through through the gap followed not a second later by his partner who managed to squeeze through and escape being crushed between two walls of loosely packed stone.

Landing on the bird that caught up to him, Sasori instantly turned around and set his sights on the literal giant tsunami he had just passed through. "I see his skills were understated."

"No shit! Mmm!" Deidara snapped as he didn't slow his bird down in the slightest. "What the hell happened to you?!"

"My grandmother and a couple of interesting brats." The redhead stated evenly as he saw the tsunami begin to warp on itself while projectiles of sand were launched over it in masse.

"Your grandmother?! Seriously if you don't want to tell me that you got your ass kicked you could have just threatened to kill me!" Deidara yelled in frustration as the sand bombs exploded in front of them to reveal more giant clouds that would slow them down drastically if they flew through them.

"Just focus on flying or we're both dead." The elder snapped, not in the mood for his partner's back talking right now. The tsunami behind them had not chased after them like he had initially assumed, but the part closest to them was still changing and gaining definition…

"Shit."

"That bad?" The blond laughed bitterly without turning around, still focusing on getting as much range as possible while still avoiding the sand clouds. It wasn't often that Sasori swore. True he often threatened to kill and maim others, primarily him, but cursing to describe something or a situation rarely happened.

Sasori responded by virtually fusing to the clay bird under him and popping out a nozzle from his left hand and pointed it in the opposite direction they were flying. In front of him, the upper body of the Ichibi had completely formed and was gathering a great deal of chakra into its massive fanged mouth. "If you want to live, I suggest you hold on and make sure we don't crash."

Tapping into one of the scrolls on his back, which while damaged were still fortunately functional, Sasori unleashed a massive torrent of flames from his functioning arm and drastically increased the speed of the bird he was flying on.

Seconds later, the manifestation of the Ichibi unleashed its payload with gusto at its would be hunters, producing a blast of black and gold chakra so dense and powerful that it produced slipstreams strong enough to make twisters in its wake.

Later on the people of Suna and Gaara would also have to remake the road leading to the entrance of this part of the village due to the damages made, but that was irrelevant to the plot.

"Oi oi! I get it! I pissed you off! Let up already!" Deidara swore as he pulled up hard enough that combined with Sasori's aid they just managed to avoid being turned to dust. The backlash caused by the beam didn't help things as they were subsequently battered around by the air currents. "That's it! Fuck it! My C4's been everywhere by now! I warned him about what would happen if he didn't give up! Katsu!"

Sasori frowned at the mention of Deidara's C4. If he inadvertently killed the Ichibi's container, Pain would be very far from pleased. For several seconds there was an ominous pause as the sand beast's mouth closed and the sand around it calmed down to a degree…

And then it opened its mouth and began to gather chakra again.

Well, at least they now knew that the jinchuriki wasn't accidentally killed.

"Deidara…" Sasori warned as he prepared his arm again.

"I'm going! I'm going! Mmm!" The blond teen yelled, understanding exactly what was going on as he urged his mount to fly as fast as he could push it while still engaging evasive maneuvers.

Three times. Three more times the Ichibi's host had fired off massive waves of chakra at its retreating pursuers with a violent ferocity that could belong only to a biju, only to barely miss each time. That wasn't to say that they were unharmed, as the constant shaking had completely drained the last of both of their chakra reserves, and ruined more of Sasori's body.

But they had still escaped.

o. o. o.

Gaara wearily sat in his office as he continued to order his commanders and shinobi to fix the damage done to the village. Despite the fact that he had not been captured, Deidara's rampaging throughout the village during the fight had caused a large amount of damage and a good number of casualties. Unfortunately the Kazekage could not be held completely innocent either as many of the things he had attempted to do to stop the mad bomber in his tracks had unfortunately dragged in some of his men who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Temari was in the hospital to be treated for her wounds, and Kankuro and Shikamaru were helping with managing the efforts despite the fact that they fought just as hard as he did that night.

It was only due to Baki's rather forceful intervention that he had managed to have some time to himself to simply rest. Using his Biju's powers in such amounts was an exhausting endeavor after all. When it was finally realized that their insomniac leader was actually dead tired many of his followers had decided to try and manage things on their own for a while to give him rest…

"Past present or future, you are still one of the scariest guys I will ever know Gaara."

So much for rest.

Without opening his black eyelids, the Kazekage allowed himself to smirk faintly. "Likewise Naruto."

"Controlling so much sand and then firing off that many bijudama's like that…" The blond jinchuriki grinned as he seemed to phase into the world. "Did you completely gain control over Shukaku?"

"No. I just happen to be really good at what I can work with." Gaara replied. "Never took you for a genjutsu type."

"Eh. I'm just adjusting the path of light through the air so it doesn't bounce off of me. It's a lot easier to manage my chakra when I'm working with just the air I control." The Kyubi jinchuriki shrugged casually before sitting on one of the chairs there and changing colors for a few seconds. "It's really fun to mess with the variants, but I'm like you. I'm good with what I have, and everything else I suck at."

The Kazekage nodded. "I suppose that your control enabled you to prevent any of the C4 bombs from being inhaled."

"Of course!" The blonde laughed. "I wouldn't have urged you to keep fighting if I couldn't pull it off after all."

"And if you couldn't?"

"I would have ambushed them while they were taking you back to their base obviously."

"I'm somewhat glad you didn't. We can't afford to give Deidara any new ideas."

"Please. By the time I finish he'd be begging to take him under my wing."

A shiver ran down Gaara's spine. "I believe I have found something more terrifying than Madara."

"Pussy." The blond pouted.

The Kazekage opened his eyes and looked at his first friend for the first time in years. He seemed to be dressed the same as he did before, albeit it seemed to match his size better. He was a bit taller and more mature looking than ever, but his eyes… "You've been through much it seems."

Naruto's very sleep deprived eyes closed merrily before opening again. There was still a gleam of immense immaturity and mischievousness that he was notorious for, however there was no hint of innocence in them at all, and the gaze he was giving was good deal cooler than before. "Heh. Yeah you could say that. Ero-ni really went all out in my training… in more ways than we thought."

Gaara frowned. His friend was still there, but at the same time he had changed in an unpleasant way. He had seen the same looks on war veterans that had seen one or a dozen horrible scenes too many. "Why aren't you in Konoha? I wasn't the only one that felt your arrival."

The cocky Uzumaki's smile faltered for a moment before it let loose a sigh of a weary old man. "Let's just say… I need a break from it all for now, and I won't get it in Konoha."

"… I see." The Kazekage nodded after a few seconds of contemplation. "That explains why you haven't told anyone else you're here… however Shikamaru…"

"Is obligated to tell everyone else that he met me when he gets back, even if he sides with me." Naruto interrupted. "Plus Ino would be able to sniff out that he's hiding something big in an instant."

"Point made." Gaara relented, knowing enough of Shikamaru's Yamanaka teammate from his semi constant griping and stories. "Though our concern is warranted. You are by yourself, unaided, and prone to attracting…"

"Fucked up situations?" The blond snorted. Obviously the pattern had not abated during his time away from home. "Oh trust me. I know it. That's why I'm heading to places that I know are going to be messed up soon so I at least know what's going to happen."

"That's… one way to deal with such a problem." The Kazekage admitted albeit with a grain of salt. "Though if you want to keep a low profile, doing that will make things difficult."

"Eh. It's not like I'm going to be gone for long. Only a few months at the most." Naruto yawned. "I'm just taking a VERY well needed break from everything. If things get too rough I'll just run back home…"

"And what qualifies as too much for you at this point?" Gaara frowned. Naruto was widely believed to be their generation's hardest hitter. Even before he left he was speculated to be on par with the Sanin in terms of jutsu vocabulary and destructive capabilities.

"Oi. Don't give me that look. If Akatsuki starts going after me in particular, I'll go back, but right now I'm pretty sure that I can take them on one on one without too much trouble... other than Madara of course. Besides they still don't know I'm back let alone where I am. The only reason why I didn't help out more here was because I got here in the middle of the fighting and preventing everyone in the city from breathing in those C4 bombs was trickier than it looked."

"I'll take your word for it." The sand user dryly stated. "… Just to be safe though, tell me honestly. If we were to fight here, what do you think would happen?"

The Uzumaki raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? With the shit you just pulled off? I'd have to be freaking nuts to fight you on your home turf." He clicked his teeth in frustration and began to think. "Never took you for a competitive type. Well if we didn't use our biju or sage mode… I think I'd still lose two, maybe three to one, and that's if I'm not allowed to run away screaming like a small girl… or Konohamaru."

"Are you sure you aren't overestimating yourself?" The Kage asked with a hint of a smirk. "Those are pretty generous odds all things considered."

"No… I think I'm on the money with that one." The blond waved Gaara's speculation to the side absently. "You have your ultimate defense, but I have several techniques of mass destruction. And more tricks." He paused. "Why do I have a sudden urge to claim I pulled off the full set?"

Gaara ignored Naruto's random comment. He had a feeling he was better off not knowing. Being reminded that the person in front of him was notorious for being an individual of pure chaos without his Biju's aid was not a pleasant experience. "Naruto. How many obnoxiously destructive techniques did you learn or make while you were gone?"

The room was silent for a good amount of time.

"… Naruto…"

"… Nope. I'm not answering that one. No way. Not going to tell you. You cannot make me tell you. My lips are sealed. I know better than that. I plead the fifth. I suddenly developed a case of amnesia. Who are you? Who am I? Why am I here? My what a pretty hat you have. Does that come in red? Why do I hear three voices in my head?"

"Don't make me do something drastic Naruto." The Kazekage warned with narrowed eyes. "You know I can be very persuasive if I want to be."

"Gaara. Just… just listen." The fellow jinchuriki backed up slowly. "Now think very carefully. You've had a hard day. You are tired, exhausted, and more than easily irritated right now. Do you REALLY want to know how much I can potentially mess up your home at this very moment?"

The room was once again quiet for several minutes. "It's times like this that I truly question our friendship Naruto. I really do."

"And its times like this that I'm glad I'm now smart enough to abuse such sensations." The blond sighed in relief. "But in all honesty you can't really point fingers here. I mean with the shit you just pulled." He shook his head. "I mean with all the sand you control and Shukaku's crossed eyes and the markings and everything, you'd think that… he…"

"That he what?" Gaara frowned as his friend's jaw slowly dropped and began to point at him in disbelief.

"No." Naruto stated in a low disbelieving tone as if realizing something for the first time. "No fucking way. You have got to be shitting me. You mean the entire time… and no one noticed…"

The Kazekage turned his conversation to the inside of his body. _"Shukaku, care to enlighten me what he has found out before he does something that will most likely cause us both headaches for weeks to come?"_

"_**The hell should I know?"**_ The Tanuki shrugged. _**"You're talking about a human that you occasionally believe is crazier than me. On a side note, are you sure we can't kill him? I really want to one up Kurama and I'm still itchy from not getting to kill that other blond human."**_

Gaara's attention was distracted from Shukaku's pointless babbling however as he saw Naruto extend his fist forward expectantly. Knowing exactly what his friend wanted to do, the redhead followed suit and bumped fists.

Almost instantly the world around them changed. What had once been the enclosed Kazekage's office had opened up to reveal a massive desert during the night with a full moon hanging overhead. On one side stood Gaara in front of Shukaku, who had a foot shackled to a large flat area of stone underneath him with seals on the edge. On the other…

"He's gotten bigger since the last time." The redhead mused as he looked at Kurama with some interest. The Kyubi, which had been roughly Shukaku's size before, was nearly five times that now and easily was the largest thing in the area. Of more interest however was the fact that there was nothing restraining him. "I take it his chakra has been restored and you managed to gain control of his power."

Naruto chuckled on top of his biju's head, sitting next to Minato and Kushina. "Yeah, but trust me it was a major pain in the ass pulling it off in the end."

"Namikaze-sama. Uzumaki-sama. Kyubi-sama. It's good to see you again." Gaara bowed his head politely.

"Gaara. We've told you already, just call us by our names." Kushina pouted childishly. "We aren't strangers here. Heck you're practically family."

"It's good to see you too Gaara." The Fourth Hokage smiled peacefully. "It's unfortunate that we had to do so under such unstable circumstances though."

"_**I'd prefer it if you considered that fight to be a mighty battle instead of "a pain in the ass"." **_Kurama grunted, lying down on the sand and seemingly ignoring his brother glaring at him and his container. _**"You are the only human to ever defeat me without the use of seals or a bloodline. Be proud of it."**_

"It's a good thing you're not that big of a sore loser… metaphorically speaking." The container smirked with some humor before turning his attention to the Ichibi. "Oi Shukaku! You still ax crazy and stuff?!" __

"_**I will crush you into a fine paste and put it on my bread which I will only half eat before throwing the other half away for no particular reason!" **_The Tanuki yelled frantically.

"I'll take that as a yes." Minato laughed nervously.

"That's a big piece of bread." Kushina mused, not at all concerned with the violent threat. "Where would he get it in the first place?"

"He gets a bit cranky when he's denied a good kill." Gaara admitted.

"_**For all of our sakes, I'll interpret what you just asked as a rhetorical question."**_ The fox muttered to his container as said blond jumped off of his head and flew towards the other beast at a casual pace.

"Let's see." Naruto approached the violent tanuki without any hint of worry or concern. "His chakra's unstable as always so I can't read it accurately from a distance, but still it was pretty weird that Gaara's powers seemed to be so much more potent when compared to the others. We thought that it was because of the shitty seal and Gaara's adapting to the demonic chakra… but what if…"

Gaara's eyes narrowed as his friend continued to approach his tenant without slowing down. "Naruto! You're getting too close! Shukaku will still try to kill you if you get in reach of him!"

"_**Finally I get to kill something!"**_ The biju roared in joy as he reached back with one of his claws to prepare an attack…

And was seemingly pulled farther than he intended and fell flat on his back so smoothly that it almost appeared to have been done completely by the beast's clumsy habits.

"_**Idiot."**_ Kurama yawned and laid down, not at all worried about what just happened much like the two remaining spirits on his head. _**"There is a reason why I admit that he defeated me Shukaku. It is pointless for an idiot like you to try and kill him."**_

"_**You stupid fox! If I wasn't chained here I would have killed all of you by now!"**_

"Yeah that's nice." Naruto muttered clearly not paying attention to the death threat as he landed on the tanuki's stomach and placed a hand on it. "Do me a favor and stay still for a sec."

An instant later, the writhing biju's body instantly slammed flat back against the ground and twitched as if trying to move.

"He's subduing Shukaku so easily…" Gaara blinked in wonder.

"_**What… the hell… did you do to me?!" **_The Ichibi grunted, managing to raise its head enough to glare at the human on his stomach.

"Short version? I just dumped roughly a mountain's worth of mass on your body from the sky." The blonde shrugged, though he didn't move his hand from the beast's body. "The technique is pretty useful. Now please shut up while I touch your belly as much as I please." There was a brief pause as he closed his eyes…

"Shukaku. When the hell did you start messing around with natural energy and accidentally stick yourself in a bastardized sage mode?"

The mental world was silent for a good five seconds before the words sunk into everyone's heads.

"… _**Well then, that certainly explains a lot."**_ Kurama blinked, clearly not expecting this to be what his container suspected.

"Of all the biju… you mean to tell me that the most insane of all of them was a sage?" Kushina gaped in disbelief.

"A half assed one." The blond corrected. "This idiot's chakra is improperly balanced. He has slightly more natural energy than his demonic and its really messing with his head since he's primarily a demonic entity. From what I can tell it's been like this for log knows how long."

"_**Mmmm." **_Kurama thought heavily as he attempted to sift through his memories. _**"Now that I think of it, there was a time when the fool did not have those markings… but shortly after HE died they appeared. Actually I believe that was when he became more annoying… and fat."**_

"_**Shut up… all of you…" **_ The Ichibi growled, sounding far more unstable and homicidal than normal as he opened his mouth and began to gather huge amounts of chakra in it, pointing it straight at Naruto. _**"Shut UP!"**_

SLAM!

Before the ball was even halfway formed, the beast's mouth had slammed on itself much to its owner's surprise given the look of shock in his face.

BOOM!

Still that was more than enough to blow up the biju's head in a giant torrent of sand and chakra and force its body to go limp.

Naruto on the other hand had not acknowledged the event in the slightest.

"_**Idiot."**_ The fox snorted, clearly not surprised by what he had just seen but still very much amused.

"I hope that won't cause any problems." Kushina mused out loud worriedly. "His body is made of sand and he does seem to recover quickly because of it…"

"So long as he was harmed inside his container and still has his chakra, he should be back to normal fairly quickly." Minato assured his wife calmly.

Gaara on the other hand could barely keep calm, which was reasonable given what his day had been like. "Naruto. Tell me there is a logical reason why you just blew up my biju's head."

"Would you believe that he said heinous things about ramen?"

"Naruto."

"He insulted my mother?"

"I'd be the one responsible for blowing up his head if that was the case and you know it!" Kushina shouted from the background.

"He insulted _your _mother?"

"Naruto!"

"He didn't brush his teeth in years and his breath was bad enough to legitimize such treatment for the sake of all that is decent in the world, and only the utterly violent destruction and recreation of his head would suitably cure?"

"So help me UZUMAKI!"

The accused laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head with his free hand, shrinking under the murderous glare of his friend. "Ok! Ok! Sorry! I really just needed this guy to stay still for a bit and he didn't seem to want to. To be honest, since I'm technically in you right now, no homo, I'm not as strong as I should be. Actually I could only hold him down for a few more seconds like this because of it. Giving off that much chakra would have disrupted my technique anyways. Blowing up his head was just a convenient solution at the time"

"And why do tell did you need for the Ichibi to calm down to such an extent that you felt that blowing up his head was a legitimate means to an end?" The Kazekage's eyebrow muscle twitched. He knew he was going to get headaches when he found out that Naruto came back, but he had forgotten how fast and how bad they could be. As such he attempted futilely to ignore how absurd the sentence he just said sounded out loud.

In all honesty, it was a blessing that the blond wasn't working for Akatsuki. They'd get the biju in record time by accident it that happened.

"Oi! He gave the opportunity! I just took it! Hate the game not the player!" Naruto snapped childishly before regaining composure and made the half ram seal with his free hand. "Regardless. I needed him to calm the fuck down anyway so I could do this…"

No one saw any real changes at first, however slowly but surely all the eyes there soon spotted a change in the downed Ichibi's body. The large amounts of "fat" that he seemed to possess, despite being made completely out of sand, slowly disappeared, and his "fur" seemed to take on a more natural appearance and sheen, and its coloring has turned a paler shade of sand brown. The markings on his body which extended to his fur remained, however they seemed to be more natural.

When the transformation was done, the beast's appearance still greatly resembled what it once was, however there were key differences. Shukaku would still be the "biggest" out of his siblings, but most of that could clearly be attributed to his distinct fur now. Even the double chin he sported from his slowly regenerating head was clearly just puffy biju fuzz now. Surprisingly though, his tail, if anything, grew even longer than it did before while still maintaining its very unique appearance.

"I see." Minato nodded. "You balanced out the natural and demonic energies in him."

"Huh…" Kushina tilted her head to the side as if judging the new change in appearance. "I can't make any final judgments since his head is still there, but so far it does seem to be an improvement."

"_**His chakra does seem to be stabilizing and he is stronger than I initially thought…"**_ Kurama mused with half opened eyes. _**"However he still does not hold a candle to me."**_

"And once again doing things before explaining them saves the day." Naruto stood up proudly and posed childishly before jumping to the others. "Hey Mom! Dad! Can you touch up Gaara's seal just to be safe? You know that seals aren't really my thing!"

"On it." The fourth Hokage nodded as he grabbed his wife and threw a hiraishin kunai right at the edge of the Ichibi's seal. Moments later they were at work inspecting the entire thing and exchanging complex comments with one another.

"Akatsuki might be the greatest threat to the world, but I'm beginning to think that you're the greatest threat to my sanity." The Kazekage grunted to his friend and deciding to just go with the flow of things since it was far too late to change that.

"Wohoo! Another thing I beat a biju at!" The Kyubi's jinchuriki cheered with his fists in the air. "… Oh wait. That's a bad thing."

Gaara decided not to reply to that and changed the subject. For better or for worse, it was nice to know that Naruto's core personality had been left unchanged for the most part. "Speaking of unstable individuals of mass destruction, where is Ghost?"

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"So let me get this straight." Tsunade asked the nervous Izumo and Kotetsu as they stood in the hospital room where Ghost was sleeping unconscious. "You two were on guard duty…"

"Like we always were." Kotetsu nodded only to get a sharp elbow from his best friend.

"And while the entire road was empty, somehow Ghost, dehydrated, starving, and crippled, appeared just outside the gate." The woman continued, seemingly ignoring the pair's antics.

"He did have a walking stick…" Izumo added weakly.

"Younger sibling of the log, aiding in more mundane tasks that are unsuitable for the work of its holiness. Amen." Kotetsu recited absently.

"And he appeared ALONE." The Hokage stated in a more stressed tone.

"… We have nothing that can explain that part Hokage-sama." Izumo winced.

"You asked him if he was ok, to identify himself, and where Naruto was, and he said…" The woman concluded, her eyebrow starting to twitch.

Kotetsu shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "He… he wanted to bet five hundred ryo that someone would try to murder him within five minutes of him waking up… we said no offhandedly… and then he called us pussies and passed out right there. All in all Hokage-sama, there's little doubt that this is Ghost Oogakari."

"Of course it's him!" The woman snapped as power and killing intent began to radiate off of her. The afterimage of a large beast was hovering over her and terrifying the two men she was verbally reaming a new one. "No one else has that damn caved in chest of his and the only other people that can brush off wounds like this are the rest of his family and Naruto. WHO. IS. NOT. HERE."

"Careful Tsunade." Waltz yawned lazily as he walked into the room followed closely by Crypt. "You'll start to give old folks like me heart attacks if you keep that up."

The Hokage's attention glared at the conscious sane immortal in the room before clicking her teeth in irritation. "Given the current situation, I believe I'm entitled to being a bit miffed Waltz."

"And rightly so, but do remember you are in a hospital. The weak willed aren't well suited for exposure to presence." The ancient looking man replied in a casual tone, not at all swayed by the woman's current disposition.

"Heheheh. Funny smells do funny things. My nose burns like car wax and Peruvian rugs. The sitting flamingo knows all about sitting and deli sandwiches." Crypt giggled absently. "Spinny spinny spinny spinny zombie dog spinny cow doom doom… I SMELL THE ARTIFICIAL MONGOLIAN KNEECAP! FEAR IT FOR IT IS MONGOLIAN! MONGOOOOOLIAN! …_Mongol_…"

WHAM!

"Can you just wake the first unconscious idiot please?" Tsunade sighed after she hammered Crypt into the floor, not at all taking note of the blood that spilled out of his skull in the process. It'd be all gone by the time he left anyways. "The fact that he's here and Naruto's not is already giving me a massive headache. The fact that I'm going to have to tell everyone in the council this is going to make me want to kill someone."

"It's a shame then that all guilty parties are needed alive for future projects." Waltz chuckled as he walked to his official grandson and raised an eyebrow. "… Judging by his condition, I probably know what happened to both of them, but there's no way I'll be the one that tells you."

"And the reason why is?" The leader asked in a polite but clearly threatening way as the old man began to restore his family member's health and consciousness with his glowing hands.

"I like being on people's good side." The latter merrily replied, not at all paying attention to the two chunin slowly backing away from their leader. "Less people try to kill me that way."

"Ugh…" The first unconscious immortal groaned as he returned to the world of the semi-sane. "Oh my aching… ow…"

"Hello Ghost." Tsunade got straight to business. "Long time no see? How was your trip? Did you enjoy it? Where's Naruto?"

The blind man rubbed his temples and looked around slowly as he regained his bodily functions again. "Tsunade? Oh right, I'm back." There was a brief pause. "… Waltz can you be a pal and knock me out or kill me? I wouldn't mind both if possible."

"No can do. Tsunade made me sign a contract that prevents me from doing that to you this time." The old man raised his hands in defeat.

"Fuck she remembered." Ghost swore under his breath.

"I'm still waiting." The blond woman smiled pleasantly.

"But I don't wanna!" The childish man moaned with tears going down his face. "She'll just get mad at me!"

Tsunade's cracking knuckles countered that statement. "Oh I'm already fairly pissed off at you Ghost, so here's what's going to happen. Either you don't tell me and I use my medical knowledge to make you extremely uncomfortable, or you do tell me and I might decide to be lenient."

The blind immortal whimpered. "You promise?"

"Within reason."

"Well, ok. So I was minding my own business…"

"BULLSHIT!"

CRASH!

Tsunade punted the screaming like a girl man's bed through the sixth story hospital room window, complete with said screaming like a girl man.

o. o. o.

Twenty minutes later:

"You knew that was going to happen." Waltz sighed as he finished wrapping Ghost in the last of the casting that he now required after falling six stories with a hospital bed crashing on top of him. Thankfully the Hospital had made several rooms with shinobi, and later on the Oogakari in mind, so there were plenty of easily fixed rooms there.

"Why is she so mean?" The supposed leader of the immortals wept in a muffled voice as half his head was wrapped up in gauze.

"Just answer her damn questions." The elderly man grunted. "I wanna know where the little nut is too you know."

"Well?!" The Hokage grunted with a black aura of malice hovering over her, causing most of the hospital staff and shinobi there to keep a good distance away before the door was closed and left only her, Ghost, Crypt, and Waltz in the room.

The injured man remained quiet for a few seconds before laughing in good humor. "Hahaha. You got me. The minion finally made due with his threats on me and managed to ditch me as soon as we arrived in this world. Ahahahaha! Ha! Haha! Ha… I'm so dead."

The room was quiet for several seconds. "Care to repeat that?" The woman asked in a horrifyingly calm tone. "How the hell did a twenty year old in a sixteen year old's body, manage to overpower and get away from a man who supposedly could manhandle armies of gods if he actually felt like it? Please. Do tell."

"But he tricked meeee!" Ghost wept. "He made me open up a scroll with a ton of Chinese food in iiit! It took forever to get out from that mountain of EVIL, and even longer finding someone to wash the sauce of pain, misery, and shame off my poor innocent body."

"Why on earth are you crippled in the mere presence of pork fried rice!?" The woman's composure was cracking rather quickly.

"Er." Waltz spoke up and rose a hand. "Actually, he has a credible excuse there." The old man took out a folder from his coat. "Ghost got this from some takeout a couple millennia back. Mix that with his immortality and… well… yeah, his trauma is legit in this case."

Tsunade snorted as she looked at the folder which held the medical data for some sort of violent stomach virus… and looked… and looked…

After several minutes of silence, the medic expert slowly closed the folder and handed it back to the only other sane person in the room and cleared her throat with a neutral disposition. "Given the circumstances, I have decided that your situation was not completely your fault and I may have overreacted to the seriousness of your condition. Just, just swear you'll never attempt to bring such a thing into our world. Ever. I wouldn't use such a thing on Orochimaru."

"Few people truly realize the depths of my trauma. The horror. The deep fried overly seasoned horror…"

"But that still does not explain where Naruto is." Tsunade continued on professionally, banishing the terrifying strain of stomach bug data from her mind. "Right now he can be anywhere in the elemental nations without backup doing whatever the hell he's doing. We'll have no way of helping him if he encounters Akatsuki or gets into other trouble. We don't even know why he ran off in the first place."

Waltz glanced at his brother warily. "Ghost… exactly how well did Naruto adapt to dimension travelling? Please do tell us that you did not go overboard and accidentally break ANOTHER hopeful by overexposing him to the frequently glossed over terrors of the multiverse. The ones that coincidentally have screwed with even our heads on occasion."

A shiver went down the Senju's spine. She didn't like the sound of what Waltz just said. "Accidentally break? Don't tell me that you turned Naruto into a raging psychopath. Him being a raving lunatic like you is bad enough."

The injured immortal shifted nervously. "Uh… I didn't go that far, this time. Kinda?"

The Hokage's mouth went dry before she turned to the more reliable immortal in the room. "What do you mean by "frequently glossed over horrors"? How did he "break" my annoying little brat?"

"The multiverse is filled with countless possibilities Tsunade." Waltz stated ominously. "In order to traverse the unknown with a degree of confidence, you need to be prepared for encountering literally every possibility can potentially exist and then some otherwise one can easily lose their sanity. Good. Bad. Neutral. Ideal. Imperfect. Ordered. Chaotic. Irrational. Magical. Spiritual. Religious. Logical. Imaginary. Technologic. Standards. Distortion. Even the definition of the previous can be altered depending on where you go. A nonstandard combination of all of this and more to varying degrees describes each and every world. So long as it can exist, it will exist in theoretically an infinite number of worlds, no matter how much you try to reason that it shouldn't be possible, it isn't right, or how much you scream. If you try to prove otherwise, you'll just end up truly breaking and end up as a problem for someone."

There was a brief pause before he continued. "At its best, a person could potentially learn the secrets of everything and become a sage with wisdom unlike anything you could fathom. At its worst… war… hell… torture… such words could not begin to describe that which are the standards of existence. It is the latter category and worlds that possess cultures completely alien to his own that the traveler must be accustomed to in order to if not ensure then improve the likelihood of him getting around without issue. They must be able to adapt to completely new rules and standards on the fly without knowing anything in order to have a hope of managing things on their own. What you shinobi assume is quick adaptation to new cultures when outside of the continental elemental nations is a mere shadow of what is truly required for something on this scale. The problem is however, that such things take time and training… and if you rush it…"

"I see." The Hokage nodded reluctantly. The old man's lecture reminded her of the conditioning programs that used to be used for younger generations during times of war, only exceptionally more extreme. Once more she had to remember that she was dealing with people that were used to a much higher scale of things than she was accustomed to. "So… what's the damage then?"

"All things considered he got off light. Still, he uh, he might have a bit of trouble registering affective empathy at the moment, or just empathetic concern to be exact." Ghost admitted while attempting to shrink into his wrappings.

"Ghost you idiot." Waltz groaned, knowing exactly what had happened. "You forced him to go through the worst situations we found in the past didn't you? How badly did you traumatize this one?"

"I thought he could handle it better than most with the death and the angra mainyu training and all the other crap he's been through! And it wasn't the really rushed version that I planned out last time!" The crippled man shot back. "Besides I didn't put him through all of it, though he did experience more than he should have."

There was a brief pause.

"I probably shouldn't have introduced him to Burnkestel and Lambdadelta in hindsight though…"

"Oh for the love of all that is rational you gave him to THOSE TWO?!"

"Heheheh." Crypt giggled darkly. "Come and play Oyashiro-sama. The festival is coming soon… I wonder who will be the sacrifice this year… then we can play with the furniture without pants!"

"I stopped after that! He's gotten better since then! He can tell when people are angry at him in particular again! Also, on a side note, the minion is now subconsciously terrified of tea parties."

"Hold on. I'm not a Yamanaka, but if I got this right, Naruto's now dead to other people's emotions?" Tsunade tried to summarize what they were talking about.

"Their suffering." Waltz corrected with an annoyed tone, not taking his stone like eyes off of Ghost. "Though if what Ghost is saying is true, I'd say he's more numb than dead to those sensations. It's like a passive version of what shinobi do to ignore their target's suffering before going for the kill, or ignoring what other people would feel when you take out their loved ones. No sympathy, or so little of it that it would not impede their decisions and actions. In short he will not recognize what is "wrong" with a situation and focus on what it "is". The boy will still most likely act completely like before. Given his nature he's not going to go on a murder spree anytime soon, but depending on how far the training was taken… well let's just say he'll be more prone to saying inappropriate things at the wrong time. Tell us right now Ghost. How bad is he?"

The crippled immortal attempted to shrug, but winced painfully doing so. "Like you said, he's numb right now but believe it or not, he knows about it." He stopped talking for a moment. "On a side note, despite his condition he has on the other hand become extremely good at determining which people are normal and which are twisted in some way."

"Shocking." The Hokage Tsunade replied in a dead tone.

"On a related note, old man you heard from Shadow about that little trip he took a while ago?"

"I try not to." Said old man grumbled. "Last thing I wanted was to be involved in fighting on that scale again... gods and their bloody egos and their fear of taking their heads out of their damn asses. Inability to understand the situation due to being conceptual beings and make a decent logical decision my wrinkled old liver spotted…"

"ANYWAYS, during that particular fiasco the minion found what I was doing to him, and after a rather colorful chewing out I lightened up on the conditioning a bit. All in all he's still the same as before but… yeah more often than not he has to logically figure out people are suffering emotionally instead of actually feel, it and it's really gotten to him." Ghost elaborated. "It's probably why he kinda ditched me and isn't coming back yet. He most likely wants some time to stabilize himself and get his head on straight. Odds weren't likely he wasn't going to get it here because… well… everyone's here. And we do things."

"Do the things involve pancakes? Or fabric softener?" Crypt asked curiously.

"And right now our most valued asset in the oncoming war is not only out in the world by himself, but emotionally crippled." Tsunade summarized while grinding her teeth.

Ghost frowned. "Minato, Kushina and Kyubi are still with him so it's not like he's without someone to smack him upside the head when he says something stupid. Besides, I trained him a lot in other fields too. Kid's got some mad moves now."

"And how many of these mad moves are capable of destroying the village?" Waltz skeptically raised an eyebrow. "Scratch that, just how powerful is his strongest technique?"

The room was ominously silent again.

"Don't make me punt you out the window again. Because I am very much inclined to do so with great amounts of sadistic satisfaction."

"About that… I shouldn't say this, but technically the minion's strongest move has… theoretically, enough power to destroy a small country. Not exactly the kind of move that a protector of peace is supposed to have I know but… well, when we thought about it, it just seemed too awesome to pass up. And let me tell you, mass destruction aside it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen... blindness taken into account."

"Why for all that is holy would you teach him a move like THAT?!" Tsunade roared incredulously.

A tear of pride fell from Ghost's left eye. "I didn't. He made it up himself." He sniffed. "They grow up so fast."

The Hokage groaned and sat down in her chair. "I can already see the paperwork piling in. At the very least, he has sage mode and the Kyubi to back him up if he gets into trouble."

The room was ominously quiet.

"I said, at the very least he has sage mode and the Kyubi to help him out if he gets into a rough spot." The Senju said in a more demanding tone.

"You thought he was too strong after the training and sealed away his ability to do either didn't you." Waltz accurately guessed in a monotone voice.

"… Come to think of it why did I think it was a smart idea to come back to the village?"

"Fuck should I know?" The old man rose a bushy white eyebrow.

Ghost's second freefall from the windows of the hospital that day, complete with bed and hospital equipment strapped to him, further enforced his curiosity.

o. o. o.

Outside Suna:

"So where do you guys wanna check out next?" Naruto asked out loud as he casually hovered through the desert night sky. Ever since he had mastered flying the jinchuriki had used it whenever he had to travel long distances. And he loved every second of it. "I've always wanted to check out Kusa…"

"_Unless you want to accidentally start a war or international scandal, I suggest you avoid the other hidden villages and major cities for now." _Minato advised. _"Same goes for Wave since you know people there."_

"_**So in short you want to visit a place that has no one living in it because otherwise you'll probably just kill everyone there." **_The Kyubi bluntly added. _**"So… are you sure you don't want to go back to Konoha?"**_

"Eh. Maybe later." The container shrugged, ignoring the not so subtle jab. "If I remember right, the demon country fiasco shouldn't be happening for another couple of weeks. Still that is a while… you guys wanna hit Moon Country's casinos and make the owners cry?"

"_Do you even remember how to get to Moon Country from here?" _His father asked skeptically.

"_Has that ever stopped him before?" _Kushina laughed merrily.

"_**This world is doomed." **_Kurama groaned. _**"How anyone could consider you a sort of child of prophesy is madder than Shukaku, unless they are referring to how you will somehow accidentally bring forth its end."**_

"Yeah! Fuck the police!" The blond pumped his fist into the air.

"_Actually, if we're heading for the ocean, let's check out the ruins of Uzu." _Kushina offered, catching everyone's attention. _"We never did manage to check it out before we left."_

Naruto crossed his arms and thought hard. His mother had a point. He had been focusing too much on training before his hellish trip to other worlds. Granted his ability in seals was only a hair above average so he doubted he would come across or recognize something revolutionary, but still it was something to consider.

Plus it might give his parents something to do and focus on. They've been getting bored lately and when they get bored they start making comments on virtually everything he does.

Or they start to feel the "itch" again and need more trips on the outside world lest his mind get more messed up than it already is. They were only in their early mid twenties when they initially died after all. When a Hokage has an itch to scratch, he will scratch that itch, death be damned.

"Hmm. Yeah. That sounds pretty good." He agreed. "The place has been dead and scavenged by tons of villages so all the traps and secrets there should be taken by now. So long as we don't blow anything up there, no one should ever know we were there."

"_**Feel honored Kushina. Uzu might be destroyed, but your son will be the one that truly wipes it off the face of the map."**_ Kurama snorted.

"_You mean how he smeared the walls with your head earlier?"_

"_**Big words coming from someone I killed."**_

"_What was that rabbit ears?!"_ Kushina roared in rage.

"_**You can hear me just fine human. You're dead. Not deaf. Not that the former has done anything to manage how much you annoy me."**_

"_I'll show you dead and deaf!"_

Moments later Naruto winced as he felt his mother and the Kyubi once again begin to try to gut one another in his soul. Despite the fact that they had all gotten along much better since they had all gathered there, the fighting itself had rarely stopped for more than a week or two.

Minato on the other hand wisely stayed out of such altercations unless they got out of hand.

Still, Naruto didn't feel like dealing with the resulting headache this time.

"Time to separate you two again…" The blond sighed as he focused internally and grabbed onto the Kyubi's soul and some of his chakra and molded it outside of his body. Moments later, a single tailed red fox appeared in the air next to his body…

And subsequently plummeted to the earth screaming and cursing his name.

"Whoops." The Jinchuriki muttered unapologetically as he looked down at the rapidly fading red dot. "Forgot about that."

"_Heheheheheheheh."_ Kushina giggled evilly from inside his mind. _"This works too. Heheheh…"_

"I wouldn't be so happy if I were you mom. You do that again and it'll be you freefalling next time." The son stated without remorse as he reached out and caught onto the falling fox with the air under his control and pulled him back up to his elevation.

Naruto was unable to manipulate the bulk of Kurama's chakra normally due to Ghost's machinations. However it did nothing to impair the fox's control over it, nor did it stop him from letting the biju out whenever he saw fit.

"_**I swear on the Jubi I will flood your dreams with your suppressed experiences if you EVER do that again."**_ The biju murderously stated as he slowly floated back up to eye level with his container. While he was significantly weaker than before, it did nothing to impair the normally overwhelming killing intent he was radiating. _**"And I do mean ALL of them."**_

"Mhm." Naruto yawned, not intimidated in the slightest. "Don't see what the big deal is…"

"_**Small magical girls in old western clothing drinking tea and playing games."**_ The tailed beast stated in a dead tone.

In an instant the jinchuriki paled and began to look all around him. "What?! Fuck! Where!? Don't let those twisted old shrews get me! Not again!" Instantly though he paused and looked at the biju warily. "Suppressed memories?"

"_**Maliciously suppressed."**_

"Well then… your complaint has been noted and filed." The jinchuriki chuckled nervously as he pressed his right hand on his partner's forehead for a few seconds, allowing the beast to temporarily manipulate the air around him to fly for as long as he's in Naruto's range and sees fit. "Never thought you'd be afraid of heights."

"_**I am not afraid of heights!" **_Kurama snapped as he floated a bit away from the teen. _**"I merely detest falling absurd elevations while in a weak and pathetic body!"**_

"_Probably doesn't help that save for the Jubi he was the largest creature to ever walk on the planet."_ Minato added helpfully.

"_**Size means nothing after seeing the Sky Mother in her natural state Yondaime. You too are aware of this."**_Kurama growled as he lazily floated around in the air, clearly used to the sensation of flying via this method. _**"Not to mention what we encountered in all of those absurd worlds we visited. Those metal mechanisms and monsters… as much as I detest admitting it, our world is rather behind when compared to many of them in terms of capability and rationality. Small wonder the Sky Mother's kin constantly mock virtually everything they encounter in this world."**_

"Which will make things way easier for us to fuck around with the system and not get into trouble." Naruto grinned as he began to fly to the east.

"_Or cause everyone to gun for your head." _Kushina corrected with some concern. _"Remember, you are still having trouble realizing when people are pissed off at you. It'd be far too easy for you to accidentally piss off the wrong people and make things worse for yourself."_

"I'm getting better."The blond pouted.

"_Even so, it's best if you don't do any diplomatic missions for a while if I were you." _His father advised.

"Countries that I have already exposed to my awesomeness are exempt from the rule."

"_Try again." _Kushina snorted.

"Oh come on!"

"_**I'm beginning to look forward to these next few months." **_The fox smirked savagely as he followed his container. _**"The amount of chaos and destruction that follow you is often worth the headache."**_

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the elemental nations:

"Home at last." Kabuto sighed pleasantly as he entered one of Orochimaru's older and still undiscovered bases. While it was not as well stocked with equipment like many of the other hideouts, it was still a convenient place to retreat to. The bordering mountainous and forest terrain offered pleasant scenery and good air to breathe, and it wasn't that far from a few mid sized cities and a major border. All in all it made a very pleasant vacation spot.

"I take it you encountered something fruitful?"

The young man smirked at the question and took off his cloak, his simple clothing underneath betraying nothing save for his normally pale skin and lanky frame. "Oh most certainly, just not what I had initially intended to find."

"Oh?" The bodiless voice asked intrigued. "It must be quite the pleasant surprise if you are this elated. Do I spy a skip in your step?"

"Surely you jest. I don't even know how to skip. Such a pointless motion." The silver haired medic snorted. "… Tell me, what is the first thing that comes to mind when Gods are spoken of?"

"Gods?" The companion questioned as if tasting the word. "It may be hypocritical coming from me, but they are an elusive dream and scapegoat of humans. They are something that they must place on a pedestal above kings and daimyo in order to place their greatest hopes and blames on. When a man attempts to be one, or claims to be one, they are most of the time merely speaking of power that cannot be surmounted by the rest of the known world."

"And should they exist?" Kabuto continued as he continued further into the base. "What would define a genuine God for you?"

There was a brief silence. "Something that exceeds a human's limitation to describe in a concrete definition. A force of nature with some degree of sentience, unrestricted by the mere limitations that is imposed by living on this planet, no, any planet. Affecting everything in a way that we accept their influence as the way things are without questioning it. Definition given will in a sense. When they change, the world itself adjusts naturally to follow suit. Most importantly though, something that would not bother with the petty squabble of humanity."

"… Unless of course, they had nothing better to do." Kabuto corrected with a wry and eager grin.

"… Go on." The voice implored, clearly interested in what the medic had to say on the subject.

"It appears that recent events have been slightly influenced by the higher forces. Some for the greater good… and others simply on childish whims. All of it ultimately done not for the peace of mankind, but to create a story to observe with an exciting but unknown ending." He continued.

"Humph. If past events truly were influenced by the gods, why would the ending be unknown to them?"

"Simple. They did not bother to see the ending yet as it would spoil the surprise." Kabuto answered as if the answer was obvious. "Who are we to question what they should and should not know? Would it not be logical to assume that they can choose what they would and would not know in the first place?"

"Much like a book… yes, I suppose that does make sense." The voice admitted. "Still the fact remains that the idea of actual Gods residing here and taking notice of our activities now is absolutely preposterous…"

"It's the truth." Kabuto smiled genuinely. "And we have even encountered them several times already."

"Somehow I doubt that. Even so, what does it even do for us? How could we benefit from something like this even if it was true? Manipulating and controlling powerful beasts and spirits is well and good, but how does a human go about playing with the higher realm itself?"

The spy chuckled. "Why it's quite simple. We play along with their story… and give them exactly what they want."

o. o. o.

Omake (Note: not for the faint of heart or sound of mind): How to get most people to truly fear Crypt and Shadow in five words:

Scabbard stood on top of a podium in the middle of nowhere and cleared his throat. "They reverse rape tentacle monsters. Have fun with that."

o. o. o.

Omake: To memories. New… Old… and better off forgotten.

Naruto and Gaara returned to the outside world more or less intact.

"Could you have waited at least a day before doing this?" The Kazekage grimaced. Shukaku's surprisingly more stable chakra was making it surprisingly hard for him to stay awake at the moment when combined with his exhaustion.

"Most likely." The blond shrugged as he went through the scrolls he had on him and found the one he was looking for. Moments later he pulled out a bottle of foreign alcohol and a couple of glasses. "Now then, now that business is done with, I say that a toast is in order."

Gaara frowned. "Naruto, you know that alcohol is looked down on here for a reason. We have to manage our water carefully and…"

"And you defended Suna, drove away two Akatsuki, war's about to begin, and then there's the most important reason to drink of all."

The Kazekage paused. For some reason an ominous chill ran up his spine at the pitying look his friend was giving him. "Most important reason?"

Naruto put the glasses down on Gaara's desk and began to pour with a solemn gaze. "Gaara… don't pretend that you managed to sprout Shukaku's tail in its full glory and Shadow-nee has yet to find out…"

The room was silent for a good half a minute as the pair stared at one another… with the more mature of the two's eyes slowly widening in realization, revelation, fear, and finally trauma.

"You suppressed the memories didn't you?"

In response, sand appeared in front of the Kazekage and began to compress itself so strongly that it turned into a glass nearly three times the size of the one his friend produced. "That better be some good shit Naruto, because if it isn't I'm going to murder you in cold blood for making me remember that hellish experience."

The blond teen chuckled as he began to pour. "To memories it is then. Cheers."

o. o. o.

Omake: Third times' the charm:

Konoha Hospital:

Ghost shivered in his bed, stuck in a full body cast and unable to move in the slightest. _"Why do I suddenly fear a great fear?"_

A subtle knock on his door caught his attention before it opened and revealed an older, more mature, and gently smiling Hinata Hyuga.

"_Ah. That's why."_

"Hello Ghost-sensei. I heard you were back."

The door quietly closed behind her.

"Where's Naruto-kun?"

The room was deadly silent as the two parties stared at one another as if sizing the other up… daring the other to make the first move.

And then a sudden storm of air launched the injured party complete with bed through the sixth story window and to the concrete below.

Smart man.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Welp. There's another chapter. Sorry for the wait, but writers block has really been getting to me lately. I know what I want, but actually writing it has been a bit more annoying.

I must admit, part of the reason why it took so long was because I was playing Monster Hunter 3 for the 3ds… and playing… and playing… and playing… yeah, I've been on that thing for a while.

So long story short, I got the condo. Lost my job. Found a renter, who I found out later is the recently divorced father of an old high school friend that moved away and used to be a woman but is now a guy. Traveled to NYC and all over Connecticut a few times to find a job. Somehow got accepted into this heavy program that trains IT specialists (I'm getting the Manager training) for fortune 500 companies, and I'll have virtually no life come the end of May.

Oh, and I'm 24 as of roughly 3 weeks ago.

Yeah. I had a lot of stuff happen recently.

So odds are a few people are going to be a bit irked about how I'm treating Naruto, primarily how I just out of the blue gave him a personality disorder… well, another one to add to the voices in his head. I did this on purpose to make this realistic as much as possible. Ghost has long been messing with his head, and while it is often funny, there are consequences and darker aspects to this.

There is a reason why Ghost and most of the Oogakari treats virtually everything like a joke and not a problem, and it's not simply because it helps him deal with it easier. It's because he really doesn't care about the consequences of these problems because 1. most of the time they have nothing to do with him and 2. He's seen so much vastly worse things in his travels that most of the time these problems are as dire to a child crying over an ice cream cone to him. The reason why he helps people out is because he simply wants to do good things every once in a while as a halfway decent guy, but he doesn't really care about the people he's helping.

Due to Naruto's experience, which will be elaborated on later, he's not dead to feeling other people's plights, but he is absolutely without pity now. This means that he is more likely to kill and do cruel things now if needed, though he as a person is still against it as a general rule and prefers to help people in trouble out.

And yes. I made Gaara bloody EPIC and gave Kankuro a ninjutsu railgun. Once again. A FUCKING. NINJUTSU. RAILGUN.

Oh yeah. As for Shukaku being in sage mode all the time, come on. It had to be done sooner or later. I mean just look at the guy!

So… I think that's it for now! Sorry for the wait guys!

Review! Worship the Log! Beware of falling immortals from the sixth story of hospitals! And REVIEW AGAIN!


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Ever have to wake up early for something that you generally don't want to do… and then for some reason wake up an hour before that for no reason at all? It is indeed a great evil that must be solved and murdered with sadistic glee.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

With Naruto:

"Let's see." The blond looked at the remains of his mother's old town from the top of a tree on the outskirts. "Overall unimpressive ruins of a normal looking village at the coast of the sea. Tons of rampant and unrestrained plant growth. No obvious signs of human life. Average signs of animal life. No outstanding chakra signatures inside or outside of the place. And no signs of recent major conflict or activity… I'm betting a thousand ryo that I accidentally trigger at least a dozen traps while we're here."

"**I have no need for your human money, and even if I did have it I know better than to go up against odds that bad."** Kurama snorted right next to him.

"_Same here." _Minato agreed from within his son. _"Any money we would have would technically be yours anyway."_

"… Would any of you like to take out a loan?"

"_Hell no."_ His mother snorted, clearly in a bad mood. She had not seen her old home since she was taken away as a child, and while she did consider herself a citizen of Konoha, the view before her still hurt.

"Eh. Couldn't hurt to ask." The youngest there shrugged. "So what do you guys honestly think? Considering this was supposed to be a pretty sizeable village back in the day means that there should have been quite a number of people here over the years. Its location made it pretty valuable as a military base too if the Daimyo wanted to use it, but since it's all rotting and left alone…"

"_It's likely that there are indeed old traps here." _Minato concluded. _"No one wanted to work on the place out of fear of triggering them and loosing men and resources. Plus it's a bit out of the way, so even getting the proper people and equipment here would have been expensive. Since the shinobi nations are demilitarizing or had more important tasks at the time, I wouldn't be surprised if the lord just left the area alone. The locals probably don't come here because they are aware of the traps, but also believe that the place is haunted or something along those lines."_

"**A fine way to respect old comrades, wouldn't you say?"** The fox yawned. **"Say what you wish about me, at least my kin does not overflow with hypocrisy."**

"_No, they just blow things up mindlessly and do absolutely nothing productive in the mean time."_ Kushina snarked.

"Oi oi. Calm down you two. Honestly, sometimes I wonder who the married couple really is. You can go for one another's throats after we explore the potentially dangerous dead village." Naruto sighed as he took out a scroll and unraveled it to reveal two sealing matrixes. With a brief pulse of chakra, two humanoid puppets dressed in ANBU gear, only with black masks with white fox decorations appeared and floated in front of him. Another instant later Naruto had put his hands on their backs and forced his mother's and father's souls into the constructs, causing them to gain color and flesh. "You guys good?"

"A bit stiff." Minato joked as he hopped a little bit to get used to his temporary body. He did not have as much power as he did when he was alive as he couldn't regenerate his own chakra anymore, being completely dependent on his son in order to keep on existing, but he could still give most S ranked shinobi a run for their money as he was before being forced to return again. "I take it that Kushina and I are to go on ahead and check for traps?"

"Seals." Naruto corrected as he put his scroll away. "Normal traps I can handle, but seals are your specialties. You know that I'm nothing special in that department."

"You're not bad. You're no master, but you aren't talentless." Kushina hugged her son briefly. "It's not like being an Uzumaki automatically makes you special at it or give you some miracle bloodline that would make you understand every seal you see or let you make seals as fast as your father. That would be stupid. You just have your specialties in a different area."

"**Royally screwing everything up." **Kurama nodded knowingly before getting slapped upside the head by Minato. **"I will end you!"**

"You already did. Remember?" The former Hokage countered wryly.

"Why do you think I'm sending these two first?" Naruto snorted knowingly at the growling fox, not at all insulted by the earlier comment. "Besides, this trip was more for Mom and Dad anyways. Anything we find will more than likely help them out more than me." He paused briefly. "And can you stop with the dead jokes already? Ero-Ni should have never introduced you two to Brook."

"Skull joke!" The married couple chanted at the same time merrily.

"No!" The youngest snapped. "No skull joke! Bad! You know I hate all things revolving around necromancy unless I can exploit it in some way or if the results don't suck! I had a hard enough time wearing that damn half zombie guy thing as a backpack because for some log forsaken reason his stomach was a hammerspace!"

"**Sometimes I wish that the shinigami just took my entire soul that night. It would have made things so much simpler." **The fox groaned, ignoring the zombie backpack incident. **"A living skeleton with an afro that gets better by drinking milk. It is so bizarre that I can only rationalize it by associating it with you Naruto."**

"Come on Kurama, he's a good guy. Even you liked his music." Minato tried to placate the demon.

"Oh quit your moaning. At least you can say that you aren't related to them." Naruto grunted just as evenly before turning to the two that he was related to. "Just go on ahead and experiment with the possibly deadly traps that may or may not exist will you? I'm just going to wait here a bit. Kurama, you're in charge of making sure I don't do anything stupid."

"**Great, I have the dangerous job."**

"Sucks to be you." Kushina smirked under her mask, not at all arguing against the Fox's statement before disappearing in a shunshin.

"We'll be back soon." Minato nodded before also vanishing.

"Well they're gone." Naruto yawned as he lay back on the branch he was on. "I'm gonna take a nap. Haven't slept since we got back actually."

The fox looked at its container warily. **"You actually wish to sleep without your kin or I inside to stabilize your mind? You wouldn't be able to get five minutes before waking up in a cold sweat."**

The blond shrugged as he closed his eyes. "Hey I gotta get used to it sooner or later. I can't rely on you guys for every time I get a mental breakdown."

Kurama shook his head and curled up into a ball on a nearby branch. **"Suit yourself. I will keep watch in case something irregular does happen in the very brief time you are asleep, as unlikely as it is."**

"Who are you kidding? You're rolling with me Kurama. Never doubt the odds." Naruto smirked before he slowed his breathing and allowed his exhaustion to slowly wash over his mind and body, clouding out everything he perceived of the outside world…

_Walking down the hallway, he could hear the screaming of countless people. Gender, race, age, intelligence, family, health, religion, country, species, condition, it made no difference. They were all there. There was no discrimination. They were all tortured ruthlessly._

_And he was unable to look away even though he wanted to. His body was not under his control._

_He saw a small colored girl bolted to a chair scream her lungs out as her left leg was skinned to match her skinless right. Around her the sadistic doctors paid her no mind and merely kept notes._

_Stop._

_To his right, he saw a married couple in two fused but separated prison cells watch as the other was either avoiding being eaten alive by the rats around their feet, or pecked full of holes by the crows around their heads. Neither had not a scrap of clothing to protect them in the slightest. He could already tell that several toes and fingers were eaten away and half their hair was gone. It looked like one of their eyes was taken out too. _

_The animals didn't care about their predicament. They were just hungry. There was nothing inherently evil about their actions._

_Why again?_

_A little further he saw some sort of female humanoid alien with several insect like arms, half of them already removed, being raped by a group of rather crude and disgusting large men in every way possible. He couldn't look away as the one of them complained about her being too loose, and as a result prompted one of the other men there to cut off another of her arms, apparently to make the pain cause her to "tighten up" again. It seemed to have worked because the one who complained earlier moaned in pleasure moments later._

_An hour later, they had gotten bored with her and chopped off her head before moving to another alien woman, this time she was part fish or something._

_At least they ended her quickly._

_Why won't it stop already?_

_Even further down he saw some sort of giant insect species dragging people into their nests where they were wrapped up in some sort of silk and injected with a peculiar fluid from their stingers. They were all very much alive and awake and in pain. He watched as one of the older human residents, a young boy no older than ten screamed frantically as his webbing expanded and burst out in blood and gore. From the dead child's body emerged dozens of smaller versions of the insects that wasted no time consuming the body mindlessly._

_Every image of the boy's skull being cracked open and his organs torn apart was permanently etched into his mind._

_Then again he was already dead by that point. Might as well put his remains to use. Not like there was any difference between feeding those monsters and feeding countless worms… _

_This is so sick and annoying and wrong. Just free me and let me stop this shit already! All of this is pointless!_

_Living human musical instruments. People trapped in their own minds. Creatures treating mankind as cattle and vise versa. Experimentation. Genocide. Fratricide. Suicide. Isolation. Overexposure. Lobotomies. Insanity. Rationality. Confusion…_

_He was getting too used to watching it all…_

_He could have stopped it all. His body was there as well as his power and equipment. Unrestrained. Unguarded. Unhindered... but his body was not under his control, so he could only watch. _

_If only he was in control again. If only he could move as he wished, he could save all these people… stop their suffering… make their screams stop… end this endless show… give him peace…_

_Yet the twisted carnival had more tricks to play on its lone spectator. Without warning reality began to twist upon itself. It did not stop the show, but instead merely changed who the performers were. Not illusions, but echoes across the realities met the trapped teen's eyes as he saw each torture start anew with different people, ages, numbers, species, genders, religions and other specifying traits played the roles of both torturer and tortured. All without caring about his existence. All without end. _

_A man's voice broke through the violent chaos. It was not gentle, serene, holy, or anything along those lines… however it was calm. Calm and stern and full of finality that emitted a sense of stability and rationality that was not present anywhere else in this land of hell. _

"_There was a saying that to truly test a person's mettle, give them power… however this is not the only way. Give them the ability to change. To influence. To affect others… then take it all away. Make them watch the world turn in all its cruel glory. Ensure that they cannot look anywhere else or run. Make them realize how helpless they truly are to stop things when it mattered, that it would continue even if they could move as they wished… and then free them… and let them fall."_

"_It makes one wonder, if they do ever manage get back up after crashing to the earth that they thought they knew so well… _

…_What broke from the impact… what was broken before they ever landed?_

_Better still… did they ever realize they were still falling when they finally did land?"_

Naruto's eyes snapped open as he breathed heavily, looking around himself frantically to see that he was still in the forest.

"**Well then. You proved me wrong once again." **Kurama stated calmly from his spot.

"**You managed to sleep for eight minutes this time."**

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Well this is a new setup." Ino mused as she walked to Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke just before they went into the Hokage's office. "I don't think we've been put together like this before."

"The raw offensive capabilities of the old team seven with Ino's sensory and poison skills." Kakashi mused as he opened the door for the others. "There're only a handful of missions I can think of that would require our unusual status."

"The odds are likely that the one I give you falls under that category." Tsunade frowned as the door closed behind them and the room was instantly sealed to prevent anyone from eavesdropping.

Sasuke rose an eyebrow skeptically. Normally the office wasn't sealed during mission briefings for anything short of high A ranked or S ranked missions. Given the stern look on the Sanin's face, the Uchiha was willing to bet that this job was going to be a pain in the ass.

"I take it you all know that Ghost is back." The Hokage stated factually.

"I heard it through the grapevine." Kakashi shrugged as he read another book that he had taken out while no one was looking.

"I helped treat him a few nights ago." Sakura stated evenly. "Not even a full day here and he managed to get thrown out of the window four damn times. You should have heard the other nurses complain about fixing up the windows and rooms he destroyed."

"Sakura told me." Sasuke answered simply.

"Didn't need to hear about it." Ino yawned. "The air around the village is active again with his chakra. It's not interfering with my sensing, more like a very faint annoying buzzing in the background that I have to get used to. Only the more sensitive sensors are able to pick it up from what I can tell, let alone know what it is."

"Good." The eldest there frowned. "Then you know that the current story around town with regards to Naruto is that he made a detour to Myobokuzan to do some last second training with the toads before returning to active duty."

The four standing in front of her looked at her with resignation emanating from them in one way or another. "And the real story is?" Sasuke sighed, knowing he wasn't going to like what he was going to hear.

Tsunade maintained her poker face, however no one there missed the killing intent in the room slowly rise. "Long story short, Naruto somehow managed to successfully ambush Ghost while they were in the elemental nations and ran away to more or less… be on a self imposed vacation."

The room was silent for a good while as the four digested the information.

"… I shouldn't be surprised by this." Sasuke shook his head. "I really shouldn't."

"I won't kill him." Sakura smiled serenely while flexing her hands to crack her knuckles expertly. "I'll just break his limbs in several places and ensure that the Kyubi can't heal them. Killing him is Hinata's job and she will no doubt far surpass my expectations."

"Just when you think he can't outdo himself, he raises the bar." Ino groaned. "Again."

"I may have understated it when I called him the village's most unpredictable shinobi." Kakshi sighed, surprised enough that he actually put his book away. "I see why we were gathered here now. We're a tracking, heavy assault, and capture team. Dare I ask if there was any reason in particular why Naruto decided to take his leave on his own? He does do impulsive things, but rarely without reason."

The Hokage closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "This information is not to leave this room under any circumstances. It is S ranked and punishable by at least expulsion of the ranks and having your memories wiped."

The mood in the room instantly turned somber.

"Naruto's training turned out to be harsher on his psyche than anyone originally anticipated." She continued darkly. "While he is exceptionally stronger physically and mentally, his emotional capabilities have been wrecked. In particular, his ability to empathize with others in distress, or in layman's terms he's virtually unable to feel people's pain anymore or tell when his actions might hurt others emotionally. From what I've been told he is very much aware of this and he sure as hell doesn't like it. It's one of the leading reasons why he chose to do what he did. His logic is that he needs to spend time with normal civilians and people in order to regain some of what he has lost. There's a sense of stability and normalcy out there that he would not apparently be able to get in Konoha."

"Can't technically argue with that." Kakashi mused as he went over the list of more chaotic individuals that resided in the hidden village. More often than not they had some sort of strong connection to the blond.

"Desensitization and drastic reduction of empathetic concern?" Ino frowned as she briefly went through the psychology lessons that her clan crammed into her head. "Naruto was nuts but he always cared about how everyone else felt. He was also one of the most stubborn people in the village. What the hell did Ghost do to him?"

"Without going into details, Ghost showed the brat too much." Tsunade stated ominously. "He showed the brat too much and prevented him from looking away for even a second."

"That certainly brings up a few unwanted memories…" Kakashi mused as he recalled similar training during his time in the ANBU to remove any sort of emotional hesitation he might encounter during his mission, although he had a feeling that the immortal took it up to untold extremes in his version.

"Why me though?" Ino continued. "Wouldn't Hinata be better? She's a hell of a lot stronger than me and she's got a better relationship with Naruto, not to mention she's got the byakugan."

"Hinata's byakugan is strong, but it does not have the range and chakra sensitivity that you possess." Sakura answered, already putting the pieces together. "We have a better chance of finding him with you. If we can't find him, we won't be able to fight him in the first place."

"So why aren't I with the tracking team then?" The Yamanaka continued. "We'd have a better shot of finding him that way."

"Naruto has mastered his wind manipulation so much that he can fly over long distances." The Hokage state bluntly, causing the team to wince. "It wouldn't be difficult to imagine him already on the other side of the continent from where he started by now."

"Ah." Sakura grimace as she looked at Sasuke. "So that's why we were picked then."

"This mission is to be told to no one." Tsunade continued as she took out a scroll and handed it to Kakashi. "Inside is all the data we have on Naruto after his training, straight from Ghost. It has his new moves, his habits, pictures, and an overall estimation of his mental condition."

"Another question." The Ino raised her hand. "How the hell are we supposed to take him down if things somehow get too rough and he goes Kyubi on us?" A brief flinch from the rest of the group indicated that they too just remembered that Naruto's abilities extended far past his arsenal of massively destructive techniques.

"There's no need for concern there." The Hokage sighed and rubbed her temple. "For better or for worse, apparently, Ghost "overdid" it with Naruto's training and claimed the brat was too strong if he used the Kyubi's chakra or his other backup power in a fight, so he sealed them off "to keep things interesting.""

"… Are you sure we can't just keep him out of the village?" Sasuke asked skeptically. "I can't help but feel safer if we did that."

"We already have the Oogakari here Sasuke, might as well let Naruto join the fun too." Kakashi sighed.

"Is there anything else we need to know about Tsunade-sama?" Sakura asked warily, knowing that any additional information given by this point would be both good and bad news.

The eldest one there nodded darkly. "Mm. A bird came in a couple of days ago. I was going to announce it to the others later today, but this takes priority with you. Akatsuki's finally begun to move for the jinchuriki."

"Already?" Kakashi asked as the rest of the shinobi there frowned, their irritation with Naruto vanishing in an instant.

"We've received word that the Rokubi has already been captured. The bird I mentioned was from Suna. Gaara was attacked by two of their members, but with some help from Shikamaru and some of the residents there, he managed to heavily injure one and push them back. Unfortunately though both Sasori of the Red Sand and the terrorist bomber Deidara managed to escape with their lives."

"And behind the official story?" Kakashi questioned, already able to tell that there was something omitted from what they were just told.

"The Kazekage informed Shikamaru through the veil of casual dialogue that Naruto was there and helped protect his people from one of Deidara's more… creative bombs without anyone noticing." Tsunade admitted shamelessly. "Gaara was the only one that Naruto revealed himself to, somehow he managed to pick up some of Ghost's annoying stealth habits, so not even Akatsuki is aware that he was there thankfully. According to the Kazekage, the brat seemed to behave the same as usual, however there were times where he was a bit more impulsive and recklessly without thinking his actions through. He was concerned about Naruto's mental health, noting that he did seem to have undergone some sort of major traumatic experience. There were distinct signs of sleep deprivation and mental exhaustion."

"Gaara would know about that." Sakura nodded. "He spent the first dozen years of his life constantly awake after all."

"I'm kinda surprised he told us this." Ino rose an eyebrow. "Aren't he and Naruto tight? Why would he rat him out like that?"

"It's because they're close that he's doing it." Kakashi answered. "Obviously he's worried enough about Naruto's well being to ignore his request. Considering how much we tend to ignore his behavior and trust him to do the right thing but Gaara told us anyways, I don't consider it to be a good sign."

"Do we have a better idea of what Naruto meant by "vacation"?" Sasuke inquired. "You know how we tend to twist the meaning of words around to get what we want."

"From what Shikamaru sent us, we're under the impression that he's just wandering around the elemental nations doing whatever the hell he wants for a few months without supervision. He won't instigate anything on purpose or confront the Akatsuki, but that doesn't mean he won't get involved if he feels it is needed as the event in Suna shows." The Hokage summarized. "He even stated that if Akatsuki started going after him in particular again he would come right back, but until then he's flying wild."

"Several months is a long time." Kakashi mused as he filtered through all of what he remembered from the future. "Any chance he mention about how he was going to do damage control when his luck tanks again?"

No one missed the fact that he said "when" and not "if".

"Can we possibly not be around when that happens?" Ino asked hopefully, only for the rest in the room to give her a sharp look in response. "Figures."

"We're under the impression that he will occasionally go to locations that are or rumored to be experiencing unusual activities. Obviously this would more than likely cause things to go out of control, however his track record for stabilizing such situations speaks for itself. At the very least though, he should be smart enough to not announce who he is to everyone in a five kilometer radius."

o. o. o.

Flashback:

Naruto stood on top of a giant robot standing in the middle of a war zone consisting of primarily demons, knights, and wizards, all of whom were staring at him with a similar expression that could be summed up as WTF, with his arms crossed and his chest puffed out proudly.

"I AM THE FERAL GALE! I AM THE STUDENT OF THE CURSED MEMORY! I CAST THE WIND MAGIKS THAT MAKE THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN AND THE OTHER STUFFS BLOW UP! COME AT ME BITCHES! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

To this day, Naruto couldn't remember how he managed to get his hands on the giant robot, let alone get it to the middle of the battlefield without anyone noticing.

o. o. o.

"… Hopefully." She added at the end of her sentence in an almost pleading tone.

"So while we're out running blind, you'll be sending stronger teams out to missions that fit that category." Kakashi summarized, making a list of all the missions that fit that category.

"Unless you have a better idea." The woman snorted. "The brat was a pain to keep track of when he was only in the village."

"Why not use the Oogakari to find him?" Ino asked. "Wouldn't Ghost be eager as hell to get back at him?"

"He would if he didn't already say that he deserved it and then some before crying about how proud he was that the idiot finally managed to get one up on him." Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"Should have seen that coming." Sakura groaned.

"And the others?" Sasuke asked.

"They refused." The Hokage once more lamented on how frustrating it was dealing with individuals that she had no genuine control over that lived in her own damn village. For a leader of assassins and warriors, it was more than a bit frustrating. "They're more interested in how things will turn out like this than actually controlling the situation. They won't help us in the slightest unless something exceptionally big happens… maybe."

"Sounds like something they'd say." Kakashi nodded as if agreeing that what she had just stated matched their profiles. "Overall though, the mission is pretty simple. It's just finding and getting Naruto back will be exceptionally hard."

"Trying to fight him head on would be stupid. We don't want to deal with damage control on his level so soon." Sasuke shrugged. "His danger would triple that in mid air, though thankfully he wouldn't be able to break as much there. I doubt anyone would be able to overpower him in the sky save for Ghost or maybe the Tsuchikage."

"How DID Naruto pull one over on Ghost?" Ino raised an eyebrow.

"Trust me. You don't want to know." The Hokage deadpanned. "I found out, and I got pissed. Then I found out the details and I decided not to bother asking about any more of the Oogakari's mental traumas. It's just not worth it."

"Noted." Kakashi stated without missing a beat before taking the files and scrolls that his boss left out for him. "We'll go over the data tonight and leave tomorrow morning. Any ideas as to where he could be now?"

"He was last seen in Suna several days ago, but with his mobility he could literally be anywhere now. If he's smart he'll stay away from any major cities, villages, or places he's made a name for himself. This includes Ame and Iwa. If he's being reckless he'd at least show up in one of the more visited tourist areas or places that are deemed off limits."

"And if he was just doing whatever the hell he wanted on a limb and just didn't want to be bothered by any of his normal chaos just yet?" Ino offered skeptically.

"He'd go to somewhere either isolated or dangerous, but notable to him in some way. He'd probably make some crack about hoping he didn't wreck it while there at some point too." Sasuke shrugged. "I know I would."

"Didn't the Uzumaki have its own village that got destroyed?" Sakura raised an eyebrow thoughtfully. "No one ever built on top of it did they?"

"He was interested in visiting it at one point or another." Kakashi nodded. "But it would be too obvious of a place to visit first. He'd know it would be one of the first places we'd look once we found out that he was gone."

"But we'd know that he would visit eventually." Ino pointed out. "If he was there, I'd be able to tell since his chakra infused air would still linger, and if he wasn't we could set up a trap."

"Sounds like a good enough starting point." Sasuke agreed while taking the folder. "I suggest starting on his combat potential first. We need to know what he can do just in case… though odds are if we do find him he'll just try to run away after the first few techniques. Those exploding clones of his are annoying as hell."

"Still better than the cows." Sakura mumbled as she pocketed her own scroll.

"Ain't that the truth." Ino snorted. "Choji still momentarily hesitates whenever beef is on the barbecue."

o. o. o.

Amegakure:

"Any chance you gonna share while we enjoy the show this time?" Kisame asked Itachi casually as they stood on a balcony that overlooked a massive underground arena that Pain used to test potential members of Akatsuki. It was a wide and empty room, nearly a square acre with a high ceiling and several pillars to keep the ceiling up, but other than that it was fairly sparse and unremarkable.

Down below, Konan and Hidan stood a fair distance from one another. One was stoic and seemingly emotionless. The other on the other hand had no hesitation with his endless childish albeit violent threats that yielded no response.

Itachi didn't say anything as he continued to slowly gnaw on the piece of pocky in his mouth, hidden from the view of most by the high collar coat that he wore.

"Yeah." The swordsman sighed disappointedly. "I figured as much."

"Anyone want to make bets?" Kakuzu walked up to the pair without any reservation.

"Don't see the point." Kisame grinned. "You need someone to bet on both sides for the system to work." Obviously no one in the organization had any faith in Hidan's success despite his inability to die.

"Couldn't hurt to ask." The heart thief shrugged. "I'm somewhat hoping that she doesn't find a way to completely off him here."

"Somewhat?" Kisame's surprise was warranted. Kakuzu's loathing of his current partner was only matched by Hidan's hatred of him, something that was not a secret among the others there.

"Hidan's useful. He's the only partner I haven't managed to kill yet, so he serves more of a purpose than anyone else I've worked with."

The swordsman chuckled, flashing his unnaturally sharp teeth. "I'd suggest that you'd stop trying to do that, but until Itachi I was pretty much in the same boat. It's a pretty interesting feeling isn't it? Killing your comrades."

"They're just people I work with. The only difference between them and my targets is I spend more time with one. Normally." The oldest member of Akatsuki snorted impassively. "I don't get sentimental like you."

Kisame snickered. "My my. And they call me a monster."

"To each their own." Itachi spoke up finally without looking at the others but still gaining their attention. And just like that all three of them had silently agreed to change the topic of conversation.

"True enough." Kakuzu nodded.

"Speaking of wrecked teammates." Kisame nodded towards the other side of the room where Deidara and Sasori were arguing about something pointless again. The puppet master had been using a spare body to get around normally while he fixed his original, but it still did nothing to stop everyone from commenting in their own way on his appearance. "Word is that Sasori's out of action till he fixes himself up."

"He wasn't even the one that fought the jinchuriki." The fact that Sasori lost as badly as he did to his _grandmother_ of all things and two teenagers had earned him a great deal of ridicule since he returned. Oh none of the members took his report on the Black Deer and Suna's potential lightly, nor his skills, but it did nothing to hold back the jabbing comments and jokes at his expense whenever they passed him in the halls. "Makes you wonder who Deidara's going to be stuck with for the time being."

"Who knows." Kisame was also pretty curious as to what would happen. Deidara was way too loose of a cannon to be left alone to his own devices, but then again sticking him with another group was just asking for trouble. Sticking two S ranked criminals together was already hard enough to cover up, and that was if they actually got along. Three was impossible to hide.

Then again, there was that large project that Leader was working on. If the whispers were true, the need for subtlety may be in short supply in the near future…

"Hey, just in case Konan does kill Hidan and you get Deidara, don't kill him ok? I've grown a soft spot for the kid. He's brings extra flair to our group."

"No promises."

Kisame turned to his own partner. "You saw it yourself Itachi. Now you can't say I didn't try to help him out."

Itachi replied by barely glancing at the taller man before looking down at the arena.

"Is he always this talkative?" Kakuzu asked skeptically. "Because if he is I wouldn't mind teaming up with him myself."

"Get your own." Kisame frowned. "This one's mine."

Itachi made a mental note to ask the swordsman later about how he was "Kisame's". Possibly with many sharp objects, illusions, and fire.

The snapping of the pocky in his mouth only proved his minor ire.

"What was that?" Kakuzu blinked before looking at the source. "… Are you actually eating candy? I didn't realize you were such a child Itachi."

"I wouldn't go there if I were you." Kisame laughed with a hint of nervousness that no one missed. Obviously he had understood why the candy had snapped in the first place. "Trust me. He doesn't like being called out on his guilty pleasure."

Neither of the taller men missed the fact that Itachi's Sharingan had taken a more malevolent flair right after the eldest's comment despite the fact that they were standing slightly behind him. While they were strong, neither one of them could claim that they were immune to Itachi's absurdly powerful illusions. Both were quite aware that all it took was a glance for the Uchiha to down them for good if he wanted.

"Who doesn't?" Kakuzu saved himself without hesitation. "Now if only Hidan didn't consist of nothing but bad habits and guilty pleasures…"

"True enough. I doubt that anyone here can stand him." Kisame spoke the truth. While many of the members of Akatuski didn't get along, Hidan was the one everyone could agree they disliked the most due to his personality and lack of skill. He was a good fighter true, but he relied too heavily on his immortality and voodoo jutsu to be respected by the others who had focused far more time on their craft. If it weren't for his special abilities, he'd at best be a jonin due to his severe lack of versatility. "Hell, it's because you don't hesitate to beat the shit out of him that you can keep him in line. The rest of us would give up and just ditch him after some point. Most likely in several pieces."

"Don't remind me." The heart thief grunted. "I'm just glad that someone else is doing the job for once. Speaking of which, I'm curious what Konan is going to do to him."

"Oh. That's right. You two have never seen her in action have you?" Kisame mused out loud.

Itachi and Kakuzu glance in the fishman's direction momentarily. The swordsman's statement reminded them that aside from Pain, Konan, and Zetsu, Kisame was rumored to be the oldest member of Akatsuki. Normally that would have entitled him to some sort of level of authority seeing as all three of the other founding members seemed to have a solid sway of things, however it did not seem to be the case. Hell, most of the other members tended to forget his seniority on them due to his casual personality and the lack of any sort of power he had over them.

"She is Leader's partner. That alone speaks for her strength." Itachi evenly stated the obvious... which Hidan had blatantly ignored in the first place.

"Regardless of what we know of her, we'll find out momentarily regardless." Kakuzu agreed, his eyes lingering on Kisame for just a bit longer than he would have liked before something caught his attention. "Well speak of the devil."

Kisame laughed as Pain's Deva Path appeared in between the two members. "Careful. You know the boss fancies himself a god. He might take that personally."

"Shut up. You're distracting me from the show."

Nagato looked through Yahiko's body to see Konan and Hidan standing in place, obviously ready to go. Of course most people were unable to tell much from Konan since her facial expressions did not change much since their friend and her lover died, however Nagato had been with her for years. He could tell that she was secretly itching to take Hidan down a peg or two. Hell, everyone in the organization wanted to do it, it was just he and his friend was far better at hiding it than the others. Besides, their goal was more important than putting the idiot worshipper of some random god in his place.

"You will fight when I say so. You will stop when I say so. You will not receive aid. You will keep the fight to inside this room. You will accept the outcome when it is over. You will obey my rules." Every command he stated was laced with finality to the point that even Hidan got the hint that it was in his best interests to follow them.

"Tch. Fine. Just don't bitch when I make your toy there scream." The priest grunted, clearly not liking the fact that he would have to stop. "Jashin-sama only accepts of total slaughter. Leaving the target alive is against my religion."

"Then I will just have to be thorough in my victory." Konan evenly replied, causing the real Nagato to momentarily develop a faint smirk.

"What was that you bitch?!" Hidan snapped.

"It is pointless to say anything else." The Deva path sighed before it disappeared in a cloud of smoke. "Fight."

With a sadistic cry, the priest unsurprisingly went on the offensive first and threw his triple bladed scythe at his opponent with speed that would catch most shinobi off guard.

Obviously though, Konan was no ordinary shinobi. The instant the woman was hit by the weapon, her body exploded into a large cloud of paper that for the most part harmlessly let the tool pass right through it before suddenly rapidly charging at Hidan.

Said target blinked in confusion. "The fuck? Paper?! Of all the weak ass shit I have to sacrifice to Jashin-sama…" Grimacing, the man jumped back to put more distance between him and the oncoming cloud before yanking back on the thick chord that connected him to his weapon. However he wasn't done yet. With a quick flair of chakra into the cable, one of the tool's hidden features and caused the three blades to spin in opposite directions and at different speeds, turning it into a massive deadly fan.

Moments before the flurry of paper that was Konan overcame Hidan, the crimson tool overcame her from behind and shredded apart the parchment that came in contact with it and forcing the rest, which was still the majority of it, away in every direction.

Kisame whistled as the insane man deftly caught his weapon as its spinning blades stopped with an audible click. "Didn't know that thing of his could do that. I always thought that his scythe had tricks to it. It was too big to think otherwise."

"He doesn't use it that often." Kakuzu snorted. "He complains that it kills his targets too quickly. Not enough time to properly offer them to his retarded god. Idiot."

That was as far as the conversation went as everyone saw the remains of the paper reformed itself in midair above the priest, revealing the top half of the blue haired woman with the addition of two passive paper wings that made her resemble a twisted sort of angel. Her body and skin were no longer unblemished as well as it appeared as if her figure had not completely made the transition between paper and human, looking like she was likely to fall apart into her element again if hit hard enough.

"And they think I like to showboat." Hidan snorted, clearly not intimidated by the woman's appearance just before the paper in the wings went rigid, giving her a more malevolent form.

And then she began to fire off paper like rain.

Swearing twice as much as before, Hidan bolted away as fast as he could to avoid the oncoming attack. He didn't bother to pay attention to area behind him getting hit so hard that it exploded as he jumped to one of the pillars in the room, landed on its side several meters up, and used it as a platform to reach the floating woman that was now within his range, not bothering to notice the dozens of razor sharp projectiles that was tearing him apart as he approached his target.

However, much to his annoyance, Konan merely floated out of the way during his second leap, preventing him from bringing the fight up close. His attempt to adapt to this by throwing his scythe again as he flew in the opposite direction of his target met with equal failure as Konan proved to be more agile in the sky than he had anticipated and flew around it as well… and then unleashed another salvo of paper projectiles at him.

Cursing once again as his weapon was still away from his body, Hidan frantically whipped his tool to try and get the woman from behind before he finally landed on the side of another pillar and quickly ran on its edge to get to the other side.

Without bothering to pay attention to the tool behind her, Konan wordlessly erected a paper shield as strong as steel at her back almost instantly, causing the scythe to bounce harmlessly off of it and spin widely around the pillar, inadvertently showing exactly where on it Hidan was hiding.

"Do you think he noticed what she's doing?" Kisame grinned hungrily.

"What do you think?" Kakuzu snorted.

The Zealot decided to try his hand at ranged combat still as his scythe traveled behind the pillar and around the other side to keep up the assault. However before it even made it half way to the woman, Konan took the initiative and manifested hundreds of pieces of paper that spun around the stone, hiding it in a twister of white.

It seemed to be doing whatever Konan had intended if Hidan's increase of shouting was any indication.

As expected, the attack forced him to move out of his no longer safe location and he leapt to the side of the pillar, covered in both papercuts and pieces of paper that stuck to him like a second skin. The coil to his scythe still attached to his right arm which was whipping around frantically, though those watching could easily tell that the paper sticking to him was impeding his movements.

Konan dodged the first passing of the scythe as well as the subsequent slow arcs with ease before the tool lost its range and began to fall with its owner to the side. Seeing the opening, she once again began to rain origami hell upon the priest…

When the bladed end of the scythe, which was pointed at her, suddenly launched out like a spring straight at her and the topmost blade nicked the side of her face.

Kisame blinked. "Ok. Color me surprised. Since when did Hidan actually fight with a shred of cunning?"

Kakuzu shrugged emotionlessly. Obviously he was not caught off guard by the scythe's hidden functions. "There's a reason why the boss let him become a member. My guess is that he didn't realize how annoying the idiot was until later."

"Hindsight's always twenty twenty huh?"

"It would be less embarrassing if Hidan actually hid some of his tricks on purpose. Instead he doesn't use them because he's a childish fool who's more interested in his half assed god than doing his damn job." Kakuzu snorted as he watched his partner cheer insanely despite still being torn apart by Konan's attack in mid air.

"Spoken like a true atheist. I bet the only way you'd actually worship a god was if it was a god of money." Kisame grinned, not at all interested in the new turn of events. He already saw how the fight was going to end. "All hail money-sama."

"Keep talking Kisame. That topic of conversation was just what dead partners number four and nine were on before I tore their arms and legs off respectively." Kakuzu growled irritably as several black wiry tendrils wormed their way from his sleeves like agitated snakes.

"Oh?" The swordsman slowly reached for the massive sword on his back. "It seems I struck a chord with the closet worshipper…"

"Quiet." Itachi softly spoke up as Hidan landed on the ground and bolted around one of the pillars and farther back to begin his trademark voodoo ritual by stabbing his foot with his collapsible spare spike in his left hand while pulling back his scythe with the right. "The fight's not done yet."

The two men glanced at the second youngest member of Akatsuki. "So?" Kakuzu grunted just as Hidan's circle was hastily made and he rapidly began making the triangle. The priest loved his dramatics and properly doing his rituals which was why he normally took forever doing them, but when he was pressed for time he was actually pretty quick with the whole thing.

"The fight is merely an excuse." The Uchiha didn't bother to turn around as the seal was completed and red scythe finally returned to its owner. By this point Konan had just rounded the pillar he had been hiding behind. "It is rare enough that we have meetings with all of us present using leader's jutsu…"

Hidan laughed maniacally as he licked the tip of his weapon, drinking in Konan's blood and changing his skin to its distorted skeletal black and white patterns that made him look even more deranged. Already standing in his circle, he was more or less untouchable by Konan as any damage done to him would be dealt to her as well, only with Hidan's immortal state, he could take far more damage than she could. Without hesitating, the priest lunged with his spear at his chest…

Red blood sprayed everywhere.

"How long has it been since all of us were in the same location in person?"

Kakuzu and Kisame didn't bother to look at Hidan, who had not only been impaled by his own spike, by a paper spear of Konan's making as well which had gone through the madman's left arm, still holding the first spike, and through another part of his chest effectively pinning it to him, then further back and into the ground forcing his body to arc slightly backwards and give him a perfect view of his attacker.

"What?!" He coughed out liters of blood as his left and right lungs were impaled completely. Looking up at the floating woman with angelic wings, he saw that the only true blemish on her person was the tiny cut on her cheek that he had landed earlier. Her chest was not marred in the slightest, let alone twice. "What the fuck?!"

Had he been paying attention to what was around him, he would have notices that a small part of the seal he had made near one of the tips of the triangle had moved just enough to break the circle. Had he paid attention more, he would have noticed that not only that part of his seal, but several others were not drawn on the ground, but on pieces of paper that were laid flat on the ground that were the same color as the floor.

"Do you think that I would not know how your technique works?" The Angel of Ame stated emotionlessly as she moved her outstretched hand slightly, commanding more of the paper she had laid out on the ground when the fight started to move, dispelling the minor illusion that made them the same color as the surfaces they laid flat upon. He would have tried to jump away, however the dozens of pieces of paper that had latched his feet to the ground during his moment of shock made that impossible.

All it had really taken was for one piece that held part of Hidan's seal to move out of place for the technique to be rendered useless. It was actually kinda sad really.

Hidan's eyes widened as he realized what the woman was hinting at as he became trapped in another twister of white. "The hell? Don't tell me you did all of this from the beginning… that's fucking unfair! You knew of my moves but I didn't know yours!"

"It would have changed nothing." The woman coldly replied as the paper began to mummify the man. "This is your punishment for forgetting your place."

Struggling helplessly as his body was immobilized, the madman could do nothing as the Angel pierced him with a dozen more paper spears through all his major joints and his mouth so savagely that the tools impaled the ground as well, effectively securing and forcing him to arch back in a very uncomfortable position.

Kisame chuckled at the view. "Hell hath no fury. Looks like Hidan got on her nerves more than she let on. I bet she even earned a few bonus points with Sasori and Deidara with the way she left him. It does have an artistic feel to it..." He turned back to Itachi. "Now then, now that you have our attention Itachi do tell us what you think our dear leader wants by getting all of us here?"

It was only due to his familiarity with the Uchiha that Kisame noted the slightest of twitches in the Uchiha's facial expression as Pain appeared in the arena to officially stop the fight.

"… I don't know… however I doubt we will like it."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the Elemental Nations:

Scabbard Oogakari was a businessman that could exploit virtually any system he was given to make a large profit. It was what he did. He was good at it. It was the reason why he legally owned his family in no less than seven hundred and twenty nine universes.

Illegally… well it was easier to just say that the others had stopped counting at this point.

However this did not mean that he did not have some particular habits or patterns to some of his businesses. In fact, he had many that he could utilize in many worlds at once simply because said worlds' societies were virtually begging to be exploited in such ways. Many areas of business, while ethically looked down upon in many worlds, could easily be put into a better light if the ones in charge could just manage and control their system professionally and humanely.

One of his more frequently used, albeit highly unethical tactics though was one that many would not suspect him of using due to his widely known loathing of fangirls…

He was a pimp.

No, it was more accurate to call him the foremost manager and producer of many if not all successful prostitution related programs in the multiverse. So long as the society was developed enough, corrupt enough, and he was there for a long enough time, Scabbard Oogakari could and often would create a wide ranging prostitution system that covered multiple fetishes (child and potentially harmful fetishes excluded for obvious reasons of course) that could put most rings out of business…

And give him a very well established spy ring in the process.

His system was somewhat simple, though more complex than his competitors. After making or taking over a medium sized town's whorehouse for himself through one means or another, the man would first establish ground rules.

Each woman was to take up a craft in their spare time. Something that could land them a decent job outside of whoring themselves out. Cooking. Cleaning. Writing. Sewing. Acting. Miko training. Managing. Medicine. Bartending. Espionage. Etc. Etc. Some were even trained in the shinobi arts, albeit the more covert ones. Should they prove themselves competent, Scabbard would supply them with a mentor of sorts to further their education as an apprentice.

They would still be prostitutes during their varying "hours", however after they meet certain requirements, they could do other things for their houses as well, such as cooking meals, putting on shows, managing the accounts, fixing the building, expanding their clientele, etc. It was not surprising to see his outlets completely self sufficient in most of the major maintenance areas.

There were no actual "pimps" in the system to collect the finances as the prostitutes were their own managers after enough of them received enough financial management training, which normally took only around three to four months and were proven responsible enough, in which they were elevated to what was dubbed "big sister" status. Should they earn money during their apprenticeship and training, they could use it to pay off what they owed and not have to "work" for it if they so chose.

While this was rather risky, the women were quick to realize that Scab supplied them with far more protection, overall security, and dignity than anyone else could. The amount he took was more than what their previous bosses did, but what he provided was so, so much more. Their quality of life was significantly better in his system than if they were to try to make it out on their own. The money they turned into the system went to food, medical, birth control, housing, education, accidental children (to a degree), younger family members staying there, and the carefully selected missing nin that were hired to protect them.

And no one could forget the large variety of pleasure rooms that his workers spent a good amount of time in, and the toys they used.

… There was a reason why Ghost was the most in debt to Scab in the family.

Of course there were checks in place to ensure that no one took advantage of his generosity without consequences, involving but not limited to a rather interesting seal that would erase the prostitute's memories of the place and their friends should they go too far and several other things, however that was neither here nor there to discuss.

Often though, the seals were not needed. Prostitutes were frequently desperate individuals in most societies. They wouldn't be prostitutes if they weren't. Hence, if someone threatened to ruin a very good lifestyle of theirs, they would without a doubt react accordingly.

Few realized this, but an angry desperate prostitute with resources, range of skills, and a goal could be a very dangerous force of nature. A well taken care of small army of them even more so. Especially in a reputation heavily eastern influenced society like in the elemental nations…

This of course made protecting, monitoring, and ensuring that certain wrongs were corrected much cheaper on Scab's end. They did most of the work for him without having to say a word after he set up the rules to follow.

While financially it was not initially as lucrative as being a normal pimp, Scab's system had the benefit of being very attractive to the other prostitutes, who normally had rather significantly less pleasant bosses, which he would have no issue with inducting into the system. This in turn caused his territory to grow rapidly with workers that were all very happy to be under his employment.

Virtually every "house" under his influence that was in a different city or location went by a different name and theme, as to ensure that outsiders would not connect the dots and realize that one person was controlling them all. Despite this though, each building had methods of communicating with one another nearly instantly thanks to a series of seals and devices that in the end acted like a standard desktop, allowing information to travel between the buildings and countries insanely fast when compared to the world's standard. Only the most trusted of information specialists in each building were taught and allowed to use them.

The immortal was not stupid enough to create such an obvious connection between one of his biggest investments and everything else it was related to. Internally however, each small family of abandoned women and men knew that they owed their turn of life to Scab and the greater hidden family they were a part of.

Idiots ran giant companies with the expectation to influence the world the way they wished. The smart ones only had to ensure that they could speak and listen to the right people whenever they needed to get the job done.

Many of the "houses" he had promoted quality entertainers of both genders. The experienced and sought after employees were encouraged to teach the others some of their tricks, though never all of them. Said higher members were often trained in espionage as well, as word of their skill and beauty reached the local lords nearby… and then the more prominent nobility…

His system did not simply stop there however. It would be insulting to Scabbard's intelligence if it did.

His business went further to offer alternative jobs to the prostitutes that did not wish to sell their bodies all the time to make a living, going out of its way to promote the men and women to educate themselves. Quite frequently, these people who were unfortunate enough to never obtain an education of their own, who learned crafts while selling their bodies, earned solid occupations and even occasionally opened their own stores. Quite often they obtained a small investment from the generous if a bit emotionless father figure in the process to give them a small boost in their new path of life… and remind them where they had come from and where the family that helped pick them up would always be…

And thus Scab's ears and eyes expanded further.

But why stop there?

More often than not, many of the individual businesses that were started by his former employers would start to produce products that the rest of the world had never seen before. New fabrics. New inventions. New tools. New chemicals. More efficient banking systems. New toys. Etc. Nothing provided was exceptional of course, but they were enough to catch the interest of the public…

And most importantly, little to none of it would have to do with the Shinobi world.

Prostitutes once more came into play here. Marketing was after all so much easier with a small army of attractive men and women that frequently interact with the local populaces of virtually every major city around at your beck and call with samples to throw in everyone's face… among other things.

On and on these minor discoveries would appear in a controlled and believable manner, causing the businesses and companies under his influence to grow into very sizeable empires. This in turn would of course catch the eyes of both the greedy and savvy nobles there, gaining him even more influence over society.

From there, all it took were the right rumors and words for him to gain a very heavy influence in the government.

It was not uncommon for the man to completely and indirectly own lesser developed countries via this method without their knowing within six years so long as he wasn't too distracted.

By the time Naruto had arrived from his training, Scab's empire, which had been started since he first arrived roughly four years earlier, had extended its reaches to every layer of the elemental Nation's societies in all of the major countries and many of the minor ones. He was known, under his alias as "Fenrir" or "Papa", as the largest supplier of quality entertaining individuals in the elemental nations.

Many of the businesses he had established behind the scenes were only just reaching the significant status needed to gain the attention of the nobles, so it would not be long till the Legacy's Prophet would more or less be able to control the nations as he wished if he bothered to use them.

Still, thanks to his setup, Scab could find out much in the matter of days. Not anything, no. He was never foolish enough to assume that, however there was little he could not discover so long as it was not a nationally kept secret. All in all, while it was slower to set up and didn't give him nearly as much access to the hidden villages and shinobi world like his weapon dealing business did, it did give him far more of a hold on the economy and political world while staying anonymous.

Needless to say, there was a small period of time when the rest of his family called him "Little Finger" in reference to this particular approach.

They stopped after he exploited his system to rob them of every penny they had in a single day. They had no evidence that he was responsible for it, but everyone sure as hell knew he was.

To his mild surprise, while Jiraiya indeed unknowingly frequented his businesses while gathering information, not once had the Sage actually do more than openly flirt and drink with his employees. Apparently he was more loyal to Tsunade than people thought…

It still didn't prevent him from recording some of the man's more interesting drunken escapades for blackmailing later.

He knew roughly where every member of Akatsuki was in general at a given point in time for example, as well as figure out what they were doing when comparing their location with events occurring in the area. He knew the strength of all the hidden villages. He knew of at least three dozen of each hidden village's major storage areas outside of their town walls. He knew of who had just become missing nin. He knew of where said nin were…

He knew that a year ago, an unknown group of shinobi consisting of an Earth, Lava, Lightning, and Genjutsu master absolutely wrecked a good part of Amegakure before Pain and Konan could push them back.

He knew that seemingly random graves and tombs had been robbed over the past few years.

He knew which countries were planning to set up peace and trading treaties with which other nations, and which ones were secretly preparing to wage war when said deals were made.

He knew that Naruto was flying solo and was doing whatever he wanted.

However, all of that didn't matter now, because at the moment…

"Why the hell did you make me meet you in the middle of a whore house?!"

He had to deal with his current apprentice and her team.

"Indeed. This is most unyouthful." Lee frowned as he attempted to not look at the various attractive women they passed by as his team followed Scab deeper into the building. The blush on his face was clear for everyone to see, as was his lean but obviously ripped body since he had not abandoned his beloved spandex suit with a chunin vest over it. He had however decided to drop the orange leg weights and wear shinobi pants over his suit after much pestering from Kin, pointing out that even martial arts masters aren't hindered by them and can help mask his leg movements somewhat.

His new constant training method came in the form of gravity seals, complimentary of Tenten.

In addition his standard pouches and bags, the martial artist also had a large nasty looking combat knife strapped to his thigh, easily twice the width of a kunai and nearly three times as long.

No one ever saw him use it in combat. No one ever did.

"Careful Lee." The immortal stated in his usual bored tone without turning around. "Many of my employees here would consider that as an insult to their appearance. They work very hard to look as good as possible."

As expected, the energetic taijutsu user froze and began to look around feverishly before bowing deeply and apologizing to any and every woman that he thought was looking at him funny. The women there merely laughed and enjoyed the show the boy was giving them.

"Employees?" Tenten gaped. "You OWN this place?!"

"I own many places." Scab vaguely responded with the barest hint of amusement in his otherwise even tone. "I find them useful for various purposes, and I have decided that they are established enough for you should be privy to them too. Of course, their existence is on a need to know basis."

"A generous offer." Neji frowned. "However please do not be insulted if my use of such locations is sparse."

"I'd be more concerned if it was frequent." The immortal stated. Once more his bland even voice made it nearly impossible for anyone to tell if he was being sincere or sarcastic. "However it would be foolish to disregard a potential valuable resource."

"I'll keep it in mind."

"Other than his haircut and eyebrows, he's kinda cute." One of the attractive young women there mused as she inspected Lee, dressed in a robe that revealed a good amount of cleavage and leg, but not overly so. "It takes a real man to wear something as _tight _as that out in the open like that."

Neji took that as his cue to grab his teammate and bow briefly. His forehead protector slanted like Kakashi's so that it covered his byakugan, meaning that the eye he was using to stare at the woman was the slit blue one that once belonged to Naruto. Save for that peculiar look, his clothing was fairly standard for a member of his clan with white and tan robes. "My apologies, however my friend here already has a girlfriend. For all our sakes, please do not fluster him more than he already is."

The woman momentarily shivered as she held the slit eye's gaze. "Oh. My my you are an interesting one too. So polite. Do not worry. There was no harm done." She purred. "Do tell me, what happened to your eye? I bet there's a very interesting story behind it."

The corners of Neji's lips twitched. "It was a wound I sustained several years ago during a mission gone bad. One of many I received at that time actually. It was gouged out by an enemy's thumb while he held me by my head with one hand."

And like that the mood was killed.

Wham!

"I'm so sorry about that." Tenten apologized as she pulled back her smoking fist from Neji's head. "My boyfriend sometimes gets a bit carried away when he gets too much unwanted attention. He has a thing against talking about his eye."

The prostitute regained composure before laughing in good nature. "Oh it's no problem. It's my fault for asking in the first place. He's not the first shinobi to do something like that. It takes a special woman to truly get along with those types after all."

"Preaching to the choir." The weapon specialist shook her head in resignation.

"I must say though, your boy toy here has some fine taste." The woman continued as she took in Tenten's image, with her snow white hair wrapped into her two usual buns and her dark tan skin showing where her deep green, white, and rust brown Chinese themed attire hugged her body. "You have such an exotic look. Not overly developed, but still curved in all the right places. Someone like you would definitely get top dollar by the hour here…"

She paused to briefly smell the girl. "… Although we probably would have to give her a bit of a cleaning and makeover first. Smoke and iron are unfortunately not very appealing aromas the last I checked."

"As flattering as your impressions are, you know she's not here for that reason Yumiko." Scabbard stated evenly, cutting off his apprentice before she said something she thought was witty. Despite being a proud fighter, the girl still didn't like people taking shots at her femininity. "They are here for another sort of business. If you don't mind, I would like to speak to my student and her team in private."

The now identified Yumiko blinked in surprise before looking at Tenten as if seeing her for the first time. "Your student? Oh my my. She must be a special one then Papa. No one ever said anything about you having a student."

"That's because I never told anyone." Scab evenly replied. "I expect her to be treated with the same respect you give me."

"But of course. We might even take it up a step and actually hug her and give her that makeover anyways. It's not like you're one for large displays of affection." The woman smirked. Obviously the man's cool disposition was not a negative or uncommon trait in her eyes.

"Careful. It almost sounds like I baby you lot." How the man managed to say the line with a dead even face and tone while still obviously being sarcastic was beyond anyone's guess.

"We love you too Papa." Yumiko blew the man a kiss before walking to another part of the building, swinging her hips seductively in the process. "Well then back to the books I guess."

"Books?" Lee asked curiously.

"Yumiko's in charge of most of the taxes and bills for this building. She's quite intelligent. Her family was blind to abandon her at a young age merely because she refused to get married to some fool of a Noble's son for a small sum of money. Then again, I wouldn't have her under my wing if they didn't." Scab explained as he walked to his office. "She's training to be a financial manager or a banker, however I would not be surprised if she ends up staying and managing the building full time. She is quite attached to her friends here."

"You mean to say that she is actually fine living in such conditions?" Neji politely asked, though what he really thought of the place was no secret. As the member of a noble family, such places were seen as distasteful. More so since he was here with his girlfriend.

"She is forced to do nothing she does not wish to do. She has a solid meal three times a day. She is clothed, educated, housed, but still is urged to work hard for her own goals, which no one discourages, and surrounded by those who support and care for her. It is far more than what most in her situation could hope for." Scab sat behind his desk, silently urging the others to do the same. "She must earn her keep, but that is something that should be obvious to anyone who works for a living. She knows this and understands this, which is why she focuses hard on her studies in the mean time. What she does with her body is her own business, I merely ensure that she has more to look forward to and possibly achieve in the future. I highly doubt that you three completely agree to everything that you do and encounter in your profession, so why should she?"

The three shinobi glanced at one another warily, knowing that what the eldest one there had said was very true.

"Now then, back to business." He interlaced his fingers and rested his arms on his desk. Instantly the mood of the room took a darker feel. Not deadly, but certainly more morose. "I take it that your mission was successful since you are here and seem to be in no hurry."

Tenten nodded as she took out a scroll. "Yep. One dead conspirer against the Daimyo and three missing nin. ID'd, tagged, and ready for turning in."

"They were fools. Their estimation of their abilities was grossly inflated." Neji shook his head pityingly. "They assumed they could have killed half the court with a few well placed poisons and replaced staff members, but with their skills they wouldn't have even gotten past the main guard. Lee killed them all before they even knew something was wrong."

"And I was so ready to test out Hrunting this time. Get them all in one shot." Tenten grumbled.

"I dislike not giving them the opportunity to surrender, however their unyouthful methods and plans all but ensured that they would perish at one point or another." The most energetic of the group sulked.

"Either you do or you don't. It is regrettable, however the way society works it is often better to cut loose ties than to just let them go and hope for the best. You can only trust your judgment as to when to follow this rule and when not to, and hope that you made the right choice. Regardless, your decisions and actions are your own, and you must live with the subsequent results. This applies to everyone." Scab answered as he unraveled the scroll and activated the seals to reveal the four severed heads stored inside. No one in the room flinched at the sight. "They appear to be in good condition."

"I stored them within ten seconds of their disposal." Lee nodded with a hint of pride, though far less than what ne normally displayed.

Placing his hand on the first head, the Noble's given by how soft and pale the skin seemed to be compared to the others, the immortal allowed the electrons in his body to flow into the still preserved brain, and for lack of a better term hacked its contents almost instantly. The next few instants were utilized to make a copy of the data discovered that he stored in his own mind.

When he first showed this ability many assumed that he had copied the Yamanaka clan's techniques, however it had soon been proven that they could not be more different. While the clan's jutsu were based on spiritual and psychological manipulation, Scab's technique was nothing more than pure hard electron manipulation jacking the nerves of the target's mind and for lack of a better term hacking the contents.

How he managed to translate the nerve patterns in the brain into comprehensive information was beyond anyone's ability to learn. Really. It was just that complex.

"Seems like everything is in order. There were a few co-conspirators as expected, however they did nothing for the most part save for minor things that would not be enough to warrant our attention."

"He wasn't well liked. That much was certain." Neji nodded. "Most if not all his allies were due to business and familial connections. It was his wife that hired us for the job after all."

"Humans are often blind to those they are closest to." Scab nodded as he went through the other shinobi's heads. "Though I believe it would be obvious that she would not take well to her husband allowing these men to have their way with her."

Tenten's eyebrow twitched. "Sensei, would you be against informing me where this prick's grave will be dug?"

"He's already dead Tenten." Neji put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "Desecrating his grave can't hurt him."

"It will on the other hand make me feel better."

"I advise against it." The Immortal resealed the heads. "There have been a number of unidentified grave robbings all over the continent lately. High profile graves are being kept under watch these days."

"That and insulting the dead is most unyouthful." Lee stated as if it was obvious.

"Mhm. Sure. That too." Scab mindlessly agreed without any heart as he gave Tenten back the scroll before taking out a blank one and began to write on it. "I take it you're heading back home after this."

"You bet. I'm gonna spend a week in the bath houses and just relax." Tenten grinned. While the prostitute's comments about her smell did get on her nerves, she was still rather sensitive about her femininity and did try to keep herself at least clean in the mean time.

"I have not seen Kin-chan in weeks!" Lee stubbornly pouted. "I wish to see her as soon as possible."

"I suggest you ask one of my girls here for advice on an appropriate gift for her then. While they like to tease, they'll still be more than happy to help you out and have good taste. They'd find your commitment to Kin… admirable." He did not say "cute", "adorable", or anything along those lines. He had forever abandoned such vocabulary in his holy crusade against the unworthy hoard when it came to relationships and similar subjects.

He had no issue with using such language when taunting amusing fools though. For example, he considered random wannabe heroes that believed that they could outwit him to be absolutely adorable… like a small injured puppy trying to be intimidating.

It didn't stop him from kicking them when they were down though. He found the sounds they made when he did so to be just as endearing.

The idiots making noises of course, not the puppies. Kicking puppies was just pointless. Nothing came out of it.

… On the other hand there _was_ that one world he knew of where if you kicked them…

"I want to see Naruto." Neji frowned, catching the attention of his teammates.

"That much is obvious." Scabbard didn't bother looking up as he continued to write and continued with his earlier train of thought in his subconscious. He knew for a fact that the teens in front of him were at least sensitive enough to chakra to sense his brother's and their friend's arrival.

He didn't tell them that the blond wasn't in Konoha. He'd let them find out that for themselves.

"I guess this means that things are picking up again." Tenten smirked bitterly.

"The Rokubi has been captured and Akatuski made a failed attempt at Gaara a few days ago." Scab confirmed the girl's suspicions. They would find out sooner or later, but at least this way they'd be on guard in the unlikely chance that they did cross paths with the enemy. "From what I've been told, our dear Kazekage had managed to elevate himself to the status of strongest Kazekage in history in the process even though he didn't manage to kill either one of his assailants. Something to do with manipulating all of the sand in the village's walls and becoming a living force of nature. Not bad all things considered."

"It is a comforting to know he's on our side." Neji shivered, knowing that such a thing might not just be hot air.

"Astounding! I would enjoy fighting him at one point to see how I measure up!" Lee proudly proclaimed with fire in his eyes.

"Hopefully you'll do that not in the desert. You'd be crushed in ten seconds flat." Tenten laughed nervously.

"Mhm. That sounds nice." Scab finished writing whatever he was doing on the scroll before handing it to his student. "Give that to Tsunade when you make your report. It contains information I gathered from your target's minds. Nothing vital, but important none the less."

Tenten had just pocketed the scrolls when the group heard a disturbance coming from the building. Screams coming from both men and women were heard in increasing volume, prompting all four of the warriors to end what they were doing and see what was happening.

They had entered the main lounge area to see a young man in rather expensive looking clothing standing proudly over the beaten, bruised, and crying girl that he had been spending his time with. Coming in from all the other hallways were residents and clients who had heard the ruckus and were curious as to what was happening.

The reason why no one helped the poor girl however was obvious, as the pair were surrounded by five very large and mean looking bodyguards armed with katana.

"Quiet you slut." The man kicked the girl. "You have no one to blame but yourself. Telling me what to do and what I could not. You forget your place."

"How uncouth." Neji frowned. "Its people like him that give Nobles a bad name."

"He looks familiar…" Tenten shook her head. "Ah. What the hell. Lee. Do your stuff."

The unnaturally silent Taijutsu master had momentarily vanished before Scab instantly put a hand on his shoulder and stopped him several feet away from where he had disappeared. "Sensei?"

"Just watch. My girls are far from helpless, and I see opportunity…" The man's eyes flashed hungrily.

"Is there a problem my lord?" An attractive middle aged woman walked forward, dressed in a very formal kimono, however still making it obvious that she worked in the building. She did not let the image of the girl's state get to her. "Has Maya done anything to offend you?"

"Your little toy here wouldn't put out when I told her to." He kicked her again to prove his point. "The second things got a bit rough the cunt tried to back out of her job. Went so far as to even hit me!"

"I tried to tell him!" The identified Maya wept. "I told him that I don't do the more extreme performances! I tried to tell him that Hina normally did that, but he wouldn't listen! He was hurting me! Please believe me!"

"Shut up! I give you money and you perform. What part of that does a stupid bint like you not understand?!"

"Peace my lord." The elder woman negotiated. "We merely have the results of a misunderstanding here. One that can easily be rectified. However I must ask that your men must leave. Weapons are not allowed in our facility."

The bodyguards laughed in response and slowly began to draw their weapons.

"Yeah. How about no you old hag." The lordling snorted. "How stupid are you? This place is on my father's property, so it might as well be mine as well. And I say, you do as I want or I'll execute you for treason."

The woman sighed aridly as if talking to a child, not at all bothered with the death thread unlike many of the other people there. "Is that so? A shame. And I was going to offer you proper compensation too."

"From your used up ass? I think the boss will pass on that." One of the bodyguards snorted. "I wouldn't mind a few shots though. You certainly look like you know a few things."

"Why offer it when I can merely take it?" The noble argued, admittedly bringing up a good point given the situation.

The manager took out an elegant decorated fan with a unique flowing design and hid her face behind it elegantly. "It is common knowledge that one can only take what one can reach with their own hands my lord. My humble abode has many connections that enable us to access quite a range of commodities for generous prices. Many of which even one of your status would be hard pressed to obtain. I am certain that there would be something that would fancy your interest and sate your justified fury. Should you ruin my humble house, my girls and I would be forced to relocate outside of your domain. Perhaps it would even evolve into a partnership of sorts should you wish it."

Only those with the shinobi training there noticed the very brief glance she gave to Scab, who kept eye contact with her in the process.

The antagonist frowned as he contemplated the woman's offering, for once forgetting the young girl crying at his feet. "You speak well for a whore. Just what sort of commodities are we talking about?"

The elder's eyes closed merrily. "The sort that would best be spoken of in private my lord. Away from the open ears and prying eyes of the common folk."

"… Should I find your so called connections lacking, you will be sorely punished…" The man frowned as he walked forward and gave the manager incentive to move to private quarters.

The second the thugs were gone, the other employees there instantly made way to the injured girl to tend to her.

"She's good." Neji noted. "And I do not doubt she has said resources, however I find it distasteful that she has to yield to such an unsavory individual…"

"Neji." Scabbard sighed as he leaned up against a wall. "Use your eye and tell me what you find on the building."

The Hyuga paused for a moment before moving away from the man with an insane amount of chakra. It was common knowledge among the clan that using their bloodline on or in a certain radius of the Oogakari was a surefire way to temporarily become blind. After getting to the other side of the room and covertly activating the eye under his headband, he instantly saw something that gave him pause.

"What did you see Neji?" Lee asked as his rival returned.

Looking around warily and licking his lips, he replied. "The entire building is covered in a massive seal array." He whispered. "Seals and some sort of rune style that I'm not familiar with."

"A security system." Tenten's eyes widened in recognition.

"Anyone who hires my employees have to sign a contract that ensures that they will follow the rules of the house." Scab elaborated, though he seemed to be focusing on something else. "Should any of my girls activate the array, those who have broken said rules will suffer an appropriate punishment and leave everything else unharmed. The array also protects the building from most outside interference as well, though it obviously would not hold against a solid shinobi assault or an army."

"Amazing…" Lee whispered while looking around him as if seeing the building for the first time.

"But if that's the case, why did she let that asshole do what he want?" Tenten asked with a frown. "Don't think I couldn't tell what that fan was. That woman's a shinobi and that fan's her tool. She cast a genjutsu with it just by waving and channeling a tiny bit of chakra into it."

The man lips twitched again, his version of smirking and held up a small microphone. _"Because I told her to." _His voice rang from the device without his mouth moving the slightest.

A shiver went up the teen's spines. They knew that look. It was the look the man got when he was leading some poor unfortunate fool to his doom without the idiot knowing it.

It was frequently on his face when he was abusing… _employing_ Zabuza.

"That poor poor unknowing fool." Neji shook his head knowingly.

"I almost pity him… no, on second thought I don't." Tenten added. "Milk him for all he's worth sensei."

"There's no need." The man coolly yawned before taking out a momentarily glowing scroll and walking to the office where his new target was.

The shinobi there knew what the scroll was at first sight. It was the ones he used to create binding deals between two parties. Once signed and marked with blood, it was impossible to go against the contract without extremely painful consequences.

"How did you know that your youthful employees would be fine?" Lee asked curiously. "Had those men acted…"

"They would have died." The owner waved his hand lazily. "Hikairi was a special jonin before she abandoned Taki nearly twenty years ago. She specializes in espionage, seduction, and negotiation. The fact that you didn't notice what she was or did until Tenten saw her fan means that she hasn't lost her touch. That's the reason why she's in charge here."

It took nearly half a minute before Neji noticed the odd fragrance in the air and felt his muscles relax. "A distressing agent…"

"There might be more added to it as well." Lee frowned as he looked around warily, primarily at the young women that were still lingering around. "Perhaps a mild hypnotizing stimulant… used in conjunction with her genjutsu?"

"Your mission isn't completed yet." Scab reminded them as he returned from the office. "Don't worry. Everything is completely under control."

Two days after returning to Konoha, team Gai heard that the son of the lord they had killed was under investigation for potential treason by aiding his father's actions.

It didn't help his case that his first action after inheriting his father's position was to build a new large mansion for the local whores to own and manage.

Apparently when he was taken away, he had been crying about not being able to enjoy his part of the deal and about how he would have been able to enjoy himself if he had not become a lord so quickly…

o. o. o.

Somewhere under Konoha:

"So the Kyubi Jinchuriki is running amok alone." Danzo mused as he contemplated what Fuu had just informed him. It was by a stroke of luck that his subordinate had been tasked to retrieve information from his cousin the night before her departure. "And yet, despite the fact that he mastered the Kyubi, that fool Oogakari decided to seal it away because he believed the boy was otherwise too powerful…"

The leader of Root had a headache. It was times like this that he really wondered if attaining the Hokage's position was the right thing to do as it would require him to actually deal with not only the more trivial issues that plagued the village… but the perpetually unreadable Oogakari as well. "I don't know whether that fool Ghost is baiting us or if this is another one of his whimsical decisions that he did for his amusement."

"Word is that he is able to fly and travel vast distances quickly Danzo-sama." Fuu Yamanaka pointed out worriedly. "Even if we were to try and follow and capture him, there is little hope of catching up without a similar mode of transportation and the ability to combat the Jinchuriki in the air. From what we know of him… attempting to subdue or approach him would be… difficult."

Danzo merely tapped his index finger on his cane in response, indicating that he was thinking about the current dilemma. Fuu had understated what would be needed in order to subdue the jinchuriki. Without any way to tell where he was or where he was going, it was effectively impossible to find let alone catch up to the Uzumaki in the first place. Then, if the Oogakari's claim about the boy's strength was any indication, subduing the child would be another mind scarring task as well.

Briefly he contemplated just leaving the child alone to his own devices and just wait for him to return, but he instantly scratched that idea. Everyone knew that he was prone to attracting trouble, and without the Kyubi's chakra or backup Konoha was genuinely at risk of losing one of their major aces for good. The fact that he seemed to be mentally distraught, even if the results were something he could personally get behind, was another concern. Should the child misrepresent Konoha around the world, it could greatly hurt the country economically.

Sending more shinobi after the jinchuriki might be counterproductive though. He had been receiving word that the groups in Iwa that disliked the Tsuchikage had been unusually tame lately. Had they disbanded he would have assumed that their will to fight had finally submerged. He had actually contributed to the efforts to calm them down. While he would have more than enjoyed weakening Iwa greatly and plunging it into civil war, the fact that Onoki was actually in favor of keeping the status quo for once was pushing the ROOT commander to help him out for once. Should civil war break out, it would only instigate chaos an another shinobi war…

Only this one was not the one that Konoha was not preparing for. He didn't know what it was exactly, but he did know that Akatsuki was only the tip of the iceberg, and that the Oogakari and those closest to them were well aware of it and preparing for. For the moment, he decided to humor them, as he neither saw an opportunity for himself, nor did he see any reason to interfere… and instigating a civil war would without a doubt interfere.

With Naruto however, he did not see gaining control over the teen as interference. It was more akin to reallocating and optimizing resources to make them more efficient. They were both using the boy to Konoha's benefit after all.

The thing that made this opportunity most enticing was the fact that the boy was without any backup save for maybe the toads. This would possibly be the best time for him to get a hold of the boy without anyone noticing… even if it was at a risk.

But still he had Kakashi's team to deal with in the mean time…

Danzo stopped tapping his finger and opened his visible eye. "These are your orders…"

o. o. o.

Uzushiogakure:

"Well… that was boring." Naruto mused as he sat cross legged on top of a building.

"It was fairly uneventful." Kushina agreed. "You only triggered twenty nine traps."

"Thirty seven." Minato corrected. "I was with him when he triggered a cluster chain."

"And there was no one injured physically or emotionally throughout the entire process." The son proudly stated.

"You accidentally destroyed the ruins of my old home when I took you there."

"No injuries at all…"

"**I find it interesting that as unfamiliar as I am with human family interactions, even I am aware that this conversation should be disturbing by your species' standards." **Kurama raised an eyebrow.

"We crossed that point over a year ago." The jinchuriki brushed aside the comment without a second thought. "After being mutilated in dozens of different ways, only to be brought back by Ero-Ni's pretty much numbed us to it." He paused. "Though I still can't remember why I react so violently to people's hands near my face… nearly cut off that last guy's head off on reflex when he got too close…"

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't refer to me as "that guy"." Minato grumbled, remembering that particular slipup.

Kurama shivered, knowing that he was the only one that actually remembered that particularly messy encounter with another god. Having your head partially decayed and half your jaw eroded away was not a pleasant experience to undertake or watch. Thankfully Ghost was around soon after that event to counter and undo the otherworldly effects of a god's power. **"It's another one of those things that you're better off not knowing or remembering."**

"I seemed to have gotten far more of those than I originally thought haven't I?"

"**More or less. Not like you can actually recall them to count how many there are."**

"You're a psychologist's wet dream." Kushina shrugged. She knew she should be more sympathetic to her son's condition, but worrying about it now with no one else around would cause more problems than solutions. Unless things got extremely concerning, she was willing to wait for her son to be under the thumb of Hinata for the extra stability before she started working her maternal magic to its greatest throttle. As much as she disliked admitting it, her son's girlfriend was far more capable of providing a truly stable mental environment for Naruto than she was. "Or worst nightmare. Probably depends on if you're strapped down or not."

"You're such a considerate mother." Minato deadpanned.

"What sort of parental figure would I be if I lied to my child?" Said mother argued stubbornly.

"**From what I've gathered from your kind… a normal one." **Kurama answered.

"At least we found some interesting hidden stashes." Naruto glanced at one of his pouches, once more ignoring his mother and Kurama glaring match. "A few clan secrets and seals. Some history, family trees, jutsu, dirty facts that shouldn't see the light of day, letters to the future head… and a handful of artifacts and special weapons. Yeah I think this is enough to show off when I possibly start the clan again."

"You do realize that there's a minimum population requirement needed to qualify as a clan." Minato corrected. "It's part of the reason why your friend Sasuke has so many girls after him. In order for the Uchiha to qualify as a clan again, he also has to meet those requirements whether he likes it or not. Tsunade's missed that boat as the last Senju and only keeps her clan status out of everyone's respect for the first and second's achievements and legacy. It's what the CRA was created for in the first place even though no one ever really though it would ever actually be used. Technically speaking, the Oogakari don't qualify as a clan either."

"Meh. Mere details and legal bull crap that can easily be circumvented by blackmailing and awesomeness." Naruto brushed off his father's statement. "Besides, when I do get hitched up and have a kid, and if Nagato lives through all of this, then there'd technically be five legal living Uzumaki around. Me, the hag, Nagato, hopefully Hinata-chan and any kid I have. Seven if I can somehow manage to get him and Konan hitched and have a kid. Honestly? That dude seriously needs to get laid. I bet it would be a great stress reliever for him."

"**You humans and your reproduction. Why you make such a big deal about it is beyond me. Especially for the ones who have yet to experience it…" **Kurama rolled his eyes.

"He'd need to put on enough weight to not break in half in the process." Kushina snorted. "We've seen what he looks like through your memories. That poor man is a stick."

"Don't even try to see him now Naruto." Minato frowned, noticing the brief glint in his son's eyes. "You'd be doing more harm than good."

"Killjoy." The young man pouted before reluctantly taking out the scroll he used to store his parent's bodies. "Anyways, we wasted enough time here. Let's head to our next vacation spot. You two always did want to explore Moon Country's capital some more."

"I just want to relax on those private beaches again." Kushina sighed dreamily while her body began to glow with alongside Minato's. "It's been so long since I could just relax while getting a good tan and not worry about being killed because some immortal jackass can't stay still."

Minato nodded happily before his and his wife's souls shot into their son. "Nothing like resting on the beach without interruption…"

"And I'll finally exploit the system enough to get enough money to have my ghorram ramen pool." The Jinchuriki smirked so evilly that the casino owners all across the elemental nations shivered in fear as a premonition to the danger that was soon approaching. "I will not be denied this time damn it."

"**You're just anxious because it's probably your last reasonable chance to achieve your foolish desires before you have to go back and your so called friends justifiably murder you for running away." **Kurama noted without a shred of sympathy.

"THAT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A MINOR DETAIL THAT IS IRRELEVANT TO THE TASK AT HAND!" Naruto proclaimed without remorse before pointing to his stomach. "NOW SHUT UP AND GET IN MISTAH TUMMY!"

"**I would normally threaten to slowly kill people that yell at me like that… but in all honesty I doubt I could do anything worse than what your friends will probably come up with by this point, so I'll just restrict your healing when you are beaten to a paste." **The fox knew there was no point in arguing with Naruto when he got like this. Whenever he became eager over something pointless he was as difficult to deal with as the Oogakari. Sighing to himself, the biju turned into a cloud of chakra and fused with his container. **"Have fun with that."**

"You know I will… asshole." The blond teen took out a map and looked at it while mindlessly beginning to float up to the sky. "If we're here, and Moon country is… right, there… then the best way to make sure I get there without getting hopelessly lost in the middle of the ocean without any landmarks to use as reference points and eventually drown in an unmarked watery grave is…"

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the land of Earth:

Two nameless masked Iwa shinobi in full uniform stood on the outside of an out of the way and supposedly abandoned military base. Both were clearly very bored and not expecting anything to happen anytime soon.

"Hey." The first one asked the other one. "Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

"Well when a man and a woman love one another very much or get far too drunk to tell how hideous the other one really is…" The second one sarcastically began.

"Very funny." The first one rolled his eyes. "Seriously. Why the fuck are we _here?_ Of all the abandoned bases in the middle of nowhere that we could be hiding out at to avoid attention, we're in the most boring as shit place of all of them. The southern border that leads to the land of Wind is a hundred kilos away from here, fifty to the western countries that no one gives a damn about, and nearly triple that to Iwagakure. We're so deep in the "who gives a shit" mountain range that even if full out war happened, no one would bother coming to this part of the country in the first place. It's not even set up to be that well hidden or defended. Who was the retard that thought that building this base at all?"

"Probably the one that knew that eventually it would make some idiot like you moan to someone like me about it." The latter ninja grunted. "We're here because no one would bother to think that anyone would use this place if they even remembered it existed, hence it makes for the perfect place to conduct our meetings."

"Meetings." The former rolled his eyes. "More like bitchfests. Complaining about Konoha and Onoki and how things should be. We haven't gotten anything actually _done _or _do _anything remotely productive in months because no one can get their shit together. Then there's the fact that getting anything actually done from where we are makes it twice as impossible. Messengers and equipment are disappearing left and right, and all in all we have no significant heavy hitters that would be able to back us up if things got really nasty. All anyone does is argue with no results these days."

"If you have such overwhelming faith in us then why the hell don't you do something productive and go off and kill the old man yourself?"

"What are you nuts? I have desires but I'm not stupid. Onoki would wipe his wrinkled midget ass with my remains if there was enough of me left and that's if I'm lucky. I hate Konoha in general and am sick of losing the good missions to them, but I know my limits. Chunin for life baby. Better to die in a remembered crowd then as a single stain that people laugh at. You know what happened to the last guy that tried to off the twin scales."

The only reason why people knew the fool existed was because he tried to assassinate the Tsuchikage while he was out on a public dinner with his granddaughter and the only battle capable jinchuriki they had left. The old geezer didn't even bat an eyelash before using his dust release to disintegrate the man in mid air before he went back to his meal and conversation with Kurotsuchi and Roshi.

The latter shinobi snorted with not pity. "Coward. Nothing but a weakling."

"It's kept me alive this far."

"I'm honestly surprised that none of us has killed you yet."

"You won't cause we need the manpower and I'm the guy that makes the field rations actually edible."

"That was you?"

"Gotta do something in my spare time other than mindlessly practice skills that won't get me anywhere further than where I am now. I'm a coward, I'm not lazy."

"No. You're just lucky your mindless hobbies were actually useful."

"Also, I'm one of the few medics in the resistance."

"You're shitting me."

"Believe it bitch. If we're in trouble, your ass and possibly your organs are in _my_ hands. Feel free to suck up at any time."

"I'm not hearing this."

"How do you think I managed to get my rank in the first place? I'm a fucking minority. Affirmative action at its finest. No life threatening chunin exam for this medic. Just needed to pass a physical, a field test, a few paper exams, sign a few papers and bam, I got me a nice safe vest."

"Why the hell are you with us again? There's no way in hell that you're here because of your assertive attitude towards a better cause."

"Eh. Onoki's been in power too long and he needs to step down. Like, twenty years ago. At the rate we're going once he does kick the bucket we'll have no one decent enough to serve as Tsuchikage for a while without the other nations laughing their asses off at us. All in all I think it's his fault that Iwa's been on the decline lately. It's true that I lost a few relatives to the yellow flash when I was a kid, but in all honesty I didn't really know them in the first place so I don't use that as an excuse unlike roughly a quarter of Iwa's population. Plus, we were at war at the time you know. It's kinda expected that the heavy hitters would kill off a ton of the weaker guys during it. I'm sort of annoyed that we frequently ignore that fact. Blind loyalty over common sense can only lead to more problems."

A member of that quarter population who lost both his parents slowly reached for a kunai. "For your sake I hope that you have more than just that."

The medic raised his hands in surrender. "Ok! Geez. Chill. In addition to that, I may have said the former bit while drunk a few months ago and may have given the impression to everyone that I was already with you guys. Long story short, I decided to live up to their expectations in order to make ends meet. Better than hoofing it alone as a suspected traitor and getting offed in the process." He shrugged. "As it stands, the only guys I DO think are able to do a decent job of replacing Onoki were Deidara, Sinou, and Roshi, and no one knows where two of them are anymore, let alone if they're alive. Maybe his so called granddaughter in a few years, but I'm skeptical about how solid in the head she is."

The more mature of the two shinobi just stared at the other disbelievingly before closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. As much as he didn't want to admit it, the childish man was right. Iwa had plenty of capable shinobi, but exceptionally few were reliable and capable enough in enough fields to be a Kage. It was one of the many reasons why the bulk of the population of Iwa didn't side with those against Onoki… for now at least. "Just… just shut up already. You may not have any faith in the bosses, but I happen to know something's up. You know how Roshi's been a huge pain in our ass lately right?"

The underachieving ninja snorted. That was a rhetorical question if anything. Everyone in Iwa knew about the old lava user recently gaining full control over the yonbi and being a supporter of Onoki. Not a very agreeable one if their many arguments were anything to go by, but a supporter none the less. It was hard to forget the image of that giant monstrous ape casually talking with his voice to the Sandaime after he took out one of their first main bases in a single demon powered attack. It was why the rebel group had relocated themselves to this location in the first place.

"Don't tell me. Han has made a miraculous recovery, pledged himself to our cause, mastered his biju, and is going to take out Roshi and Onoki for us."

"Quit being an idiot. That mindless monster is practically responsible for our situation. If he had just killed the damn brat, then half our worries would be gone already and Iwa would be united again against Konoha." The more mature of the two snapped. It was common knowledge that the younger jinchuriki was still in rehabilitation and still very antagonistic to virtually anyone that came in contact with him. No one knew exactly what Onoki did to keep the freak alive after the stunt he pulled but even the most outspoken agreed that he wasn't worth the effort, even IF it meant agreeing with Konoha for once. "I don't know the details, but word is..."

A large rustling in the sparse forestry nearby snapped them out of their conversation immediately and instantly caused them to be on guard with kunai in hand.

"Who's there?" The stronger of the two demanded while slowly moving in front of his partner. As much of an ass as the man was, combat medics were very valuable. He could spy several large shapes barely hidden in the forestry and upturned stones. None of them resembled the local wildlife. "Show yourself!"

The two men had been half expecting the ones hiding to try and remain hidden as was standard shinobi tactics. Members of their rebellion had a way of communicating to inform that they were allies long before showing themselves so it was fairly obvious that these newcomers were at least not part of their club…

What they didn't expect was for four cloaked figures with indistinguishable features to jump out into the open, land a good distance in front of the men, drop down two bodies onto the ground, and then disappear again.

"… Well that was different." The medic slowly relaxed his guard as he looked at where the mysterious individuals vanished. "Are they friends of yours?"

"How the hell would I know that?" The combat specialist grunted as he looked at the bodies, noting that they were both women and still alive for some reason. Both were clearly kunoichi, unconscious, roughed up quite badly if all the bruises, burns, and cuts on their bodies were any indication, and more importantly not from Iwa given their clothing.

"Looks like they gave us some sweet gifts." The medic grinned as he made an earth clone that closed in on the women carefully. Despite his personality, even he was not stupid enough to simply approach an unidentified and unchecked individual.

"They're from Konoha." The disgust in the other's voice was more than apparent. "I recognize the vests anywhere."

"Konoha?" The land of fire was ridiculously far away and so far Iwa's minor civil war had not been touched by anyone save for those initially involved. "Why the hell where they brought here? You think they've been helping the old geezer behind everyone's back?"

"I wouldn't put it past them. Hypocrites." The man spat at the women from a good distance away. "I say kill them now."

"Uh… well the good news is that they aren't rigged with any traps… but bad news, well… I wouldn't do that if I were you." The earth clone advised. While normally suited for primarily combat purposes, the sturdy constructs did possess a solid amount of intelligence should the user be skilled enough.

"And why is that?" The leader growled.

The clone nervously reached down and slowly moved both women's heads so that they were visible while not aggravating their injuries or waking them up in the process.

"Oh… oh shit." The clone's master paled as he recognized the women nearly instantly and summarized the situation quite well. "This could mean a whole mess of something that I think I don't want any part of."

The man's partner had also sobered rather quickly at the recognition of the females. "Keep them alive, ready for transport, and most importantly unconscious. I'll get the captains inside and inform them of what has happened."

"You do realize that they're not going to believe you right?" The surreally of the situation was not lost on either of them.

"I mean, who is going to believe that someone just handed us Hana of the Three Planes and the Snake Mistress of Konoha to us on a silver platter in the middle of nowhere and just left?"

o. o. o.

Omake: Time number four:

The dust was kicked up by a brief gust of wind as Shadow stood in front of the hospital with her arms crossed, facing down Waltz and Crypt. The sun was setting in the distance giving the environment an ominous appearance, however the immortals paid it no mind.

"Weapons?" The old man grunted, taking out a modified paintball gun that looked more like five machine cannons fused together from his robes with one hand while the other stored his staff onto his back.

"Check." Shadow grinned as she materialized her own gun, which in true Oogakari fashion appeared to be a giant metal jet engine with a giant open core and dozens of smaller holes around the opening.

"Shields?" The Guardian of Tears rose an eyebrow as his free hand gripped the back of Crypt's clothes firmly and held the oblivious giggling idiot in front of him like a knight's shield.

"Yay! I'm a train wheel!_** HUG ME.**_"

Shadow's grin darkened. "GHOST FROM ACCOUNTING!"

CRASH!

Once more the God of None fell helplessly from his hospital window screaming like a small girl from overhead before his sister mercilessly seized his neck from behind just before he landed and mimicked her brother's stance.

"What the fu… oh shit." The blind immortal paled as he realized exactly what was going to happen before struggling helplessly to avoid his extremely painful fate.

"Check." Shadow simply confirmed as her supposed paintball gun made noises that no paintball gun should ever make ever.

"Welcome back Ghost." The old man grinned as he took aim at pretty much both his siblings while using the one on hand as his own meat shield. "Draw."

o. o. o.

A/N:

I told you guys that TTRT was going to be darker than YAWALEH. All that funny stuff that the Oogakari do to one another? Yeah, that stuff doesn't work so well with normal people, and I fully intend to fully elaborate on that as time goes on.

So as for why it took so long for me to update, allow me to go through my current daily/weekly schedule with you guys. Five days a week I leave home at 6:30 and catch a train to my new job in NYC, (Wall Street IT Management, yes. THAT Wall Street. Don't ask how. I'm still figuring it out myself, and no I didn't get it through family connections of any sort.) which is more training than anything at the moment, mostly learning UNIX and SQL at an insane pace. I don't get back home till 7:30 in the afternoon, which is where I sleep, and do homework. Why homework? Because on SATURDAYS (or Sundays given the teacher's schedule), I have my internet Power Engineering Grad school class for at least 2 hours, and then study the book afterwards because my teacher has a horrifically thick Indian accent and is teaching Power Economics. And yes, this is the summer semester.

By the time August ends, I should have no less than three certificates to add to my resume… so long as I don't kill myself first.

So yeah, I've been a tad bit sleep deprived and in lack of free time lately.

Back to the story though, I like how things are going to get all chaotic and dark right off the bat, as unlike YAWALEH, there will be little exposition and more meat and potatoes. As far as cannon goes, it'll be pretty clear that things are going to go off track very hard very soon, and it will be beautiful.

As for the Oogakari goes, I am trying to give the Naruto characters more screentime and make the story focus on them, however that definitely does not mean that everyone's favorite batch of immortals is going to take back seats to everything. There ARE going to be a couple more OC's that will show up soon that will further cause things to go haywire, in a bad way, and as a result several members will be elaborated on more and have extremely big roles that will put into perspective just how bloody powerful they really are when they decide that they really want to kill something.

They will also be important in that everyone will once again be exposed to just how different their mentalities are from normal people's and just how unfair and frustrating it can be, and it will cause issues.

More than the issues Naruto currently has with zombies. He REALLY doesn't like zombies.

Hope everyone recognized the shout out to Kagaseo's Echoes. That shit that happened to him there was 100% YAWALEH cannon, and there's possibly more suffering to come on that front for him. That's all I'm saying there.

Anyways. That's about it for now. I'll try to update faster, but don't hold your breaths. Sorry.

So REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! NEVER ASK SHADOW TO MAKE YOU A PAINTBALL GUN! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: When does something as awesome sounding as the word "cannon" suck? In Naruto that's where! So, to correct this, we should refer to this story's timeline as bazooka, or… hadoken, or demon chicken of doom, or OH DEAR GOD ITS ON MY FACE!

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

With the unfortunate trackers:

"Still nothing?" Sasuke looked back at Ino whose eyes were closed, not at all concerned with the fact that he and his teammates were sitting on a giant hawk that was flying above the ocean just below the clouds. His contract with the bird summons was unnaturally useful for travelling over long distances, which was convenient for tracking and keeping up with shinobi that could also fly.

"No." The Yamanaka sighed in frustration. "He definitely came this way, but as far as I can tell his trail really does just wanders about before going down and disappear around here. The ocean winds don't do us any favors either. We're probably dozens of kilos away from where it really did stop if not more, and that's if a storm didn't happen in the time between him and us getting here."

"As unlikely as it sounds, is it possible that Naruto actually wore himself out and… well…" Sakura looked down in the ocean.

"Possible? Yes." Kakashi nodded in a resigned tone. "Likely? More than I'd like to admit considering who he is. Even with his stamina he has to run out at some point."

"Meaning we're better off just searching all the islands and coasts nearby. We find chaos. We'll find Naruto." Sasuke concluded. He did not believe for a second that his friend had died so easily. His luck was too cruel to everyone to let that happen.

"Could he have landed on a boat?" Sakura suggested.

"No." Ino shook her head as she opened her eyes. "Naruto always pumps out huge amounts of chakra that lingers for his seventh sense, even when he's asleep or unconscious. He'd have to be sickeningly low to just vanish like that."

"Well it looks like we're island hopping then." Kakashi smiled as he took out a map of the area. "And personally it's not a bad place to get lost in if I don't mind saying… well so long as he's alive of course. We're far enough south that most of the areas here are quite well reputed for their vacation spots."

"Good thing we decided to check out Uzushio's ruins." Sakura nodded. Their first stop in the search for Naruto had come up far more fruitful than they had anticipated without actually encountering the target. The village had been covered with hints that he was there from his chakra enveloped the entire area, to the fact that there were more than a few recently triggered traps, seals, and bombs that were set off inside.

One building in particular had been particularly blown to kingdom come. No one in the group knew if it was because Naruto did it on purpose, or one of his ancestors really wanted to make sure no one went inside.

That had been three days ago.

From there, Ino managed to trace his unique chakra lacing the air moving south along the coast of fire country and across several small islands till they reached the point where they were now.

"Let's find a resort with a spa." Ino groaned as she stretched her stiff joints under her hooded tan cloak, identical to the ones that rest of the group were wearing. The cloaks weren't really meant for the cold as they were to prevent the team from being sunburnt.

As astounding as it sounds, there was little shade to be found on the top of a giant bird in flight. Sasuke learned that the hard way the first time he used his birds for long distance travel.

"As tempting as that sounds, we're tracking Naruto of all people remember?" Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Do you really want to accidentally encounter him while you're in the middle of getting pampered?"

Ino paused for a moment before shivering. Back during her vacation in Moon Country, she had been getting the full treatment in one of the biggest spas in the island when Naruto worked his magic on the casino in the same building. That had been a unique experience to say the least.

"Ok then." Kakashi looked at the map with his normal eye. "If upwind right now is… that way, then we want to be searching for islands in that general direction first. Islands part of clusters would be good since we could scan more of them at once. Ones with major trade cities would be good to get information from too. That being the case…"

o. o. o.

Suna:

"I said I'm fine Shikamaru." Temari grumbled at her boyfriend while using her crutches to finally walk away from the hospital after almost two weeks of recovering from burns, broken bones, a concussion, and some bruised organs. "Honestly it's like you're the girl in this relationship!"

"Someone has to." Kankuro chuckled in good humor from several feet behind the pair before he had to duck as his elder sister in one swift motion popped up one of her crutches so that she held it like a club and swung backwards at his head without looking. "Oh shi-!"

"Just because I'm still recovering doesn't mean I can't kick your ass Kankuro." The blonde turned her anger towards her sibling. She would have pressed on for one last strike, but her body wouldn't move.

"As entertaining as watching you pummel your brother for the hundredth time would be, I'm going to have to put a hold on that plan." Shikamaru sighed with his shadow connected to Temari's. "You were in there longer than you needed to because you aggravated your injuries fighting with Gaara. Please don't give them a reason to take you back so soon. I was looking forward to finally spending time with you in a place that doesn't smell like antiseptic."

Temari glared at her boyfriend as her body slowly began to relax. "You're a real romantic, you know that?"

"I would have gotten you more flowers, but they're too troublesome on my wallet." The Nara shrugged as his technique ended as quickly as it had started... and then had to duck to avoid a slap upside the head. The sister of the Kazekage had recently taken to trying to get the teen to stop saying "troublesome" every other sentence and decided that physical motivation was the best way to do it. Kankuro likened the situation to an owner training his dog to stop a bad habit. "Oi! It's true! They're expensive as hell here! You said it yourself!"

"Idiot." The eighteen year old grunted as she shifted her bandages to reduce some of the pressure on her wounds. "You better have some nice place planned out for later." She shook her head and sighed. "Sorry. I've just been a bit stressed out lately. Akatsuki attacked and after I got hurt you guys were swamped with the collateral and the cleanup. I've barely seen or heard from Gaara since the attack."

"I doubt you'd want to." Kankuro sighed, a bit more somber now. "He's been working day and night to try and get things under control. Calming down the villagers, helping with the reconstruction of the roads, negotiating with the traders here that it's still safe to come. The attack did more than just mess with our security. If the traders and clients don't feel safe or confident in our abilities to protect our home, then they'll go somewhere else for shinobi services and other goods. To be honest I haven't seen him that irritated in a long time." He paused. "Well… excluding when he went postal during the end of the fight."

Shikamaru shivered at the memory. He hadn't felt that overwhelmed or insignificant since the time Shadow decided to show him some of what she could REALLY do with her powers. Of course comparing the immortal and the jinchuriki was like comparing the moon and the sun, but from the eyes of a small animal they were both impossibly large to the point that there was no real difference in terms of size.

"I still don't know why he went like that." Temari frowned. "He looked ready to give up when that bastard was holding the village hostage with that stupid dud, but then suddenly it was almost like he was a kid again and… well… you know."

"I think it's best if you asked him that yourself. He might take it the wrong way if you try to get it from someone else." Shikamaru didn't tell anyone that it was because of Naruto that at least half of Suna hadn't disintegrated in their homes. He himself would have had some trouble believing it if Gaara didn't tell him, albeit indirectly, that the blond was in his office the night of the attack. Not that he wasn't grateful mind you, but the idea of his friend running around unsupervised doing whatever the hell he wanted while being a bit more unhinged than normal didn't leave the Nara with warm fuzzy feelings.

The sole female in the group sighed. "That is if I can get to him. Like you said he's been swamped lately, more than enough to not even see me, his favorite sibling, when I was injured."

"Ignoring the lack of family love I am once again receiving." Kankuro began with an annoyed twitch of the eyebrow. "He has been trying to see you lately. He would have a few days ago if the Daimyo didn't send him that mandatory call to the capital to talk about the attack. Honestly, even though that fat piece of lard has stopped outsourcing our missions he's still a pain in our ass. We sent him a bird that told him exactly what the situation was, that we had it under control albeit still in recovery, and that we were still good for all the missions sent on our way, and he still took Gaara away when he's needed for the village's morale."

Morale. That indeed was an interesting topic of conversation in Suna. Depending on who you asked, you'd get a different answer. The civilians, who all had mandatory basic shinobi/chakra control training to improve their endurance and adaptability in the desert, were both proud and a bit terrified of Gaara.

Of course they were scared of him before, but this was the first time that the people en masse had seen their leader pull out all the stops for their sake. It was like seeing a wild puppy that scared you as a child become tamed, grow up alongside you for long enough that you forgot just how dangerous he was, and then go absolutely nuts on some guy that endangered you and show that he was far more dangerous than you expected or remembered.

Of course the negative reactions to Gaara's display of power were virtually crushed the following day where he had called the people of his village to make an announcement and then much to their surprise went on his hands and knees to apologize to everyone for the trouble he had caused and for the unfortunate lives that had been taken up in the crossfire.

The deafening silence had lasted forever to Shikamaru… that was until thankfully some fool from the audience laughed and said that if Gaara was really sorry they'd expect him to be able to move the entire village out of the way the next time a fight happened. Then another guy trying to be funny upped the stakes by saying that Gaara should instead simply levitate the village all the time. Things began to snowball from there until everyone in the village was under the belief (much to Gaara's horror) that their leader was a desert god and by the time he was done with puberty no enemy would be able to enter the land of Wind without getting slaughtered.

Gaara obviously knew better than to take the compliments to heart. He had after all met a genuine god before and knew without a doubt that he would never be able to reach that level of absurd natural authority.

Still despite all that had happened, it didn't change the fact that Suna had been attacked hard by shinobi who were capable of severely harming their home. The guards that had been posted on and around the border had been tripled and many of the locals were more than a bit jumpy at times despite their confidence in their leader. Shikamaru, being a foreigner and not that common of a face in the village, had been confronted no less than six times since the battle due to suspicions that he might be a foreign spy for the enemy before he informed them of his status as an emissary from Konoha.

"His sense of timing is abysmal, but it was bound to happen sooner or later." The Nara pointed out to Kankuro. "This was a big incident that could lose the guy a lot of face in front of other nations if not handled properly. More importantly though is what Gaara's next step is with regards to Akatsuki."

"Next step?" Temari raised an eyebrow as she inspected her boyfriend's face. She recognized the dark glint in his eyes instantly. He got it whenever he was doing long term planning and scenario evaluation. She never mentioned it, but she always got a shiver of excitement and fear whenever she saw him with that look.

"We've shown our hand." Kankuro connected the dots first. There was a reason he was a jonin after all. "You. Me. Gaara. Chiyo. Like it or not we're the pillars of Suna when it comes to individuals that actually have significant firepower, and now Akatsuki knows both that and our capabilities. We've revealed our skills and techniques to the enemy and we didn't even get a kill in the end. The next time they come, they're not going to be convenient and go through the front doors with only two people."

"True, but they probably won't act on Suna again for a while." Shikamaru pointed out. "They'll probably wait for an opening before trying anything else and focus on the other biju. Gaara's more than proven that fighting him on his turf is a bad idea and it's not like he's going anywhere. Unless they want to show the entire world that they are a threat to all major villages by trashing Suna with more than two members at a time and risk their cover of remaining anonymous, they won't try something over the top here again for a while. It'll give you time to fix that ridiculously huge armor puppet of yours."

"Weiss." The puppetmaster corrected. "Its name is Weiss and you know I designed it for heavy combat in mind, primarily Akatsuki. Considering it managed to get through at least one of Sasori's personal puppets, I'd say it was a damn good success."

"Yeah, only it takes you forever to fix and make it." Temari snorted. "The smiths in town nearly had a heart attack when you originally came with the part requests and the armor specs."

"Better a few crying smiths than a dead brother." Kankuro frowned.

"What was that?"

"Oi. Don't make me use my shadows on you two again." Shikamaru grunted warningly. It bugged him that he had to fill in Gaara's role as the moderator between the two siblings whenever they argued. The problem didn't occur that often when they were kids because they didn't want to risk irritating a homicidal jinchuriki, but now they seemed to be making up for lost time.

"Fine." Temari sighed, hobbling around the corner. "Sorry Kankuro. I'm just a bit annoyed about being stuck inside for so long."

"Eh. I should be used to it by now." The subtle jab was not left unnoticed, however before anyone could say anything the puppetmaster turned to Shikamaru again. "Back on the topic at hand though, I can tell there's something else that you're not mentioning. You tend to be tight lipped about your logic if one of the main parts' something you don't want to talk about."

Shikamaru barely managed to hold back muttering his favorite word. Only his closer friends and family members back home normally caught onto that bad habit of his. Apparently he had been spending so much time with Kankuro recently that he fell into the category as well. "The less people know the better, and before you ask Gaara agrees with me."

Temari scowled. "Since when does my brother trust you more than us?"

"Since he decided that he didn't want to concern his heavily injured and overworked siblings with information that they couldn't do anything with and would only give them more to worry about." The Nara answered without hesitation in a final tone.

"Goodie. Confidential international conspiracies." Kankuro sighed. "The movies make them sound so much more interesting than they really are."

He was speaking from experience. As a jonin, the son of one Kazekage and the brother of another, he was a frequent face in the village's government and as such had access to many confidential pieces of information that he was frequently tasked to go through at one point or another for negotiations and the like. While Temari tended to manage more of the diplomatic relation projects for Temari, Kankuro was more focused on the internal law bits.

Of course he had yet to go through the more interesting files like Pakura's betrayal, or the exact details behind Sasori's defection, but that was to be expected. He was only about seventeen after all.

"Like it or not, there's nothing much to do about it now." The shadow user shrugged as he glanced at a restaurant. "As corny as it sounds, let's unwind and get something to eat to celebrate Temari's dismissal from the hospital. Odds are she's itching for some real food by now."

"You have no idea." The blonde smirked as she went through a list of all the best places to eat were in the area. "We're going for gusto tonight boys. Gaara and I kicked that exploding bastard's ass and Kankuro managed to tear apart two of the legendary Sasori's puppets. That should be more than enough to celebrate hard."

"Hard my ass." Kankuro muttered, recalling his sister's alcohol tolerance. "You're a freaking lightweight."

"I agree. You shouldn't push yourself so much sister." Gaara nodded sagely from the other side of Temari, catching his siblings off guard by his sudden appearance.

"What the hell!?" Kankuro jumped back.

"Damn it! I told you not to do that!" Temari stumbled unevenly on her crutches.

"Glad you could make it." Shikamaru smirked, not at all surprised. "For a while there I thought that the boys in the office managed to bury you in paperwork."

"I may have been inclined to say some words that were considered somewhat impolite at some point." The Kazekage evasively admitted without shame. "Thankfully, I have recently come across a technique that makes my duties much easier to manage."

Temari and Kankuro noted that their brother, from their perspective at least, appeared to be pleased enough with said technique that he was virtually jumping for joy. Of course this in reality meant that his facial expressions were merely more relaxed and pleased than what he normally displayed.

"I bet you did." The Nara already knew what his friend was talking about. Troublesome jinchuriki and their troublesome chakra reserves and their troublesome clone spamming and…

WHAM!

"I don't know what you were thinking, but I have no doubt you were abusing the forbidden word in the process." Temari frowned with one of her crutches raised firmly in her hand. "Just for that you are paying for dinner tonight."

Shikamaru didn't say anything about the fact that he was already planning on covering her meal. If he did then it would only get…

"I mean ALL of our meals tonight. Kankuro and Gara included." The jonin smirked, enjoying her boyfriend's expression pale considerably.

"Whipped." Kankuro grinned.

"Without a doubt." Gaara agreed.

"… Troublesome."

WHAM!

"Worth it."

o. o. o.

Land of Moon:

"Here are the rules." Zabuza stated darkly at the shinobi that had accompanied him and the Mizukage to the resort. "If someone I don't know approaches me. I'll kill you all. If a suicidal fool attacks me, I'll kill you all. If an idiot's beach toy lands on me. I'll kill you all. If some brat interrupts my relaxation by yelling too loud. I'll kill you all. If you ask me a dumb question. I'll kill only you, your partner, and the idiot you work under for not doing their job training you, but it will be twice as painful and violent than if I killed you along with everyone else. If you ask me a smart question, I'll answer it, then likely kill you anyway."

"Ehem."

"Right. What I said goes double for the Mizukage. Also, if any of you try hitting on Haku, I won't kill you all but I fully expect her to."

"I'll try my best Zabuza."

"No doubt you will. Any questions?"

The Demon of the Hidden Mist was meant with silence.

"Murdering by me will be refrained at this point in time so long as said questions are not retarded."

Still silence.

"Fine. Haku will be the judge of what qualifies as retarded."

Several hands rose up.

Their efforts were for naught however as their very violent superior was dragged off of his pedestal by his boss the Mizukage via his ear. "Please don't mind him. Just do your jobs as you normally do and enjoy yourselves during your time off."

There was a brief pause.

"However if my vacation is in fact interrupted by something trivial, **I** will kill you all."

The nonexistent sound of three teams of shinobi disappearing was made, leaving Zabuza, Mei and Haku alone with their beach equipment on the coast of Moon country. In the near distance, Chujuro and Suigetsu could be seen in their swimwear seemingly relaxing while in reality keeping an eye out for potential enemies… or girls. Either or.

"You two are such great role models." The ice user sighed as she unrolled her towel and put up an umbrella before taking off her large t-shirt to reveal the conservative one piece blue swimsuit she wore.

"I did a good job with you didn't I?" Zabuza snorted, wearing nothing but long shorts, sandals and wrapping around his hands and mouth.

"From what I was told about your travels, it was the other way around." The Mizukage smirked elegantly while in a deep blue bikini that did nothing to hide her bust. "Are you sure you wish to spend so much time in the sun Haku? It would ruin your beautiful complexion."

Konoha's Yuki-onna shrugged before lying down in the shade. "It is quite all right. So long as I'm not directly in the sun all the time my skin tone won't change much. I think it has something to do with my bloodline limit."

"How convenient. There are countless girls that would kill for that." Of course, the Mizukage didn't know of any that could actually kill Haku. The young adult was easily one of the most powerful females on the planet now, and any woman that possessed the firepower to surpass the ice user would have more self control and respect to fight for such a petty reason.

… Well, Shadow Oogakari was an exception to the rule, but she wouldn't go through with those desires. She had more bizarre and thus more entertaining ways to get adequate results.

"They can try." Haku obviously was aware of this as well. "It was quite nice of Prince Michiru to allow us to stay here free of charge for vacation while you, he and Koyuki-sama finalize that trading agreement between your countries."

The deal in question was made to establish a solid sea based trading route from Spring country in the far north to the trade heavy Moon country in the South. The deal would enable Spring country's wares and devices to be sold with a higher reliability to more clients in the south while giving Water country early access and a small discount to many of these wares. Kiri would in turn protect the ships and the route itself from potential pirates and shinobi that might attempt to steal their wares. It would be a pleasant change of things for the large country since as it was located on an island away from the other major nations it was frequently the last to be updated on many of the latest technological innovations in the world.

It was because of this early access to trading goods of Spring country and the resources of Moon country that prompted the Mizukage herself in addition to a full entourage of ANBU and three of the Seven Swordsmen to come for the deal. The heightened presence would be a message to everyone of how significant the trade was and that touching Kiri's newest allies would bring dire consequences.

Zabuza's and Haku's presence would in essence symbolize Konoha's approval and support for the deal even though the Leaf was technically not a part of it. This would indirectly improve relations between Konoha and Kiri since they would both be strong supporters and allies of both Spring and Moon country.

"Nice nothing." Zabuza snorted. "The second that gullible fool found out from Koyuki that you were solid friends with the whisker brat he went head over heels to give us the five star treatment. I haven't eaten this well in years, let alone more than a meal at a time."

"I was surprised how easy the final negotiations and everything else went after your friend was brought up." Mei agreed. "Everyone seemed to care less about formalities which made things much faster. You should use him in negotiations more often if he has that effect on people."

Zabuza and Haku looked at one another for a brief second before they shook their heads in tandem. "Not gonna happen."

"I see. A shame then." The woman smirked as she laid down on her own towel and pushed aside her extensively long brown hair to reveal her backside. "Zabuza, would you be so kind as to oil me up?"

The assassin was contemplating to say something he thought was witty, but the Mizukage's additional subtle gesture of raising her very appealing rear up into the air just a bit shot that mental process to hell instantly. With a half hearted sigh, the hands that had been responsible for countless deaths made way for the suntan lotion.

"You're such a dear." The woman smiled pleasantly.

"What are you, my mother?" Zabuza grumbled under his breath, ignoring the fact that he never technically knew his mother since both his parents had died in the second war leaving him an orphan shortly after he was born.

"What was that?"

"He said he's like no other." Haku came in for the save, knowing what would happen to Zabuza, and the beach, if things spun out of control. A brief look from the man was enough to convey his thanks.

"What she said. Now stay still while I rub this crap all over your body."

At the very least, no one could deny that the man had a way with words…

"Mmmm." The Mizukage sighed happily as her man began his work starting with her lower back. "Your hands at least certainly aren't like your tongue."

"You would know that better than anyone wouldn't you?"

"If you two ever have kids, I have no doubt in my mind that I'M going to be the one raising them." Haku sighed as she closed her eyes and attempted to get some rest. She didn't sleep. She never slept in such exposed conditions. Her body was too conditioned from being raised on the run to do that and it would always be a part of her. The fact that she was surrounded by about a dozen hidden shinobi didn't help either…

However the main reason why she was still conscious was due to the fact that for the past few days there had been an itch on the back of her head that she couldn't get rid of. It was subtle and she could easily ignore it, however it was without a doubt there. All she knew was that she could feel that something was nearby, and she didn't like it. She could tell that Zabuza felt it too given that he seemed to be in a pretty bad mood lately. He probably had a stronger feeling than she did that something was off given that he had yet to drop his guard since the sensation first made itself known.

"So long as I'm not the one giving the birds and the bees talk, you can do whatever you want." Zabuza snorted.

Haku shivered. "I will never allow you to give that speech to any other unfortunate soul ever again. EVER."

"I've heard of parents botching it up before, but was it really that bad?" Mei asked curiously.

"To put things into perspective, after captain sensitivity explained everything to me I spent the rest of my life until Konoha acting and behaving like a boy to the point that I sometimes forgot what gender I was unless I looked at myself naked."

"Didn't help your case that you were so damn androgynous looking until a few years ago. Made things so much easier too." The swordsman sighed.

"Well then, I guess that means I'm going to have to make any potential daughters as feminine as possible to prevent that from happening again won't I?" Mei chuckled. While most women would find what Zabuza said very concerning she knew better than to judge him. The life of a missing nin was difficult, especially for a high profile one. The fact that Zabuza had kept the young Haku with him alone and lived for as long as he did was an impressive feat. The fact that Haku had turned out as well as she did even more so.

"The hell you will." Zabuza shivered at the thought of being surrounded by a family of emotional females with shinobi training and makeup… and then paused.

This wasn't the first time the topic of having kids and starting a family with Mei had been brought up. Tsunade had even suggested making a political marriage between him and the Mizukage as a way of, at least partially, allowing him to be a Kiri shinobi again complete with political power and more diplomatic immunity. He'd represent both Konoha and Kiri's political ties in that sense while remaining a Konoha shinobi but returning to being one of the un-banished Seven Swordsmen, something everyone knew he silently wished but never admitted to anyone. In all honesty, he wasn't against such an idea either despite the work it would require, but that too was something he would not admit out loud.

The Oogakari joked that it was his tsundere complex going into overdrive. Assholes.

Hell it wasn't the first time he had pictured actually having a family in his head. The images were in fact coming far too easily for him to ever admit, and honestly while it did appeal to him there were so many things that could ruin that image… especially in the oncoming months. It was better not to dwell on something that might never happen. It would only get in the way of getting things done that needed to get done.

"Something wrong?" The Mizukage mused. "You stopped."

"Huh." He grunted as he noticed that he did in fact stop rubbing the lotion and decided to resume his work. "Can we scrap the kid talk? I spend too much time dealing with brats as it is. It's annoying."

Mei's green eye glanced at her lover briefly before closing again. "Very well then. Let us speak about our well deserved vacation then. I for one believe I will explore the casinos and spas in this lovely island."

"You would get along with Tsunade-sama perfectly." Haku smiled. "I'll simply take in the sights. There are many beautiful sight seeing spots in the mountains, especially during sunrise and sunset."

Zabuza didn't say anything, but almost predicted that Haku would do that. The girl was still rather uncomfortable in large crowds of strangers for long periods of time and preferred to stay in the woods by habit. It was part of the reason why she took to being a Konoha shinobi so quickly as opposed to him who didn't really adapt to any location that well.

"And what of you Zabuza?" Mei asked curiously, groaning slightly as the man inadvertently found a sweet spot on her back.

The large man frowned for a moment in thought before coming up with an answer. "I'm thinking of maybe exploring the waters around the island. Isobu seems to like the area so I'm humoring him this time."

"**Humor my scaled ass."** The biju inside of him grumbled. **"You just don't want to deal with the people here."**

"_Do you want me to check out the area for you or not?"_

"**You probably won't have the time to do it anyways." **The turtle's ominous warning caused the man to stop moving.

"_Why do I have the feeling I'm going to want to hurt something when you're done explaining what you mean by that?"_

"Zabuza? If you keep on stopping like this, I'm going to have to ask Haku to do the job instead." Mei frowned, irritated that her massage had once again stopped prematurely.

"**Don't give me that human. You and the ice child could feel it days ago and it's only gotten closer since. You should at least be able to tell where it's coming from by now."**

"Haku." The killer stated emptily as he looked around him and expanded his senses to try and see what direction the annoying itch was coming from. It took him a few seconds to realize that it actually had a source now and was coming from the ocean in front of him.

The shinobi known as Haku opened her eyes at the unspoken command and sat up. "Yes." She responded. It was not a question, but merely a confirmation that she was ready to receive orders.

"Hmmm?" Mei too opened her visible eye and tried to determine what was going on that had her lover suddenly so spooked.

"Take waterboy and the shaker and find out what's causing that damn itch." The jinchuriki demanded with a frown. "I'll leave the rest for you to decide."

It took a few seconds for the girl to determine what Zabuza was getting at before realizing that the off feeling she's been having recently had a source of origin now. Grabbing her shirt and a pair of pants that had had a standard pouch of equipment on the attached belt, the girl disappeared and reappeared fully, if not lightly clothed next to her temporary subordinates a good distance away.

Moments later (and a slap upside Suigetsu's head), the three were running across the ocean… well, more like two of them were. Suigetsu had fused with the water and only his upper torso was now above the water leading the group to where he no doubt was detecting some sort of odd chakra signature. While he was not under most circumstances a sensor, there was little that the hozuki couldn't find if it was in the same body of water as he was.

"Care to tell me what that was about?" The Mizukage asked as if bored and satisfying a curiosity.

She didn't fool Zabuza in the slightest. He knew it was an order, not a request. "Just checking out a gut feeling. Could be something. Could not. Haku will be the verdict of that."

"And our dear Haku had this feeling too while I did not?" The Mizukage's eye narrowed suspiciously.

"Consider it something we picked up after meeting a few people." He replied vaguely. _"Isobu. This is going to be my last vacation and moment of peace before things go to hell. For the love of all that causes the fucking green hair to suffer, at least tell me if what I'm feeling is going to try and kill us or not."_

The man sensed the biju remain quiet as it pondered what it should say. **"You are familiar with the source. However… friend or foe, I cannot tell you with certainty. Odds are likely it would be for you to decide…"**

"Me to decide? The hell is that supposed to mean?" The man grunted out loud in annoyance. "Fucking ancient existences. Why can't they give you a damn straight answer when you ask them something?"

"I believe they find us puny mortals' confusion to be amusing." Mei answered while relaxing on the towel again. This was not the first time Zabuza had wound up talking out loud to himself after a conversation with his biju, and she had long since gotten used to it. "Now do my bidding human slave and tend to your lord before she smites you."

Zabuza was very tempted to make a comment about smiting while she was pinned down beneath him and maybe a slightly more than playful smack upside the ass, but he decided against it. She tended to get pretty pissed whenever he did that with her subordinates watching… and like it or not the screams of Ghost Oogakari running away from acid using females managed to etch a very well founded fear into his soul.

"Eh. Might as well." He sighed before undoing the woman's top to get to the rest of her back. "There are worse lords to be the minion of."

Hence why he stayed as far away from Konoha as he could whenever Scab was around.

"Glad to hear it." Mei Terumi sighed contently. "It's a shame you'll be stuck on guard duty when you get back."

"It'll be boring as hell, but at least I'll have the space to cut loose every once in a while." He smirked. "The side benefits aren't too shabby either."

"Please. You'll have to earn those perks. You won't get them just by sitting around and waiting all day. I don't give out freebies."

"I'll think of something that you'll like and appreciate."

"No you won't. You'll probably just whine like a puppy for months until something happens or you god forbid actually get an idea. I have half a mind to ask Konoha to send over Kakashi to keep you company so that won't happen."

Zabuza's eyebrow twitched. "You dare do that and I'll have to reignite my past goal of killing a Mizukage. For dignity's sake mind you."

"I'll make a note of it."

Many of the ANBU secretly listening on the pair's conversation couldn't help but wonder why the hell the two weren't married yet.

The next hour went by without much happening. No outlandish sources of chakra were detected. No one attacked the Mizukage or anyone else of note on the island, partially due to the ANBU scaring away anyone that tried to get even close to said individuals, and Zabuza's hands roamed over parts of the Mizukage's body that would get anyone else murdered in painful ways that there were currently no words for.

All the while the itching feeling on the back of the man's head grew stronger and stronger to the point that he felt like he should be preparing for something big any second.

And then Chojuro came back panting and pale as if he just saw a ghost.

"Mizukage-sama! Hah! Zabuza-sama! Hah! Hah! We… we found… Haku a-and…"

"Boy. What have I told you about tongues and fools who stutter?" Zabuza grunted.

The man's junior swallowed heavily and forced himself to calm down. "That they don't need one another sir."

"Mmm. You are a bit crass with him, but you do get results." Mei mused, still relaxing on her towel with one eye open. "Don't worry Chojuro. I won't let him hurt you… not today at least. Now please do continue with your report."

Glancing back at the sea, the teen decided on what to say. "I think it's better if you saw it for yourselves."

Raising a skeptical eyebrow, the Demon of the Hidden Mist looked out past the boy and narrowed his eyes to see what the boy was getting at and appropriately blinked disbelievingly. "No. No. Fuck no. No way in hell. You have got to be shitting me. Son of the queen of infested BACK ALLEY DUCK…"

"Now that is interesting." Mei frowned as she saw Zabuza start to walk around while unleashing a very long and colorful chain of swears that would in most cases get him kicked out of any if not all places considered mildly civilized. Turning around to the sea and picking herself up (after resetting her bikini top of course) the woman looked to see what had set off the man as badly as it did. To her knowledge the only person that could invoke that sort of reaction out of him was Scabbard Oogakari, the infamous Hill of Blades.

Instead however she saw something that was just as surprising if not peculiar. Off in the distance she saw Haku and Suigetsu walking on the water next to what Zabuza had apparently sensed earlier… only instead of some sort of bizarre sea animal, shinobi, or summon, it was oddly enough a fox the size of a very young horse with two tails carrying a young unconscious boy with blond hair on its back.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the land of Earth:

"I hear our guests have been rather… uncooperative since they regained consciousness." A rather unimpressive looking man in standard Iwa shinobi attire casually stated at the coffee table.

"You just heard that?" One of the other ninja in the room snorted as he took a sip of black gold. "The fuck have you been?"

"Here and there." The first man shrugged dismissively. "I only just told that we were hosting such prominent individuals earlier today."

"Yeah well you certainly got the longer end of the stick on that one. It would have been better for you if you kept on not knowing." A kunoichi grunted. "We should have kept them under. They're too much of a pain to keep watch on for my liking."

"That bad?"

"In addition to chaining them to the walls, we have the strongest chakra suppressing seals we can find on them and on the room, AND keep them mildly sedated through their food and drink, but somehow they nearly managed to escape six times already. EACH." The coffee drinking man shivered. "It's like they know how to be tied up better than we do keeping them prisoner and how to escape. The only reason why we managed to get them back is either because they're too drugged up to fight their way out, and trust me when I say that's barely the case, or because they don't know how to navigate their way out."

"Sounds like a pair of high maintenance women."

"We've been forced to have a full team keep watch on them at all times to make sure they don't escape now. EACH." The kunoichi shook her head. "And considering how lacking of manpower we are here, we barely have enough time to sleep more than a dozen hours a week. Hell I just got off my shift. High maintenance doesn't even begin to describe them."

"I fear for anyone that decides to take them as wives. Have we at least gotten any information out of them?"

"Other than the fact that they supposedly weren't even in our country when they were ambushed, by whom they can't even remember for some reason, no. They are just as confused as to why they were in Earth country as we are." The first man shook his head. "Trying to get anything else is almost pointless. Most of us have trouble just staying in the same room as them when they're awake. Every time someone walks in for any reason other than giving them food, they give off this insane killing intent despite being drugged. I've never felt anything like it before. We actually had to split them up because the last time someone was in with them at the same time while they were up, he was blasted with enough of the stuff point blank to have a seizure. He lived, but he won't go anywhere near their cells now. Scared shitless of snakes and dogs now too."

The unimpressive man whistled. "Wow. I haven't heard of anyone being able to pull something like that off in a while. I guess their being considered for S rank status wasn't just for hot air after all."

"I say kill them now." The Kunoichi grunted. "They're a waste of resources and we aren't getting anything out of keeping them alive. Their bounties alone would be enough to support our funds for a good while. Plus if they do get free and proper muscle control again, I don't doubt they'd be able to kill most of us off before they were brought down. All we'd have to do is crush them in their cells from the outside."

"Hmm. You do have a point if they are that dangerous… though if we do go through with it, we might as well do it right. They are quite valuable so it would be best to execute them properly." He shook his head. "Still, I wish to see them for myself before anything is finalized…" He paused for a moment before noticing a concerned look the other male in the room was giving him. "Something on your mind?"

The coffee drinking shinobi grimaced. "The thing is… those two aren't worried for their lives. They're pissed, yeah, but confident too. It's one of the few things we got from them. When we tried to play mind games with them, you know the standard, threatened to kill and torture and the like and that their bodies never see the light of day as they would be buried under mountains of stone… non baseless threats considering our history, they merely laughed." He shook his head. "They claimed that if we did that someone in particular they know would find out regardless, find each and all of us, and murder us in ways that we've never heard of before scattering everything we worked for like dust in the wind. Literally."

"I'm telling you that's bullshit." The girl snorted.

"And I'm telling you they weren't shitting us. Not as far as they knew." The man grunted. "I worked in T and I. I can tell when someone was lying or at least masking their emotions. But those two, when they said it it wasn't in the form of what you see in most prisoners. No begging, warnings, threats, offerings, taunts, or anything like that. They spoke as if it was a simple fact. Like the sky was blue or that water was wet. Normally the burying in the middle of the earth threat gets some sort of reaction of some sort, even an emotional withdrawal to maintain self control." He looked somberly at his reflection in his drink. "Those two wouldn't be considered S ranked if they weren't somewhat intelligent. There's substance to what they said of that I have no doubt. Just how much I don't know, and that's what's bugging me."

"Could it be that they are simply going unstable due to the drugs that we are feeding them mixed with their situation?" It wasn't uncommon for that to happen. The stress from both the body and the environment have often cracked prisoners of war long before the interrogators got their hands on them. Hell. It was often the first ploy the interrogators used to soften the new subjects up.

"No." The man denied. "One's a medic and the other was THE Orochimaru's apprentice before he went missing. Their tolerance of poisons and drugs alone was insane enough that we're nearly tripling the dosage to make them manageable. The few conversations I had with them were enough for me to tell that they were still well within their right minds." He snorted. "Plus you couldn't break out of a jail in six different ways in such a short amount of time without having a clear head. If anything the crap we put in their food just makes them physically weaker."

"Hmm. You have a point there."

"Speaking of annoyances, who the hell are you supposed to be?" The Kunoichi asked skeptically. "I don't think I've seen you around here before."

The mood in the room grew tense as the still casual newcomer became the new focus of attention. "Let's just say that I'm no one you're supposed to know, yet someone whose job is to know more than you."

His answer didn't stop the pair from reaching for their kunai.

"Must you suspect me?" The man sighed, still not unsettled by his current situation and slowly pointed to a scroll on his side, all the while leaving himself obviously open to attack. "If it makes you feel any more comfortable with me, I am here to deliver information from Iwa including but not limited to the current smuggling routes so that ANBU don't catch us and the Tsuchikage's schedule for the next month. You can have a look if you don't believe me."

The pair looked at one another warily before relaxing their stances. "No. That's fine." The man shook his head. "We've been on edge lately. You know of the spy rumors."

"I don't blame you." The man shrugged. "But next time please be more careful about your assumptions. You know that we suspect the spies to be intercepting our messages and interfering with our operations near the main towns and cities in Iwa. They wouldn't bother with this far off base here."

"I doubt anyone would." The kunoichi snorted. "One guy calls this base "Fort Butt Fucking Nowhere"."

"Well at least it gets the point across." The newcomer turned to leave the kitchen. "If you don't mind, I have my report to deliver now in addition to a few other things."

"Fine." The coffee drinker grunted as he turned back to his drink. His exhaustion seemed to be apparent since he was already drop dead tired looking again. "Just don't be so damn suspicious around the others. Everyone's on edge after spending time near those damn women."

"Will do."

His walk around the base was for the most part unremarkable. The shinobi he had encountered weren't joking when they said that everyone was overworked. The few he had come across in the halls were either going to the bathroom or busy working on some important task that could not be interrupted lest he wanted a kunai to the face. He knew from experience that the seemingly random threats sometimes thrown between shinobi were occasionally not so random when their bluffs were called…

Soon enough though he came across one of his destinations, a prison cell with the door surrounded by four trained if not weary shinobi.

"Codename Merchant." He stated calmly to what appeared to be the leader of the group while showing a small emblem on the inside of his collar that proved his rank among the resistance. A damn high one. "I'm here to see the prisoners. Which one is here?"

The tall thick man blinked momentarily before shaking his head. Given the rings under his eyes, he was in need of a good amount of sleep. "The snake. Crazy bitch is nuts. Keeps on saying messed up shit to us through the door when she's awake, but the moment we try and shut her up she somehow manages to escape or use that freakish intent of hers to scare us away. I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Don't think we finally managed to get all of her kunai yet. Hell we still don't know where she puts them all…"

"I'll manage, now please open the door and let me speak to the prisoner. I've never spoken to an imprisoned S rank before." He ignored one of the other shinobi on guard mutter some unkind things about his intelligence.

The leader only hesitated for a few seconds before relenting to the request. "Fine then. Don't blame me if you end up getting bitten by something. We still have a couple of men still recovering from snake bites from the first, third, and fourth times she tried to escape."

Not at all showing any trepidation as the heavy iron door opened completely for him, the Merchant casually walked inside the small prison room and took out a small sealing tag that did nothing but shine brightly in the dark room. Electricity was scarce in this part of the mountains and it was foolish to light a torch near shinobi from the land of fire…

"Oh? Are you my new playmate?"

Anko Mitarashi had clearly seen better days. Her clothes had clearly seen better days as they had been reduced to almost rags, covering even less than what they originally did. Her entire body, while still quite appealing, was covered in dirt, grime, cuts, bruises and other wounds, though somehow none were permanent so long as they were treated even mildly properly. Anyone with a small bit of medical training could tell spot that she had several ribs broken from the bruising on her chest, in addition to at least two fingers broken on her left hand and one on her right. Her right eye was blackened to the point that one might suspect her cheek bone was broken, and if one paid attention they would notice that she was missing a tooth…

Yet despite her injuries, being chained up to the wall in front of him, and supposedly drugged and starved for several days now… the Merchant had no doubt that this woman was still very much capable of easily murdering him in cold blood if he got too close.

What his eyes saw was completely in contrast to what the rest of his senses screamed at him as he made eye contact with the woman. Where his eyes saw a woman, his body felt a massive serpent coiled up, ready, and merely contemplating whether to strike at him or not.

It reminded him of the time he encountered Orochimaru for that one deal…

This woman in front of him was without a doubt more, and yet less dangerous than the snake sanin was at the same time…

Small wonder she had everyone in the building spooked.

Still, he was more curious than he was unnerved.

"Sorry, but I have a feeling that it would be in my best interest to turn down that position." He calmly let the words flow through his mouth, not at all showing a hint of fear or uncertainty.

"Pity." The woman sighed deeply, causing her already overexposed breasts to almost pop out of the torn fabrics that were her clothes. "And I was getting so bored too. You're already more interesting than the rest of the noobies here."

"Personally I share your view on that." He continued the conversation but not once let down his guard. He knew for a fact that monsters like this woman could literally strike at any time without so much as a hint of what they were planning. Hell, he had managed to pull it off a few times himself so it wouldn't be surprising to assume that the snake in front of him was expecting the same in kind.

"Oh?" The woman rose her good eyebrow, curious. "Not much of an interrogator are you? Already broke one of the first key rules. Don't answer the target's questions." She paused to breathe deeply again and rested her head back before laughing. "Ahahaaa… but you aren't a noobie are you? No, you would be pissing yourself now if you were…"

The murderous intent in the room doubled momentarily and just for an instant the Merchant had almost felt as if the snake in front of him had lunged for his throat…

And he merely stood in place and breathed in deeply. "Drugged my ass." He swore under his breath.

"Not my fault you guys use the cheap shit." Anko's dark and slightly delirious laughing continued slowly. "Believe what you want. We would have been long gone from this little hole in the ground if it weren't the case."

"So you can report on us to the Hokage?"

"The Hokage? Obviously. It's what you're supposed to do after getting out of things like this." She sarcastically retorted before her grin widened again, showing her bloody lip and missing tooth. "But you're more worried about the Tsuchikage finding out aren't you?"

The Merchant didn't grace the woman with a tell that she could catch. "Now that's a bit of a stretch isn't it? You're obviously in a prison in the land of Earth, captured by Iwa shinobi loyal to their village, and in a base. Don't play games with me about my loyalty. We are Iwagakure's soldiers."

"But you are not Onoki's." She stated as if it was obvious. "The doors here aren't as sound proof as you might think. So many people complaining about me and how the way things are done. Almost reminds me of home sweet home…"

"Keep this up and your memories will be all you have left of that place." He made a mental note to update the seals around the doors to not let sound in. Not for the first time he lamented not having the resistance's bases updated properly.

"Someone's touchy."

"I believe one of the men put it best when he mentioned that we were in the middle of the butt fuck mountain range."

"Point taken."

"You do realize that many of the shinobi here are contemplating killing you and your friend for your bounties and wash their hands with you." He inquired. "The thought's more tempting since you are being rather difficult. Can't say I disagree with them."

The metaphysical snake's tongue shot out irritably. "Forgive me if I do not feel like being tortured for information I either don't have or won't give. I told you shits before, we weren't even close to your territory when I was ambushed by those annoying fucks."

"Ones that you can't remember even fighting."

"Oh trust me. I'd be more than willing to tell you who they were so that more people would be after them and it'd be easier to catch them, but believe it or not I don't remember shit other than they got the drop on us." The killing intent in the room spiked again. "I do so love payback."

The Merchant had no doubt that she was referring to more than just the people that ambushed her. "I've heard. Word was that you were quite ecstatic when Orochimaru was killed during the failed invasion of Konoha."

The woman's face put on a dreamy expression. "Ah… good times. Don't think I've ever gotten that smashed that long for a good reason."

"I wonder how many would celebrate on news of your death?"

The sobering question did not get the reaction the man had hoped as the captive put on a thoughtful, albeit dazed expression. "Hmm. How many… let's see. Ah. There's that ass who I jailed for trying to poison my food. Then there're a good number of guys from Kusa after I stole a ton of their documents and poison ingredients. Then there's my asshole neighbor who thinks I'm loose…"

"And the death of your Inuzuka friend?"

"… I think there are a few of her distant cousins are still holding a grudge after killing that prick of a cousin of hers. What was his name again?"

"You're not making this easy for either of us you know."

"Says the idiot who is trying to hold a conversation with a supposedly psychotic woman who is currently on more drugs than most would be able to handle without croaking."

"All the more reason to kill you here and now."

The woman blinked on both confusion and annoyance. "What? Right here and now? You're no fun. No dramatic build up? No giant crowd? People would pay big time to see someone as big as me get offed. Not to mention the statement your group of so called revolutionaries would make if you actually showed that you had the balls to do it in front of everyone. You obviously aren't taking this revolution thing seriously if you can't take advantage of having me as your live captive."

"And risk you getting rescued in the process." He frowned.

The woman shrugged. "No shit, but then again you can't show the shinobi world that you mean business without risking your life these days. More so if you want to make a big impact to get people to follow a cause."

"Fair enough." The Merchant relented. "Granted the risking your life bit is what supposed leaders of movements are for, but your point is made. Still, I can't help but think about what one of the others has mentioned when they talked to you. About some person that would… "end us all" if we do kill you."

"Yep. Complete and utter destruction and murder with a generous side of prolonged torture. I wouldn't be surprised if the entirety of your resistance disappeared in a single night if you killed only one of us." Anko smiled calmly and casually.

"Please forgive me if I express doubts that the entirety of Konohagakure would be capable of such a feat so easily."

"Oh well you're not wrong. I doubt that Konoha would be able to pull that off too."

The Merchant's blood went cold. It was always a bad sign whenever an unknown group made the scene, especially when they showed signs of already possessing large if not unknown amounts of political or actual power and yet no one had noticed yet.

All he knew right now was that it was best to keep the woman talking, learn as much as possible as he could about this new group, and most importantly keep both of them alive. For now at least…

He swore in his head. The woman had hinted about this supposed group on purpose. Now that he was aware of their existence and their connection to the women, he would be inclined to keep them BOTH alive for their suddenly far more valuable information instead of just offing one for the bounty money and killing the other in a populated location to rally the people against Onoki and Konoha. She had moved three steps ahead of him and cut him off of a potential negotiating route before he had considered it.

Cunning little bitch in the grass.

"Funny. I didn't take you for a traitor." He drawled out smoothly, attempting to at least grasp at any other possible pieces of data that he could use.

"Who said I was?" The Snake Mistress purred out innocently.

"And if I was to doubt the existence of this so called group? Where is the proof?"

"Oh?" Anko raised an eyebrow amused. "Don't tell me you haven't seen it yet? Then again, you little Iwa children were always so self absorbed that you never saw what was going around you. Probably why no one really likes you that much and you're stuck with the shit missions. So unreliable." She shook her head in mock pity. "Such a shame. And here I thought that you were one of the few with a brain in this country…"

The Merchant was having more trouble breathing calmly now. Normally he prided himself on being in the know on virtually everything big that was going to happen in the elemental nations. He knew that Akatsuki was going to move, but that would be against all of the shinobi villages. He knew of recent deals being made and of potential political assassinations in the next three years…

But this woman was hinting at something big. Too big for him to be comfortable with. And she wasn't lying either. She was hinting at something that should be easy for him to spot, but he didn't see it yet…

"_Then again, you little Iwa children were always so self absorbed that you never saw what was going around you. Probably why no one really likes you that much and you're stuck with the shit missions. So unreliable."_

Wait… could she have been insinuating that Iwa was the only major village that wasn't in the loop?

It hit the man like a freight train.

Kiri's regaining of their swords and the Sanbi. Not to mention the political activity surrounding Zabuza Momochi.

Kumo's slight increase in trading with the other nations and toning down their espionage activities on their rivals.

Suna's stronger ties with Konoha.

Konoha's recent generation of exceptional shinobi…

Within the span of a few years, the other shinobi villages have been becoming slightly more social with one another while making strides in one way or another to increase their strength while at the same time still demilitarizing. Individually the clues were all minor if not easily forgettable, but when combined…

The villages were preparing for something big… all except for Iwa…

… No… Roshi… Kurotsuchi… those two had undergone significant changes in the same time frame. Onoki had also been more productive recently in his job as well despite his increasing chronic back pain. Those couldn't have just been mere coincidences.

Why wasn't Iwa experiencing a bigger boom than the other countries? Simple. They weren't trusted enough by the other countries or whoever it was pulling the strings… by anyone… which meant that his home village was either being set up to take the fall or being left to themselves when the shit hit the fan.

Even so, this only gave more evidence that Onoki was incompetent at managing and maintaining Iwagakure.

But it also meant that if Iwa had any chance of maintaining its power and pulling ahead for whatever event came ahead, the resistance would have to pull off an absolute coup. One that would manage to not only gain them the government of the hidden village, but also the hearts, minds, and loyalty of the populace as well. A daunting task even if things had been going their way.

And thus… the two women in its possession had proved themselves to be of far more use alive than dead… for now.

"Oh I know that look." The Snake Mistress… no… the Leviathan Queen grinned hungrily as he returned to reality.

Now he could tell the difference between her and Orochimaru. This woman had far more teeth, a stronger bite, and had an air of confident, almost regal predator superiority to her that made you feel that not only she was always contemplating on whether to eat you or not, but it was perfectly natural for her to do so.

However her mentor was more cunning, intelligent, subtle, and his bite was far more poisonous. He was harder to predict in the way that he too always seemed to be judging you as prey, but in a more twisted and insidious way. Instead of regal, the white snake had more of an unnatural air around him.

The Merchant was still having trouble deciding who was more dangerous though.

"Darn. I do believe I've said too much. Oh well tell me what's going on in your mind. Do tell. I'm quite interested in hearing what you think you know so I can taunt you with what you don't later…"

o. o. o.

Land of Moon:

To say that Zabuza and Haku were a tad bit stressed out trying to keep the recently crowned King of Moon Country and the Daimyo of Spring Country out of the room in the castle they had put Naruto and the Kyubi in was a bit of an understatement.

Thankfully it wasn't impossible thanks to the combined efforts of Haku's and Mei's diplomatic charm… and a bit of Zabuza's presence.

"Ok. I'll bite. WHAT. THE. FUCK. FURBALL." Zabuza growled menacingly at the two tailed fox that was curled up casually in front of the unconscious boy's bed. Next to him the Mizukage and Haku were also silently wondering the same thing and a bit more. Mei had sent Ao, Chojuro and Suigetsu to run interference with anyone that attempted to get into the room.

The Kyubi snorted. **"Sorry. It's just that you are just too adorable right now trying to intimidate me of all beings. It's quite cute."**

"Oh don't you dare give me the Oogakari treatment you little rug." The jinchuriki of the Sanbi approached the fox menacingly while drawing out his sword. The twitch in his eyes was very hard to miss for everyone in the room. "Now tell me why you came here soaked like an overgrown ship ratcarrying our incarnation of chaos here before I make Isobu a veeeeery happy turtle."

"_**Actually Kurama and I never really bothered one another. He was a prick to everyone but I never really cared much about…"**_

"Don't you DARE correct me now turtle or I swear…!"

"Haku?" Mei sighed tiredly as her boyfriend started to rant out angrily and randomly swinging his massive sword in no particular direction.

"Yes Mei-sama." The teenager mimicked the older woman and briefly went through some seals and encased her father figure completely in ice save for his head.

"What the hell?!"

"You need to calm down again Zabuza." Most of the time it took a lot for the man to snap like this. He was a professional assassin after all. Being cool headed and collected to the point of outdoing most of the Kage was an unspoken requirement. However among the things that got under his skin unusually quickly were significant random factors that he had no control over, especially ones that were technically on his side that popped up for no reason at all when he was trying to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet. The Oogakari and Naruto were at the top of that particular list.

"**Ah. I missed that." **The Kyubi chuckled. **"It would have been quite convenient to do that on the idiot on more than one occasion in the past few years."**

"It's good to see you again too Kyubi-sama." Haku bowed politely. "I am somewhat surprised that you are outside of Naruto. I take it that means he has finally mastered your power."

"**You could say that." **The strongest of the current biju grinned savagely. **"While I do have access to all of my chakra once more, I find it pleasant to be able to go out on my own in this state on occasion and partake in some of my old pleasurable activities from a new angle."**

"I am guessing that so long as the bulk of your power is inside your jinchuriki, you are able to leave without causing him harm then." Mei surmised as she looked at the infamous Feral Gale sleeping undisturbed in front of her. He was a bit pasty and thin from being in the water for so long and malnourishment, in addition to clearly suffering from sleep deprivation, but otherwise seemed pretty healthy. Not all that bad looking for a kid either.

"**I can leave with my full power anytime I wish." **The fox stated as if it was no big deal. **"The idiot is strong enough to last some time without me. However I find it enlightening to experience the world though a more… scaled perspective. Crushing prey like ants does get boring after a while, and I have grown fond of feeling more from each of my targets."**

"Tell me about it." Zabuza smirked, still trapped in ice but no longer attempting to create new chains of swears. "Blasting away the masses is good and all for crowd control, but there's nothing like getting it done with your bare hands… or claws in your case."

"Pardon the interruption, but if I may?" Mei interjected, knowing full well that if two personalities like the fox's and Zabuza's got started on the subject of killing there would be no progress anytime soon. She made a mental note to never let the man in the fox alone with one another for any amount of time. "Kyubi…sama. We would still like to know why exactly you are here in Moon Country, much less in the manner you came. Even you must admit that the situation is rather peculiar."

The fox stared at the pleasantly smiling woman for several seconds skeptically. **"… I'll answer, but you aren't fooling anyone with that face you know human. I can literally feel how irritated you are at me."**

"Kyubi-sama. Please?" Haku asked pleadingly, silently giving him gestures to stop while he was ahead.

Kurama grunted in irritation. **"Fine. ****The brat was planning on coming here on vacation to milk your gambling dens for all they were worth. Unfortunately, due to his stupidity and lack of direction, he got lost on the way AND forgot to eat again before making the trip, so he ended up passing out in the middle of the ocean. Once again, I had to save his ungrateful hairless ass to safety. It was a mere coincidence that I felt Isobu's chakra nearby and went straight to it since it was a good indicator of where land was." **The Fox blew out a bit of air from his nose. **"I was carrying that idiot through the water for at least three days before I made it here."**

"Through the water?" Zabuza blinked in confusion. "Don't you mean on the water?"

"**When you're normally an existence that dwarfs even mountains in size, you tend to not need to know things such as water walking." **The biju deadpanned. **"I only knew enough to stand on stable water. The ocean on the other hand shifts too much for me to stand on until I was near the coast. That being said, I actually just went in and came out of the brat again to get rid of all that salt in my fur. You humans have no idea how irritating being covered in that blasted stuff can be when you have a pelt." **

"Understandable." Zabuza nodded in agreement.

"Hold on." Haku frowned. "How was Naruto trying to get here by himself? Don't tell me he tried to water walk all the way here?"

"**Of course not." **Kurama rolled his eyes. **"He flew… though it didn't make much of a damn difference in the end."**

Mei's eyes widened in surprise. Shinobi capable of long distance flight were after all exceptionally rare. "He flew? On what?"

Zabuza on the other hand frowned. "Damn. So he finally got it down eh? Figures. He was already absurdly good with his wind element. Should have known he would have mastered it to that point when he got back."

"Mastered what?" Mei asked the swordsman with a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Flying woman. Flying. You know. Like what birds do." The frozen jinchuriki deadpanned. "Only instead of using wings, he uses chakra control and wind manipulation. No mounts. No extra or warped body parts. Just going up and down whenever he wants. He was working on it before he left a few years back before he left, but then he had trouble just hovering."

"Why do I have a feeling that it's going to be more of a bad thing than a good thing?" Haku sighed, already picturing all the chaos her friend would be capable of now that he wasn't limited to the earth like all of the other "incompetent ground dependant peons".

"To master flight with just ninjutsu and not a mount of some sort, and over such long distances…" Mei frowned. "No one has managed to do something like that since the masters of the Dust Release. And to be the jinchuriki of the Kyubi as well…"

"**I'm right here human." **The Fox frowned, his tails twitching a small bit. **"Do remind yourself of who you are speaking about."**

"She meant no disrespect Kyubi-sama." Haku attempted to placate the fox while subtly giving Mei signs to be more careful. Between her, Zabuza and Mei the ice user was certain that they could at least give the fox a good run for his money in his current state, but not before causing tremendous and unwanted collateral in the process. "… Come to think of it though, didn't you arrive with Ghost? I don't see why Naruto would be out here alone. It doesn't sound like something Tsunade-sama would permit."

"**She didn't." **The Fox yawned and closed his eyes to apparently sleep. **"The brat ditched Oogakari as soon as we arrived and has been doing his own thing since. Conveniently enough, he has come across some very interesting things in the process."**

Zabuza groaned as he felt a headache coming. He had spent the past few years helping to ensure that virtually all the jinchuriki in the world were at least reasonably hidden or protected, and then the idiot goes on to just decide and go out on his own without any backup. He could already tell how badly this could end up.

"You both do realize that you have nine S ranked criminals after you and that your decision is not the most… intelligent given the situation." Mei frowned in concern.

"**Not my decision, not that I care." **Kurama opened an eye to looked at the woman directly. **"The brat is strong enough to hold his own. Besides, Akatsuki still don't know he's back yet, let alone know where he is. They're focusing on the others right now."**

"_**Damn…" **_Isobu grunted inside Zabuza's head.

"They have started already?" Haku frowned worriedly.

"**From what I've heard they got Saikon, the Rokubi, recently." **The Fox elaborated carelessly. **"Would have gotten that idiot Shukaku, the Ichibi, a week ago in Suna, but the brat lent a hand without getting seen." **There was a brief pause before he began to laugh. **"… And then a little while later Naruto blew up Shukaku's head."**

"… **Wh**at?" The other biju and humans blinked in confusion.

"**Best. Container. Ever." **No one missed the gleefully savage smirk on the fox's maw. **"Not that I'll ever admit it to him."**

"Kyubi-sama, can you please not do this?" Haku moaned with her face in her hands. She was really hoping that spending too much time with Ghost had not given the fox his sense of humor, otherwise they were all doomed regardless of became of Akatsuki and Madara. "We will have to deal with it enough once Naruto wakes up again."

"_**Oi. Kurama. Wanna trade humans? This one's just as bloodthirsty as you are and he isn't that mentally unstable." **_Isobu asked hopefully.

"**Hell **no." Both parties on the outside grunted at the same time.

"Excuse me." Mei spoke up. "As much as I'd hate to interrupt your socializing, but can we get back to more important topics? Such as who was it that attacked Suna?"

"**The puppet user and that not mindwalker blond that somehow loves explosions more than the one behind me. From what I could tell, both managed to survive but the puppet took more damage. The container of Shukaku's managed to impress a good deal of his people from how he drove them out in the end. I'm almost surprised you haven't heard of it yet."**

"Deidara and Sasori, the latter doesn't seem to be an immediate threat at the moment." Haku translated.

"So Kisame wasn't with them and Utakata is most likely dead by now…" The Mizukage frowned. "I will have to send word back to Kiri to prepare a larger guard around the trap now for preparation."

"**Have fun with that." **

"You're not helping?" Haku asked worriedly.

"He said the brat's on vacation, and who knows when the shark will take the bait." Zabuza pointed out. "Besides, having Naruto in Kiri for extended periods of time would be disastrous for both political and stability reasons. Do you REALLY want him doing whatever comes to mind there?"

"Come now Zabuza, he can't be that bad." Mei chided.

"On second thought, I wish you a grand experience on your time off." Haku smiled sweetly, causing the Mizukage's face to fall drastically.

"I stand corrected apparently."

"**You have no idea."**

"Tell us straight furball. Are we safer in mind and body with you being able to do whatever the hell you want here, or with him awake and doing his thing?" Zabuza asked seriously, nodding his head to the unconscious teen behind the fox.

"…"

"Did you really have to ask him that?" Haku asked her father figure, crying tears of despair.

"We all needed the closure Haku, no matter how much we may not like the answer."

"I didn't know you had a flair for the dramatics Kyubi-sama." Mei smiled politely, ignoring the other two human's reactions.

"**Can you three be silent? I'm still trying to figure out the answer to the question."**

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the city below the castle:

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!"

A lone former wandering shinobi now royal guard slash maid was running through the lively city that served as Moon Country's capital.

The twenty five year old Karenbana… though many still thought she was in her early teens, was not having a good week. See, after a couple of years of doing humiliating chores and serving as the current prince's bodyguard, she had been finally been appointed as one of the main members of the castle security, complete with higher security access and benefits. Both of which she had accessed liberally.

The kunoichi didn't actually mind her current employers, or their benefits at least. While they were a bit stupid and overly honest in her opinion, they did compensate her quite well considering she had been part of the group that almost killed them when they first met. Heck she was actually getting along quite well with the recently crowned king's family now that the new queen was kicking her husband's ass into shape. She was actually beginning to see why the woman actually fell for the lazy slob in the first place. He actually looked pretty good once he shed that extra hundred x pounds of fat.

However it did not do much to satisfy the shinobi inside of her. She wanted more. More money. More power. More freedom. More danger. More respect…

The plan had been relatively simple. Kiri's, Spring's, and Moon's governments were still recently stabilized within the past five to ten years. This of course meant that there was bound to be a least one or two sizeable resistance groups left somewhere in their respective countries just itching for a chance to get some revenge. So, being the resourceful individual with great access to Moon's cashes, she had managed to contact with said groups and let them know that she wouldn't be against leaking a bit of information and providing a place to stay in case they had something in mind… and that the other groups would be interested in perhaps taking advantage of the festivities.

Between the numbers of mercs in Moon, the armor in Spring, if a bit out dated from what she had heard, and the missing nin of Kiri, the groups would stand a solid chance against the mere few dozen shinobi that were here for images' sake. Even if the former great Demon of the Hidden Mist and the current Mizukage proved too much, which she was currently banking on, they would still have more than enough numbers to take over the castle and get a bunch of hostages who would no doubt fund their cause in exchange for their lives…

Of course, they wouldn't get the King's family. She would, unknown to the rebels, hide them away before anything else happened to improve her standing and then simply just wait as the Mizukage and her forces destroy the uprising.

Karenbana was ambitious, not stupid. Working as a royal guard was the best and most stable job she could hope for. Hell it was why her group had originally jumped onto Shabadaba's boat to take over the country in the first place. She wasn't going to get rid of that just for a quick extra small fortune if it meant having to live on the road and on the run again.

She had of course never used her name, and she had used a combination of modified castle guard armor and a specialized poison to elongate her vocal chords and make her voice deeper to hide her identity. She was after all the only shinobi in the King's employment. Any seasoned ninja could tell when a genjutsu was being used nearby if nothing was happening…

It was still annoying to have the king mock her for her deep voice while the poison wore off. She only had so many paid sick days to use per year damn it. 

But all her plans for the near future were shot when that blond brat showed up. Even though he had been snuck into the castle, she had been one of the few, being part of security, to see who he was.

Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze. The Feral Gale. S Ranked at the age of fucking _thirteen_, a feat that has only been topped by the Sharingan wielding Genjutsu Monster known as Itachi Uchiha. Oh she knew who he was all right. She had remembered his face when his team had come to the island the first time and absolutely murdered her own teammates as it they were nothing.

Even if the blonde did little while she was around the first time, she was now quite aware of the rumors of being a jinchuriki and the fourth Hokage's son. Hell it was hard to find a shinobi in the elemental nations that DIDN'T know of it by now. Plus she'd swallow a dozen of her poison senbon before thinking that the fox that carried the brat in wasn't related to the Kyubi in some way.

She was willing to risk pissing off one hidden village with this scam of hers since said village would only assume that the enemy was just trying a last ditch effort to reclaim their home. They'd take the blame for everything since they obviously had the motivation. She was betting on that happening. The Mizukage probably wouldn't even ask any questions. Heck she had a feeling Zabuza would make an effort to avoid a situation where that could happen personally. He certainly seemed happy enough to do that even without provocation the last time she saw him.

But two? And giving a good reason for the latter to send only their strongest and most insanely powerful shinobi to investigate probably everything that happened here? No thank you.

As far as shinobi outside the main five villages were concerned, Konoha's greatest strength in terms of combat was their guerrilla tactics. Their ability to fight in the trees and bushes that pervaded nearly every country on the planet was unmatched and annoying as hell since they kept on escaping using that damn log of theirs. Why else was the village so damn hard to invade despite the fact that it was seemingly the least defended by the natural terrain compared to the other major hidden villages? It was also the main reason why any shinobi fighting them tried to draw them out in the open first before actually fighting. Konoha shinobi were far easier to take down in the open than they were in their element.

However one of the leaf's greatest assets was their information gathering and tracking capabilities. Hyuuga. Inuzuka. Yamanaka. Aburame. Uchiha. Even Nara. Most of their clans had the very annoying ability to see and pick up things that most others couldn't, which was one of the main reasons why most missing nin avoided the land of fire. You couldn't hide in the damn place without getting caught by the locals at some point.

Kiri's hunters were the most ruthless, but Konoha's hunters were always considered the hardest to hide and get away from, and from what she could remember the Uzumaki had at least a member of most of those clans in his group the last time he was here, meaning he had connections.

Karenbana did not want to risk Namikaze's head in her scheme. His bounty wasn't worth her exposure, and in the case he did wake up she had heard enough about his exploits from the Spring Country's Daimyo and her own boss to know that the brat would royally screw things up for her anyways by just breathing. He was as much of a jinx for his own side as he was for his enemies. Numbers and chakra armor were nothing to him. Heck she was somewhat surprised that she lived the first time he came around.

Stopping in front of the meeting area, a bar on the edge of town that was frequented by the slightly less orthodox but still not overly obvious population, the kunoichi in her armor regained her composure and walked inside.

She didn't have to bother to check if she was followed or not by the ANBU. She had left by a hidden entrance to the castle so no one knew who she was. In addition to that, the building itself was being watched by groups of the visiting missing-nin hiding or staying in the nearby buildings. In addition to that they had set up small seals to prevent conversations from being overheard in certain areas for private talks. She'd sneak away by a hidden door in this building later and change clothes before coming back to the castle.

To the back right were her contacts playing poker and bored out of their minds. Jumpy too if their darting eyes and reaction to her armor were anything to go by, but a shallow but telling nod from her put the ones that spotted her to slight ease. Obviously these were the local idiots that didn't have any significant training save for one or two of them, and they were too drunk to notice anything at the moment. She could probably take them all out without any chakra if she wanted to even though they looked to be three times her physical size.

"If it isn't our dear young friend from way high up." The first man grunted as he drew two cards, the small bit of sweat on his bald head giving it a near mirror sheen. "I thought you were going to let us know about the job closer to the date. You're early."

"The job's a bust." She stated darkly with her modified voice while pulling up a chair to look like she was about to play too. "There's a new factor that just showed up that makes it too dangerous."

That caused the players to pause. "The fuck?" Another man, this one tattooed over his entire upper torso. "What's got you so spooked? We were going to stall against the Mizukage and three seven swordsmen in the first place. What's making you pussy out now? Don't tell me you got caught."

"The Feral Gale." She replied without hesitation and got the reaction that she herself had when she had seen him enter the castle. All the faces around her paled considerably.

"You're shitting me." The eldest one there grunted. He looked to be in his mid fifties. "That little nut's back? Nobody's seen or heard from him in years and he just happens to show up here and now?"

"I saw him myself. Second time actually." Karenbana grunted back. "Trust me. It's him. The Demon of the Mist and the Snow Woman both confirmed it too. Quite vocally I might add."

"Why is he here at all?" A rather slutty woman drawled in a way that told everyone she didn't really get how warped the situation was now, complete with huge tits, dyed red hair and a cigarette in her mouth. The Kunoichi didn't like her already.

"From what I know, he was coming here on vacation but got lost at sea. He was carried here on top of a two tailed fox from the sea like a dead rat, passed out and everything. Still going to be unconscious for a while from what I can tell."

A snort was heard from the table. "What? You mean to tell me that you're scared of some half dead little shit?"

"That half dead kid managed to get an S rank classification at _thirteen _you idiot. No matter how badly you want to make your name known, you don't get something like that without pulling some serious shit off and it being confirmed without a shadow of a doubt." She was getting annoyed. Considering the fact that many of the people in on the plan were just nameless grunts that at best would become B ranked bounties, she had hoped that they would easily get the scope of how bad of a decision it was to mess with an additional S ranked force next to the two they were already dealing with.

Apparently she was wrong.

"He's been gone for years and just mysteriously shows up again? Odds are likely he'd be able to tear us apart as easily as the Mizukage could the second he wakes up now. Plus that fox with him… I didn't like the feel of it when it was near me." She shivered as she recalled the very brief moment that she had made eye contact with the creature. In that instant she had felt as if she was being sized up as prey and nothing more. Even her instincts were telling her to accept her position as the creature's possible food as there was nothing she could do that would change this insurmountable fact. "That was no standard summon, I can tell you that much."

"What would you know about summons?" Snorted one of the men there that was clearly a bit drunk. "You're just some citv guard."

"Shut up. He's right." Another woman muttered as she contemplated the situation, this one a kunoichi if those suspicious marks on her arm were anything to go by. "I saw him once in action. Back when we botched up that assassination attempt at the movie premiere. The brat was no joke then and probably is less so now if he's actually here. Could tear through chakra armor like it wasn't even there, and he had a ton of crowd controlling jutsu under his belt. All things considered I'd hazard to guess that grabbing the royals and the daimyo wouldn't help our situation in the end."

"All the more reason to also take him when he's out cold." One of the drunk man snorted. "The longer we wait the more likely he's going to wake up and find us. It's not like we can run away now at once and not get noticed. We have a golden chance to get an S rank bounty on our hands in addition to a kingdom's worth of gold. Why the hell don't you just kill the brat and his fox? Make a pelt out of the thing."

"I tend to be wary of making enemies out of talking animals that can fit my head in their mouths and leak as much killing intent as most shinobi I've met when it's bored." The disguised Karenbana growled in annoyance. She was not going to play ignorant if these idiots kept on pushing their luck. Fortune favored the bold yes, but death welcomed the foolish just as easily.

"Surprised you even know what killing intent is. That's not something you hear most nameless guards talk about." The drunk kunoichi snorted as she poured herself more booze. "No matter. All we have to do now is double our efforts on separating the royal shmucks from everyone else when we get started and move up the time table a bit and it'll all be peachy." She glanced at the disguised woman. "Unless you're having second thoughts on the whole thing all together now."

She clicked her tongue in irritation. Things were going downhill fast and unless she wanted to confess her part in everything to the Mizukage in person at some point there was little she could do. At the moment the best she could do was damage control… speaking of which…

"If you're going to keep on with the plan, at least give me a fucking suit. Considering I'm practically going to be at ground zero when everything happens, I'd like to at least have a shot at actually living."

Several of the people at the table glanced at one another warily before the man with tattoos on his arms snorted. "Feh. Sure. Why not? You've earned that much at least. We don't have enough for everyone obviously and most of what we have are the older models, but you'd at least be in a good spot for us. Hell you're already more useful than more than half of the idiots we brought."

"Speak for yourself." The inebriated kunoichi smirked in a daze. "You know how long it took me to set up these privacy seals without the ANBU from Kiri noticing?"

The disguised woman silently planned out her next few moves carefully as she ignored everyone telling the woman to shut up about how hard she worked before being told when and where to pick up her suit. She'd have to give them her real measurements unfortunately, but she could at least wear a boy's suit to keep her cover somewhat legit. It was one of the few benefits to still being flat as a board…

That settles it. The first thing she was going to do with her bigger paycheck if she managed to live through this shit was get some work done on her body. If she was going to be a shrimp, she might as well be one that won't be mistaken for one half her age anymore.

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"EEEEEEEE!"

"We are so lucky Scab isn't here to see you like this again."

"EEEEEEEEEE!"

"Seriously Midget. Remember the last time he was around when you were like this? It took you weeks to recall what each body part of yours felt like without your nerves on fire."

"EEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Your argument is invalid. You know Scab doesn't care about your love for these things unless he's making a profit off of it in some way."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"For the love of my ears will someone stop that racket!?" Tsume Inuzuka yelled as she stomped towards the source of her migraine followed by Kuromaru, Kiba and Akamaru to see Ghost and Shadow Oogakari walking around the corner… with Shadow's arms occupied with three adorable, rather still, and either docile or absolutely terrified red pandas. The squealing woman's eyes were warped into giant hearts and her mouth was in the largest mindless smile that Tsume had ever seen.

In Shadow's defense though, the creatures in her arms were pretty damn fucking cute.

"Yo Tsume. Kiba. Kuromaru. Akamaru. Long time no see." Ghost nodded while leaning on his crutches. His body was still half encased in casts and wrappings after being healed by Tsunade AGAIN after his family maimed the ever loving shit out of him… again. "Sorry about this. Sis likes cute fuzzy things."

"Fuuuuuzzzzziiiieeeeezzzzz!" The clearly deranged woman drooled as she nuzzled the adorable creatures in her clutches.

"I don't know whether to be relieved or insulted that she has never reacted that way to any of my kin." Kuromaru rasped with his animal like accent.

"Relieved." Kiba replied, knowing Shadow better than his mother and the wolf. "If you value our sanity in the slightest, you are relieved."

"They're so soooooooooft." Shadow crooned, still rubbing her face on the animals. How the woman was making hearts float above her head was anyone's guess, but no one would ever bother to ask her.

"You do realize that given who you are, I could ring you up for animal cruelty." Tsume said to the clearly not listening woman.

"Good luck with that." Ghost snorted.

"You could help you know." The mother of one of his girlfriends stated factually. Kiba and Akamaru shook their heads knowingly.

"Good luck with that." The immortal repeated himself. "I know better than to get in between this one and her obsessions. She maims me enough as it is."

"As opposed to what I would do to you?" The Inuzuka matriarch questioned skeptically.

"Have you paid attention at ALL to what we DO to one another?" The immortal looked at her as if she was an idiot.

"We try not to, and it has been a while since we witness you getting destroyed." Kiba shrugged. "It's become more like background noise at this point. Kinda like Gai-sensei's rants."

"I was under the impression that your magnificent ignorance to social and decency standards would bleed into that as well." Tsume ignored her son.

"You can't claim vengeance on things you are completely unaware of."

"Point made."

"EEEEEEEEEEE!"

"As fascinating as this conversation is, can you please make the woman stop now?" Kuromaru growled as he laid on the ground and put his paws on his ear and ear hole. Akamaru whined next to him and mimicking his position. "Nails on a chalkboard are nothing compared to this."

"Fine." Ghost sighed before shifting over to reach into one of his pockets and pulled out a handful of pink taffy-like substance and shoved it into his oblivious sister's mouth. Said sister then began to chew the substance eagerly and somewhat quietly, however she otherwise did not change in the slightest. "You happy?"

"Much." The wolf nodded as he stood back up again.

Tsume blinked as she realized that the man just gave his sibling candy to shut her up. "That's it?"

"Yep." Kiba nodded as this wasn't the first time he had seen Shadow being shut up this way. "She's just like the pups. Get her a treat and she completely forgets what she's doing. The trick is to get your hand near her mouth without her biting it."

"Tell me about it. She's as bad as Crypt sometimes. Besides I'm in no condition to give her an ass kicking if that was what you were expecting." Ghost shifted his crutches back to their normal positions.

"Not that exactly, but admittedly something along those lines yes." The woman glanced at the oblivious woman in front of him. Honestly Shadow Oogakari was still the one member of the family that absolutely no one in Konoha actually got…

… Well no one but Shikamaru Nara if rumors were true, but he supposedly was as tight lipped as the Oogakari themselves when it came to the woman.

"Glad to see that we can still be surprising." The immortal smirked briefly. "So you know when Hana and Anko are gonna be back? As you can see, I have a dire need for a pair of nurses. Preferably kinky and sexy ones."

"Oi. We're right here." Kiba frowned.

"They'd break you in half in your condition, though I doubt you'd care that much given who you are." The mother of one of the potential kinky sexy nurses frowned slightly.

She had long since had a conversation with her daughter about her relationship with Ghost, primarily regarding the fact that the man was indeed confirmed to be suicidal. She still didn't like it, no mother in her right mind would. Hell, she still didn't understand how such a relationship could even work between both parties, but at the moment she knew it was still a battle she knew she couldn't win without more information seeing as Ghost, Hana, and Anko truly seemed to be linked with one another. So for now she still regarded the man with some distaste but nothing more than that. Even she would admit that he could be trusted… to a degree. "But to answer your question, they should have been back a few days ago from their mission."

"Confirmed time table that is known by the public, but fairly long duration of leave. No need for constant updates to superiors. No sound of urgency…" Ghost was ticking off the facts out loud. "I'm guessing some sort of recon mission outside of the land of Fire. Either that or non vital escort mission."

"The former. Still it's unlike them. Hana and Anko are among our best field operatives these days. They also go out on medical and missing-nin hunting missions too." She left out the bit that it was mostly due to Ghost's aid that they were this strong. She preferred to not inflate the man's enormous ego whenever she could. "Problem is that they are late. They are normally back early from such basic jobs like this one."

"Eh." The Immortal shrugged. "They're big girls. They can take care of themselves." He paused before donning a lecherous grin. "… In more ways than one. Heheheh."

"Once again. Right here." Kiba spoke up even though he was being ignored.

"Makes me wonder why they even need you anymore." The mother evenly commented.

Ghost winced. "Ow. Couldn't you wait a few more days before unleashing that sharp tongue of yours? I'm still recovering here."

"Too bad. It comes with snagging my daughter and making that nurse comment in my presence."

"Fair enough."

"You're not worried at all about her are you?"

The immortal smirked. "I've helped her and Anko grow powerful myself Tsume. If they progressed if at the rate that I predicted, there should be exceptionally few forces on this planet that would be able to take them down, and the girls are more than capable of identifying such sources." He paused before looking at Kiba skeptically. "You… still need a few more years."

"Oh come on. You haven't even seen what I can do yet."

"And that just shows how many years you still need to improve if I can already make that statement." The man grinned…

An instant later Kiba's claw was out and holding down the bottom end of one of Ghost's crutches.

"You are really tempting me to consider harming a cripple you know." The teen grit his teeth without breaking eye contact with the man. Neither of them seemingly paid attention to the fact that both the crutch and Kiba's claws were glowing with wind and earth elemental chakra.

… Nor the fact that the wind chakra on the crutch was extended to just shy of Kiba's inner thigh. A killing blow.

"Really? We should find a shrink for you to sort that out." The immortal's demeanor didn't change as he lowered his crutch again and ignored both the tiny drop of blood fell from one of the teen's fingers and the silent but glaring Akamaru that was now standing right behind him with glowing red claws. The large white dog had not made a single sound since he moved from his position next to Kiba. "Like I said, you still need a few more years."

The seemingly unused crutch that Ghost was leaning on began to glow with wind chakra, making the scythe like blade extending from the back of it and ended in front of Akamaru finally visible. The dog may had been silent initially to get behind Ghost unnoticed, but it was clear why he had yet to move when he finally got into position.

"Both of you."

Kiba sighed in resignation as he pulled back his hand and flexed his fingers to get used to the light pain in them. Even after strengthening his claws with a modified elemental version of his family's transformation technique he was still cut by a half hearted attack from the man. Nothing vital was cut, but his fingers would be aching for the next few days. He very briefly glanced at his hand for a moment to see the number two etched on his palm, making his eyes widen in mild surprise before he laughed and pocketed his limb. "Damn. I had forgotten how scary you can be when you want to sensei."

"Really?" He tilted his head to the side innocently before turning to his sibling. "Have you been slacking off sis? I mean he's been spending so much time with you guys while I was gone, but I was still underestimated."

"Murhonoaoaaaaaah." Shadow drooled incomprehensively as she continued to coddle the animals in her arms, completely not caring. Clearly she was in Avalon if her facial expression and the small bit of drool from her mouth was anything to go by.

"Is it wrong for me to trust you even less when you talk and act like this?" The woman's eyes narrowed suspiciously as she watched the visible blades of chakra disappeared, scent and all. If she was honest, she had been caught completely off guard by the man's sudden attempted sneak attack, however her son apparently had been expecting it even if he wasn't as prepared as he might have assumed.

"Who knows?" Ghost's grin widened, indicated that the conversation was greatly amusing him. "It may not be a case or right or wrong, but simply a sign of wisdom."

"You're calling me old aren't you?"

"Now that's just your senility showing."

"I'm going to walk away from ground zero now." Kiba began to slowly back up from his mother and his sister's boyfriend. His mother had been getting a bit jumpy about age comments lately since she was approaching her fortieth birthday. Granted it was impressive since she was one of the most active maternal kunoichi in Konoha, but it didn't do much for her self esteem to see virtually every kunoichi she passed above the age of seventeen be more appealing to her every day. She knew she wasn't young per say… but she didn't want to be considered "old" just yet. Even if her daughter was already at the right age to consider getting married. "You know… because I value my health."

"You never learn do you?" The woman growled as her hands turned into claws. She knew that in a fight the man would utterly destroy her, but he was always helpless when he was receiving a well deserved maiming. She had deduced that it was his most likely suicidal tendencies acting up. Next to Crypt, Ghost was the Oogakari that was most often harmed and in the greatest amounts in their merry making...

… No. Crypt may be injured worse, but in hind sight Ghost was harmed far more frequently and by a greater number of people. It was just easier to ignore given how he simply brushes off the events. She knew she shouldn't support these tendencies as they were the very things she disliked about the man, but damn it if she didn't admit that putting down the smug bastard didn't give her a warm fuzzy feeling on the inside.

Ghost merely smiled pleasantly. "Oh I learn. I just weighed my options and determined that my actions were worth the consequences."

Tsume's fangs grew about half an inch and her face turned more primal. Warm fuzzy feelings indeed…

"… Yep. Still totally worth it."

Only to take in a deep breath and slowly calm down, relaxing her features in the process.

"… Still worth it, but now slightly confused." Ghost skeptically rose an eyebrow before yelping in surprise as the woman easily picked him up over her shoulders. "Hey! What the hell?!"

"Uh mom? I don't think Hana would appreciate this." Kiba skeptically pointed out from a safe distance.

"Get your head out of the gutter Kiba. I'm simply doing your teacher a favor." The woman smiled pleasantly. "I smell several of your students nearby and thought that it would be good for you all to catch up since they most likely haven't seen you in a while Ghost-san. In fact I do believe that young Hinata is among them."

It was well known among Hinata's inner circle that she was less than pleased about Ghost losing her boyfriend and the fact that she had been so far unable to get a solid conversation out of him. It was also well known these days that while the girl was far more pleasant to be with than most of her family, she was also noted to be among the most terrifying to anger.

Ghost's confident demeanor instantly shattered like glass and began to struggle in the woman's grip. "Changed my mind! Not worth it! Totally not worth it! I give up! I'm sorry! You're in the prime of your youth! In fact I do believe that Gai is secretly scheming to steal some away from you out of sheer spite! Did I mention that your ass looks wonderful from this angle and showing no signs of age at all? Unhand me woman!"

"Nonsense." The future mother in law chided. "I am merely aiding the injured boyfriend of my daughter to his students so that they can have a pleasant and civil conversation."

"Pleasant and civil my perfectly toned ass!" The immortal struggled, sloppily trying to trip his captor from behind with his crutches and failing miserably. "I just got out of the hospital! Do you know big my bill already is?!"

"That's never stopped you before." Kiba pointed out casually.

"Waltz went out on a job this week! I don't get discounts if he's not here!" The blind man countered while flailing wildly. Silently he cursed the fact that he was dating someone whose mother was physically stronger than him and knew how to use it. "That means the whole bill goes to Scab again! You know what he'll do to me if he finds out I racked that much debt again so soon?! Science! Science damn it! Now let me go!"

Shadow, forgotten by everyone, didn't react to her brother's plight in the slightest. She was far too occupied by more important matters. Primarily the fuzzies and the sweets.

o. o. o.

Somewhere around Iwa and Kusa:

Invisible to the naked eye and to most of nature, a small section of the air began to contort on itself. Colors and patterns that were not natural or comprehensible to the world around the small section of space, growing and folding onto itself in an undecipherable kaleidoscope of phenomena until it stretched several meters across…

At which point it seemingly meshed reality back to its original state without any issue, only there were five humans now.

"Lo and behold… trees." One of the men stated dryly as he looked around from behind his clean glasses and tidy hair. Dressed in a fairly dry black and white business suit and tie, the Caucasian looked more like he was ready for a company meeting than exploring.

"It's called a forest." Another male snorted. He appeared to be ready for a rave, dressed in loose torn jeans and an open dark blue vest with no shirt underneath it. With fairly long blonde greasy hair, he looked pretty much like a college dropout if it weren't for how physically cut he was or the massive blocky metal knuckles he had on each hand. "Ugh. What the fuck's that smell?"

"It's over there." An attractive Hispanic looking woman with long black hair and blue highlights dressed in a ratty cloak that hid her figure pointed out. Everyone turned to see the pile of rotting half eaten Chinese food, complete with vomit and excrement, no doubt from the local animals. "The savages here obviously have never heard of "leave no trace" before."

A snort of laughter from the other woman there caught everyone's attention as they walked away to somewhere that smelled more bearable. "Is something the matter?" The eldest man there asked. He was bald, poorly shaven, had closed eyes, clearly been shrinking for years and had some liverspots, but he was still in solid shape given from the firmness of his body structure and the pieces of light but worn armor he had on his arms and chest and the thick padded army pants around his legs.

The woman in question continued to laugh lightly with a hand to her mouth. She was beautiful in an elegant way, with long gray hair and a balanced figure that was barely visible behind the casual but modest clothes she wore: Dark blue pants, a white undershirt with a blue, black, red, and tan colored diamond patterned blouse.

"Hahaha. Oh. It's nothing. Don't mind me." She smiled genuinely. "It just reminds me of something that I find rather amusing."

Her violet eyes that occasionally changed colors did not miss the section of the pile that indicated that something had dragged itself from underneath it at some point.

"Whatever." The rave man snorted, clearly not too keen on her answer before turning to the businessman. "Oi. Etch. You find out what the deal with this place is yet? I mean it's not often that a universe gets completely shut off from outside access without a solid reason. Not like there are many things that would cause a God or one of the major players out there to go through with it. You'd think it would be easy to tell what they were trying to hide." He glanced at the laughing woman. "Unless chuckles over there knows and isn't telling for some reason. Damn God Class' are all twisted like that…"

"Now now. There's no need to be rude." The old man admonished in good humor. "We were the ones that asked her for help after all. We would never have been able to make it without her. Discovering blocked off worlds is hard enough as it is, accessing them without significant aid is nearly impossible." He turned to the woman. "Once again, you have my thanks, Sylvia of the Stained Glass."

The woman smiled pleasantly. "Oh don't thank me. I was planning on coming here sooner or later regardless. Your request merely sped things up." She shrugged. "Of course if this minor fold in the barrier was not present, I don't think that even I would have been able to get you through with such ease." Her eyes darted to the Chinese food again. "It seems as if the one who made it was too occupied to address it after he went through."

"A barrier that even you have trouble with?" The Hispanic woman rose an eyebrow and hesitantly licked her lips. "There must be something pretty damn valuable here if that's the case. Physical or informative."

"If there is I'm not seeing it." The businessman frowned as he looked around at things that no one else seemingly couldn't. "All things considered this world is rather low ranking on the threat scale. More spiritual than technological, though their progression on biological theory is quite far. The humans with powers are weaker… but unusually flexible. There're not many restrictions on what they can or can't do outside of power and knowledge requirements save for some genetic keys. As for threats, there are some abnormal creatures and a good number of Upper Class humans, but that's about it as a standard. From what I can see, there are only a handful existences here that could pose us any possible trouble. Mid level Holy Classes at the most, but that's it. All in all not impressive. I doubt that any of the hicks here have even heard or theorized of the multiverse."

"So long as they have plumbing and an easy way to make cash I don't care." The rave man shrugged.

"Oh trust me. Plumbing would be the least of your concerns if you ever decide to visit a primal fiendish realm." The old man chuckled. "Brings new meaning to the term "scared shitless" those places are."

"Yeah yeah. I know the story. An eternity of pain and suffering theoretically crammed into every nanosecond of existence." The other male waved a hand dismissively before looking around. "There's really jack here huh? Guess that means whoever traveled here doesn't want to attract attention to themselves."

"That's a first." Sylvia giggled to herself.

"You say something?" The other woman asked.

"Just talking to myself. Don't mind me."

"I'll try not to." The muscled man grunted, clearly not trusting her more than he had to. "Still that means we're going to have to do a little digging in order to find out where anything decent is hidden."

"Low level technology and predominantly Japanese culture with access to powers. Wonderful. The calling cards of a world run by prideful government officials that don't listen to anyone and the general population is xenophobic to a degree, enforced by their hired guns that tend to coral the populace to their wishes. To the bars and whore houses it is then." The elderly man sighed and shook his head in depression. From the way he spoke, he was more irritated with going to the bars and brothels than he was about the state of the local society.

"Heh. You may be strong old man but even you can't hold your own against a woman or beer at your age anymore." The Hispanic woman chuckled and patted her companion on the back with mock pity.

"Please. He couldn't hold his own against them a thousand years ago." The businessman snorted condescendingly before glancing in the direction of Ame. "Hmm. There's a city a few hundred kilos in that direction that possesses a large number of high level individuals… for this world at least. It may be a problem if we go there…"

"Best we avoid them for now. Don't want to lose the resources that being anonymous can gain." The elderly man nodded knowingly before turning to the supposed sensor of the group. "And I could have still drink your sorry ass under the table until eight hundred years ago thank you very much."

"Of course you could. I'm only a hundred and fifty seven." The sensor shrugged unconcerned, not at all paying attention to the fact that he at the oldest looked to be in his late twenties.

"Where's the nearest place that looks like we can get something?" The cloaked woman tilted her head. "I'm all for info gathering, but I'm also for sleeping in a bed."

"Hmm." The businessman mused as he looked around before settling on a direction which would be towards Iwa. "Most of the threats seem to live in specified cities. There's another one of those with some large sources that way, but with several minor towns along the way that seem to be well populated and supported in one way or another. We should go to those first."

"Sounds good enough." The raver shrugged. "Flying's a no go?"

"From what I can tell, it is an exceptionally rare ability among the populace. Not unheard of, but it would attract far more attention than we would prefer." The sensor sighed helplessly. "Accelerated movement on the other hand is all well and good so long as we're not seen."

"Hopefully I won't slow you children down." The elderly man chuckled in good humor before pausing to see that their ride was looking in another direction. "I assume that you are not coming with us? You're more than welcome to."

"Sure she is. While we're at it, we can have her gossip about the other God Classes, like Gurren Lagann, Kaleidoscope, The Silver Surfer, Superman, Shiki Ryougi, or even better, the Second Origin." The muscled man sarcastically rolled his eyes.

The God Class woman shook her head apologetically. "No. I believe I will venture out on my own for a bit. Besides it would do no good for me to do that. Most of them are out of your league even if you knew everything about them, and to be honest I don't need dear Shadow to have another reason to murder me in cold blood. She's unfortunately never that happy when she learns that I'm around. She's tried to kill me a few times to be honest." She looked around curiously. "I apologize for being rude, but I am going to explore for a bit. I'll be sure to meet up with you again to grant you passage out of here. Until then…"

The world folded and contorted around the pleasantly smiling woman as if she was moving through the liquid cloth called reality, and within moments she was no longer there.

The group stared silently at the place where the woman disappeared. "… One of THE True Gods is after her head?" The Hispanic woman asked out loud warily. "How the flying FUCK is she still existing?"

o. o. o.

Omake: What happens when Waltz and Scab get very high together:

Yoshi was minding his own business at the thrift shop in town. There weren't many in Konoha due to the fact that as a shinobi village, many of the things that might be donated or sold to him may be on the wrong side of illegal and may or may not cause his store to explode.

It wasn't unheard of for shinobi to sell or get rid of their old vests and clothes and forget about a hidden self made pouch or slit that held explosive tags.

It had been overall a good day. He had sold a few sets of used but still quite useable shinobi equipment, some pants, and a bunch of random civilian clothes, and it was a little after lunch when he heard it.

"_What what. What. What. What._

_What what. What. What. What."_

"Huh?" The man blinked in confusion as he heard seemingly light music come from outside and someone saying the same thing over again. "The hell is that?"

"_What what. What. What. What._

_What what. What. What. What."_

Just as he was about to walk outside, the music changed to what he remembered was a saxophone playing with some drums to a lively if not odd tune. Unfortunately the music was the last thing on his mind as he saw what was approaching his store.

Scabbard and Waltz Oogakari were strutting in his direction dressed in what he could only be described as the most fuzzy and flamboyantly colored clothing he had ever seen, and he was very well aware of what Naruto Uzumaki used to wear.

The fact that Waltz was almost literally twice the height of Scabbard only made the image even more bizarre.

Decked out in purple, yellow and red suits with wide hats, both men were walking with jeweled walking sticks in one hand and a roach of marijuana in the other.

And then Waltz began to sing.

"_**I'm gonna pop some tags,**_

_**Only got twenty dollars in my pocket.**_

_**I-I-I'm huntin.**_

_**Looking for a dollar.**_

_**This. Is. Fucking. Awesome."**_

What followed next was the most bizarre, musical, and largest purchase from his store that Yoshi had ever experienced as Scabbard, who also sung in his own bizarre way most of the time, bought out virtually half his store while clearly stoned beyond all known reason.

The store owner did learn that day why the shinobi populace was so terrified of Waltz ever getting high though. He also had to temporarily close his shop so he could get more donations.

Now if he could only get that damn song out of his head and the smell of weed out of his store…

o. o. o.

A/N:

A very brief summary of how multiversal power ranking works:

Class and Rank: The four main classes in increasing power are Base, Upper, Holy, and God. Each class is divided into ranks, F to S rank. **"Power" can be a subjective term, as this system also addresses overall capability and ability to break or ignore the fundamental rules of reality. Because of this, it is not unheard of for higher classes or ranks to be fundamentally weaker than someone of a lower standing. **

Note: True Gods Classes are not a part of this system and are for the most part considered above the standard God Class S rank.

Note: Genuine gods are not addressed by this system. For all intents and purposes, a real god will always land somewhere in the mid rank god class area in terms of power at the very least.

For power scaling: Upper class = building destroyers. Upper Class = Town/City Destroyers. God Class: Reality warpers/ world destroyers and above.

For Reference (more or less):

Base Class E-D rank: Standard human.

Base Class B rank: Standard Mook with powers

Base Class A-S rank: Most fully evolved Pokemon (not counting insane ones like Garados and overly trained ones)

Upper Class E Rank: Standard Chunin. Standard Bleach Shinigami, every reasonably powered up mook.

Upper Class D Rank: State Alchemists, Most King level Storm Riders from Air Gear.

Upper Class C Rank: Standard Jonin

Upper Class A Rank: Most Standardized advanced Mobile Suits without outstanding equipment, Natsu from Fairy Tail at the end of the tournament arc, Ichigo Kurosaki (Bankai), Magneto, Teresa of the Faint Smile, Power of average properly summoned Servant from Nasuverse (Without specifically destructive NP's)

Holy Class F Rank: Standard S class Shinobi, Marakov from Fairy Tail,

Holy Class E Rank: TTRT Gaara, TTRT Naruto Uzumaki without Biju or Sage Mode, Standard for Members of the 7 Warlords of the Sea, Post timeskip Monkey D. Luffy, Gundam Wing 0, Standard captain Class Shinigami

Holy Class D-C Rank: All 9 Biju, the 3 Marine Admirals of Marineford, Standard level of most adventuring type Reality jumpers (give or take), Nagato.

Holy Class B Rank: Madara, Hashirama Senju, The 4 Pirate Emperors

Holy Class A Rank: Destructive potential of Gilgamesh (Ea partially powered), Aizen (final form), 1st Captain Yamamoto (bankai),

Holy Class S Rank: Most TYPES, Beatrice.

God Class F Rank: SS3 Goku, Gilgamesh (Ea fully powered), Sage of 6 paths With Juubi, Zelretch (in his prime)

God Class E Rank: Superman, SS4 Vegetto (Yes, as much as I hate to admit it, Superman would still win this fight), Burnkestel, Lambdadelta.

(Note, at the following ranks and onward, it is possible for the users to significantly affect the universe or even the multiverse itself if they apply their powers properly.)

God Class C Rank: Silvia of the Stained Glass, Shiki Ryougi's 3rd Personality, Every god damn Fairy from the Fairly Oddparents.

God Class B Rank: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. Crypt Oogakari, Madoka's wish potential at the end of Puella Madoka Magica.

God Class A Rank: Scabbard Oogakari, Demonbane, Zetta's wish granting potential in Makai Kingdom as a book.

God Class S rank: Waltz Oogakari.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Yes. **I know**. I added more OC's and put in my ranking system. Please bear with me on this. I have my reasons. Almost all of the OC's introduced are not going to last here. They are just for a reference on just how powerful the standard fighter _**outside**_ the naruto-verse is, since I personally believe that just throwing in characters from different worlds together and just say "welp. They're together and there's no way that anyone else is going to jump in for no reason whatsoever" or "welp, the biggest good guys in existence are here so might as well dredge up their long lost enemies there to keep things epic hur durr" is stupid and overdone.

These guys are standard Reality jumpers. The everyday adventurers and treasure hunters that just so happen to come from the same society/background as the Oogakari.

Please remember that in most anime that has powered up fighting these days, the standard characters can completely trounce most Naruto characters.

Please rest assured, I'm **not** going to spend much time on them. They are more like a plot device than anything to add more chaos to the world that the locals cannot provide, and personally I believe my use for them will be better than most of the stories here that use filler episode material in their stories for NO DAMN REASON AT ALL.

That being said, Sylvia is an OC I have worked some time into developing and as you can guess has a very colorful history with the Oogakari... in more ways than one. She's not really an enemy of theirs, but she kinda is.

… You'll see.

Sort of like catwoman to batman, only batman is more of an asshole in this case. She's also going to be used to balance things out plot wise since… well… yeah even I admit I may have juiced up the good guys a bit too much.

… Just a bit.

But you know what? That also means I'm gonna tweak out Akatsuki in the near future too. Now doesn't that sound interesting?

And if you haven't noticed yet, I am making this FAR more darker than YAWALEH. Still chock full of chaotic comedy yes but I've always intended to make this story somewhat deconstruct the whole "godly stranger helping out a world in trouble" shtick. Not completely, but enough to make it blatant that everything isn't all puppies and sunshine.

I'm not going down the grimdark path. Well, not more than a few steps every here and there, but there will be extremely depressing moments that are deeper than the "oh someone I'm close to died and now I'm sad and feel guilty" or "oh now I see that world peace isn't truly possible and now I have no meaning in life" bull that pervades most shonen stories.

Fuck. That. Shit.

I'm talking Gen Uroboshi level mind fucking soul crushing moments, because it's THOSE moments that make characters really stand out in their decisions because no answer in those situations will lead to a perfect or even decent ending at times and prove that they are in the end human on a fundamental level.

And there ARE characters in this story who have gone very far down this path.

As for Ghost finding out about Hana and Anko… just wait. I almost did it here, but I realized that it was too soon in the timeline to pull it off. I have plans you see. Big plans. With destruction. And explosions. And free for alls. And people not knowing what the hell is going on.

Yeah…

On other news. WOOT! RWBY! RWBY! RWBY! RWBY! RWBY!

Ehem. And on OTHER other news:

My Project Management training's been interesting lately, and by interesting, I mean we switched to a new teacher who does nothing but half assed info dumps. Wonderful. It's especially helpful when he's the one that's preparing us for two extremely important certification exams.

Each exam was with different material. Each exam was a week apart. Each subject was studied in a week. The latter test we needed to cram 5 books of random info into our heads.

And my grad school midterms were taking place during this time… and a massive paper was due then too.

I would have had this chapter out weeks ago if it weren't for that cluster fuck.

Thankfully the first test we passed (I got a perfect score… somehow) since everyone got a list of all the possible questions and answers and we just studied the hell out of them for three days straight since there were 160 possible questions we would come across. The second one…

Only half of us passed, and was not for a lack of trying. Thankfully I was one of the ones that made it.

So I now have a ITIL and a Business Analyst Certification in addition to my Electrical Computer Engineering BA, an oncoming Certification in Power engineering when my current class is passed, and maybe a masters in power engineering in a couple of more years if things go well. Yay diversification.

Lessee… Oh! Forgot. TV tropes. I know I harp on this occasionally, but this one's been bugging me for a while. Can someone set up a character's page for YAWALEH/TTRT? I think it would really help clean things up in general as well as put more focus on everyone else in the story, and I've seen too many tropes focused on my OC's with respect to everyone else despite the effort I took into developing them as well. That way I think we can cut out a lot of the main page and not make it so damn massive when you open stuff up.

On other news, they've decided to make an anime based on the Heaven's Feel route of FSN, which is AWESOME, RWBY comes out every Thursday, I paid my friend to make me a new comp which is far superior to my old store bought one (SSD AND Harddrive bitches! Hahahaha!), and… well I'm just really damn tired lately.

And now to do homework. (slams head on the desk and instantly begins to sleep.)

So REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! BE CAREFUL OF PUTTING SWEETS NEAR SHADOW'S MOUTH! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


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